The tiger made no sound, just remained sprawled out in a leisurely fashion, watching her from half closed eyes. A contented feline merely basking in the sun. No hint of his lethality or his keen intellect.
“I’m going to insist they let me inside with you tomorrow,” she said. “I might risk telling Aydarr what’s really going on with you if I think it’s necessary.”
No reaction from the cat, who was now kneading his immense claws in the soft dirt.
His lack of reaction was probably a bad sign of what he was comprehending from her, but Elianna figured she should forge ahead anyway. Now for the difficult part. “I’m going to be gone for a while in another day or so, maybe as long as three weeks. I’ve got a special assignment and the work has to be done at another site. But I’ll be back when the task is completed. I’m not in any danger of being captured by the Khagrish or anything so don’t worry. And if whatever you did yesterday that’s got the Badari so worried was because you knew I’d left the valley without you, please, please don’t overreact this time. I’m a little worried what they might do, not to hurt you but trying to calm you down.” She had the strong inkling Kierce had somehow known she wasn’t nearby any longer and the knowledge triggered his out of control behavior. Of course, it all could have been another recurrence of the drug’s side effects.
Rubbing her forehead, she sighed over the complexities of caring about a man who was also a tiger, and trying desperately to help him. Yeah, I’m telling Aydarr the entire story tomorrow and let him apply his resources to helping Kierce. I probably should have done that right away. I’ve got to delay going off to the island until I see Kierce standing in front of me as a man and know he’s okay and he understands where I’m going. I’ll go crazy too if I don’t have strong reassurance. She shook her finger at the cat, who regarded her blandly. “I’m not making you any more promises until you’re a man again and we can discuss the issues.”
She was desperately worried for him, seeing even fewer signs of the man inside the cat today than there’d been last time, and angry he wouldn’t transform with her right beside him now. “I’m trying to hold the line with the Alpha. I won’t leave you like this, special assignment be damned, but he’s pretty determined. And as you experienced when he made you surrender in the cell, he’s got power. If you couldn’t stand up to him, I doubt I can.”
She rose, stretching and taking a closer look at the force field enclosing the area, listening hard to the vibrations. Maybe she’d go to the Stores on her own, before the party tonight, and see if she could find the right equipment to make a private access door into this cage, say high on the slope, where the guard didn’t have a clear line of sight. Always a good idea to have a backup plan, in case Aydarr wasn’t reasonable about letting her have access to Kierce, even after she told him the full story. The Badari needed her and her skills so if she was caught in the act, the Alpha couldn’t afford to punish her. She was the resident expert on Chimmer ships after all.
Sitting here was pleasant and companionable. Elianna peered through the forcefield, checking to see how Kierce was doing, whether her presence was comforting him. He was still purring, which was a good sign so she settled down comfortably again. She wanted a bath and a change of clothes before the party tonight but this was like sitting with a sick friend and much more important.
Elianna found the sight of the tiger distressing because she wanted Kierce to have the freedom she now had, and to be with her. She wished she comprehended what the real or perceived obstacles were. “I’d rather go to this darn newcomer party with you by my side,” she said, then blushed at how badly she did indeed want Kierce the man to stand with her.
The tiger came to his feet and was staring expectantly at the guard station, where another man had just arrived, bringing a covered bucket she guessed must be Kierce’s dinner. He stopped purring and made a sound deep in his throat as he prowled toward the segment of the forcefield where the gate was located.
Elianna shook her head and sighed. Not a good sign if he’d rather have his dinner than sit with me. His words at the lab about sinking too deeply into the cat haunted her. She dusted the fragments of the grass and dirt off her clothing and paused beside the two Badari soldiers to try spreading a little goodwill. “Thanks for watching over him and treating him so well.”
“He’s one of us—we’d know even if the Alpha hadn’t said so,” the original guard said. “I don’t understand the whole story but we never abandon our own kind. We’re here as an honor guard, to keep him safe from external intrusions, as well as to keep an eye on him if anything is needed.”
“I’m not sure he appreciates your solicitude,” she said, glancing at the tiger.. “But I do.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Kierce watched her leave the area and wasted no time in retreating to the trees on the upper level of his outdoor cage. One soldier brought his dinner inside the force barrier while the other stood guard and then the door in the barrier closed. The two men stood talking for a few minutes and, while the pair were distracted, he made an unobtrusive trip to retrieve the raw meat provided, dragging it to his preferred hollow at the foot of the trees. He didn’t enjoy being observed while he ate. The human side of him was embarrassed at tearing into the offering like a wild beast.
Of course, you are a wild beast. A flicker of amusement darted through his mind and Kierce seized upon it as a welcome sign he was surfacing from the tiger-mind. He wished it had happened sooner, while Elianna was present. Her voice was nearly as soothing to him as her scent, but the words had been a hum in his head, like purring. As he swallowed the pieces of his dinner, he supposed it was her influence allowing him to move his consciousness closer to the man’s mind. He waited for the pernicious Khagrish drug to trigger another flashback incident but as yet there were no signs. His hopes that he might have finally pulled through rose giddily high and he hid the rest of the meal under the leaves, obeying the feline instincts, not because he actually wanted to snack later on spoiled meat.
Kierce eyed the giant trees around him and selected a new one for sharpening his claws, enjoying the sensations as he pulled at the tough bark then shredded the core below in long, hard motions also exercising his muscles.
Tonight was the night to make his escape. He’d find Elianna and get her away from all the other humans and Badari and risk changing into his true form so they could talk and plan. So he could walk at her side as the Alpha had done, and the unknown male today. It’s my place to be with her and protect her. He snarled at the mere thought of the human who’d come with her to his cage today and reprimanded himself a moment later. Be the soldier, not tiger.
He waited until darkness fell, drowsing under the trees, taking an occasional lazy bath and elaborately ignoring the guard. Once the sun had slipped over the horizon and the three moons were slowly rising he climbed all the way to the top of the giant tree closest to the force barrier. With hardly any effort, he made the leap to a nearby tree outside the enclosure. The Khagrish had known enough to put a force barrier ceiling on the cage at the lab but the Badari or whoever kept him here apparently had no true understanding of his capabilities in the animal form. The distance was at the outside of his limit and he had a few adrenaline rushes while he scrabbled for purchase on the high, thinner branches but he made it.
Feeling victorious, he didn’t linger to savor his freedom, but descended as rapidly as he dared, making a gigantic gliding fall to the ground in the direction away from the guard’s post at the front of the cage and ran further into the forest. He had no idea how long he’d have before an alarm was sounded, if any. The guards were used to him spending his time among the trees or in the branches and so might not even discover he was gone until morning. His natural camouflage was good enough to fool even Badari eyesight. Maybe the Khagrish had designed the pattern of his coat that way, taking advantage of their intimate knowledge of everything to do with the Badari capabilities.
Kierce tracked Elianna’s scent, finding
A pang of regret speared through his heart because he couldn’t take the risk of transforming and walking into the gathering like a man who belonged there, to greet brothers and friends the way the Badari he observed were doing. Sorrow mixed with anger because he couldn’t stand with Elianna. The pernicious thoughts generated by the Khagrish drug were nibbling at the edges of his consciousness now, because he was so close to his real form, thinking like a man rather than a creature of instincts and simple impulses. He was running out of time to connect with Elianna.
Finally, the crowd shifted as the Alpha and his mate moved to a central spot, apparently to make a speech, and Kierce had a clear view of the woman he suspected was his mate. She stood with a number of Badari and humans, male and female.
Rage coursed through Kierce’s veins as he spied the same human male who’d accompanied her to the cage earlier in the day. He stood too close to her and, as Kierce watched, the Alpha finished speaking, music began again and the human male drew Elianna to join the other dancers.
Kierce sunk his claws deep into the branch and growled. He watched in impotent sorrow and despair as Elianna moved through the patterns of the dance. She was laughing and seemed happy. She’s with her people, why wouldn’t she be happy tonight? He didn’t begrudge her the joy of the evening with friends, but he wished he could be a part of it.
Was she giving any priority or thought to him, presumably locked away in a cage? The sneaky voice of the drug insisted she wasn’t.
Shaking his head, Kierce abandoned his plan of waiting until she left, following her and making an attempt to contact her. He could sense the drug rising in his body again, flooding his too-human mind. He’d run out of time. Maybe it was just as well. Maybe he should let go, stop fighting, stop wishing for the happiness he could never have as this man-who-was-a-beast. Let Elianna remember him fondly and move on with her life.
Great Mother, I’m weary of this struggle.
He retreated through the trees without attracting attention then paused, debating where to go next. The idea of tamely placing himself back in a cage was utterly repellent. Should he follow the edge of the lake? Find an isolated spot to drown himself maybe? But what if the Badari found his body and made Elianna view the carcass? He didn’t want to cause her unnecessary sorrow in her new life. He heard a waterfall in the distance and considered throwing himself over the precipice, to be swept away, out of his misery and mental pain. But then she’d never know what his fate had been and might go on hoping for years he’d reappear.
Disbelieving the gloomy tangent his mind was taking, Kierce berated himself mercilessly. This isn’t how a Badari warrior thinks! It’s the damn Khagrish drug talking, and I can’t allow the bastards to win. Innimarrg is not going to have victory over me from beyond the grave. I have to fight this. There must be a way.
But he was tired, bone weary, and if he wasn’t to have Elianna at his side to help him, Kierce doubted he could pull out of the flashback this time. He’d go insane and the Badari here would be forced to kill him before he savaged unwary residents. Undoubtedly, those in authority would look askance at Elianna for not warning them how dangerous he could be. Nothing bad done by him could be allowed to attach to her in this new community.
Protect Elianna.
But if he gave in to his current self-doubt and destructive impulses, how could he watch over her?
Restlessly he kept moving, paying no attention to the direction. His nose told him there were no other sentients in this area of the forest and the smaller creatures who lived there scattered in terror at his approach.
A faint green glow ahead caught his eye and the allure of an irresistible summons tugged at his mind. Desire to go to the source of the light became all important, overriding even the whispers and hallucinations of the drug. Comfort might lie there. He had to reach that beacon and then he could rest.
He walked into a strange, open area in the forest, obviously manmade, with large stone columns and a dais of sorts, but Kierce had only a moment to puzzle over the nature of the place he’d come to. A column of green fire danced in the center of the area, reaching from the ground to the heavens. He was drawn to it, like a night flutterer, circling a flame which might destroy him.
He circled the pillar of bright green flames, sniffing and studying them. Learning nothing, he hesitantly reached out with one giant paw and touched the edge of the ever moving light. A shock ran though his entire body, more a tingling than outright pain, and he was frozen, unable to move.
His eyes closed of their own volition and he fell to the ground.
Pulling in a deep breath, he forced his eyes open again, determined to face whatever might be waiting for him. He now lay on his back in a circle of giant trees, quite unlike the ones in the valley, like nothing he’d ever seen before. Amazed, he sat up and stared wildly at his surroundings. There was emerald green grass under him and the sun shone brightly above. Kierce raised a hand to rub his eyes and stopped, realizing with amazed shock he’d transformed to human form without even realizing it. Shakily, he rose to his feet and looked around the meadow.
He was alone, but the breeze whispered his name. Kierce of the Badari. The syllables of his name had never sounded like music before but were a song in this woman’s voice.
“I am he.” He was relieved to hear his own voice emerge strong and proud. “Where are we? Am I dead?”
You are also the animal.
He flinched, retreating a step before he caught himself. “No.” Repulsed by the mere idea, he made an instant denial. “I’m a Badari soldier, nothing more. What the Khagrish attempted to do to me was wrong.” He went to his knees, convinced he was conversing with the Great Mother because only she could speak to a man in such a magical voice in his head. Hope blossomed in his heart, a painful, tenuous thing after all he’d been through. “Can you help me? Will you help me?”
A soft winged insect with iridescent green wings fluttered by his cheek, like a caress. The voice when it replied was equally gentle and soft in his head. I have dominion over you and your fate, for you are part of my long lost people, stolen away to this place, for whom I have love and concern. But the beast is also mine, born of nature.
“Not born of nature.” He rose to his feet, anger burning in his belly. “Forced on me by the scientist and his experiments and drugs. I’m a man, can’t you restore me to my natural state? With all your power, isn’t that a simple thing for you? Am I asking so much after what I’ve been through?”
Those you hate couldn’t have made you into a dual creature unless the potential had been present in your nature. You and some of your brothers were given this potential by the evil doers, the structure of your destiny altered by them for their purposes. None of the men and women here who call themselves Badari are the original children given to me in my proper time and place, but I linger to do what I can for you who are part of them. I have the hope for your people you seem to lack. The voice was sad and chiding.
Kierce assessed what she’d said. He reflected on the fact the goddess was right—the Badari all knew they’d been created by the Khagrish using many components, not just the Badari DNA or root stock. He believed his people had made peace with the knowledge to a large extent, except now he alone was being asked to bear an even greater burden as a result of the scientists’ endless experiments. Clenching his hands in useless rage, he wanted to howl his protest. The unfairness of the situation stuck in his craw.
The fact remains the animal itself isn’t to blame nor is it evil. It’s part of you and you must accept both halves of who you are now if you’re to survive. Your fate is up to you. Use the gift the enemy forced upon you to your advantage and to the benefit of your people. Were I to sunder you from the beast right this moment, you would surely die.
“I don’t care, to be free of the burden would be worth the sacrifice of life.” But guilt pricked at him, like nettles under his skin, and he remembered all his earlier concerns about Elianna and her happiness.
You would so easily set aside the wondrous gift I sent? A mate to partner with you? To help carry the burdens of life, including this one? The woman Elianna doesn’t regard you or the beast as evil or off-putting. She sees you as one being.
“Elianna…” He murmured her name like an enchantment. Before his eyes the mist at the edges of the glade flowed together and the ghostly shape of the human woman appeared. Next the tiger also emerged from the fog, although the massive creature was as unsubstantial as Elianna. Kierce had never seen himself as the cat before, and he was stunned by the size, athletic grace and lethal power in the form. He stood frozen as the cat walked to join the woman and she put her arms around the animal’s neck as if greeting a dear friend or companion. “I want to walk with her as a man,” he said, injecting all his bitterness into the words. “Not as a cat, no matter how large or ferocious.” Turning his back on the misty vision, he took a few steps away and stopped, drawing the fresh air deep into his lungs.
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