by Fay Keenan
‘Can I see her?’
‘Give me a minute and I’ll check with the staff. Being as it’s so late, they probably won’t let you in, but I’ll see what they say.’
Kate waited as Sam hurried off, hoping against hope that she’d be permitted through the security doors. She’d never seen Sam so shaken up, even when their brother, Aidan, had been at his worst after Helmand, and she ached to comfort him.
In a minute or two Sam was back, a midwife from the ward at his side.
‘You can come in for a few minutes, if you’re super quiet,’ she said. Then, turning to Sam, ‘There’s a small visitors’ room just off to the right down the corridor. I’ll let you know when Florence comes back down from theatre.’
‘Thanks, Claire.’ Sam smiled briefly. ‘I appreciate it.’ He turned back to Kate. ‘I’ll go and get her.’
The midwife, Claire, walked with the two of them to the visitors’ room, and then headed back to the desk, which was situated immediately on the other side of the hall. Kate had the feeling that Sam had called in a pretty big favour to get her through the security door at this time of night, and was relieved.
In a few more moments, Sam was heading back down the corridor with a snugly wrapped bundle in his arms. As they drew closer, Kate stood, unable to wait to see her new niece.
‘Oh, Sam…’ Kate breathed. ‘She’s beautiful.’
Sam nodded, and then, finally, his face crumpled. ‘What am I going to do if Florence doesn’t pull through, Katie?’ he croaked. ‘I can’t do this on my own.’
‘You mustn’t think like that,’ Kate said, her heart thumping wildly in her own chest at the same, horrible thought. ‘She’s in the best place. They’ll do everything they can.’ She looked again at the little newborn bundle in Sam’s arms.
Sam nodded, and walked on shaky legs to the nearest comfy chair. Kate moved a little closer to them, to get a longer look at Sam’s little daughter. Inhaling that exquisite newborn scent, she was transported back to what it had been like to cradle her own babies in that emotional time straight after they’d been born.
For a few minutes they sat there, drawing strength from each other, trying to distract themselves from what Florence was going through by focusing on the little bundle in Sam’s arms. Seeing a kettle tucked in the corner of the visitors’ room, in a small kitchen area, she was suddenly aware of just how late it was.
‘Shall I make us a coffee?’ Kate asked.
‘Thanks,’ Sam said, still not taking his eyes off the baby.
‘It’s okay,’ Kate said softly. ‘You won’t drop her.’
Sam looked up and managed a small smile. ‘It feels so different to holding my nephews all those years ago.’
‘It’s bound to,’ Kate said. ‘She’s yours. Yours and Florence’s. And soon Florence is going to be demanding all the cuddles, so I’d make the most of them while you can.’
‘I hope you’re right, Katie,’ Sam said, his voice cracking again. ‘I really, really, hope you’re right.’
As Kate walked over and flipped the switch on the kettle, she wished she felt as optimistic as she’d tried to sound. Just the thought of losing Florence was enough to make her stomach turn, and she couldn’t begin to imagine how Sam would feel if the absolute worst happened. Please God, she thought as she went in search of coffee, make this all be okay.
38
A few minutes later, with two coffees made, Kate carefully put them down on the table in front of the chair where Sam was sitting. For a moment Kate took some time to watch the two of them, seeing the powerful bond that had taken hold of them both, and hoping against hope that Florence would soon be there to share it.
‘Christ, it’s at times like this I miss Dad,’ Sam said quietly as she sat back down.
Kate’s eyes burned as she thought about how pleased their father would have been to have had another grandchild, and his first granddaughter. ‘I miss him too.’ Leaning forward, she placed a hand on Sam’s arm, trying to give, as well as find strength. She’d never been good with words, always afraid to say too much, and then ending up saying far too little. But somehow she knew she had to say something now. In the aching absence of their father, it was down to her, as the eldest sibling.
‘He’d be so proud of you, Sam, if he could see you now.’ She squeezed his arm gently, not wanting to wake the sleeping bundle in his arms. ‘I mean, he always was, but what you’ve been through in the past few years… he’d have wanted so much to meet this little one.’
Sam blinked furiously and, mindful of the bundle in his arms, wiped his eyes with the back of one hand. ‘I wish he was here, Katie. I just… I don’t know what to do.’
Kate wrapped an arm around his shoulders. ‘I wish I could tell you it was going to be all right, Sam, I really do,’ she said, leaning into him and stroking his hair back from his face. ‘You have to put your trust in the doctors. They’ll have seen this so many times. You have to hope.’
‘I know, but, Katie… I can’t lose her.’ He looked up at her, his eyes huge and scared in his tired face. He looked like the terrified boy he’d been so many years ago when he’d accidentally thrown their brother Aidan off the family see-saw and concussed him. ‘I can’t… she’s everything. Katie, what am I going to do if… if…’ He choked back another sob.
‘It’s not going to come to that,’ Kate whispered. ‘You, and Florence, and this little one will be back home before you know it.’
‘But what if we aren’t? What if I’m walking out of here with just the baby? What the hell am I going to do?’ He was shaking so badly that Kate genuinely feared he was going to drop his daughter.
‘Here, let me take her for a bit,’ she said, gently trying to disentangle the baby from Sam’s grip.
‘No, let me keep her. What if she’s all I have left of Florence?’ Sam’s trembling worsened, and Kate realised he was about a hair’s breadth from a full-blown meltdown.
‘Sam.’ She knelt beside him so that he could see her more clearly. ‘I promise I’m not going to take her away from you. Let me have her for a few minutes, just so you can have a break.’
Sam thought about that for a long moment, and then, with a shaky sigh, he handed the baby over. Kate gratefully took the little girl, holding her close.
‘Go and stretch your legs in the corridor,’ Kate said quietly. ‘You don’t have to go far.’ She smoothed the sleeping baby’s hair back from her little face and felt her heart contract at the thought that this little mite may not get to meet her mother. What if Sam was right, and he really did end up leaving hospital alone? Kate’s heart pounded again at the prospect and she clutched her baby niece closer to her for comfort. The prospect of that was unthinkable.
39
After what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, Sam was returning to the visitors’ room when a consultant popped her head around the door, then, catching sight of Sam down the corridor, approached him, just out of Kate’s earshot. Torn between wanting to go to him and not wanting to disturb the baby in her arms, she saw the doctor turning towards Sam, so that her view of her brother’s expression was obscured. Kate waited, panic rising, witnessing but unable to hear, what was being said. She could see Sam nodding, the tension in his body palpable, and the doctor reaching out a hand to touch his arm as she gave him the news.
Unable to bear it any longer, Kate wandered out of the nursery, still carrying Sam’s new daughter.
‘Florence’s blood loss was extensive, but we managed to stabilise her and give her a transfusion. She was very poorly for quite a while,’ the consultant was explaining as Kate reached them.
‘Can I see her?’ Sam asked.
The consultant nodded. ‘They’re bringing her down to the ward now. Do you want to come down to her bed?’
Sam, unable to speak, just nodded.
‘You know how it is, Sam, doing what you do, so I’m not going to lie to you,’ she continued, ‘it wasn’t looking good for quite a while, and Florence mi
ght need to stay with us for a few days, but she’s over the worst now.’
Kate watched as Sam’s jaw gritted hard, in an attempt not to lose control in front of the consultant. Eventually, he gave a tight, relieved smile. ‘Thank you for all that you’ve done.’
‘Go and wait for her,’ the consultant said. ‘She’s still out for the count, but when she wakes up, I bet she’d love to meet her daughter.’
Sam nodded, and Kate drew closer as the consultant left.
‘She’s going to be all right, Katie,’ Sam choked. ‘She’s going to be all right.’
Kate nodded, tiredness and relief overwhelming her as she saw the look of absolute relief on Sam’s face, too. Just as she was about to reach out to him, the baby stirred in her arms and snuffled a little.
‘I think you’d better have her back now,’ Kate said softly. ‘Florence’ll be wanting to say hello to her daughter, and she’ll be due a feed, too, soon.’
‘And you ought to get home,’ Sam said. ‘I’m sorry to drag you out here in the middle of the night, and away from Corey.’
‘Corey’s crashed out at home.’ Kate smiled. ‘I think you knackered him out with the pizza and PlayStation.’
‘He’s a great kid,’ Sam replied. ‘And he seems really happy here. When did you say he was going back?’
‘Not sure yet,’ Kate said. ‘He wasn’t terribly happy staying with Phil, so I’ve said we’ll see how it goes. I was actually thinking of getting Will and Tom down here for a bit, too. I miss them.’
‘I bet,’ Sam said. He leaned forward, mindful of the baby in his arms, and gave Kate a brief hug. ‘I’d better go and wait for Florence to come down. I’ll call you as soon as I can.’
‘Send her my love when she wakes up,’ Kate whispered. ‘And I’ll see you both – all – soon.’ Reaching out a hand to stroke the head of Sam’s tiny daughter, she smiled. ‘You’ll be all right now.’
‘See you soon,’ Sam replied. ‘Oh, and how was your date with Harry?’
Kate blinked, exhaustion and the drama of the evening suddenly making dinner seem an awfully long time ago. ‘It was fine,’ she said, with some surprise. ‘In fact, it was lovely.’
‘Glad to hear it.’ Sam gave her a tired smile.
Leaving Sam to wait for Florence, Kate made her way out of the security doors and, so tired, her feet felt as though they were guiding her back out of the hospital. As she began the drive through the winding, middle of the night dark lanes between Taunton and Willowbury, she mused on the extremes of the evening. Before midnight, all she’d been thinking about was making mad, passionate love to Harry in her single bed in her brother’s house. The thrill of that encounter was still lingering in her bones and tantalising her senses. And yet, that had only, in the end, been part of a far more complicated picture. The tragic irony that Harry would never get to experience holding his newborn child in his arms, just as Sam had tonight, and the horror at the prospect that Florence had very nearly died giving birth to that child, was entirely too much to comprehend at this late hour.
She pulled into the parking space at the side of Bay Tree Terrace wearily, and even at half past three in the morning it was already getting light. The earthy, herby scent of the night stocks in the back gardens of Bay Tree Terrace reached her as she locked up the car, along with the heavy balsam smell of conifers in the woodlands beyond, stronger in the small hours. Creeping through the front door, she stopped briefly on her way to bed to check in on Corey, who was fast asleep. She decided not to wake him. Florence was out of danger now, and there was no point reliving the horrors of the night with him right now. As she padded into her own room, too tired to even brush her teeth, she stripped off quickly and pulled the covers over her head, exhaustion overcoming adrenaline, and she crashed out immediately.
40
The next morning, after a night spent regrettably but understandably alone, Harry opened up Vale Volumes to find his newest sales assistant already standing outside.
‘I ought to pay you overtime!’ Harry joked as he let Corey into the shop. ‘I wasn’t sure I’d see you after last night.’ He immediately mentally kicked himself. Corey wasn’t supposed to know he’d been hiding up in Kate’s bedroom when he’d come back to break the news about Florence going into labour.
Corey smiled as he walked through the door of the shop, apparently not noticing Harry’s slip-up. ‘Oh, did Mum text you and tell you about Florence?’
‘Um, yep,’ Harry said, busying himself with rearranging the latest pile of commercial fiction releases on the table near the front of the shop. He didn’t want to lie to Corey, but that had been a close one.
‘Well, Mum dashed off to the hospital because Florence was really ill,’ Corey replied. ‘But thankfully, she seems to have got through it, and now I’ve got a new baby cousin.’
‘Congratulations,’ Harry said. ‘Your aunt and uncle must be thrilled.’
‘From what Mum said, they were too scared to be thrilled last night, but hopefully now Florence is on the mend, they can be happy, too.’
‘I’m sure they will be.’ Harry paused before adding, ‘Is your mum okay?’
Corey smiled. ‘She’s a bit knackered after spending most of last night in the hospital, but she seemed all right when I left this morning. She was still in bed when I left, but I told her I was off to work. That’s when she told me Sam and Florence were okay. Don’t think she’ll be getting much work done on Uncle Aidan’s house today, though!’
‘Perhaps I’ll take her round a coffee and a Danish later,’ Harry said. ‘That’s if you don’t mind keeping an eye on this place for half an hour.’
‘You’d leave me alone?’ Corey asked. ‘Really? I mean, I haven’t exactly been working here long.’
‘If you’re okay with that,’ Harry said. ‘You’ve really proved yourself. I think you can handle keeping an eye on a quiet old bookshop for half an hour. And if anything comes up, just call me, or pop next door and see Mariad in the next shop.’
‘Thanks,’ Corey said. ‘It’s cool that you trust me. I won’t let you down.’
‘I know,’ Harry replied. ‘You’ve done really well this week. It’s a shame you have to go home soon or I’d offer you a weekend job. I could always do with an extra pair of hands, especially when the tourists come.’
‘And you seem to, er, be getting on well with Mum,’ Corey said carefully. ‘I mean, she seemed really happy when I got home last night. It’s nice to see her enjoying herself again.’
You have no idea, Harry thought.
‘We had a good meal and it was a nice evening,’ Harry said discreetly. ‘But I know she’s going home at the end of the summer, too, so I’m not getting my hopes up about things getting too serious.’
‘Why? Wouldn’t you want that?’ Corey said, and Harry noticed a defensive note in his voice.
‘It’s not that simple, Corey,’ Harry said, calmly. ‘You and your mum are only here for a few weeks more. No matter what I might want, that’s the truth of it.’
‘So you’re not serious about her, then? You’re just, like having fun?’ The implication was obvious, and Corey’s face began to flush. Harry realised he’d have to tread carefully. The boy might seem outwardly unfazed by his developing relationship with Kate, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t unnerved and possibly upset underneath.
‘I’m not going to hurt her,’ Harry said softly. ‘I know she’s had a difficult time over the past couple of years. We like each other. A lot. But there are things to think about.’
Corey’s face was grim, and Harry wondered if he’d managed to say the right thing. This was such tricky territory. He and Corey had been getting on really well, and he was worried that, if he got it wrong now, Corey would feel alienated, which was the last thing he wanted.
‘I get it,’ Corey replied. ‘It’s like, just for the summer? Have a bit of fun and then move on?’
‘Corey,’ Harry said gently. ‘Adult relationships can’t just fit into little boxes li
ke that; especially when there are children to think about, too.’ As Corey seemed to baulk at the idea of being called a child, Harry rapidly continued, ‘I mean, your mum’s not daft, and neither am I. I promise you, you don’t need to worry.’
Corey looked back at him, and just for a moment, Harry caught a glimpse of the hurt and insecurity the teenager obviously felt about things. He remembered, if only from back in the days when he was that age himself, that it was possible to feel extremes of emotion in the blink of an eye, and he could understand why Corey might be struggling.
‘Look,’ he said, ‘how about you grab those copies of the new Jeffrey Archer from the stockroom. If we leave them there any longer, he’ll probably have written another one by the time we remember to put them out! And while you’re doing that, I’ll make us a cup of tea.’
This proposition seemed to work. Corey smiled and apologised. ‘I’m sorry, Harry,’ he said. ‘It’s just a bit weird when I think about it, you know. And I’m glad Mum’s happy, honestly.’
Breathing a sigh of relief that a teenage storm seemed to have been averted, Harry wondered if he ought to mention the conversation to Kate, the next time he saw her. He’d never dated anyone with teenage sons before, and he hoped he’d handled things properly. After all, despite what his body had been screaming at him last night in Kate’s bedroom, it was still early days, and she was, to the best of his knowledge, going back to Cambridge at the end of the summer. But if a summer fling was all this was, why did the thought of Kate leaving fill him with more than a little bit of sadness? It had been a long time since he’d been in love with someone; could it be that he was falling for her?
There was no point in thinking that way. More than likely, he was just lonely and out of practise. Kate was a lovely, warm and attractive woman and he enjoyed spending time with her, but she was clearly cautious after her divorce. And no matter how well he got on with Corey, Kate had two other sons to consider, too. It was better to take each day as it came and not to get too hung up on what would happen once the summer was over. He was rooted in Somerset, and she had all of her significant connections in Cambridge. Even with high-speed rail links, it couldn’t work… could it?