"No, really, we mustn't," Matthew gasped a short time later in a near panic.
"Why not? Why do their have to be any rules?"
She slipped into his lap and after a few hesitant tries surrounded him and gasped as she slid down the full impressive length. Already the hot blush of love flooded her features in the twilight filtering in through the carriage window.
She felt completely in thrall to the exquisite sensations of the rocking of the coach as he pulsed inside of her with a steady throb. The movement over the potholes and ruts was compelling enough to leave them poised tightly, yet relaxed enough to see where the unique journey would take them.
When the pressure and need grew too unbearable, she pushed up on the upholstered seat with her knees. Matthew stroked up her back to cup her head so that she could meet his kiss full on. His other hand curved round her buttock to help her raise herself up and down, and set the pace.
It grew faster and deeper, and he could feel the tension which had him in its grip leave him in an instant as he surrendered to the sensation and reached the ultimate bliss.
For once he had not driven on uncontrollably, but let nature, the carriage and his wife take their course, and it was exquisite.
Althea gasped her way to completion against his mouth, and collapsed against his huge broad chest. He brushed the damp tendrils from her brow and cradled her against his hammering heart.
She was almost too overcome to move off him, and he was too overwhelmed to shift her off his lap. So when she kissed him and he began to burgeon again and she moved, his emotions warred in his breast once more.
No, surely not again.
"Darling, we've told the driver to take us around the district for about and hour, but he'll be dropping us off soon," he warned.
"Mmm," she said, kissing down his throat. "Blake won't mind if we borrow him a bit longer. Call up to the box and tell him to keep driving."
He was sorely tempted, for the rocking of the carriage was more thrilling than he had ever imagined. But he had to be firm with himself and her. His natural caution and concern for his new wife was not going to be completely overturned in just one afternoon.
Matthew lifted her onto the seat and adjusted his own clothes first, then hers. His smacking kiss on her cheek was reminiscent of his busses when she had been about twelve.
She stared up at him in the shadowy coach, wondering what she'd done wrong now. She tried to kiss him once more, but he cupped her chin and kissed her on the brow.
"I'm sorry, I should never have-"
"We did it together. If you want to blame anyone, I did it the second time by tiddling you."
"I'll have a supper tray sent up to your room," he said, his tone neutral.
"All right," she said, somewhat mollified.
But when they got back to their estate, and he conducted her into the foyer and then bowed to her as though they were being introduced at a ball, and said, "I bid you good night," she felt as though she had been kicked.
"But Matthew-"
Alas, he had already turned on his heel, not even meeting her eye, and vanished into the drawing room leaving her standing along staring at the shut portal, with no idea how to breach the barrier that seemed to stand between them no matter what she did.
Chapter Fifteen
As soon as Matthew entered the drawing room after his passionate carriage ride with Althea, he seized one of the cut crystal decanters, sloshed some brandy into a snifter, and downed it in one fiery gulp.
Lord in Heaven, he could scarcely keep his hands off his wife. He'd had her in the carriage, twice... What sort of depraved man was he? This was his young virginal bride, not some strumpet. What on earth was wrong with him? He had never been so out of control with any woman in his life. Let alone one so chaste as his dear cousin....
He grabbed the decanter and threw himself on the sofa in front of the fire, and began to gaze moodily into it as he downed one drink, then another.... Anything to dull the ache in his heart and loins that never seemed to leave him no matter what he did.
Althea paced up and down in her room, wondering why her world seemed as though it had just spun off its axis. Wht was it about Matthew which filled her with such delight? How could one or two kissed turn her into someone she barely recognised, a complete mass of quivering need?
Worse still, it seemed to turn her into someone he didn't want. Once the lovemaking was over, Matthew seemed to be filled with nothing but regret.
Yet she had been told that desire was a good thing. She also began to wonder at the prospect of getting pregnant. The sponge had been fine; she had left one in place after Eswara had taught her how to use them, just in case...
But she didn't have to use them if she didn't wish to. It seemed so thrilling, yet frightening too, to know that she had the power to decide her future and her actions for herself.
Well, decide as far as she could given that Matthew was the other side of the equation. He had been so heated in the coach. But once they had got home, he'd just dismissed her as if her feelings were unimportant. As if he'd had what he'd wanted from her, as if she were a mistress, and gone off to his other life.
Her one consolation was that he did stay down in the study working all evening. He didn't go out and leave her alone the way she knew many spouses did.
But nor did he come to visit her, though she stayed up late trying to concentrate on the novel she was attempting to read. He would have seen the candlelight under her door, but he didn't come in.
She had a poor night, not full of nightmares, but that was most likely because she barely slept.
However, the next day her husband did seem to try to keep his word to her, taking her out to visit Randall and Isolde and Philip and Jasmine, and also running her into Barton and asking her if she wanted to have chocolate in the very fine small bakery there.
She marvelled at the alteration in Matthew's demeanour, and really enjoyed the change of scenery. They chatted about insignificant things, and about the renovations on the house. He also mentioned her keeping the keys to the household now that she was feeling so much better.
He seemed in a good enough mood, but Althea kept getting the sense that there was something vast being left unsaid between them.
Finally in the carriage on the way back home, Matthew declared, "I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. I really didn't mean to press my attentions in the carriage upon you like that."
"But we're married!"
"I know. However, there's a time and place for everything, and the inside of my coach for half an hour as if you were some paid companion is not it."
"Are you willing to engage in what I suggested, then? Setting aside some time for each other for us to get to know one another better?"
He nodded, though he looked doubtful. "I suppose I can try. It's just, well, I've never before. It's always been simple, clear. A mistress is different from a wife, no complications, just the basic-"
"I see, swive and run off, is that it?"
"No, not exactly," he said almost angrily.
"What then?"
"No expectations. Because it's only temporary. This is supposed to be forever."
His words chilled her. "Do you do feel like a prisoner with a life sentence?" she accused, the icy fingers of fear creeping around her heart.
"I never said-"
"Do you think I might feel the same?"
He stared at her, mouth agape. "Why, was there someone else you wanted to-" he asked, his chest aching as though it were about to explode.
She shook her head angrily, setting her curls bouncing. "Don't be silly. Have you not listened to one word I've said? Why is it so impossible for you to believe I love and want you, Matthew? That I want to be everything to you, without any labels or boundaries? Not just your wife, or your mistress, but both and neither. We were friends, are cousins. We've shared so much. Why are you fighting me on this?"
He sighed. "I don't mean to. I'm just so confused. It's all happened
so suddenly. I mean, not that I hate being married, but suddenly I am. And there were all the complications, and all my fears about you being so ill. Now at last you're better. I feel like I've been in some sort of quagmire, bogged down and constantly having to cope with all sorts of shifting sands. I promise I'm trying to get used to everything. To build a real marriage. I can only do it one day at a time."
"Night too."
"Aye, one night too."
"What about tonight, then?" she asked so softly he almost didn't catch the words.
"I don't think we should risk it."
"I'm going to see Eswara again tomorrow. If I have her examine me again, do you think we can try to risk it?"
His eyes closed, his breath caught in his throat. "I can try. I can't promise-"
"I don't need you to promise. We just need some time, and some honesty. I'm sorry it's been so difficult for you. I really didn't intend for it to be."
She hugged him then and he held her tightly. "I want to do this right. I want to be a good husband, Althea."
"You need to start convincing yourself that you're a good man."
He looked down at her in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you've spent so much of your time playing the gadfly, you think that's all there is to you. But I can remember the man who used to have advice for everyone about their stocks and shares, and someone who was superb at gardening. Not to mention hunting, riding, fishing. You don't have to give up all the things you enjoy just because we're wed."
"I don't want to leave you on your own."
"You're forgetting that I used to garden, hunt and fish too. With you."
"That's true, but you're a grown woman now."
"And want to spend time with you. So why don't we try it? Business in the mornings and perhaps paying some calls, riding when you think I'm up to it. I'm going to go to Eswara a couple of times a week to talk to her, and in the afternoons we can do things together. Unless of course you think I'm trying to keep an eye on you."
He shook his head and smiled. "Not at all. I know we have to trust each other."
"Then are you willing to try? Just see where all this takes us, without any preconceived notions of what couples do and don't do?"
He nodded. "I can't think of any better plan at the moment." He stroked her cheek tenderly.
"Thank you for trying."
He planted a warm kiss on her cheek. "Thank you for suggesting it. I do love you, you know, Althea. My wife." He shook his head in wonder. "I've never said either of those things to anyone before in my life. It's really terrifying. The thing is, I think I've always been in love with you. But I get so, well, swept up in all sorts of thoughts and emotions that I can't think straight sometimes."
She smiled. "I know how you feel. I love being in your arms, but all rational thought flies out of my head."
He stroked the back of her neck, revelling in the feel of her soft skin. She closed her eyes at the contact, feeling herself fill with rapture.
Looking at her lovely face filled with rapture, he could resist no longer. His mouth was on hers in an instant, hot, seeking.
Her mouth opened to him, their heated breaths mingled, and she would have started to remove his shirt had his hands not stayed hers.
"There I go again," he muttered, pulling away. "Something as simple as a kiss, and I still can't get a hld of myself."
"But maybe I don't want you to," she said, her eyes never leaving his face.
His reply was lost as he sat up to tidy his clothes and hers, for the coach was already slowing.
He helped her down in front of the grand entryway, hugged her and said, "I'm going out for a ride. I'll see you soon."
Althea smiled at him wanly, and watched with a heavy heart as he headed to the stables for his mount.
Chapter Sixteen
Matthew's emotions were pummeling him so unmercifully, he rode like the Devil was hard on his heels, then turned the head of his lathered mounting the direction of Philip's house for some tea and sympathy.
Philip welcomed him, listened intently, and said, "I understand you're still suffering from guilt, but if she says she wants you, and quite clearly does, I don't see the problem."
"Well, how often do you and Jasmine, er-" He blushed.
"As a gentleman I should call you out for that," he said with a grin, "and most men would lie and say all night every night. But I don't mind telling you as often as we can manage considering we now have two very lively children. Four or five times a week for sure. More if I can grab her and make her stand still long enough. The night needs a bit more planning and preparation, but then Eswara has taught us that that can be a good thing. You should consult with her as well."
Matthew looked utterly horrified. "Discuss these things with a woman? A woman not my wife or mistress? What on earth for?"
"She's a font of useful information. However much of a man of the world I was, I've learnt a huge amount. I'll do anything to please my wife, and she loves to please me."
"But don't you find it, well, strange to share so much with a wife compared with a mistress?"
Philip shook his head. "Not strange at all. I can truly be myself with her. Trust her utterly as I could never trust anyone else. My wife is truly the other half of myself. It took time, but we've been inseperable since we wed. Above all, we've been honest with one another. There have been times, for example, when the children were born, when we couldn't have full conjugal relations, or she was just too tired. But there are a lot of other things one can do besides full coitus. Stop worrying about your todger so much and just kiss and cuddle her, and let the rest happen without worrying about it all the time."
Matthew's mouth drew downwards. "That's easy for you to say. Your wife wasn't attacked."
"I know. But Blake's was. You ought to talk to him about this. He's far better qualified-"
"He's been really good about it, but I don't want to dredge up any more unpleasant memories for him."
"He's a doctor and your friend. He'll be happy to help."
"All right, I'm going to go over to see him again now. And there was another reason for coming over today, apart from discussing my marital woes."
"Oh, surely not so woeful, Matthew, are they? She's a lovely girl, and anyone can see you adore her, even if you never thought you would ever marry so soon."
"Aye, true enough on both counts," he admitted. "But aye, you're right, never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine being wed to Althea, simply because I never imagined I could aim so high, or win her love."
"Just remember that the next time you have doubts."
"Thanks. And you can be on hand to remind me."
"Oh?"
"Yes, I wanted to come over to invite you all to a soiree next Friday evening. All the Rakehells. It's about time my wife and I came out of hiding."
"Fine. We'll be there. And are you going to Thomas's ball the week after?"
"Aye, if Althea wants to go."
"She will. Women love dancing, and you can't keep her behind closed doors forever. Whoever troubled her in the past is not going to try all the way over here in Somerset. Not now, not when she's married to you. Try not to worry so much about her. She's a resilient woman, and she loves you."
"I'd like to believe it. Really, I would," Matthew said wistfully as he gathered up his hat, riding crop, and gloves.
"Believe it. And never miss the chance to tell her you love her."
"If only it weren't so hard to relax and just count my lucky stars at the gift the universe has given me."
"It doesn't have to be, if you don't let it."
But Matthew's marriage was about to get even harder, for after his visits to Philip and Blake, Matthew was just on his way back to his house when he saw a familiar figure in a royal blue riding ensemble galloping through the fields towards him.
"Hello, darling. Fancy meeting you here," Matilda said with a sultry smile.
Matthew nodded to her, feeling completely cornered. Ye
t he was almost glad to see her in a way too. He noted how remarkably well she was looking. They had been together long enough. While he had had no wish to marry her, nor did he wish her ill.
She had been a habit. A bad habit. One he had been too lazy and weak to break. And old habits were said to die hard...
"I didn't know you were in the area, Mrs. Barnet. Who are you staying with?"
"I've rented a small cottage just the other side of Brimley. It's so wonderful to be conveniently located between Bristol and Bath."
The Rakehell Regency Romance Series Boxed Set 4 (The Rakehell Regency Romance Series Boxed Sets) Page 65