by L. L. Soares
"Make the funny phone call, Mommy."
"Make the funny phone call," the girl child repeated from above.
"No," Maddy said. "Go away."
They were tugging at her arms.
"Get up!" they shouted in unison.
Maddy opened her eyes.
"Alright," she mumbled.
She stood up. Her head ached, so she brought her hand up to her forehead and rubbed. She walked stiffly to the phone, pulled a chair over from the kitchen table and sat down.
The children were laughing. They opened and closed their hands as they bounced on the floor with excitement.
She wanted to hit them across their jaws with the receiver, but instead, she dialed Carol Anne's number.
"Hello." The voice was female, but gravelly and thick with contempt.
"Is this Miss Witch?" Maddy asked. She tried to make her voice sound deep, like a man's.
Carol Anne clucked her tongue. "Zach, it's your wife again."
"Miss Witch, we found your broomstick."
"Zach, I shouldn't have to put up with this harassment."
"Poo," the girl child whispered.
"There's some poo on it from you sticking it up your ass," Maddy said.
"Maddy."
Maddy hung up when she heard Zach's voice. She laughed along with the piggies in spite of herself. Zach sounded so mad on the phone.
"You're in trouble," the girl said, swinging her arms, "you're in trouble, in trouble, in trouble."
The boy hopped up and down.
"Trouble, trouble, trouble," he sang.
"Yes, I am," Maddy said.
* * *
He was usually able to put his mind on autopilot at work. They were renovating an old factory that had long since been abandoned, turning it into office space. All the machinery had been removed and after they'd put down the wall-to-wall carpeting, Zach was in charge of the group that put together cubicles.
Thank God he never had to actually stay in these places and work in these damned cubes. It would be like being part of some enormous hive.
Most times, he'd been able to blank his thoughts and focus on the work at hand. It made the time pass quickly and he didn't like to think about things, but today his thoughts kept drifting to Maddy. She was getting worse and it was starting to bother him. He was angry that she'd called Carol Anne's place, that he'd had to grab the phone. She hadn't talked to him, had immediately hung up the phone, but he hated being put in that role. She had every reason to call. It was only a matter of time before she figured out that he was going over there. The thing with Carol Anne had gone on too long anyway. He'd planned to cut things off a long time ago, but it got too comfortable, too easy to go along with it.
Who the fuck am I kidding? Nothing is comfortable anymore.
"Hey, Zach, are you okay?" Randy asked.
Zach realized he'd been staring into space. It was unlike him. He was usually focused on the work, but he was just kneeling there, thinking.
"I think I might be coming down with something," Zach said, trying to come up with a plausible excuse. "I guess I feel a little disoriented today."
"It happens," Randy said. "You need any help over here?"
"Naw, I'm okay. Why don't you go give Morris a hand?"
He thought about what Maddy had said about seeing the pig-faced children. He'd hoped that she wouldn't see them anymore. It was bad enough when he saw them around sometimes. Now there were two of them seeing things.
That kind of sharing couldn't be good.
* * *
Her head ached. Maddy slid her feet off the cushions and onto the floor and sat up on the couch. It was a dizzy pain that made her head feel disconnected from her body. She felt useless and guilty. The pain and nausea felt like divine retribution, and the house that she never left was like a womb. The only form of sustenance flooding in was drink. Drink burning liquid and the stomach churns and head spins round and round and for a while, you laugh and the answers are in front of you and it's easy and you feel smart.
This sick room (or sick womb, as Elmer Fudd would call it) starts spinning faster until you're thrown off balance and vomit creeps up your throat, and the warm friendly hand that lies across your neck grips your head hard and the bones in your skull start moving slowly, banging against your brain. And that smarts.
It's too warm inside. The amniotic fluid you float in is filling your lungs and you can't see out. You're surrounded by a watery darkness. Isn't a womb supposed to protect you? Isn't the water supposed to absorb the shocks from outside, keep you warm and feed you through a flow of blood?
How do I get out of here? Maddy wondered. Do I want to leave? I don't know if I want to leave. I don't really like it in here, but I don't like it outside either.
She looked at her watch, wondered why she wore one and then it came to her. She felt behind the cushions for the remote and clicked on the TV. A beautiful blonde woman appeared on the screen. Her cat-like face looked up at a dark-haired man who reminded Maddy of an oak tree. They were both very sad.
The woman's name was Midge and she was delicate and ethereal. The man's name was Cain and he was a man's man, except he had a penchant for one-liners that made him seem too cerebral to be macho.
"This is the last time," Midge said.
Cain put his arms around her waist. "This is our last kiss."
A tear slid from one of Midge's beautiful blue eyes and Cain caught it with his finger. He brought his finger up to his mouth and licked it.
"I never tasted anything so good," he said.
"How about?" Midge put her lips on his.
Midge and Cain cried and Maddy cried. She loved the beautiful stupidity of it. Loved the release it brought her. It felt like all the air was gone from her body and she was weak, pleasantly weak.
The door slammed and Maddy was jolted out of Midge and Cain's love nest. Zach was standing in front of her with a frown on his face.
"This shit," he said.
"Why are you home so early?" Maddy said. "Did they fire you?"
"I'm not feeling so good. Thanks for your concern."
"Do you want me to tuck you into bed, little baby?"
"No, just keep on watching your shit."
Maddy turned off the TV. "Happy now?"
Zach walked over to the television and turned it back on. "Just watch your crap."
Maddy turned it off. "I just want to be your little fucking nursemaid, honey."
Zach turned it back on. "Just watch your stupid show, dammit."
Maddy turned off the TV and then threw the remote at his head.
Zach yelled and rubbed his head, feeling around to see if there was a bump. It hurt more than he thought it would.
"You're fucking crazy!" he shouted.
Maddy screamed and ran at him. She punched him in the chest. Zach grabbed her arms and pinned them behind her back.
"Can't I get any fucking peace around here? Can I get any fucking peace?" Zach said.
Maddy was crying.
"What about me?" she said. "What about my peace?"
"Is this what you call peace? Is that what you call peace?"
"Let go of me," Maddy said weakly.
Zach let go of her arms. Maddy rubbed her wrists.
"Are you going to behave now?" Zach asked.
"Yes, Daddy."
Zach flinched. Maddy looked like she was going to be sick.
"I didn't mean that," she said.
"I'm going to lie down in the bedroom," Zach said.
Maddy nodded. She waited until Zach left the room before she turned on the TV.
"If I leave now," Midge said, holding Cain's hand, "I'll always be beautiful to you and you'll always be beautiful to me."
"Bye, Beautiful," Cain said, as the music rose up and the credits started rolling.
* * *
"Are you mad at me?" Maddy asked, standing in the threshold of their bedroom. The apartment was dark but she didn't bother to turn any lights on. He was stretched
out on their bed and she couldn't tell if he was awake or not. He didn't answer her.
She wished he'd get mad, that he'd yell at her for calling Carol Anne's place, but he didn't say a word about it. He just pretended to sleep.
She stood there awhile before she crawled onto the bed beside him. Neither one of them made any attempt to get beneath the covers. She put her arms around him and pulled herself close. He did not push her away, but he also did not respond.
He couldn't be sleeping. He snored when he slept. And he was dead quiet now.
Maybe he is dead.
"Are you dead, Zach?" she asked.
He continued to ignore her, but she could feel him breathing now, his chest moving up and down.
She thought about their wedding day. Zachariah, do you take Madeline to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health... Zachariah and Madeline. Like names out of the Bible or maybe a gothic romance. Names just as silly as Midge and Cain, really. They could star in their own soap opera.
Maybe they already were.
Suddenly, she could feel him sobbing, even though he barely made a sound, and she pulled herself closer to him. They were both in their clothes and sex was the furthest thing from their minds. She just wanted to hold him and to be held in return, but he made no move to reciprocate.
"Maddy," he said, after a bit. It was so soft she almost doubted that she'd heard it.
"Yeah, Zach?"
"I can't live like this much longer."
* * *
He drove by the grammar school on the way to work. Most days he took another route, but he'd gone this way today without thinking. As he passed the kids walking to school, his hands got itchy and he gripped the steering wheel tighter. He could feel a vein in his left temple throbbing.
Then he was past the school and approaching the highway ramp. Just one exit to his turnoff.
He wouldn't call Carol Anne today. Maybe he wouldn't call her ever again, but he knew that was unlikely. She'd come looking for him in time. He couldn't drop out of her life that easily. She was young and passionate and stupid, and wouldn't let him go without a fight.
He didn't feel there was much more fight left in him.
* * *
"Get out of Blue Clay! Get out! Get the hell out!"
Where was the voice coming from?
Maddy looked around, and saw nothing but the usual objects, the stuffed Bugs Bunny, blue chair, non-matching yellow couch, coffee table and hundreds and hundreds of magazines that went unread.
Maybe that was her own voice saying that. How could she tell anymore? It wasn't the kids; the voice was too deep. Shit, it was a little too Amityville. "Get out of this house! Get out!" Hahaha. She'd heard that deep loud urgent voice far too many times in her own head. Who the hell was the brilliant guy who read those lines? God, I love you, Mr. Voice of Get Out of Amityville.
"Get the hell out!"
Oh, if I could! This town, this stinking sinking town of quicksand. How I hate you, Blue Clay! She blamed all her problems on Blue Clay like it was a human being or maybe some other kind of being. A cruel being like the God of the Old Testament. My bush hasn't burned in a dog's age, I'll tell you that. Like I care, I care about nothing.
And how do I get the hell out of here? Like that it came to her, I'll just get the hell off the planet. How do you protest? You go on a hunger strike. Nothing would pass through her lips from now on. Except booze, of course. Maddy couldn't live without the booze.
"Mommy!"
The children stood before her in the living room and looked at her sadly.
"You're not going to leave us, are you, Mommy?" the little pig girl asked.
Maddy closed her eyes. She heard the voice again, telling her to get out of Blue Clay. That was the only voice she would listen to. She put her hands over her ears.
"Mommy's being silly."
She felt soft sticky hands on her cheeks, jaw and nose. Little fingers squeezed her nose, plugging her nostrils with their thumbs until she opened her mouth. They put something inside. Maddy tasted chocolate. A bitter dark chocolate, like baking chocolate. She tried to spit it out, but their hands were all over her face, forcing her to bite down on it and chew and swallow. If she wasn't so buzzed, she'd be able to fight them.
But they kept on feeding her the bitter chocolate. She felt the mix of chocolate and saliva running down her chin. Then something was moving inside her mouth, something alive with little legs, that crunched when she bit down and she could hear the children laughing, even with her hands over her ears. If she took her hands from her ears, she could push them away, but she couldn't bear to hear their voices. She wanted to keep that other voice in her head, the one that told her to leave.
And then, whatever that hard crunchy bug was, it cracked open and liquid came spilling out like that gum that squirted. And the liquid burned her mouth like ammonia. She started retching and then vomiting and she couldn't stop. Maddy didn't know where it all came from. The children moved away from her as she sank down on the floor and continued vomiting.
"Don't leave us, Mommy!" the children said.
Then they were gone and Maddy was alone on her knees and spent, but at least the vomiting had stopped. Her throat was raw and sore; her stomach ached from the retching. She lay on her stomach on the floor, too exhausted to move.
* * *
Zach found her on the kitchen floor, unconscious, and made no attempt to move her. Instead, he flicked on the outside light and went out again. He opened the trunk of his car, took out a bundle and carried it out to the back yard. They had a big back yard with a tall, wooden fence to keep out prying eyes. That was one of the things he liked most about the house. He carried the bundle way out back, where the yard blended with the woods, and he put the bundle down. Then he went to the garage to get the shovel. All the time he dug a hole and buried the bundle, Maddy slept.
When he was done, he came back inside, all quiet like, and took a shower. He changed into some comfortable clothes and then went back down to the kitchen. He knelt down beside his wife and shook her a little.
"Maddy?"
She stirred slowly, and he shook her again.
"Maddy, wake up."
She lifted her head and stared at him.
"Are they still here?" she asked.
"Who?"
"Those children," she said. "The ones with the piggy faces."
"Nobody is here but us," he said. "It's dark out and you must have been asleep for hours. On the kitchen floor, no less."
She started getting up. "I don't know what happened."
"What's that smell?" he asked, looking around the room. He saw the puddle of vomit in the corner. It broke his heart to see her this way.
"I got sick," she said. "They tried to make me eat something horrible. I remember that much."
"Oh, Maddy." He lifted her in his arms. He was a big man, and seemed to lift her as if she were weightless. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry I got sick," she said. "I couldn't help it."
"I'll take care of it."
He carried her upstairs to their bedroom, surprised at how thin she'd gotten. He wondered if she was even bothering to eat anymore. He put her down on the bed, then helped her get out of her clothes and tucked her in, under the covers.
"When did you get home?" she asked.
"Just now," he said. "I had to work late again."
"I miss you when you're gone so long," she said.
"I know. I'm sorry. This job is almost done. Maybe the next one won't need me to work so many hours."
"Zach," she said, and stared into his eyes. "Zach, is there any chance you still love me at all?"
"Of course I love you, Maddy," he told her. "I carried you all the way upstairs, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Now get yourself some sleep. I'll go downstairs and clean things up. Don't worry about it."
"Zach, we need to get out of Blue Clay. We need to leave."
"Leave Blue
Clay? Hell, you can't even leave the house."
"I know, but I want to."
"What you should want now is some sleep," he told her. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead, and then he shut off the light and closed the door. He went back downstairs to the kitchen. The place smelled awful.
As he filled the bucket with soapy water, he stared out the window into the back yard. He'd left the light on, and he could see them out there, staring at the house. There were three of them now, shuffling about in the shadows. Just like the number of Maddy's miscarriages. Three. The third time had been so horrible; they'd agreed not to try ever again. It was just too painful.
It bothered him that she saw them, too, but he'd never been able to talk to her about them.
They saw him, and he saw them. But they were afraid of him and never got too close.
* * *
Maddy woke up and looked at the clock radio next to the bed: 6:11 a.m.
Most boozers didn't like mornings and slept right through to the afternoon, but not Maddy. Morning was her favorite time of the day. Maybe it was partly because she didn't have to get up and go to a job she'd inevitably hate. Or maybe it was because with every new day, she tried to trick herself into thinking things had finally gotten better. The way the sky looked in the early morning, all pink and fresh, like a blushing young girl, and the sun that came streaming in through the windows. It was the only connection she had to the outside world besides the TV.
Maddy got up slowly and quietly from the bed so as not to wake Zach, who was snoring beside her. She padded out of the bedroom and shut the door softly. She ran down the stairs and went into the living room to pull up a shade and look out.
She pressed her face against the glass and felt relief in the cool condensation. She looked out at the street and the grass and the trees with longing. Imagined how the heat of the sun felt on her skin, the cool breeze blowing, breathing in the fresh cool air, the rustling leaves, the singing of birds, the sounds of cars. Maddy put her hand over her mouth, suddenly feeling sick, her stomach in knots, her eyes wide in fear.