Being With You (The Redemption Series)

by St James, Hazel

  “I am ready to try again if you are, Tristan, but I do have a favor to ask.”

  “O-o-kay…” Tristan answered with a drawn out exaggeration.

  “I’ve only briefly talked to Susy, and she is a wonderful girl that really does think the world of you, but I’m afraid that we can’t move forward with you two living so closely together.” Tristan couldn’t help the nausea that was rising in his gut as he considered what Peyton was insinuating. He was at a loss without Susy, and even though they were no longer sleeping together, that didn’t mean they weren’t best friends who cared about each other. She was one of the better parts of his life right now, and he didn’t want that to change.

  His facial expression must have given away his feelings because Peyton started back pedaling. “Tristan…I didn’t expect you to remain celibate when we were apart, and I’m not asking you to never see her again. But if you want to try things again, I would ask that you and Susy keep a bit of distance between you…for my own sanity and Susy’s as well. It has to be hard just switching gears and going from enemies, to friends, to roommates, to sexual partners and then back to just friends again.”

  Peyton moved her hands back and forth as she listed the course of his relationship with Susy over the past four months. Having someone categorize them like that was pretty ballsy, and it was pissing Tristan the fuck off.

  Peyton must have sensed his anger, and she sighed before telling him, “She has never given me a reason to not like her and I know you guys are friends. I’m just asking for you to not be so closely tied with her if we are going to try our relationship again.”

  After a few deep breaths, Tristan did something he didn’t even know was possible when he was so pissed off it hurt. He laughed…not just a tiny chuckle, or a friendly laugh in humor. No, he laughed a full on dark, belly laugh that made him lean forward to rest his hands on his knees. He was looking down at his feet, so he didn’t see what Peyton was doing, but he could tell from the way she was tapping her foot against the ground that his reaction pissed her off, too.

  Well…good, he thought and raised himself back up to his full height.

  “Look, Peyton…I appreciate your candor, but Susy needs me as much as I need her. I can handle having a non-sexual relationship with her, and I know she can, too. It seems like you have trust issues with me and that fucking pisses me off. I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me. You think about that for a while and you let me know how you want to proceed with our relationship.”

  Peyton recoiled like she’d been slapped, and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, but she had a mask on her face that showed she was angry right back at him. With venom dripping off every word, she retorted, “Sounds like we both need to think about things for a while.”

  Tristan took a deep breath and tried to calm himself; this was not where he pictured this evening going. He’d hoped they were making steps forward in their relationship, even if it was baby steps. But with the two of them standing face to face, mimicking each other with their arms crossed over their chests, faces tight, there was a great big chasm between them.

  They both needed to cool down before they worked on this issue again and Tristan knew that. Peyton could see it, too, and told him, “I’ll let you see yourself out, Tristan.”

  He could only nod, and turned to leave.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tristan made it home within minutes of leaving Peyton’s house, but he was physically sick and mentally drained. His mind was slowly processing through the possible options he had to appease Peyton but still keep Susy in his life. The most logical would be for Tristan to move out, but he didn’t think Susy could afford to live on her own.

  Another roommate would be an option, of course, but it would have to be a friend who was vetted thoroughly and had a full-time job and did not spend more than five hours a week at a bar, social scene or kegger. This person also needed to be trusted to protect Susy, or at least watch over her as well as he did. Guy or girl…it didn’t matter.

  Yeah…drawing a blank. No one would adequately fit that bill.

  The nausea was slowly waning, but now it had morphed into full-on pain under his ribs and down his side. He was almost keeled over by the time he stepped onto the landing to his floor of the apartment building. Each step was like he was lifting lead weights attached to his feet and legs. By the time he keyed opened the door, the stomach cramps were back tenfold and he ran for the bathroom, only to get there to have the pain take over again.

  “Susy!” he said in between labored breaths.

  The pain was almost unbearable, and Tristan was fighting everything just to keep standing. Sweat was pouring off his face as he held his side and grimaced. “Ah…” was about all he could utter in his near delirious state.

  The door to the bathroom flew open and Susy came in, practically falling on top of him. “What’s wrong, Tristan? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

  Tristan shook his head vigorously and told her, “No…” he barely got it out and felt the sudden and painful urge to pee.

  A string of profanities flew from his mouth as he barely worked his jeans and underwear off. He leaned in to the toilet and fell forward as the pain reached new levels, and he choked on a scream as he emptied his bladder.

  The pain was waning now that he was done, as were the rest of his symptoms. He found himself sitting on the toilet, backwards, with his feet sticking out behind him and his jeans caught around his ankles at the base of the toilet.

  He could hear sniffling behind him and turned to see Susy cowering in the corner by the bathtub with a look of panic on her face. Tristan was shocked himself and didn’t even acknowledge her as he turned back around, figuring out how to unhook himself from his position on the toilet. He looked down and nearly puked at the bloody, clotted mess in the water beneath him.

  “Oh fuck,” he said before pushing himself up, relieved that the pain in his side was almost gone. He was still weak and his muscles were protesting the effort, but he needed to get his clothes back on and make sure Susy was okay.

  His body was on autopilot as he re-dressed himself and pulled a sobbing Susy into his arms. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. It’s all right.”

  Susy only sobbed harder into his chest and clutched at his shirt as they sat on the cold bathroom floor. Tristan had no idea if she was scared for him, scared of him, scared he was dying or all of the above. She wasn’t very talkative right now, so he just continued to hold her and coo in her ear that he was all right.

  Her sobs turned to quiet sniffles and then she pulled away. There was a moment when he could see fear lingering on her face, but it ebbed away and was replaced with concern. “What happened, Tristan?”

  With a shake of his head, he said, “I don’t know…I passed something and it fucking hurt like a mother.”

  Susy tried wriggling out of his arms to stand. “Let me see…like a kidney stone?” Tristan didn’t try to stop her as she made her way to the toilet and peered inside. “Ew…yeah, that’s a kidney stone, Tristan. I think I better take you to the ER.”

  Tristan nearly pole-vaulted off the floor with the words. “Nope…not gonna happen. People pass kidney stones all the time,” he lied to her with a straight face. At least he hoped he was able to pull off that he had some idea what the fuck was going on, but had absolutely no desire to go to the hospital again. Plus, all the pain and nausea had gone away, so things must be getting better on their own.

  “Tristan,” Susy whined. “That’s gross. I’m gonna flush it,” and she pulled the handle on the stool and the mess disappeared. “Are you at least feeling better now? I’ve never had kidney stones, but my dad does all the time. Said the pain goes away once it is gone.”

  Tristan laughed at her, but it was harmless. “So, if the pain goes away once it’s gone, why do you still want to take me to the hospital?”

  Susy gave him a stern face and crinkled up her nose. “Because, dickhead. You have issues with your pee pee stuff anyway.
You just had a major infection in your kidneys that almost killed you…Don’t you think it is worth a call to your doctor at least?”

  Tristan couldn’t think of any reason why he shouldn’t call Dr. Sheridan to let him know what was going on. Even if just for Susy’s peace of mind. There was no way he’d go back to the hospital for any length of time, but a quick trip in to see his doctor would be okay if it was during normal clinic hours.

  There was still an irrational fear of causing concern among any of his doctors if he came in for an unscheduled appointment…didn’t want them to think he’d gone completely mental again and needed to be institutionalized. Tristan wasn’t sure if that particular fear would ever go away, and he had zero desire to discuss the concern with his psychiatrist or therapist. It would be like throwing gasoline on the fire that was his mind’s overactive imagination.

  Susy was waiting for an answer and he told her enough to keep her satisfied. “Yes, I will call Dr. Sheridan and let him know. Can we please go to bed now? This night sucked and I want to go to bed.”

  Recognition dawned on Susy’s face and she gasped. “Oh no! What happened with Peyton?”

  “She doesn’t trust me and I don’t think she ever will.”

  Susy laughed as she pushed him out of the bathroom with a tiny shove to his chest. “Whatever, Tristan. She fucking loves you, of course she trusts you. What really happened, punk?”

  Peyton’s words were imprinted in his brain and they came back to him like a sledgehammer to his brain…I’m just asking for you to not be so closely tied with her if we are going to try our relationship again.

  Feeling mentally, emotionally and physically drained from the last six hours of his day, he sighed and wrapped his arm around Susy’s neck, tugging her closely into his side. “I’m tired, Sus. Let’s talk about it in the morning.”

  Shrugging nonchalantly, Susy walked with him to the end of the hallway and the doors to their bedrooms. “All right, big guy.” She turned in his arm and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek, but Tristan moved them so the kiss landed directly on his lips. It was still just a chaste kiss, but Susy nearly bit him in retaliation.

  “You, jackass,” she said as she wiped at her lips. Tristan wasn’t sure if it was in jest, or if she seriously thought he had cooties or something. Her meaning was crystal clear with the next sentence, however. “I’m drawing a line in the sand, Tristan. You need to stop with the antics if you’re going to get Peyton back. She wouldn’t need to worry about trust issues with you if you would stop with the touchy feely shit with me! I love you and all, big guy, but I’m not going to be your fuck buddy anymore. Peyton loves you, and you love her. Stop fucking that up!!!”

  It was Tristan’s turn to be angry, and her words set off an explosion inside his already sore guts. There was no way he intended her to be his fuck buddy anymore and never thought that was what she ever was. She’d just cheapened everything they had together with the two words, fuck buddy. He thought of her as more than that, and it hurt to hear her say it so callously.

  His emotions were already overtaxed and he knew that, so he opted to walk away from the situation before it got any worse. Things would look better in the morning, and he could work on this whole mess when he woke up. Not even acknowledging Susy or her shitty remark, he first headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water and then planned to head to bed.

  Susy didn’t seem to notice his cold shoulder, and walked with him. “I’m going out tonight on a date. I’ll text you if I’m not coming home.”

  Tristan stopped in his tracks and spun on his heel, ending up towering over Susy in less than a step. She must have really been following closely behind him. With every fiber of his being, he wanted to call Susy out about her plans for the evening, tell her it was beyond not safe to be so flippant about spending the night with someone she’d probably just met. It was already late at night, so if she did have a date at this hour, more than likely the intention of the evening was already set up.

  Looking closely into Susy’s eyes, he wanted to yell at her with everything there was in him, to tell her she couldn’t go out. She wasn’t available, and needed to stay here. Not in his bed, but just stay here in the apartment with him where it was safe and no one else could touch her. The look she gave him was clear as a bell…she was daring him to tell her no. Daring him to act possessive and jealous. Getting him to realize what he was doing, even unintentionally. He was holding her back…he was holding himself back…and it was time for them both to let go.

  “You don’t have a date tonight, do you, Sus?” Tristan said as he pulled his forehead down to rest against hers.

  She shook a little as she laughed. “Yeah, I do, Tristan. But I don’t intend to sleep with someone I just met. You know that right?”

  “So you were just trying to get my thick head out of my ass and figure out that I’m the one holding this train from moving forward, so to speak?”

  Susy barely nodded. “Yeah, honey. It’s time for us to leave the safe haven we’ve created with each other. If we don’t, nobody else can get in. Peyton loves you…you love her. It’s time to go get your girl.”

  Silent tears were rolling down her face when Tristan removed his forehead from hers. It nearly broke his heart to say it when she was already upset, but it needed to be said. “We can’t live together anymore.”

  Susy didn’t even answer, she just smiled and shook her head, telling him silently that they had to leave each other. It hurt like hell, but it also brought him an odd sense of peace. They’d helped each other out of some pretty shitty times in their lives and were ready for the next phase, whatever that would be.

  Tristan wasn’t sure how long they stood in the hallway, holding each other, but he didn’t want the moment to end for anything. Everything would be changing again in his life…hopefully for the better.

  Chapter Twenty

  Dr. Sheridan wasn’t overly concerned with Tristan’s latest emergency, but still requested he schedule an appointment. He was transferred to the scheduling desk and they’d found a sliver of time available with the doctor, but it was at the end of the week. He hoped to not have to go in at all, but at least they weren’t frantically jumping up and down for him to come in immediately, or worse yet by ambulance.

  There was a bit of truth to it that he was a bit under the weather again, but not anything serious. He was mentally feeling better and things were clearer now that he was on some more basic medicines and also higher levels of some vitamins to help combat the lowered dopamine and serotonin levels in his body. He still had a tendency to overthink things if he didn’t focus on just going through one thing at a time, and his therapist wasn’t sure that would ever change.

  Physically, however, he was worn out, tired, achy and a bit cranky in general. Tristan thought about his symptoms and concluded that a more natural remedy was in order. He needed to get laid. A full month celibate could be why he’d felt so strange lately…not completely sick, but almost listless, like his body knew he’d been alone for thirty whole days and wasn’t complete without a girl in his bed.

  His crappy state could have also been because he was sentenced to living alone again without any adorable roommates who knew how to cook the best cheeseburger helper out of a box, and could get the booze stains out of his work shirts without obliterating them like he did. He didn’t dwell on it too much, hoping that his appointment with Dr. Sheridan would reveal that he was healthy as a horse, and his overactive brain was just that…overactive.

  It wasn’t as if Tristan couldn’t go for a certain length of time without sex, but he was stuck in the middle of a messy situation where two women were not really vying for his attention, but more like holding his attention. Intimately touching and holding Peyton again last night, even if it was briefly, had brought back all the things that were great about their relationship and how much he loved being around her. But, in the background, Susy was always around, and even though they’d stopped having sex, Tristan was still treating h
er more intimately than a platonic friend should.

  He’d already been thinking strongly about how he would approach things with Peyton at this point, and right now seemed as good as any to sit down and talk. She was obviously interested in a future with him, but not given their current living arrangements. Now that Tristan agreed with Peyton’s assessment of the situation, he was willing to figure things out.

  First, Tristan thought he would find a new apartment, move out and help Susy find a roommate. Once that was all done, then he would go back to Peyton and show her how serious he was about getting back together without anything else in the way. But it was going to take weeks for him to find a place and get Susy a new roommate and move everything…maybe even months. He wasn’t willing to wait that long. Now that he was sure what path he wanted to take…he wanted to get on it now, and run like hell for the finish line. Peyton was meant to be his, and they could make it work this time…he was sure of it.

  With keys in his hand, Tristan tore out of his apartment and out into the mid-morning sun. It was still winter, but things were more like a sloshy mess now that it was late February and the temperatures were climbing a bit every day. This morning was already above freezing and the snow and ice patches were starting to melt.

  Tristan knew that Peyton didn’t have to work today because she’d mentioned it the evening before in conversation. Based on her habits when they were dating, he knew she’d either be at the gym working out or at home; there weren’t many other things she did besides work, spend time at the gym and sleep.

  He decided to start with her house first. It was a risk to start there, because Caleb may be home, too. But he’d decided that things were only going to improve between them if he was honest and didn’t hold anything back anymore. Including setting Caleb straight, if necessary. Tristan internally groaned as he told himself, It’s gonna be necessary all right. And painful.