“I remember one of my older sisters being pretty good friends with her right before they both graduated eighth grade,” Kendra murmured. “Elizabeth always said June was close to you, Katie.”
“Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t. As much as I had wanted to be close to her, we really weren’t. We were too different, I guess.” She sighed. “Anyway, June keeps acting like she came back for a reason, like she needs to tell me something important. But every time I try to press her for information, she backs off.”
“She’ll tell you in her own time,” John said.
“I know. But until then . . . we’re walking in circles around each other, and we don’t have much time left.”
And here was yet another reason to feel terrible about this gathering. “Katie, you should have told me that you couldn’t do this tonight because June was in town.”
“No, she um . . . well, she said she wanted to see some friends tonight.” Looking crushed, she added, “Honestly, I didn’t think she knew anyone here anymore.”
“Maybe she doesn’t,” Kendra said quietly. “Maybe she wanted a little break.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Jah. Sometimes the memories—when they aren’t all sweet—aren’t that easy to remember. That’s how it’s been with me, anyway.”
John spoke again. “Katie, I forgot. Did June leave because she got in a fight with your mamm or had she simply had enough?”
“June left . . .” Her voice drifted off. “You know, I had always thought that she’d gotten into a fight with my mother, but I couldn’t recall a fight. And every time I used to ask Caleb about it, he would tell me not to worry so much.”
John frowned. “This is only my opinion, but I’m not sure how you could not worry. She is your sister and you missed her.”
Slowly, her expression cleared. “You’re right. I have missed her. And I didn’t know what to say whenever Caleb told me to settle down. What I was feeling was normal.”
“What about your mother? Did you ever ask her about June leaving?” E.A. asked.
“Oh, jah. But she would just cry every time I mentioned June. So I stopped asking.” She pressed a hand to her face. “I can’t believe I’m sharing all of this with you now. I’m so sorry I ruined the party, Harley.”
Harley realized it was time to fess up. “Well, to be completely honest, I was kind of hoping all of us together would get you to talk. I’ve been worried about you.”
“I’m glad you’re sharing, Katie,” Will said. “That’s why we have each other, true?”
Harley knew every person in the room was also thinking about Andy. He’d been hurting but had been keeping his worries inside. Never again did they want one of their members to ever imagine that they were alone.
“I agree,” Marie said. “Being an only child, I don’t know what it’s like to have siblings of course, but I do know what it’s like to have all of you. All my life I’ve relied on the Eight. You all are the reason I moved back.”
Katie stood up. “Thanks for listening everyone. You all helped me. More than I can say.”
Throwing an arm around her shoulders, Logan looked down at her. “That’s what we’re here for, Katie. For good times and bad.”
Will nodded as he picked up another paper plate and headed to the buffet. “Jah. As long as there’s food involved, I’m in.”
“Good to know we can always count on you, brother,” Harley said. He was joking, of course, but he meant every word.
“Anytime,” Will replied. Letting Harley know that he felt exactly the same way.
THIRTY−FIVE
“I’ve never regretted keeping all those secrets,” Harley said. “I always figured that’s what friends do. They stay loyal to each other, especially when it’s something important.”
Will grinned. “Jah, when it’s something important, for sure. But the thing about us? We keep secrets, even when it’s just about goats, shotguns, pool parties, and a long line of bad decisions.”
FRIDAY NIGHT
It was late, almost eleven o’clock. Elizabeth Anne had offered to drive both her and Harley home, and Katie had known that the right thing to do was to accept. But just a few minutes before, Harley had asked if he could walk her home, and she’d wanted that very much.
She needed some quiet time with him before returning to her house. Though the house was now free of clutter and was looking very much like a bed-and-breakfast, it was still in disarray.
It was also filled with too many memories.
After saying good night to everyone, Harley had taken her hand and pulled her to an empty field. Cutting across it would shorten the journey to her house by half. She reckoned it was also a little safer to walk in the field instead of on the dark road.
The grass was already a little damp, and all sorts of crickets and other creatures were chirping as she and Harley disturbed their evening. That fanciful thought amused her. For some reason, she liked to think that humans weren’t the only ones to like order and peace in their lives.
“Will you ever be able to forgive me?” Harley asked, breaking the silence.
She looked up at him but could only see his profile in shadows. There weren’t a lot of stars out, and the moon was taking a break behind the clouds. “For what? Encouraging me to speak about June?”
“Jah.” His voice was strained, pulled taut.
“I’m not angry, Harley. There’s nothing to forgive.”
“You sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” After a couple more steps, she said, “If you were so worried about me, why didn’t you just tell me that you wanted me to talk about it?”
“I didn’t think you would talk just to me. I thought . . . well, I thought that maybe you needed all of us.”
The comment surprised her, but she couldn’t disagree. While some members of their group might have hated talking about something so personal to everyone, she wasn’t one of them. To her mind, each one of the Eight were all cogs in a wheel. Each of them offered something different to the group, and only when they were all together did she feel whole.
Ironically, she’d even started to feel closer to Andy, now that he was in Heaven. When they were all in a group like that, she was sure he was lurking just in the background, offering his support.
“Harley, after my father’s death, things at home got off-kilter. We were all grieving for Daed, but unlike how we are about Andy, no one in my little family ever brought him up.” She released a sigh. “Because of that, it always felt as if a hole had been ripped in our family’s fabric and left there to fray.”
“Could it have been mended?”
“Maybe not well, but even if any of us had been able to put a patch on it, or even clumsily bind the rip shut, I think it would’ve been better. But we didn’t.”
“I don’t know if you can take that responsibility on, Katie. You were young.”
“I was. But, like I said, even if I had tried to fix things, it would have been better than nothing.”
They’d reached the end of the field. Carefully Harley helped her over the worn fence and then clasped her hand when they were on the road.
“Anyway, there we all were. Mamm had taken to her room, Caleb had started spending more and more time with Vanessa’s family, and me? Well, I started depending on the Eight more and more.”
Remembering that time, she shook her head. “I know you always thought I was being pushy, always wanting to be with one of you, but I needed that so much. I was afraid to be alone.”
“I never realized, Katie. I . . . well, I don’t know what to say.”
Even though he couldn’t see her, she smiled. “It doesn’t matter now. I did what I thought I had to do, and we all survived. But June? Well, she didn’t have someone special like Caleb had Vanessa.”
“And she didn’t have her own Eight, did she?”
“Nee. June was alone.”
There, in the dark, where she could hardly see more than a few feet in front of her, it
was all becoming clear. “Harley, I think maybe June really just had had enough. She’d had enough of not fitting in. Had enough of feeling left out. Maybe she’d had enough of trying to be Amish when she really wanted to be English. Harley, June wanted a change. She was running toward something—not away from us.”
Harley stopped and faced her, pressing both of his hands on her shoulders. “Katie, if that was the case, then June’s leaving wasn’t your fault or Caleb’s or your mother’s. Maybe not even your father’s death. It was like you just said—June needed to find her own path.”
“And God had intended for her path to be very different.” She was half-whispering now. Really, she could hardly believe that she was only now putting this all together.
But maybe, like all things, the time was only right when the Lord decided it was right.
A weight slowly lifted from her shoulders. “Tonight helped so much, Harley. You helped so much. Danke.”
“You’re welcome, but I don’t think it’s a matter of me helping as much as of you simply giving yourself permission to truly think about it.”
“Maybe so. I wonder why it was so hard to see a different point of view all this time? Why couldn’t I have let go enough of my hurt to even write to June about it? I might not have seen her, but I knew her address.”
“You’re a mighty loyal person, Katie. I reckon it’s as hard for you to change your loyalties about an idea as it is for you to give up on a friend.”
They were close to the house now. To her surprise, June’s car was in the drive and a single light shone from the living room window. She had to smile. It was as if June had known that Katie wanted her nearby. “It looks like June is here after all.”
“I’m glad. I’m glad you won’t be walking into an empty house tonight.”
They stopped at the foot of the driveway. “It’s really late now. Probably close to midnight. Would you like to sleep on the couch?”
“Nee.” Standing to face her, he reached for her hands, folding them in his. Tugging her closer, she had to tilt her chin up to see his face. “I knew I would be walking home late tonight. I don’t mind.”
He had done so much for her tonight. Brought all their friends around because he knew she needed support. Stayed by her side when she dared to tell everyone about her hurts. Walked her home in the dark, tried to alleviate her guilt about June leaving. “How did I get so blessed?” she murmured, half to herself.
“Blessed how?”
“To have you.” Seeing his expression, so intent, so caring, she felt a new wave of emotion flow through her. “Harley, what did I ever do to deserve you?”
He smiled softly. “You didn’t need to do anything to deserve me, Katie. I love you.”
She blinked, because he was right. It all made sense. One didn’t need to earn someone’s love, it just was. “I love you, too, Harley.” And then, because she didn’t think there was anything more to say, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled up on her tiptoes, and kissed him.
THIRTY−SIX
“But, boy was that a great day,” Katie said with a wistful sounding sigh.
“It was better than that,” Logan said. “Epic.”
Five minutes later, after waving good-bye to Harley, Katie walked inside. “June?”
“I’m in here. In the kitchen.”
Walking through the dark rooms, she found her sister sitting at the kitchen table. She was dressed in a big T-shirt, sweatpants, and thick fleece socks, and was looking through the same pile of recipe cards that Katie had been organizing for picture frames when June had first arrived.
She had the battery-operated floor lamp on as well as two candles burning. The three bands of light created a soft glow in the room, making June look even younger. Almost carefree.
She smiled at Katie when she pulled out a chair next to her. “I hope you don’t mind that I came on inside when I got here.”
“I guess you found the spare key?”
“Under the second rock to the left, just like it used to be.”
Katie shook her head. “I had forgotten it was there. Half the time I forget to lock the house.”
“I was glad that at least that part of the house stayed the same,” June joked. “Especially since I got done with my dinner early.”
“You don’t ever have to ask to come here. As far as I’m concerned, this is your house, too.”
Pointing to the cards on the table, June said, “I finally sat down to see what you’ve been arranging. I can’t believe they’re Mommi’s recipe cards.”
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I found them, either. They were hidden in the back of one of the cabinets.” Katie fingered the intricate floral design that had been hand drawn around the edges of the faded pink paper. “They’re really lovely though, aren’t they? Our grandmother or great-grandmother was a talented artist.”
June nodded. “I’ve been taking pictures of them on my cell phone so I’ll always have them.”
The idea of June only having digital pictures of something so special made her sad. “You can keep them, June. I already have so much.”
For a split second, June looked like she might agree, but then she shook her head. “I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right.”
Again Katie wondered what was really going on in her sister’s mind. “Knowing that you have the cards would make me happy, and Mamm won’t miss them either. They were stuck in a box in the back of a cabinet for years. Will you at least think about it?”
After a pause, she nodded. “I’ll do that. So, did you have a good night? I was surprised that you were out so late.” June smiled. “And no, I’m not judging.”
“I’m not usually out so late, but Harley got all of the Eight together. Marie and John B. got engaged.”
“Wait, I didn’t think Marie was Amish.”
“She’s not. But John works in a factory among the English and was okay with jumping the fence. They’re really happy together.” Thinking about how they always seem to bring out the best in each other, Katie added, “It was so great to all be in the same room, we lost track of time.”
June’s expression warmed. “I’m glad.” Looking down at the recipe cards, she murmured, “You know, I was always jealous of your group of friends. No matter how hard I tried, I could never find friends who were so steadfast or loyal.”
“We talk a lot about how God brought us together. I’m glad He did.”
“Me, too. Hey, if you don’t mind, I thought I’d spend the night here. I’ll sleep on the couch. Is that okay?”
“You know it is, but you can have my room.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll sleep better down here.” Her voice brightening, she said, “It will be fun to have breakfast together.”
“Now that I have a working stove again, we can make pancakes like we used to.”
June chuckled. “Okay, but I’ll make them. You always used to burn the centers.”
“Although I’m pretty sure I don’t do that anymore, you are welcome to make them. It will be just like old times.”
“Almost.”
When she noticed that June looked a little wistful, Katie said, “Who did you have dinner with tonight? I didn’t think you’d kept in touch with any of your friends.”
“I haven’t, not really.” She leaned back in her chair. “But there was a woman here who . . . well, she helped me leave Walnut Creek. I wanted to see her again.”
She swallowed. “You know, I never thought about how you left or what happened. I mean, I worried about you, but I didn’t think about the logistics of it.”
June frowned. “There isn’t really that much to tell. One night I went over to Cindy’s house and told her I was ready. She helped me find a job down in Columbus and a room in a couple’s home who help teens leave the Amish.”
It all sounded very dark and secretive. And, Katie realized, almost unnecessary. “Do you really think Mamm would’ve kicked you out if you’d told her that you didn’t want to be baptized?”
“Nee.” June frowned again. “To be honest, I don’t think I ever really thought about anything but feeling better. I wanted to be English. I wanted to stop grieving for Daed. I wanted to stop arguing with Caleb and worrying about Mamm.” After a moment, she added, “I even was tired of always having to look after you because Mamm didn’t feel like it.” She heaved a sigh. “But, Katie, I promise, it wasn’t really any of you. Especially not you. I’ve always loved you, do you hear me?”
Katie’s throat was so tight, she simply nodded.
June continued. “I was in a fog, in a bad place.” She started fussing with the recipe cards again. “Anyway, Cindy drove me down, gave me fifty dollars and some jeans and stuff, and dropped me off. I started working at a grocery store the next day.”
“Did you make friends with the other kids who left?”
“Not really. A lot of them?” She pulled in her lip. “Well, I can only say that they had it bad where they were living. They were so angry, too. I wasn’t as much angry as just plain sad and determined to find my own way.” She smiled. “And eventually, I did.”
Katie returned the smile. But she knew it was time to finally ask the question that she’d been dwelling on since June had returned. “Now I know why you left. But . . . June?”
“Hmm?”
“Why did you come back?”
Her sister gave her a quizzical look. “Because I missed you, silly.”
“That’s it?” She didn’t even try to hide how shocked she was.
“Well, yeah. Isn’t it enough?”
That June missed her was enough. Of course it was. But that explanation didn’t feel like enough—until she realized that nothing else really mattered. If they still loved each other, then they still had a bond. “Jah,” she finally answered. “It’s more than enough.”
“Katie, you might not believe me, but I really missed my baby sister. I may not have acted like it or told you the words enough, but I still love you, you know.”
Tears formed in her eyes as she realized that she didn’t need to know anything else. “I still love you, too, June. I never stopped.”
The Loyal One Page 22