by Robin Leaf
“Nope,” I blushed. “That was a one-time thing. There’s no way I can be an actor.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not trained.”
“Trained? You don’t need to be trained. You seem to be a natural.”
We sat in the airport waiting for our return flight to San Francisco.
My phone rang. After checking to see who was calling, I sent it to voicemail and immediately turned it off.
“Why don’t you just talk to him, Darla?” Charlie urged. “It’s been three months. Give the man a cookie…”
“And he’ll want the milk for free,” I deadpanned. “Yeah, my mom used to tell my baby cousin that story.”
And, speaking of stories, Charlie knew mine. Well, not the whole story, especially not the part where he watched me have sex with another man, but she knew enough that she constantly encouraged me to talk to Jase.
“Has he left any more messages?”
“A few. He is just checking in, saying hi, yada yada. Mostly he just sighs though.” And tells me he misses me. He sounds so crestfallen.
“Damn, girl. Just talk to the man. Hear him out. He gave you a few days space to get over it, but now he deserves for you to at least answer since he calls every day. I mean, I admire his tenacity.”
I do, too. But I’m terrified to talk to him; he’ll just confirm what I fear most: that I really am not good enough for him.
“I caught him with a woman, Chuckles.”
“I told you not to call me that. And you don’t know if he was with her, with her. You only know she saw his dick.”
“And touched it.”
“Okay, but you never allowed him to explain.”
I rolled my eyes. “What explanation could there possibly be? I think I’m done with him.”
She was quiet for a minute before she turned to me. “If you truly are done, why not just block his calls?” I winced. “See, that look right there tells me you are very much not done. So… talk to him.” I shook my head. “Okay, think about this, you’ve been not exactly you since this happened. The light has dimmed in those beautiful, mossy-green eyes, and you just don’t have the same quirky, kick ass, in-your-face, larger-than-life personality you had when I hired you.”
I scoffed. “I haven’t changed.”
She stared at me for a minute. “You know, when I was little, I was really into action figures. Not Barbies, but the action figures designed for boys. My brother hated me playing with his GI Joe. We used to fight over it constantly, so Mom came home one day with one just for me. Except in order to be able to tell ours apart, she got me a slightly different version. It was still GI Joe, but not the one I wanted. I wanted Noah’s. Mine didn’t have the kung-fu grip. It sucked, and Noah wouldn’t trade with me.”
“Is there a point to this?”
She opened her purse, rummaging through it again. “Yes. When I hired you, I thought I was getting the kung-fu-grip version. But now you’re just the crappy replacement GI Joe.” She took out a piece of gum and popped it in her mouth. “I want the original back.”
I blinked. “Wow, thanks.”
“You’re still awesome, just, well, you know what I mean.” She adjusted in her seat to face me. “Okay, let’s look at it another way. If you strip away all your hurt feelings and anger, what do you have?”
A great job with a great boss who is rapidly becoming a great friend.
My own money in the bank.
Parents who love me unconditionally.
A brother I get to see in three short weeks.
A best-friendless existence.
A gaping hole where Jase was.
Goddess, I miss my best friend.
She grabbed my hand. “See, you miss him.” Did I say all of that out loud? “No, you didn’t say it out loud, but you are ridiculously easy to read.”
“Jase said that exact sentence to me once…”
“Look. You tried to take your relationship to the next level. It didn’t work out, so talk to him. Agree that you and he will never be a thing. Forgive him and try to get back what you miss.” She patted my arm. “Isn’t it worth a try?”
The announcement was made to board our flight.
“Think about it, Darla,” she said as she stood and snatched the handle of her carry on, “because I promised myself when I was little that I would refuse to accept anything less than kung-fu grip in my life.”
~~~
For the entire flight, my thoughts vacillated between my friendship with Jase and the end of our relationship. I realized I was possibly ridiculously petty. I was the key. By verbalizing my worst fear at the beginning of this whole fiasco, I had made it happen. I put it out in the universe and made it a reality.
Plus, I was not one to hold grudges, ever. Not everyone was nice to me all the time, but I usually gave most people the benefit of the doubt. If I could do that for strangers, why not my best friend? Was I really going to allow one fight, the only argument I’d ever had with anyone about anything, to ruin what was the best, longest friendship I ever had?
I never gave him the opportunity to explain. So that’s on me, too.
Wow, I suck.
I went to unlock my apartment and realized I didn’t remember the ride from the airport. I didn’t even know what time it was, only that it was dark outside and had been since we landed. I must have been really focused on my dilemma.
“This was delivered to you while you were gone,” my smarmy, nosy neighbor snickered, appearing out of nowhere. At least his white tank top was clean this time. “I kept it safe for you. I honestly didn’t know you had a cat.”
I don’t, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him. What made him think I had a cat?
“I’d love to see your… kitty cat.” Ew. He waggled his eyebrows. “Maybe you could show it to me as a reward.”
“My undying gratitude is the only reward you’re getting,” I said in an obviously fake, syrupy-sweet tone. “I’m so sorry if my one-foot square box inconvenienced you, Clit.”
“It’s Clint. But maybe you would consider…”
I slammed the door in his face. It was ruder than I am comfortable with, but I was tired and grimy, and a guy like him doesn’t do well with subtlety.
After opening the box and pulling out the handwritten letter on the top, I turned my phone on. It chimed, indicating a message. I pulled up the letter, and began to read it absently at the same time I pushed play, deciding that if I was going to give this a chance, I would listen to what Jase had to say.
“Darla…”
Dear Miss Flurkey,
“…God, I wish today was the
day you would answer…”
I know I never formally
introduced myself to you.
I’m Candy Cushing.
“… but I wish that every
day. I still miss you.
Every day of my life,
I will miss you…”
I was making an unusual
house call the day we
saw each other. You
spilled a pot of water.
“… I don’t even know if
you are listening to
these messages…”
I know it looked bad,
but what you don’t know is…
“… but I am calling to tell
you that I won’t be calling
everyday anymore…”
… Mr. Heywood contracted
me to make this for you.
“…because I’m leaving.
My firm let me go because
I was costing them
too much business…”
I don’t usually make
private requests…
“… and no other firms were
interested in taking me on
because of the scandal…”
But he convinced me to
so you could, his words,
“feel him when he
could not be with you.”
> “… so I took a job with a
firm in London…”
Quite frankly, Miss Flurkey,
this is the most romantic
request I’ve ever heard.
“… There’s nothing keeping
me here anymore…”
When he called me the next
day to cancel his order,
“… I’m so sorry things
worked out like this…”
I have a feeling it was
because you misinterpreted
what you saw that day.
“… I have so much to
tell you, but I refuse to
do it over a message…”
I refunded his money and
made it anyway, hoping
that you would see how
much your man loves you.
“… I leave tomorrow.
There is something
important I have to take
care of over there…”
I have also enclosed the
mold, so you can rest
assured that no one would
ever have that beautiful
cock but you.
“… I really wanted to see
you, but I’ll respect your
wishes that this is over…”
Sincerely,
“…even if I never got
to tell you…”
Candy Cushing, Designer,
Kitty’s Playmate, Inc.
“… something I’ve always
wanted to say.”
(PS. Seriously, it is the
most gorgeous cock
I’ve ever seen on anyone.
You’re a lucky woman.)
“Goodbye, Darla.”
I tore open the bubble wrap inside the box and pulled out a perfectly sculpted penis, perfect in detail, balls attached. It was large, just over eight inches, and just big enough for my middle finger and thumb to barely miss when wrapped around it. I really didn’t have that much experience looking closely at cocks, but Candy was right. It was gorgeous.
That thought made me giggle. Then I laughed. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. I collapsed, the laughter turning hysterical, complete with tears. At some point, the tears became real. All of the emotions I hadn’t allowed myself to feel came bubbling out of me, not too daintily. There I was, one big hysterically crying, snot-filled mess, on the floor of my entry way. I was such an ugly crier.
I collected myself, wiping my face with my sleeve, spent of all the swirling emotions, and stood. Grabbing my keys, I ripped open my door, and almost ran into a fist poised to knock.
There, standing on my porch, was the single most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.
Jase Heywood.
Eleven
“The Sweetest Goodbye” – Maroon 5
I took a second to take him in. He was a beautiful sight, but he looked terrible. It seemed as if he hadn’t slept in weeks, and he had lost some weight. He was pale, unshaven, and dressed in a wrinkled t-shirt and jeans, which was not like the Jase I knew at all.
I threw myself at him, knocking him slightly off balance, and wrapped my arms tightly around him, resuming the snot fest I thought was over. He caught me and took a deep breath and released it slowly, like it was the first time he had allowed himself to breathe in a while.
“I don’t want to go without my kung-fu grip ever again,” I snorted through sobs.
He chuckled. “Care to explain that?”
I shook my head. “You look like shit,” I blurted.
“And here I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me.”
I snorted and pulled him tighter. “And I thought you were going to respect my wishes.”
“So you have been listening to my messages.”
I stepped back, nodded, pulled him into my apartment, and slammed the door. He cupped my face and pulled me to his heart.
“I’ve missed you every day, too, Jase,” I whispered.
He kissed the top of my head. “Now will you please let me explain what happened the last time we saw each other –”
“I already know.” I pointed to the box on my entry table.
He walked over, pulled out the letter, and read it. Then he dug out the other contents of the box and studied them.
“Shit, this is too weird holding a model of my own dick.” I laughed at his unexpected crudeness. “It’s freaky how accurate it is.”
“You know there are kits you can use to make these yourself, right? They’re not as… realistic, but it would have saved us all this trouble.”
A blank expression colored his face as he rose his eyes to me and blinked. Looking down at his hands, he abruptly dropped his model in the box. “No. How would I know that? I thought I was being original.”
A giggle escaped me before I sobered.
“Jase,” I walked over to him, running my hand across his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
He lifted his hand to run his fingers down the side of my face. “No, Darla. I’m sorry.” His shoulders sagged. “I did this. I ruined everything.”
“No, I ran and didn’t give you a chance to explain.”
He smiled. “That’s not what I meant.” He grabbed both my hands. “I should have never asked you to let me…” He brought my hands to his mouth and kissed them. “That night… it was wrong and selfish, especially without telling you…”
“That was the single most erotic night of my life, Jase.” I interrupted. “I enjoyed every moment of it, but what I loved most was… oh my goddess, I hope this doesn’t sound strange, but I loved the intimacy of it. Especially afterward.” I blushed and looked down. “I loved the way you cared for me and held me all night.” Looking back in his eyes, I added, “I’ve never felt closer to anyone than I did to you that night.”
He stared at me, stunned.
“But you said –”
“I know what I said. It was out of anger, Jase. Would I have rather been with you? Absolutely. I still don’t understand why it couldn’t be you.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I held my hand up. “I know, you don’t feel you can tell me. But about that day, I was hurt after seeing her with you, and I was not really thinking rationally. And yes, I was probably a little jealous.” The smirk I missed so much made an appearance. “I might have said some things I didn’t mean. But I am happy we shared that night.”
His expression turned into adulation, like I was the most beautiful person on the planet. He cupped my cheeks and leaned in, brushing his lips against mine. He moved to deepen the kiss, but it was me who pushed him back this time.
“Jase, no.” I almost wept at the rejected expression he donned. “I can’t go through that again.”
“A… kiss?”
“No, not that.” I stepped into him. “Let me ask you. Are you still leaving?”
He straightened his posture. “Yes.”
“And if you weren’t, has anything else… changed?”
He looked down and shook his head.
“Then there is no way we should kiss, which is a good thing.”
He looked confused. “A good thing?”
“Yes, because if we kiss, and it starts to lead somewhere, and you turn me down again, I would have to kill you.” He spit out a laugh. “And if by some miracle, you didn’t and we took that actual next step,” I swallowed, lowering to a whisper, “I would fall hard, Jase.” I cleared my throat. “These last few months nearly killed me.”
“God,” he put his forehead to mine, “they were fucking torture for me.”
I smiled at the rare curse from him. “Then can you imagine what we would go through if you stick your gorgeous cock inside me? Candy was right, by the way. It truly is glorious.” Jase smiled and blushed. “It is just not meant to be for us, babe.” I sniffed up the snot threatening to run. “I think the universe is telling us that we are better off as friends.”
He chuckled. “You and your ludicrous universe theory.”
I pulled him closer. �
�Hey, I don’t make fun of your stupid beliefs.”
He searched my eyes, looking into them so deeply, like he was trying to transmit some deep part of himself into my psyche or brand himself onto my soul just from that look.
“Can we put the friend thing on hold for about five minutes, knowing this will not go anywhere, and then we can proceed as friends? Please. I really need to do something right this time.”
“Um… okay?”
He pushed me up against the wall, pinned my hands above my head, and kissed me, not the sloppy, desperate kiss from the hotel, but a real, bona-fide, toe-curling kiss. I had never been consumed by a kiss before. He made love to me with his mouth, gave me everything I’ve ever wanted from him. His tongue gently coerced mine into submission. He owned me. He absolutely branded my soul in that kiss. He felt the moment it became too much for me, and slowed it down, finally ending it with a gentle caress of his lips. He stepped back and looked in my eyes.
“I’m sorry I did that.” He cleared his throat. “No, I just lied. I’m not sorry. I needed you to feel it.” He paused, tightening his grip on my hands, and dropped his voice. “I love you, Darla Maize Flurkey.” I closed my eyes tightly and gasped, but he continued. “I have since you were that weird sixteen year old trying so hard to get my attention, and I will until I take my dying breath. You are the only person I will ever feel this way about. I would love to be able to be with you forever,” he sighed, “but I think you’re right.” Lowering his forehead to mine again, he breathed, “You would kill me, and I would destroy you.” He kissed my lips softly. “So, I’ll be your friend. I’ll be the best friend you’ll ever have because I can’t live without you in my life.”
I cupped his face, wiping the tear that had escaped. “Jase,” I stepped into him and kissed him gently. “I love you, too.” I whispered.
He pulled me closer, looking in my teary eyes.
We stood like that for a few more minutes.
“That is the second time you said you would destroy me. How could you possibly do that if you love me?”
He deliberated for a moment. “There are several reasons, Darla. Some I won’t tell you, but first and foremost: I am control; you are chaos. I am a planner who is scheduled, ordered, and fastidious. You are a flighty, go-with-the-flow girl, who has no life plan, who believes the universe is guiding her path. But if we were together, it would not be long before you started to hate my anal retentive punctuality and my need for order, and I would get irritated at your messy, gypsy vibe.