"But what, darling?" she asked gently.
"I'm so terrified," he confessed, his voice trembling in this throat with barely suppressed emotion.
She put her hand on one of his. "Terrified of what, my love?" she asked gently.
He took a ragged breath. "Of ruining everything I've ever touched. Of harming you with my surging passions the way I did that very first night when I drubbed you half to death."
She hugged him around the waist, gazing up into his face lovingly. "Darling, you didn't hurt me apart from the breaking of that one small membrane. I bled, just like most other virgins. It wasn't something awful. You were tender and considerate, truly, even thinking I was a tart at the time. You're not a bad man. The shock of finding me there instead of safely at home in Enfield must have been great. I'm sorry the carnal relations were terrible for you, but I'm trying-"
"Terrible for me?" he echoed in confusion.
"I recall you being sick to your stomach because you didn't enjoy my body."
"No," he rasped. "The opposite! I enjoyed you far too much considering what I had done."
"Really?" she asked in surprise.
"Truly. It was a revelation," he said honestly.
"I'm glad. It was for me too." She gave him a shy smile.
"I can see you looking doubtful, Althea, but I swear, I've never wanted any woman as much as I want you."
"If that's true-"
"It is true! I swear it," Matthew said passionately, stroking down her back, his fingers whispering over the silk of his wife's elegant gown.
"If that's true, then perhaps it's because we fit together, are meant to be. Two halves of one whole?"
He sighed, and kissed her hand. "I would love to believe that. But I don't deserve a treasure like you."
Althea stroked his hair tenderly. "Leaving that thought aside, perhaps there's something we can do to get you out of your slough of despond over what you believe to be the terrible thing you did to me."
Matthew looked at her hopefully. "Do you really think so? What did you have in mind?"
She considered for a moment. "What if I were in control of the situation?"
He frowned in confusion. "What do you mean? You mean you on top of me? I go even more wild then."
"Partly, but not quite. I was thinking of something a bit more comprehensive. What if we could replace the night we first become lovers? Only this time you'd be the captive slave."
"What, you mean tie me?" he asked, both thrilled and nervous at the suggestion.
"Yes. A pair of silk stockings, a blindfold, and then you can see what it was like, what I recall, and what I would like from our marriage."
He shook his head and took a step back, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Oh, you don't know what you're asking, Althea. What sort of tiger you're about to unleash."
She raised her brows, her face a picture of studied calm. "I may not, true, but I'm willing to run the risk to find out. Anything has got to be better than you walking around with blue balls and nearly being unfaithful to me with that nasty bitch Matilda."
"Blue- How did you-" he sputtered.
"Living with you at arm's length because you're trying to do the kind thing and protect me from your supposedly raging lusts for me."
"Oh, Althea, if I don't protect you, who will?"
"You saw me the other day. I can take care of myself. And I certainly don't need to be rescued from my own husband, the man I married of my own free will."
"Althea, my love, not that I'm not thrilled about your new-found confidence, but where is this all coming from?"
"I'm not willing to let any woman have what's mine, and I'm certainly not willing to settle for half a marriage because of both our inner fears and insecurities."
He paced back and forth in front of her and then nodded. "You're right, of course."
"And I haven't just been talking to Eswara about my past, I've been planning for my future too. Our future as husband and wife, Matthew."
"I see. And what plans have you formed?" he asked, both terrified and excited at the prospect.
"What makes men desire women like Matilda? Their experience. Where does one get experience? By actually living life, experimenting. You and I are safely married. In all other respects, I think we're happy, aren't we? I mean, apart from the romantic problem, we seem to be a good match."
He nodded, and bowed over her hand. "You've always been the embodiment of perfection for me, Althea," he said sincerely. "So yes, I would say we're a good match. We have a good marriage. You're my equal in every way that counts, if not my superior. You're my dream come true, dearest."
She squeezed his hand and kissed it. "But I'm a real woman, flesh and blood. I don't want to be the embodiment of perfection if it means I never get to touch you. Never have you by my side in bed except to sleep. Never make love with you unless it's by appointment or accident in the middle of the night. Please, if you have any love for me at all, tell Matilda she's no longer welcome in your life. We'll say goodnight to our hosts, and you and I will go home together now to make love."
Looking at her earnest, beseeching gaze, he nodded. "Yes, oh God, yes. I'm sorry, Althea, I've been such a fool. I've wanted you so desperately I've stumbled around like a blind idiot. Please forgive me for hurting you?"
Althea gave him a long level look. "So long as you know that I'm playing this game to win. To make sure our marriage is a happy and real one. I will brook no rival, and I will never, ever grant you a divorce as long as we live. We took the sacrament of marriage together. I have every intention of us both living up to it.
"Starting now, Matthew Dane, your raking days are over. It won't be trying to thrill a thousand different women for one night. I'm going to expect you to thrill me a thousand different ways, night after night."
He groaned with desire, his face flushed, the pressure in his skull almost unbearable. "Oh, lord, Althea, you've nearly unmanned me just with your words."
"As soon as you get home, I can show you a few other things I can do to delight you. But first we're going to get rid of Matilda."
"We?" he echoed in consternation.
"To avoid any unpleasant scenes or doubts, I'm going to go with you to your little assignation. Out on the terrace, isn't it?"
"Oh, darling, no-"
"Why? Do you have something to hide? Have you been telling her a pack of lies about how badly misunderstood you are?" she sneered, furious.
"No, not at all!" he defended himself hotly. "I'm just afraid she'll get mean and spiteful. Say things that aren't true just to hurt you."
"I'm a big girl now. I'll live. Better nasty words than evil deeds. We go, we get rid of her from our lives, we head off to bed. Those are my terms."
"Then yes, by all means, if you're up for it, yes."
She wasted no more words, but took his hand and marched determinedly through the ballroom to the terrace.
Chapter Twenty
Eagerly waiting for her former lover on the terrace, Matilda was astonished to see Matthew with his wife in tow. She was even more surprised when Althea spoke, Matthew remaining completely silent, not even looking at her.
"It's my understanding that you've been trying to regain your place in my husband's life. I'm sorry, there's been a muddle. He's mine now, all of him. If you ever had a chance, it's long gone. He broke off with you almost a year ago.
"He's been trying to be protective of me by not enforcing his conjugal rights very often, it's true, but he's been too much of a gentleman about the whole thing. You tempted him as an outlet, no more, but he doesn't need one. I'm more than willing. So your, er, services will not be required here. Not now, not ever."
Her cat green eyes narrowed furiously. "Matthew, are you going to let her-"
"She's spoken for me, Matilda. That's precisely what's in my heart. I was weak and foolish, trying to take the easy way out to get a leg over, as the phrase goes. It's true my wife is very young, and I've been overly cautious of her.
"It'
s also true that she is easily the most voluptuous and exciting woman I've ever met. To go to bed with anyone else, especially you, would really be a waste of time. They would just be a pale substitute of what I share with my remarkable wife, and not able to make me happy the way she does. It would be just sex, and that would be all."
"All? It's plenty, as I'm sure you recall--" she purred, thrusting out her bosom.
Matthew shook his head. "I'm sorry it was that important for you, but since I never loved you, it meant nothing to me other than scratching an itch. It was wrong of me to ever continue seeing you once you brought up the subject of marriage, and I should have broken it off sooner and not string you along. I was weak and foolish and I'm sorry. I wish you well, but I have no interest in continuing with our friendship."
"You say that now, in front of her, but mark my words-"
"No, you need to mark ours," Matthew insisted, for they're no less than the truth."
"You've never had it so good as--"
Matthew shook his head. "Good isn't good enough. I want the best for my wife."
Matilda glared. "That whey-faced--"
"You were right, I did always love her. I'm sorry. I wasn't deliberately deceiving you, Matilda, whatever you might think. The only person I was lying to and hurting was myself."
"You expect me to believe that, when you suddenly turn up married. I bet the pair of you have been laughing behind my back all the while," she stormed.
Althea shook her head. "No, I swear it. He thought me too young, and I've been in mourning for some time. Nothing romantic has ever passed between us until recently, when, well, we were both knew the attraction between us was too great to resist any longer."
Matthew nodded. "Aye, and you and I both know we've not seen each other for a long time, been with each other as anything more than mere acquaintances. It's been over a year, Matilda. It's time you moved on."
"Damn you, Matthew Dane, and your little slut too! This isn't over yet, not until I say--"
"It is over. I've said it often enough in the past year. Please don't make me despise a woman I once thought I cared about with any more bitter recriminations."
"You'll be back. When you're done playing house with this little doll, and need a real woman to cater to all your dark, depraved needs, you'll be-"
"Enough," Matthew said, suppressing a shudder at the debauched woman's words. He was not like that, he was not. He took his wife's hand in a firm grip as though she were a lifeline, and he a drowning man. "Come, darling, we have things to do at home that are far more pleasureable than this."
"Indeed." She gave him a smile as intimate as a caress, causing the other woman to glare in stunned fury.
Why, the little chit really had made his sap flow like a fountain....
Matthew gave a slight bow. "Au revoir, Matilda. I wish you well in the future, and hope you do find someone willing to marry you. But that man has never, and will never, be me. Goodbye. I doubt we shall ever cross paths again. If we do, please be so good as to simply cut me."
He bowed and turned away, leaving Matilda fuming impotently, aching to run after him, but not knowing a single thing to say to help win him back to her after all she had seen and hear pass between Matthew and his wife.
As Matthew turned his back on his former mistress, he squeezed his wife's hand, and in a burst of joy at the freedom he suddenly felt, he swung her up into his arms and ran for their carriage.
Chapter Twenty-One
A short trip back home in the carriage with Matthew and Althea kissing and caressing the whole way as though they would devour each other had them in Barton a half an hour later.
Once there he lifted Althea into his arms and took the stairs two at a time as he ran to his bedroom.
"No, my room. I have a few treats in store for you," she whispered against his lips, and gave a sensual smile.
"Hm, treats?" he said with a broad grin. "Every moment I spend in bed with you is like all the Christmases I've ever had all rolled into one."
"That's so nice of you to say so. I love being with you too. You make my body and soul soar with the least little caress."
He let her slide down his body as soon as he closed the door to her room, and she illustrated her point by taking one of his hands and gliding it along her cheek. She kissed the palm of it, but before he could pull her hard against him, she stepped away and indicated the room with a sweep of her arm.
On the bed were navy blue satin sheets shot through gold thread, and matching bed hangings. There was champagne and strawberries, massage oil aromatic with sandalwood, and a little brazier with a small kettle. She lit the coals and wood, and soon the kettle began to boil.
Her movements were all slow, deliberate, seductive.
"I hope you don't mind the presumption, but I was rather hoping that you would come visit me this evening after the ball."
His turquoise eyes glowed. "I don't mind at all. Thank you for the most kind invitation. You've obviously gone to a great deal of trouble. What sort of visit did you have in mind?"
"I've told you, I want us to try to start again. Overcome some of both our fears. I have some special tea I want you to drink to relax you. Then you can undress and I'll bind you. Let me get some stockings."
He hesitated. "I think I'm going to be far too excited even with being tied down. Let me give myself some relief-" His hands were on the waistband of his trousers, but she shook her head and pushed his hands aside.
"No, if you really want some instant gratification, I'll do it for you. But otherwise, for tonight, you're my willing slave, and I'm in control." Her eyes sparkled. "And I say you can't touch yourself unless I allow you to."
"Yes, Master," he said meekly, with a grudging smile.
"I don't mind the title Mistress, since I am your wife. I want to be your lover as well."
"Yes, Mistress."
She began to undress him slowly as he stood and drank the tea as she had insisted. Eswara had said it would heighten his pleasure enormously. She certainly hoped so. She wanted Matthew to see that no other woman could ever love him or give him as much as she could. As much as she wished to, if only he would stop viewing her as the delicate little flower he had known as a child, then ravished and rescued.
Then she started to undress herself, refusing his help as she put on a display for him, baring just as much as she had to without revealing it all, before draping herself in a sapphire silk robe which made her skin and hair seem like they glowed.
She indicated a matching robe in burgundy, but he shook his head, and stood proudly naked, fully erect, his arousal making him strained, taut, bringing the heat to her whole body as she looked at him. Here was a man worth risking it all for--she had the feeling the rewards were going to be even more wonderful than she had hoped.
When Matthew had finished the aromatic tea, Althea led him to the bed and told him to lie down comfortably. He reclined against the pillows with only a slight pause of indecision. She tied his wrists with her silk stockings, her every lingering touch designed to inflame. She used a third one to cover his eyes, so that he could see her through the gauzy veil just as she had done him.
The first thing she did when she had tied him was kiss him warmly. Next she sat on his chest and leaned forward. "Do you mind very much kissing my breasts?"
"Not at all. Just remember, I'm your humble slave this night in all things."
"You may have cause to regret that offer," she said with an impish smile.
His mouth fastened on her, ruching her nipple instantly as he glided around her aureole with his clever tongue. He devoted his attention to each breast with great care and concentration, drawing as much of each in turn as he could into his mouth, even using his teeth with clever little nips to exact more pleasure.
"More, please. Again," she whispered, feeling the tugging sensation deep in her womb.
All of her skin flooded with desire which cascaded downwards, spreading her legs, parting the robe so he could see the res
t of her at last. She sat by his knees and twined one leg with his, facing him. "You see what you do to me. My breasts, my secret little strawberry, all red and ripe just for you." She stroked herself delicately and Matthew groaned.
"God, Althea, what are you doing?"
The Rakehell Regency Romance Series Boxed Set 4 (The Rakehell Regency Romance Series Boxed Sets) Page 68