Being With You (The Redemption Series)

by St James, Hazel

  For the past few weeks, he’d been acting somewhat the part of leader at the club, but he’d never taken it upon himself to interact or correct the staff if things were amiss. He never thought it was his place and that Gabriel could handle all of it. Now he could see that his boss was waiting for him to step up and take control…something he never even realized he would be good at. But fuck, it felt good to not only have someone be proud of him, but also to know that he was trusted enough to take care of the business and the employees without someone watching over his shoulder.

  With the slight high of his new realization, Tristan felt like it was the right time to pull his head out of his ass and get moving on some other things in his life. He wanted things to get better for himself, yet he seemed to always be wallowing in self pity. Looking around at what he did have…the good things, not just the bad, something inside him snapped…for the better. The pieces of his puzzle finally started to make sense, and he felt like he could work on putting himself back together a little bit at a time.

  Starting with reaching out to someone else who needed a hand up…or a swift kick in the ass. Whichever came first…

  Chapter Four

  “All done!” Susy shouted over the bar as Tristan worked on the last bit of clean up he had to do for the evening. They were the last two in the restaurant for the night, with Susy left to clean up the mess her party left behind. Fair is fair…if she wanted to split the work with her co-workers, then she had to split the tip. She usually didn’t, and no one faulted her for that because she was a hard worker anyway.

  Tristan was nursing a beer as he waited for her to finish and was ready for his second when she waved goodbye. He sat down the glass with a thud and told her, “Good. Now we can finish that talk.”

  Susy spun on her heel and gave him a puzzled look. “I thought we hashed that our already, Tristan. I told you earlier that we’re good.” Her words were punctuated with nervous laughter before she turned back around and picked up her pace toward the door.

  Nervous about something? Tristan pondered with a smirk.

  “No, we need to talk. Just you and I without extra ears listening in, Sus.” The new nickname was rolling off his tongue easily and he liked the way she crinkled her nose when he said it. Plus, it made her stop moving toward the door, meaning he got her attention.

  “I never say something I don’t mean, Tristan. I said we are good…and we’re good,” she said with a shrug.

  Tristan nodded along, but added, “And I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to say. So…humor me, please.” Finishing his sentence as he walked through the port hole in the bar top and out to the entrance, he re-locked the front door to the restaurant since it had been re-opened for the staff to leave. He came back into the bar area, swinging his keys around his finger while whistling.

  Instead of seeing Susy sitting on a bar stool as he’d hoped she would be, he found her standing in the same spot, tapping her foot against the floor with her arms crossed over her chest. It was cute to see her acting tough like that, even if it was out of character. Susy wasn’t meek, but she usually didn’t take a stand against someone…until tonight, it seemed.

  Mouthy? Yes. Hostile? No.

  Without pause, Tristan went to the row of bar stools and pulled one out and waved for her to sit down. “We can have a drink. You on this side, and me on the other. I’ll keep my hands to myself, Susy,” he pandered with a grin.

  “I’m not worried about you and your hands, Tristan. I just don’t want to hear all the reasons you don’t want to have sex with me. It’s kinda depressing,” she teased with tense laughter added in. “Plus, I’m not going to get Gabriel in trouble for serving minors. You would get ticketed for it, too, yanno?”

  Tristan patted the seat with his hand and stalked off. “All right, I’ll make you a virgin daiquiri. But I would really like to talk to you. You’ve got me pegged as a major asshole, I’m gonna guess. I don’t want that hanging between us forever.”

  Relenting to his demands, Susy finally hopped up into the chair and spun herself around to face the bar. “Fine. If but if you’re offering booze, I’ll take a slow comfortable screw up against the wall.” She grinned at him like a Cheshire cat and it was everything he could do to keep his mouth from gaping open, but he knew she was baiting him. With a nod, he walked to the pour station and worked on making her drink. If she wanted to play this game, he was all for it. Besides, he didn’t want to make a mess with the blender anyway for the daiquiri.

  After he’d made the drink, he sat it down in front of Susy with a flourish and poured himself another beer. After a long pull on the glass, he stood in front of her and motioned for her to take a drink of her own. She just chuckled before taking a small sip of the glass and then smacking her lips together a few times. “Hmm…not bad, I guess. I could handle a few of these,” she said before taking a bigger swallow.

  Tristan rolled his eyes, but gave her a smirk. “You’ve never had a drink before, and your first one is hard liquor. You will be nursing just the one tonight, Sus.”

  “I’ve had a drink or two before,” she countered, but then added with a smirk, “of wine.”

  Tristan added a couple of olives to his own beer and plopped his elbows up on the bar next to her. “I’m fucked up in the head, Sus. You know that, right?”

  “That’s a helluva a way to start a conversation, Tristan. You know that, right?”

  He laughed, but it was humorless. “Just cutting to the chase, that’s all. I didn’t turn you down because I don’t want you, Susy. Far from it, but you scared the hell outta me when you bit my lip. But it was a good thing because it actually brought me back to my senses. I would’ve just been using you, and you deserve better than that,” he adjusted his position on the bar and watched her for a moment, waiting for her to acknowledge she’d heard him.

  After another sip of her drink, she answered, “You don’t think I was doing the same, Tristan? I know you’ve got a girl out there somewhere who fits you way better than I do, but I was having a shitty day and wanted to forget for a little while how fucked up my life is.”

  Tristan raised his eyebrow and smirked. “So I was just an easy lay for you, huh?”

  “Yup,” she immediately piped back. “And I would’ve made your eyeballs roll back in your head, but your loss. The offer has been rescinded now that we’re both in the right state of mind.” She laughed when giving him a playful wink, and Tristan couldn’t help but join her.

  “And for the record, Tristan, you’re not fucked up in the head. I’d reserve that kind of label for some poor soul who has schizophrenia, paranoia, delusions of grandeur and maybe manic depression thrown in there. Even then, I wouldn’t call them fucked up…just different.” She was smiling the whole time she explained and patted his hand before adding, “Everyone has their own cross to bear, Tristan. Doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

  He’d made a big deal out of things when there was no need. Susy was pretty easy going about things when you got to know her, unlike the bitch with claws persona he’d met the first week he’d worked here. Plus, she wasn’t hung up on him nearly banging her up against the wall like most women rightly would be, and she’d given him an easy out. He really, really liked her…as a friend.

  After a pause in conversation as Susy texted back and forth with someone for a while, he asked her, “So what are your plans? If things suck at home, could you afford to move out? Or are you saving up for school or something equally important?”

  Not answering right away, Susy played with the straw in her drink for a bit before finally answering, “I’d like to go to school, but things keep getting in the way. I’ve been helping my mom and dad pay the bills at home, and there is never enough money to go around.”

  Tristan pinned her with a glare. “You pay rent to your own parents? Plus you have no privacy and they treat you like shit? You know that’s fucked up, right?”

  Susy just nodded before taking a deep sigh. “I know, but I�
��m not exactly the epitome of standing up for myself. I kinda have an issue with change, and right now, this works for me.”

  Tristan gave her a questioning look. “Being taken advantage of by your own family works for you?”

  “What do you suggest then, Tristan? I don’t exactly have many friends who would be willing to take me in, and I don’t have enough money to live in an apartment on my own.”

  Tristan nodded along in agreement for a few seconds and thought about his own living situation. He was thankful to Gabriel for letting him live there for as long as he had, but he needed to get his own place again. One that he was responsible for, and his name was on the lease; not some crummy rat-hole apartment above a stinky garage.

  “Let’s move in together, Susy.”

  Tristan couldn’t move to the side fast enough to avoid the spray of Southern Comfort that came out of her mouth as she nearly choked on the swallow in her mouth. After coughing for a minute, and Tristan laughing as he wiped the drink off himself, she asked incredulously, “You want to move in together like boyfriend and girlfriend? I thought you said you didn’t want to use me? I think that is getting close to using someone, Tristan.”

  He dramatically rolled his eyes before answering. “How about we move in together like two friends, Sus? Or like buddies? Roommates even if you need to label it…I don’t care. But I can keep my dick in my pants with a hot woman around, yanno…”

  She glared at him for a moment, but there was humor in the softening of her face as she asked, “You sure? You’ll not try to shag me every chance you get? Because that would be a total pain in my ass.”

  Tristan knew she was joking, but he needed to make sure she understood what he was offering, so he didn’t flinch at all as he answered. “Susy…I’m not above asking for help at this point in my life. I’ve fucked around enough lately, and I think we would be a good match for each other. We both need some direction in our lives, and maybe we can figure this shit out together. I’ve lived alone both times I’ve been out on my own, and I’ve fallen flat on my face in the end.”

  Susy didn’t answer him for a long time, and Tristan was sure that she was going to turn him down. Instead, she quietly asked, “Won’t having a girl living with you cramp your dating habits? I mean, if Peyton and you reconcile, I don’t think she likes me too much.”

  “I don’t think that’s gonna happen, Susy. She’s better off without me, and I her…we weren’t a match made in heaven. I still don’t get why you think it’s so unusual for a guy and girl to platonically live together. Didn’t you watch Friends? There were times that some of them lived co-ed…it’s not taboo.”

  “Okay, Tristan. It’s a deal. But if you let our shit get stolen and we end up sitting in a canoe in the living room, I will go postal on your ass…”

  The pair laughed hysterically as he choked out, “So noted, Sus…”

  Chapter Five

  “Susy!” Tristan yelled from the kitchen of their meager two bedroom apartment. “Want supper? I’ll make macaroni and cheese!”

  A giggling Susy came out of her bedroom dressed in yoga pants and a ratty old sweatshirt. “Thank God one of us knows how to cook,” she answered before shooing him out of the kitchen. “All ya gotta do is ask if I’ll cook something. I don’t mind.”

  Tristan wrinkled his nose at the thought. Being demanding like that felt degrading and condescending, no matter what their skills were. It also brought to the forefront of his mind his past with submissive women, and how he’d been a party to that lifestyle for a while…until he’d hurt someone. It made him cringe, and he turned his body around to hide the scowl he knew was on his face. He grumbled a garbled, “I mind…” as he walked to the sliding glass door in the living room that led out to the patio; he needed to sneak outside for a while.

  Life in the months since he’d had his manic episode at Club Red were filled with stark darkness. The incident that night had left the petite, trusting soul, Valerie, with some physical and probably mental damage. That was the only word he could use for what’d he’d done to her. The fact that he abused someone no matter to what degree was a bitter pill to swallow, even though people continually told him otherwise.

  It was just another thing in the long line of fucked up pieces of his so-called life; he was in a habitual circle of dulling the constant repeat of thoughts in his brain with strong mood-altering pills, and as of late, he was adding shots of booze to his nightly regime. He was feeling pretty decent during the day, but nights were a combination of hell on earth as his dreams usually triggered panic attacks, but he never remembered what any of them were when he came out of it. The shitty part of it was that his meds weren’t doing much for him anymore, and it was becoming harder and harder for him to hide his issues from Susy.

  Susy and Tristan had been living together as roommates for a few weeks, and it was already the middle of January. It was hard as hell to move their things not only in the dead of winter, but on New Year’s Day. Gabe and a few of the guys at work helped the pair move into their place that cold day because they all had off due to the holiday. It only took a few hours to move Susy’s bed and personal belongings in, and Tristan easily packed everything he owned in his Jeep and brought it himself.

  It would take some time for them to accumulate enough things to fill the space, but they pooled a portion of their tip money together and bought one large thing each week. Right now, they had quite a few kitchen items, a couch, and a patio table and chairs that was doubling as their dining room set until winter was over and they could afford something else.

  The brisk, cold air met his bare chest as he stepped out onto the patio in just a pair of flip flops and his workout shorts. He’d been at his new gym for a few hours today and because it was his day off, he was lounging about, not really in a hurry to do anything. Susy had the day off, too, and they were planning to have a house warming party that night with some of their friends. Most of their joint friends were people they’d met at the restaurant, and Susy invited some of her own friends over, too.

  Tristan didn’t have a core group of people that he associated with anymore, and had no desire to see any of the assholes he used to consider his friends not so long ago. They weren’t exactly the greatest buddies anyway. Most of them were employees of his Uncle Morgan, and honestly would fuck you over rather than give you a hand any day of the week. Plus, he was sure they’d all heard he’d landed himself into a mental institute and was working on his own shit. Yeah…that would make great conversation over a round of beers with the assholes.

  But he did know one person he needed to have that conversation with…and soon. Susy needed to know…not because he was afraid he would hurt her in the night or keep her awake, but she needed to know because she was genuinely becoming an important part of his life, and he wanted to be honest with her. She wasn’t pushy or bossy, or overbearing, and he hoped she wouldn’t jump to try to solve his problems or get in his face about things. He had no desire to go back to sitting once a week in a sterile shrink’s office talking in circles and getting nowhere. In fact, most of his therapy appointments made him feel worse, not even an iota better.

  A small tap on the glass door behind him brought him out of his meandering thoughts. Tristan turned to see Susy standing on the other side with a strange look on her face; she had her eyebrows drawn together to the point where they’d formed a crease, and her eyes were glassy. A tight smile crossed her lips as Tristan slid open the door and stepped back inside the warm space. He hadn’t realized how intensely cold it was outside until he came back in; his skin was covered in goosebumps and his body was shivering in protest.

  Susy reached up and ran her fingers over his lips intimately and a tear slipped out of her eye in direct contradiction. She sniffled and told him, “Your lips are starting to turn blue, Tristan. Are you okay?”

  Shit…must have been out there longer than he realized.

  He worked his facial muscles around a bit to work blood back into the tissues an
d smiled as he told her, “Yeah, I’m good. Just thinkin’. Got time to sit and talk with me for a bit, my little Sus?”

  Tristan tried to lighten the moment with his words and even accentuated it by tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She smiled easily and sighed, “Yeah…I do, punk.” Using the nickname she’d graced him with in return for the one he’d given her, the pair smiled broadly at each, easing the tension in the room for just a moment.

  “I’m okay, Susy,” he added. “I just have some things I need to tell you…things I should’ve said before you agreed to be my roommate.”

  Susy sat down on their couch, pulled a throw blanket around herself, and Tristan sat close enough to wrap a portion of the material around himself as well. She scooted in to his body with her feet in his lap and maneuvered the large wool square around the both of them, tucking it around her feet and his legs. “There,” she said with a humph. “Now, what have you been holding back from me? Are you a secret agent who pretends to be a bartender at night and kills people during the day? No…that’s backwards…”

  Tristan laughed and tried to interrupt her, “No, Sus…”

  “No, wait, wait, wait!! I wanna guess! You’re really a woman…No…I’ve felt what you bring to the party that day at the restaurant,” she teased and laughed in earnest. Tristan growled playfully and worked at getting his hands around her waist and tickling her sides. She thrashed back and forth for a bit as he laughed at her antics, and she flailed until finally crying out, “Uncle! Uncle!”

  Their laughter died down and Tristan tucked them both back under the blanket because the room felt way too cold now that they were sharing each other’s body heat. “Susy, I told you once that I was fucked up in the head, but I never told you exactly what’s wrong with me.”

  Susy shrugged and added, “I know you’re bipolar, Tristan, and that you have nightmares a lot. I’ve heard you scream at night for the last two weeks and you hardly ever look well rested in the morning.”