by Radclyffe
“Good. Listen,” Flann said, glancing at Margie, “I’m going to need you to sit up so I can make a few marks on your chest. You good with that?”
Margie squeezed Blake’s hand and let go. “I’ll wait outside.”
“Thanks,” Blake said quietly. If and when Margie ever saw him with his shirt off, he only wanted her to see him. The way he should be. Not now.
Margie slipped through the divider in the curtain, and Flann looked over her shoulder after her until the barrier fell completely closed. She let down the side of the stretcher and motioned for Blake to sit up. When he did, Flann reached behind him, untied the gown at his neck, and let it fall into his lap. Blake knew he was blushing but just stared straight ahead. No one else had seen him naked since he was twelve and his body’d really started to change and it was all wrong. It’d taken him two horrible years to finally tell his mom, and then their whole life changed too.
Blake blinked, glad Flann didn’t say anything about him shaking.
Flann pulled a pen, a purple one, out of her shirt pocket and put a hand on his shoulder. “Remember what I told you? About where the incisions will be?”
Blake nodded. “Yeah, half a circle underneath, right?”
“That’s right.” Flann bent and drew on his chest with the purple pen. The lines were bright purple too.
He laughed when he looked down. “I hope that comes off.”
“In a month or two.” Flann grinned and touched a spot at the outer corner of each half circle on either side of his chest. “This is where the drains will come out. You’ll probably just have them overnight, maybe a day or two at most. It depends on how much they drain.”
“Right. And they’ll be attached to those little suction cup things. And I’ll have to empty them.”
Flann smiled. “Well, maybe your mother or I will do that for you.”
Blake lifted his chin. “I can do it.”
“I’m sure.”
“Will I wake up with the…you know, the chest corset on?”
Flann laughed. “We call it a compression garment. Where’d you get chest corset from?”
“YouTube.” Blake grinned.
“Of course. I should’ve known.” Flann paused. “I checked out some of those videos, you know. They’re pretty accurate, and the results are realistic. Just remember everyone is different. You may or may not look like any of those guys.”
“I know.”
Flann capped the pen and slipped it into her pocket. “Any last-minute questions for me?”
“Nope. I’m good.”
“Me too. And remember, Glenn will be there, so with the two of us keeping an eye on things, nothing’s going to go wrong.”
“I know.” Blake glanced toward the curtains and lowered his voice. “You’ll make sure Mom is okay, right?”
Flann cupped Blake’s cheek. “Always. That’s a promise.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m going to open the curtains, okay? There’s a bunch of people that want to see you. We’ll be ready to go in about fifteen minutes.”
“Yeah, sure. Give me a sec.” Hurriedly, Blake pulled the gown back up, tied it behind his neck, and slid his bare legs under the sheets. He patted them down around his body and sat up straight. “Ready.”
Flann opened the curtains at the end of the stretcher. Carrie waited with Margie, and when Carrie saw Blake, she gave him a bright smile. “Hey, you. I just wanted to say hi before you got started.”
“Hey,” Blake said. He spent almost as much time at Harper and Presley’s house as he did at his own. Carrie’d lived with them until just recently when she’d started staying at Harper’s old place that was going to be hers soon. She was funny and easy to talk to and never treated him like a kid. She’d also never once looked at him like he was strange, and some people did, even the ones being nice to him. “You didn’t have to get up so early. I’ll be home after lunch.”
Carrie reached out and squeezed his foot through the sheets. “Oh, phooey on that. I’m not missing the start of your big day. Besides, this way I get a morning off from work.”
“Everybody’s here,” Blake said softly. He’d already seen Harper and Presley, and his mom, and Glenn, and Mari Mateo, his and Margie’s supervisor in the ER and Glenn’s new girlfriend. He’d never imagined so many people would understand.
He hadn’t wanted to move up here—he’d figured he’d never fit in. Now he had more family than he had ever had, and he’d never felt so accepted. He swallowed hard. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Carrie pushed up along the side of the stretcher, leaned over, and kissed him on the forehead. “You’re already the best-looking guy in town. And don’t you forget it.”
The lump in his throat eased. Blake cocked his head. “You know, I’ll be eighteen in a couple of years. If you wanted to wait around…”
Carrie laughed and ruffled his hair. “Sweetheart, if I weren’t playing for the other team, I might just take you up on it.” She nodded to Margie. “I’ll let you two talk. I’m going to go find the rest of the family.”
“Can you see if my mom is still out there?” Blake asked, suddenly wanting to see her just to make sure she was okay. He’d been a little anxious on his way to the hospital, and he could tell she knew.
“I’ll find her.” Carrie waved and disappeared.
Margie poked his arm. “Did you just try to make a move on Carrie?”
“I was just fooling.”
Margie grinned. “Can’t say as I blame you.”
Blake shot her a look. “Oh yeah?”
“Well, she is hot.”
He rolled his eyes. They never really talked about how they identified—it didn’t really seem necessary. Every now and then he’d comment on some hot guy or girl or Margie would do the same. When it came right down to it, he’d rather spend his time with her than anyone else. She seemed pretty happy hanging with him too. Maybe that’s all that really mattered.
“She’s too old for you,” he said.
“I’m not looking for a girlfriend,” Margie said. “Or boyfriend, really. Not right now.”
“So what are you looking for?” Blake asked, wondering when not right now would be now and how to tell.
“I already got what I want.” She smiled and reached over the side rail to take his hand again. “I got you.”
Happy with that answer, Blake leaned back and closed his eyes to wait for the next big change in his life. Not worried, not scared. Not even nervous anymore.
*****
Carrie stepped outside into the hall to look for Abby and saw her talking on a wall phone a few feet away.
“All right,” Abby said, eyes closed and her fingers pressed to the bridge of her nose. Her voice was tight, strained. Her blond hair was drawn back with a loose tie at her nape, accentuating the sculpted angles of her high cheeks and tapering jaw. “I’ll be down as soon as I can. See if you can get Mari to stay until I get there. Yes, that’s great. Thank you.” With a sigh, she hung up the phone and, when she saw Carrie, gave her a weary smile. “Morning.”
“Hi. Blake asked me to find you.” At Abby’s quick look of concern, she added quickly, “He seems fine, but Flann just left and I think they’re starting soon.”
“Give me a minute to see him, and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee,” Abby said. “I won’t stay long or else he’s going to complain I’m hovering.”
“I’m pretty sure he likes it when you hover.” Carrie waved a hand. “Go ahead. Take your time. I am so ready for another cup of coffee. I don’t know how any of you get started so early.”
“I understand Pres always starts before sunup.”
“True,” Carrie said, “and as far as I’m concerned, I do too.” She laughed. “Only sunrise for me is usually a few hours later.”
Abby chuckled. “Hold on. And I’ll get you that second—or is it third?—cup of coffee.”
When Abby returned, they walked downstairs to the cafeteria, went through the line, and grabbed coffee and doughnuts.
“I heard you on the phone,” Carrie said. “You’re not getting called in, are you?”
She hadn’t known Abby all that long, but she’d spent so much time with Abby, Presley, her cousin Mari, and Carson Rivers, the fourth Rivers sister, planning Presley and Harper’s wedding, she felt as if she and Abby had been friends for much longer. Abby had taken over as head of the emergency room in the midst of the private hospital’s purchase by SunView Health Consortium, and not everyone at the Rivers had been behind that change. Somehow, Abby had managed to set up a PA training program and push through approval for an ER residency training program in record time. All that while moving her son from the city to a small rural community in the midst of Blake’s transition. Abby’d been at the Rivers for less than a year, but already she was a focal part of the hospital staff, and she and Blake were part of the community. Of course, Abby’s romance with Flannery Rivers, the hospital’s most notorious bachelor, had made her something of a celebrity. Despite Abby’s professional dedication, Carrie knew she wouldn’t want to work while Blake was in surgery.
“Well,” Abby said ruefully, “I wasn’t planning to be available, but Mike Carrera just called and his wife went into labor two weeks early. He’d volunteered to trade shifts with me, but I can’t exactly ask him to cover for me under these circumstances.”
“Surely there’s someone else who can do it.”
“Not until this afternoon. I’ll wait until Blake’s anesthetized and Flann starts the procedure. At that point, there isn’t likely to be a problem Flann and Glenn can’t handle.” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s not as if I can do anything from out here anyhow.”
“I can only imagine it’s tough for anyone waiting while someone they love is in the OR, but being a doctor probably doesn’t help.”
“You’re right. Everyone thinks it makes it easier, but believe me, it doesn’t.” Abby glanced toward the pre-op area, her green eyes clouding as if she could see Blake, waiting beyond the closed doors. “Thanks for coming by. I know Blake appreciated it.”
“He’s really a sweetie, and I feel like with him being part of Harper and Presley’s family, he’s part of mine too.” Carrie smiled, wondering if she sounded strange, but somehow knowing Abby understood. “I feel as if all of us living together makes us a family.”
“I think it does.” Abby broke her jelly doughnut in half and started in on the jelly side. “You’re going to move into Harper’s old place on the farm pretty soon, though, aren’t you?”
“I’m already pretty much staying there full-time now, although it needs some serious renovation. Like a bathroom big enough to turn around in.”
Abby laughed. “You mean an upgrade from bachelor’s quarters?”
“Totally.” Carrie snorted. “I was hoping we’d get the demolition started by now, but it seems like every contractor we’ve contacted is tied up until fall.”
“I know. I’ve talked to most of them about the new project in the ER, and I know you and Pres have too. I can’t believe how difficult it is to actually get them to agree to any kind of start time. Thank God we’re finally getting under way.”
Under the circumstances, Carrie decided not to mention the slight snafu with the contractors. “I know Presley is trying to get someone for Harper’s place, so with any luck, I’ll have a bathroom and kitchen from this century before Labor Day.” Carrie sighed. “The old farmhouse is gorgeous, but antiquated. All the same, I’m sticking it out. Really, it’s been fun living with Harper and Presley, and I adore them both, but now that they’re newlyweds, I’d really rather not be sharing their space quite so intimately.”
Abby laughed. “We’re looking for workers for our new place too. If I hear of anything, I’ll let you know.”
“I appreciate it.” Carrie polished off the last of her sugar doughnut and sipped her coffee. “So you’re doing okay? You know, about today?”
“The usual nerves. I’m not really worried, but I’ll feel a lot better when he’s in the recovery room. Actually, I’ll feel a lot better when he’s healed and happy.”
“I think the happy part is pretty much a given.”
Abby nodded. “It’s what he wants, and that’s the most important thing.”
Carrie hesitated, not sure where the boundaries were, especially since Abby rarely talked about her own feelings regarding Blake’s transition, only Blake’s. Carefully, she said, “I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but I think you’re a fabulous mother. Exactly who he needs.”
Abby pressed her lips together and, after a moment, said softly, “Thank you. Believe me, I haven’t always known the right thing to say or do. It’s all been instinct. Mostly, I’ve tried to listen to him.” She laughed and shook her head. “And he has always been much surer and much clearer than me.”
“I imagine he would’ve had to be for you to be so supportive.”
“It’s a difficult line sometimes, knowing how to be supportive and still keep him safe. But he’s never wavered.”
“I’d be frightened if I was the parent, I think. I hope I’d be as supportive as you.”
“You know,” Abby said, “I remind myself sometimes, when I worry about the surgery or what’s going to come in the future, if he were in an accident and needed surgery to save his life, the only thing I’d be concerned about is that he got well. I would accept the necessary pain as part of healing and a small price to pay for recovery. This isn’t any different. He needs this to be well.”
Carrie swallowed around the tightness in her throat. “That’s what I mean—you’re exactly who he needs.”
“Well, we’re pretty lucky since he’s exactly who I need too,” Abby said with quiet certainty. After a second, she glanced at her watch and rose. “Flann should be starting about now. She promised to have the nurses call when they got under way. I’ll head on down to the ER.”
“Thanks for the coffee.” Carrie stood. “I ought to go find Presley.”
“She and Harper came by earlier to see Blake. She’s probably in the family waiting area. As soon as I get things settled in the ER, I’ll be there.”
“I’ll see you later, then,” Carrie said. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to tell Abby the ER construction project was delayed. She looked forward to that almost as much as she did breaking the bad news to Gina Antonelli.
Chapter Three
Carrie found Presley in the family waiting area down the hall from the OR. Presley stood at the windows in what for her was casual wear, dark green slim-cut cotton pants, brown flats, and a muted rose shirt. The waiting area was empty except for a young woman reading a magazine in the corner. The inevitable television was mercifully blank. Carrie joined Presley and took in the panorama unfolding outside, barely able to absorb the beauty of acres of grass and flowering shrubs bordering the long front drive and a vista of distant mountains towering above the church steeples and rooftops of the village below. She still couldn’t get over the abundance of windows in the 110-year-old hospital. She’d never been in the operating rooms, but she understood that many of them overlooked gardens where azaleas and rhododendrons bloomed in the spring. The ambience was so different from the blank institutional walls and featureless hallways she was used to in modern hospitals. The light filling the interior spaces alone made everything about the Rivers seem more hopeful and more personal.
“I love this place,” Carrie murmured. “How could anyone even think of letting it die?”
“We won’t,” Presley said, continuing to gaze outside.
Carrie flushed. “Sorry. I didn’t even ask. How are you doing?”
Presley turned, her blue eyes clear and calm. “I was just thinking how glad I am Blake is having his surgery here, surrounded by people who love him. We’re all very lucky to have this place in our lives.”
“We’re all pretty damn lucky you’re here to save it for us.”
Presley laughed and threaded an arm around Carrie’s waist. “I can’t take all the credit there. That’s a famil
y affair—and that includes you too.”
“Thanks—I’m pretty attached to everyone and everything here.” Actually, she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. If Presley suddenly decided to move back to Phoenix and take her rightful place as the head of SunView, Carrie would stay here even if giving up her job and seeing her best friend move far away would hurt her heart. “I’m glad the Rivers family is rooted in this place. I don’t have to worry about you leaving.”
“No chance of that.” Presley scanned the room. “Have you seen Abby? I thought she’d be down here by now. There isn’t a problem in the OR, is there?”
“No,” Carrie said quickly. “I just left her. She had to put out a fire in the emergency room. Her stand-in couldn’t make it. He’s about to become a new father.”
“That’s bad timing,” Presley said with a sigh. “Good for him, though. Is she okay?”
“Other than being understandably nervous, I think so.”
“Eight fifteen,” Presley said. “They were due to start at eight, and knowing Flann, they did.”
Carrie laughed. “I’m sure of that. Abby said if there’d been any problems, she would’ve heard by now, so I guess we just wait.” She rolled her shoulders. The stiffness didn’t yield much. What a morning. “Boy, it sure is a lot harder than I realized.”
“First time waiting?”
“Yeah. I’m the oldest, so no babies to wait on yet, and thank heavens no one in my family has ever been seriously ill.”
“I’m glad.” Presley smiled. “Everything will be fine. Harper was even going to suit up and drop in to the OR once they got started. Blake is in good hands—lots of them.”
“I’m sure everything will be fine, but it will still be good to have it over.” Carrie hesitated. “I know everyone says the procedure is straightforward, but it seems so…monumental. Does that even make sense?”
“It does,” Abby said from just behind them. “Psychologically, it’s a major hurdle, and for Blake, and I think a lot of trans boys, this is the first huge step toward a sense of completion.”