by Lane Hart
When Luke slumps into the chair across from me without a word, his anger practically palpable thanks to the bulging veins in his biceps and forearms that are grasping onto the armrests, I swallow down my lust. Instead, I try to focus on the silly reality wilderness show on the television rather than fantasize about running my tongue over each and every indentation of his upper body and lower body too…
Then I remember that the pajama tank top I’m currently wearing only has a thin shelf bra. Therefore, my nipples are probably broadcasting my inappropriate thoughts loud and clear.
“My mom wants to see Lennox again,” Luke eventually says through gritted teeth.
“Okay,” I reply. “She can pick him up at daycare, or you can take him over there tomorrow if you want. Or I can…”
“Did you know my mom nearly grieved herself to death those first few weeks?” Luke asks caustically without looking at me, his burning blue eyes fixated on the television. “A call from you, an ultrasound picture, anything to let us know you were pregnant, even if you lied and said it was Eli’s would’ve helped her, my dad, all of us…”
“I’m sorry, Luke –” I start, but he puts his palm in the air and finally looks at me.
“Just stop. I never want to hear those worthless words out of your mouth again,” he warns me, gritting his teeth as his eyes lower to my aroused breasts and then down the length of my bare legs stretched out on the sofa thanks to my small shorts. Based on the ravenous expression on his face, I would guess Luke’s either thinking of throttling me or fucking me. Maybe fucking me while he throttles me? I shouldn’t be turned on by that thought, should I? But I want Luke, and I’m willing to do anything it takes for his forgiveness.
“Then what can I do to apologize?” I ask, hoping the question sounds more innocent than I intend. Or maybe I don’t. “I hate having you upset with me,” I tell him.
Luke lets out a non-humorous laugh before he responds. “If you wanna do something worth a damn, then get on your knees and make that mouth of yours actually useful for once. Actions speak louder than words; right, Meg?”
A stunned gasp escapes my parted lips when Luke crudely jumps right to my underlying offer. I don’t give myself time to hesitate wondering if he’s serious or not. Instead, I stand up and start towards him. With my approach, his tongue slips out and swipes over his lips as if his mouth is suddenly dry and absent of his usual angry words.
When I drop to my knees between the V of his spread thighs, his eyebrows raise in surprise and question, likely wondering if I’ll actually go through with it. So, I reach for the elastic waistband of Luke’s sweatpants and jerk them down, allowing his semi-hard cock to bob free in the space between us. Now that it’s no longer confined, or maybe because it knows my intentions, his length thickens even more, telling me just how much he wants my mouth on him.
Holding Luke’s half-lidded blue eyes in a stare, I lean forward a little closer and fist his shaft while I lick the leaking slit on the head of his dick.
“Fuck,” Luke groans quietly before glancing down the hall. “What…what if he wakes…”
His question ends on a groan when I put his entire cockhead into my mouth and start sucking with deep pulls. Lennox is sound asleep, and I’ll hear his bedroom door creak open if he gets up. That will give me plenty of time to cover Luke’s cock and get off the floor before he comes down the hall and sees us.
Obviously no longer worried about being interrupted, Luke reaches for the back of my head and tugs it forward while lifting his hips, like he’s desperate for more of my mouth on him. Even though I gag and my eyes water when he hits the back of my throat, he does it again and again, fucking my mouth like he hates me and is just using me to get himself off. He’s found a way to physically punish me, and I let him. Luke needs to work out his frustration and anger, so it’s the least I can do.
“Fuck, yes. Fuck…yes!” he groans as his grip on my hair tightens, and he continues thrusting down my throat.
Glancing up at his face, his eyes are shut tight, his face pinched in what looks like pain. And maybe it is the pain I’ve caused him or the ache of how much he needs this release right now. Either way, I want to give this to him. I want to taste more of his salty flavor. But most of all, I want to do whatever it takes to earn his forgiveness. What better way to repent than on my knees for him.
It doesn’t take long before Luke’s thrusts into my mouth become erratic. Without a word of warning, he shoves my head forward, making me take all of his hot release down my throat as he grunts and groans in pleasure. Even after he releases his tight hold on my hair, I keep sucking his cock until it’s dry, other than my own saliva.
Eventually, I let his dick slip free of my mouth. And while I’m wiping my lips, Luke stuffs himself back into his sweats and lets out a long sigh of what sounds like contentment. Surely after that he has to hate me just a little less.
“A million more of those and maybe I’ll finally be able to forgive you,” he tells me snidely. No “thank you” or “that was great.” Just back to where we started.
“It would be worth it if it actually worked,” I reply before bracing my palms on the tops of his thighs to pull myself off of the floor. “Good night, Luke.”
…
Luke
What the fuck?
I can’t believe that just happened. In fact, I consider pinching my arm to make sure I’m awake and not dreaming.
When Meg got up from her seat and came toward me after I told her she could get on her knees and use her mouth for something worthwhile, I expected her to slap me across my face, not give me the best blowjob of my life.
Not that I’ve had many blowjobs.
Abby was good at them and gave plenty before we eventually had sex a few times, but I don’t remember any of them being that damn good.
Maybe because I never got so…forceful with Abby like I just did with Megan. Abby was sick and several weeks pregnant after all, so I always tried to be careful with her. But with Meg…fuckkk. I didn’t give a shit about being careful with her. Hell, I wasn’t even nice to her. I was pretty much a bastard actually. While the evil part of me contends that she deserved it, the now clear-headed, decent person I am deep inside thinks I was probably too rough.
Did I even give her a chance to protest or tell me to stop? Not once her mouth covered me. After that, it was too full of my cock to say much of anything. And with my hold on her, could she have pulled away even if she wanted to?
What the hell is wrong with me?
For a moment, I glance down the hallway and consider following her to her bedroom to ask if she’s okay, but resist the urge. Thinking back to the event that will probably break my spank bank of any other fantasies, I try to remember if Meg looked upset.
When I finished, she didn’t call me an asshole, and she didn’t run away crying. In fact, I’m pretty sure that she said she would give me a million blowjobs if I would forgive her.
So no, I’m not gonna be a pussy and go chasing after her. I’ll just send her a text message instead. Besides, if I walk into her bedroom, I doubt she would object to letting me in her bed, spreading her legs for me and letting me take more of my aggression out on her.
Fuck. That.
No amount of sex will erase the hurt and pain of not being able to tell my son he’s mine or make up for three years of his life she kept him from me, seeing Lennox being born, taking his first steps, speaking his first words... So many firsts that I missed and will never get back.
Just like I’ll never be able to forgive Megan.
Which means that what we just did, despite how amazing it was having her on her knees for me, taking my anger out on her while she gave me the greatest pleasure of my life, I won’t ever let it happen again.
Chapter Eighteen
Megan
Slipping under the covers of my bed in the darkness, my skin feels like it’s overheating and too sensitive. I’m still surprised that I actually did that, went over to Luke and sucked
him off. I know it doesn’t make up for anything, but I guess I just figured it’s the least I could do for him, to make him feel good and to take his mind off of things for a few minutes.
When my cell phone beeps with a message a few minutes later, I’m surprised to see it’s a new text from Luke. One that I don’t quite understand.
You didn’t have to do that.
What the heck does that mean? He finished, so that means he liked it, right?
Sure, I’ve given a few blowjobs before, but I wasn’t expecting Luke’s forceful treatment or the fact that I would like it that way. Maybe because I think I deserve his aggression. The only other man I’ve done such an act with was Eli, and that’s because it was one of the few ways he would actually be intimate with me. It was the only way to get him…excited. Now I guess I know why Eli always closed his eyes while my mouth was on him --- he was imagining someone else pleasuring him. When we were together, I thought the reason he would only touch me between my legs through layers of clothing was because he felt guilty that I was the pastor’s daughter or was being a gentleman, but the truth is he just didn’t want me.
Now Luke doesn’t want me either, as not only evidenced by his hate, but by the way he wouldn’t even look at me during.
I don’t blame him for how he feels about me. I just wish things were different, like when I first came back, and we were dating. Before he knew Lennox was his son.
I can’t help but wonder what things would have been like between us if I had told him about Lennox from the very beginning. Would his parents have let him move to Phoenix to be with me? Doubtful, after they had just lost their oldest son so suddenly. And Luke…he never would’ve left his parents, just like he didn’t go off to college and hasn’t left their house. I’m guessing that he feels responsible for his mom and stays to take care of her.
My phone beeps with another message, interrupting my thoughts. This one also from Luke which says:
It won’t happen again.
Great.
I thought I still owed him a million more blowjobs. And I liked it, even if I didn’t get anything in return. So, I send back to him a message that says:
I wanted to. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I like making you feel good.
I stay awake, hoping for a response to that message, but I don’t get one. It could be a one-time thing. A fluke that Luke regrets, and now he’s decided that he doesn’t want me touching him.
I guess there’s nothing to do but wait and see what happens.
…
The next night I come home to an empty house and remember that Luke took Lennox over to visit with his parents. I’m not really sure what to do with myself since I can’t remember the last time I’ve really been alone at home.
After taking a long, relaxing bath, I decide to put a pizza in the oven since I’m not sure if Luke and Lennox will eat at his parents’ house or not and I want to be prepared. I’ve just placed the pan on top of the oven to cool when I hear them coming through the front door.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Lennox calls out before he finds me in the kitchen and gives me a hug around my legs.
“Hey, sweetie. Did you have a good day?” I ask him.
“I rode the truck and played with my train,” he tells me excitedly.
“Good. Are you hungry?”
“Starving!” he replies while patting his stomach.
“Then go wash up and put your pajamas on and we’ll eat some pizza,” I instruct him.
“Yay!” Lennox exclaims before running through the kitchen door past Luke, who is left filling the space, his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans.
“Hey,” I greet him, wondering just how awkward things will be between us after what happened last night.
“Hey,” Luke replies flatly with his gaze lowered like I don’t merit eye contact.
Great, so the effects an orgasm had on reducing his anger have clearly tapered off. It didn’t even last a whole twenty-four hours. Who am I kidding? It probably didn’t last much longer than twenty-four seconds.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” I ask him, rather than just come out and ask if he’s going to be sleeping here again tonight.
“Yeah, thanks,” he responds while I use the pizza roller to cut up the slices.
“Okay, then grab a plate,” I tell him, reaching into the cabinet and pulling out three to sit on the counter, one for each of us.
When Luke comes over, he stays at least an arm’s length away from me as I move around the kitchen filling glasses with ice and a spill proof cup of juice for Lennox.
“Tea or water?” I ask him.
“Water’s fine,” he answers. Once the glass is filled from the pitcher of water, I place it on the counter, and then Luke grabs it, obviously not wanting to have any physical contact with me, not even a brush of my fingertips.
His rejection shouldn’t hurt, but it does. In a way, it reminds me of how Eli treated me, wanting me around him but never too close, only touching me when absolutely necessary. Finding out he was gay gave me a whole slew of trust issues. We were together for over two years, and I never figured out that he didn’t actually want me. Then, I had sex with the first person I realized was truly attracted to me, his brother. In one, sad, inappropriate night, there was more passion and desire between me and Luke than all the years I shared with Eli.
After I left, the loss of Eli forever and Luke were all I could think about, how bad I felt about what happened that night. I was too embarrassed to even call Luke. I just wanted to forget that I had done something so wrong, knowing how upset he was after losing his brother, and I took advantage of him because of my own messed up emotions.
Then I found out I was pregnant, and there was no forgetting Luke. I constantly struggled with whether or not to tell him. My Aunt Pattie was the only person I told, and she convinced me that he was too young to be held responsible for something so huge, especially when it was all my fault for initiating things that night.
My own parents didn’t want me and couldn’t love me after I told them I was pregnant, and they probably wrongly assumed it was Eli’s, my boyfriend of years who I had just lost. So how could Luke and his family ever accept what I had done to their sweet, innocent sixteen-year-old son?
“Mommy? Mommy!” Lennox calls out, pulling me back to the present where he’s standing in front of me in the kitchen in his dinosaur pajamas, looking more and more like his father every day.
“Sorry, sweetie. Here you go,” I tell him, quickly turning around and putting a piece of pizza on his plate for him.
With a smile, Lennox carries it precariously over to the table and, instead of his normal seat at the head, pulls out the seat next to Luke, who helps him get situated. I grab my own slice of pizza and join them, sitting on the opposite side of the table.
We’re all silent as we dig in and start eating, Lennox much messier with red sauce all over his face. When I reach over to clean him up with a napkin, it’s the first time I catch Luke looking at me, or more specifically, my breasts as I hover over the table.
“There, all clean,” I tell Lennox as I retake my seat.
The next time I find Luke’s eyes on me is when I have my slice of pizza lifted and am poised to eat a bite. His blue eyes stay locked on my mouth as I tear off a piece, chew and then lick the sauce from my lips. When Luke shifts in his chair, I know exactly what he’s thinking about right this moment - what we did last night. What I had in my mouth just hours ago and how good it felt. He can say I didn’t have to do it and it won’t happen again all he wants, but deep down I know he liked it and wants me on my knees again.
Well, I think this calls for a celebration. Luke doesn’t hate me too much if he’s still thinking about the blowjob. If he did, he would have written it off, forgotten it and never looked back instead of ogling my mouth like it’s all he wants in the world.
This is it! His weakness. Maybe all that talk about a million blowjobs wasn’t just words but the truth. If he
keeps letting me touch him, that means he’s caving; and eventually, he could forgive me. And I hope that it will only take a small percentage of those million to make that happen.
It’s also exciting to know the effect I have on him, sexually. He wants me. He’s the only man who has ever really wanted me.
I never dated in Phoenix, not just because I was pregnant for nine months, or busy being a single mother and student, but also because Luke stayed with me. Honestly, I didn’t think another man could want me, not the way Luke did the one night we were together.
They say you never forget your first, and I never could. Does that mean Luke never forgot me either? Could it be possible that the reason he was so upset with me was not only because he missed the son he didn’t know he had but because he had cared for me? What I did to him must have been an enormous betrayal, if so. I’m not sure what it will take, but somehow I have to find a way to earn Luke’s trust back.
Chapter Nineteen
Luke
After we put Lennox to bed, I take a cold shower to try and drown my stupid hormones. Thanks to the sweet scent of Meg’s strawberry shampoo that’s always reminded me of her and our first time, that doesn’t work. So, nothing else to be done, I turn the heat up and stroke my dick, searching for that much-needed release. And what am I thinking about when I come in my hand? Despite trying to make myself remember the big breasted bimbo giving a man head in the porno I last watched on my laptop or, hell, even the real deal with Abby over a year ago, jerking on Meg’s strawberry blonde hair while I come in her luscious mouth is what finally gets me off.
When I’m finished, and the last of my pathetic seed has washed away down the drain, I’m not the least bit satisfied. The fantasy paired with my hand doesn’t even come close to how good the real thing felt last night. Which of course makes me angry.
How dare that conniving woman have any sort of control over me?
Honestly, I shouldn’t even be sleeping in her house tonight. It’s a recipe for disaster. Things will only get more complicated if I cross that line with her again. I don’t need that shit.