O Hell, All Ye Shoppers

by Louisa Masters

  “You’re my hero,” he blurted. “Drinks are on me. All of them. Forever. You have no idea how much I wanted to… to… I don’t know, break her glasses or something.”

  “I really, really do,” Ty assured him. “She was totally playing the ‘little old lady’ card, when anyone could see she’s a villain in disguise.”

  I am not falling for this guy. He wasn’t. That would be dumb. Just because he made fairy tale references with a straight face and recognized villainy in old ladies and was totally fucking delicious did not make falling head over heels after ten minutes any less ridiculous.

  “Where are you parked?” he asked abruptly.

  Ty looked a little taken aback but answered readily enough. “Outside Myer, level two. You?”

  “Coles, three.” Pretty much at the opposite end of the sprawling building. He realized then how easy it would be for Ty to disappear into the crowd, and decided he wasn’t going to let that happen. “Where should we get that drink?”

  Ty’s smile reappeared. “There’s a place not far away, Paul’s, on—”

  “High Street Road. I know it.” Damn. That had been one of his favorite bars before he’d moved across town.

  “Great! So I’ll meet you there in”—Ty looked around at the cesspit of humanity around them—“thirty minutes?”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Ethan judged the crowd between him and his exit, and took a deep breath. “Wish me luck.” He plunged into the chaos, Ty’s laughter ringing in his ears.

  TY WATCHED Ethan go and wondered for the first time ever if maybe, possibly, fate might just exist. Because how else could it be explained that he’d have to go shopping two days before Christmas when he’d had all his presents for weeks, and that, in a shopping center teeming with people, he’d just happened to meet a good-looking, seemingly intelligent, like-minded guy whose touch raised goose bumps and with whom he already had a connection?

  He began pushing through the crowd toward where he’d parked his car, fumbling in his pocket for his phone, and by the time he pushed free of the center itself and into the parking lot, he had the device at his ear and was listening to it ring.

  “Yeah?” his brother said.

  “Mike, you may not get this, but when you meet a guy who is around my age, good-looking, single, and gay, you are required by the laws of brotherhood to tell me.”

  Silence.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  Ty grinned. “So, I’m at Chadstone—”

  “Chadstone?” Mike sounded horrified. “Dude, why? I know you got all your presents weeks ago.”

  “I had to get something different for Nikki. Long story. Anyway, I’m in this weird shop where they sell candles and salt, and there’s only one other guy there, who is also cursed with a sister. He’s hot, so I’m thinking this unplanned shopping trip might not be so bad, when I find out I could have gotten to know him a lot sooner if my little brother had been looking out for me. Guess who he is?”

  “Ty, did someone spray perfume in your face in that shop? How the hell am I supposed to know who he is?”

  Ty dug his keys out of his pocket as he approached his car, pretending not to notice the four cars stalking him. “I’ll give you a hint. He’s tall, has brown hair and eyes, and is related to your girlfriend.”

  It took Mike only two seconds to make the connection. “Ethan?”

  “Ding ding ding.” Ty unlocked the car and got in, dumping the shopping bag on the passenger seat. He started the car and switched the phone to hands-free mode, then wasted no time backing out. He was kind of scared someone might come after him if he lingered too long in a coveted parking spot. At least he’d been parked under cover—if he’d had to wait for the air con to cool the car before he could get in, he probably would have been lynched. “I’ll forgive you for not telling me Erin had a hot brother if you tell me everything you know about him. I’m meeting him for a drink in”—he glanced at the dash clock—“fifteen minutes, and I want to make a good impression.”

  “Wait, Ethan was at Chadstone? But he hates shopping. And it’s lazy Saturday.”

  Ty joined the line of cars waiting to exit and wondered if his brother had recently gotten into the habit of smoking pot or if he’d always been this slow. “Lazy Saturday?”

  “Yeah,” Mike said, still sounding confused. “He’s been looking forward to it for weeks. He’s got a three-day weekend, and today was going to be his day for doing nothing except being lazy. You know, bad TV, junk food, trackie daks—all that shit.”

  Sounds perfect. And Ethan was willing to delay getting back to that for a drink with Ty? Yes! He was in with a chance. “Well, he was at Chadstone because Erin forgot to get a present for their sister,” he told Mike. “Now, you have mere minutes to tell me all about him, or I will offer you up as a sacrifice to some long-forgotten god. Go.”

  BY THE time Ty pushed open the door to Paul’s, he was sure of two things: Ethan was a great guy, and Mike thought Ty hooking up with Ethan was theoretically “awesome,” but was worried about how it would affect his relationship with Erin. Ty had hung up on him midsentence.

  Now he looked around the bar, pausing to nod at the bartender, Marty, whom he knew well after far too many Friday nights spent there with his friends, and spotted Ethan just about to sit at a small table against the far wall. It was busier than usual for a Saturday afternoon, but nowhere near as chaotic as the shops had been, and it took Ty only a moment to weave through the patrons and join Ethan.

  “Hey,” he said, sliding into the empty chair. “You made it out alive.”

  Ethan snorted, his brown eyes warm. “Only just. Some man in the parking lot followed me to my car so closely that I swear his front bumper kept brushing up against me.”

  “I know!” Ty exclaimed. “There were about four cars following me, and I got out of there as fast as possible because I didn’t want to get caught up in the battle.” He grinned when Ethan laughed. “Drink? The first round’s on me.”

  “Beer, thanks. Whatever is fine. I don’t think they have anything here I don’t like.”

  Ty went off to get their drinks, waiting patiently while Marty served someone else first.

  “You’re here with Ethan?” Marty asked as he filled two pint glasses.

  Ty’s eyebrows shot up. “You know Ethan?” he asked. Christ, did everyone know Ethan except him?

  “Sure, he used to come in all the time with his friends—you’ve probably seen them here. Then he moved, or something, and now we don’t see him so much.”

  “I can’t believe this. There are so many places and ways I could have met him earlier. His sister is dating my brother, has been for over a year, and now I find out that we hang out in the same bar, just at different times.” He shook his head. “It’s gotta be fate, right? I don’t believe in that, but this is a level of coincidence that defies reason.”

  Marty shrugged and put the pints on the bar. “Couldn’t say, mate. But Ethan’s a great guy, and I gotta say, the two of you together kinda makes sense, so don’t fuck it up.” He took the money Ty had already put on the bar and went to serve another customer, leaving Ty with his jaw dropped, feeling indignant. He wasn’t going to fuck anything up!

  He took the beers back to Ethan, and any trace of annoyance faded as he sat and looked at Ethan’s smiling, handsome face.

  “Thanks.” Ethan held up his phone. “Erin just texted me. I guess you talked to Mike?”

  Ty groaned. “I should have known he’d go running to his girl.”

  Ethan snorted. “She would have done the same. Some days I don’t think she takes a breath without telling him about it. I keep telling myself it’s because they’re so young and that they’ll grow out of it, but between you and me, I’m not convinced.”

  “Cheers to that,” Ty said, grinning as he raised his glass. Ethan raised his as well, and they clinked them together.

  IT WAS the growling of his stomach that finally made Ty glance at his watch—and then do a
double take.

  “Fuck, no wonder I’m hungry—it’s nearly eight!” He and Ethan had been talking—and flirting—over beer for almost four hours.

  “You’re kidding,” Ethan said, squinting at the screen of his smartphone. “I guess we got distracted.” He smiled at Ty, a little foolishly, and Ty’s heartbeat sped up. Impulsively, he lunged across the small table, knocking over an empty glass, and kissed Ethan.

  It was a clumsy kiss, a short kiss, only half on Ethan’s mouth, but the electricity that sparked between them was unmistakable. Ty sat back in his chair and licked his lips, his gaze locked on Ethan’s slightly dazed brown eyes. Ethan swallowed—hard—and straightened the glass that had fallen. The silence drew out between them.

  “Dinner?” Ty finally asked, his voice husky.

  Ethan smiled. “Yeah.”

  The bar had gotten much busier while they were talking, and they had to push their way through the crowd, pausing to wave goodbye to Marty on their way out. They stood in the parking lot for a few minutes, debating where to go for dinner.

  “Let’s just get takeout,” Ethan finally suggested, his gaze darting away from Ty’s. “We could go back to my place.”

  Yes! “Sure, that sounds fine,” Ty said, aiming for casual. “Pizza or Chinese?”

  They settled on Chinese, realized they both liked the same restaurant nearby, then went to get dinner.

  “You know, we could just eat—” Ty broke off as they entered the restaurant. “Or maybe not,” he finished dryly. The place was so far beyond packed, he didn’t have a word for it. The noise level was indescribable. Even ordering takeout, it would take forever for their food to be ready.

  Ethan turned to look at him. “Why don’t I order pizza to be delivered?”

  “Good plan,” Ty approved, and they left, Ethan dialing the pizza place as they walked out. Once again they stood in a parking lot as he ordered. Ty watched him talk, trying not to stare but unable to look away from those pink lips as they moved.

  “It’ll be there in half an hour,” Ethan reported, ending the call. “Follow me back to my place?”

  Ty tore his attention away from Ethan’s mouth and thoughts of what it could do, and agreed.

  THEY’D BARELY made it through Ethan’s front door when the bell rang, heralding the delivery of their dinner. Ty sent Ethan to get drinks from the kitchen while he paid for the pizza. They met in the living room.

  “Do you want to eat at the table?” Ethan asked politely, but the longing look he gave his couch couldn’t be misinterpreted.

  “Do I look like your mum?” Ty countered, plopping the pizza box on the coffee table.

  Ethan grinned and put two bottles of beer beside it, then planted himself on the couch. “TV?” he asked, reaching for the pizza.

  “Sure.” Ty helped himself and settled beside Ethan, pretty much as close as he could get without crawling into the guy’s lap.

  Ethan shot him a sideways look and then shifted so their legs were fully pressed together. He took a bite of pizza with that daydream-inspiring mouth, then picked up the remote control and turned on the TV.

  Ty bit into his own pizza and looked at the screen. “What the hell is this?” he asked, tipping his head to the side in an attempt to make sense of what he was seeing.

  “No idea,” Ethan said. “But this is the best channel to watch for stuff that doesn’t make you think or encourage any kind of enthusiasm.”

  One of the actors seemed to be giving an impassioned speech while suspended from a rocky outcrop, and Ty listened for only a moment before wincing. “I could probably get enthusiastic about making this a drinking game. A shot every time they say something stupid.” The actor chose that moment to deliver a heartfelt plea to… whatever it was below him, and Ethan shook his head.

  “That was probably worth two shots. I’ve got Beam, but it’s in the kitchen.”

  Ty judged the distance to the kitchen, then sank lower on the couch and took a swig of beer. “Can’t be arsed.”

  Ethan sank back beside him, and for a while, they watched, munching on pizza as the actor was eaten by some kind of sentient mutant creature for reasons that weren’t apparent. As stupidly ridiculous as the movie was, Ty could definitely see the benefits of watching something that inspired no interest or care factor. He didn’t have to think. He could let his mind drift as every nerve in his body focused on Ethan beside him. It was really too warm, even with the air-conditioning on, for them to be pressed up against each other, but who cared?

  By the time the movie came to an uninspired close and the pizza had been decimated, Ty’s skin tingled in anticipation and his dick was as hard as nails.

  Just from sitting next to the guy.

  “Wanna see what else is on?” Ethan asked, an edge of something in his voice that told Ty he was also turned on.

  Time to make his move.

  “Not really,” Ty said. “Just leave it. Lack of enthusiasm for TV sounds good right now.” He placed a hand on Ethan’s thigh, fingers skimming the hem of his shorts.

  Ethan jerked, then leaned against Ty, their whole bodies touching from shoulder to hip. Ty turned his head to meet Ethan’s gaze.

  “I hope you’re enthusiastic about other stuff,” Ethan said, then leaned forward and kissed him.

  TY JERKED awake, unsure what had woken him—and why his back was so sore. It took a few seconds for his brain to come online, and then he realized he was at Ethan’s, in an awkward, twisted position on the couch, Ethan in his arms, both of them sweaty.

  Memory of the evening flooded back, and he grinned. Who would have thought bad TV and pizza could make for one of the best nights of his life? Let’s not forget the secret ingredient, he reminded himself, looking fondly at Ethan’s sleep-flushed face.

  Carefully, Ty disentangled himself and stood to stretch the kinks out. He looked at his watch and winced; after three. Across the room, the TV still flickered, playing yet another unrecognizable movie on what he and Ethan had dubbed the “crap movie channel.” He turned it off and considered his options. He was meeting friends for breakfast first thing, the only time they’d all been able to make it. While he wanted to crawl onto the couch with Ethan and go back to sleep, he didn’t trust himself to be able to leave a sleepy, conscious Ethan in the morning. Probably better if he left now and slept a few more hours in his own bed.

  He wondered if he should cover Ethan or something, but really, it was too fucking hot for a cover. December in Melbourne could be really hit and miss when it came to weather, but a heat wave had settled in a few days ago, and didn’t look like breaking until the New Year. Instead, he adjusted the settings on the air conditioner, turned off the TV, and cleared away the remnants of their dinner.

  Then he went into the kitchen and found a napkin and a pen.

  ETHAN OPENED his eyes slowly, instantly aware that he was not in his bed. He must have fallen asleep on the couch. But why the hell was the air con so low? He was sure—

  “Crap!” He leaped off the couch, looking around frantically. Where was Ty? The TV was off, so he hadn’t dreamed it, but Ty’s shoes weren’t where he’d left them… and had he cleaned up?

  Was I just fucked and chucked by someone with a neatness fetish?

  His gaze landed on a napkin on the coffee table, next to where he’d left his phone. There was something written on it, so he stumbled over and picked it up.

  Good morning!

  Had an early start, so I thought I’d leave you to sleep in peace. Do you have plans for today? Can I see you later?

  Ty

  A phone number was scrawled at the bottom, and Ethan sank back onto the couch, a smile spreading across his face.

  He grabbed his phone to send a text… and then spent ten minutes agonizing over what to write. Finally he settled on Hi, it’s Ethan. Got your note, and then as soon as he’d sent it, he felt like a moron. Of course Ty would know he’d gotten the note—how else would Ethan have his number?

  Glaring at his phone, he
was on the verge of dropping it to the floor and stomping on it when it dinged in his hand.

  A message.

  From Ty!

  Hey! At b/fast with friends, but are you free later?

  Ethan’s grin was so wide, his cheeks ached. He started to type back that yes, he was absolutely free for anything Ty wanted, wherever he wanted, and then remembered that he was not. He glanced at the clock and winced. It was already nearly ten (why had he slept so late?), and he had lunch plans with some uni friends he only saw once a year. It was unlikely he’d be able to get away before late afternoon, when he was meeting his two best friends from high school for drinks. He could maybe cut that shorter than usual….

  Sighing, he texted back.

  Not until tonight—sevenish?

  He made himself put the phone down and go make coffee. When he got back, there was another message waiting for him.

  I have plans tonight :-(

  Well, shit. And tomorrow was out, because there was no way in hell Ethan’s mum would let him skip out on the Hall family all-day Christmas extravaganza.

  Unless….

  Mike’s coming over after lunch tomorrow, right? Why don’t you come with him? We can hang out, and maybe sneak out early.

  This time he made himself leave the phone long enough to have a shower. He really needed to get his arse in gear if he wasn’t going to be late, and it was lame to hover over his phone waiting for a reply, anyway.

  He reminded himself of that when he nearly tripped over his discarded shoes from yesterday as he hurried back to check for a new message. Lame. You’re lame.

  But there was a text waiting for him, so who cared?

  Your folks won’t mind?

  Nah, they love Mike. They’ll be thrilled to meet his big bro. And my mum is one of those more the merrier people.

  He hit Send and began scrambling around to gather the presents he’d need for today. His friends bred like freaking rabbits, and the one time he’d suggested that maybe they not buy presents but just enjoy their time together, he’d gotten looks of such shock and horror that he’d hastily mumbled a retraction.