Adam lifts his head from our embrace and looks into my eyes.
“It’s so hard, Shayne. I know mom is at peace and she lived her life to the fullest, but it feels like a part of my soul is gone and knowing that I will never get to make any more memories with her is the hardest part.”
As we continue to hold each other, I rub my hand down his back in a comforting gesture as my strong cousin buries his head into my neck and cries. Adam was the man of our house, always looking after the both of us. I wish so badly I could take this pain from him. With bloodshot eyes he lifts his head and looks at me.
“In spite of all the things that we used to do to her when we were growing up, that woman raised a strong man who I’m so lucky to have in my life. Together, we’ll get through this. I love you so much and I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, just like you’ve always been for me,” I say, meaning every word.
“She did do well with us, didn’t she?”
I look at him with just a hint of a smile. “She did.”
We both pull away, knowing the moment’s passed for now. Adam wanders into the kitchen and grabs his keys off the counter. Heading to the door to get a start on his errands, he reaches for the knob and glances back at me.
"What are your plans for the day?"
"I'm going to run down to the florist and take care of the flower arrangements,” I shrug. “That seems to be all we have left that can be done today. The rest of the arrangements just have to fall into place tomorrow."
He nods and turns the doorknob, but I stop him before he can walk out.
"Hey, Adam?"
"Yeah," he replies, turning back to me once more.
"I'll rent a couple of movies before I come home. Cool with you?"
"That sounds perfect," he says with a smile and finally heads out the door. Just as it clicks back into place I feel a tear slip down my cheek, my own thoughts becoming overwhelming. My chest starts to constrict tightly and it hits me all at once. My legs give out and I fall to the floor as a burst of fresh tears clings tightly, rolling down my cheeks.
Aunt Judy was always there for me, even in the hardest times. She was always my shoulder to cry on, willing to pick me up when I felt like everything was crashing down around me. She had the best humor of anyone I’ve ever known. I’ll never forget how she used to tell Adam and me, ‘A smile is the solution to every problem. Even if you don’t feel the happiness behind it, a smile will tell life to fuck off because you’ve got this.’ It’s true when they say that certain types of love are unconditional. That was the way that she loved us.
Pulling myself off of the floor, I drag myself to the bathroom, where I splash some cold water onto my face. I grab a towel, patting it dry, and inspect myself one more time in the mirror. Deciding that this is about as good as I’m going to look, I walk into the kitchen and grab my purse and keys. Outside, the bright sun shines down and warms my already tanned skin. It’s an absolutely breathtaking day, not a cloud in the sky. I stroll over to my Aunt's car feeling a bit dazed.
My God, I’m going to miss her so much.
I pull my sunglasses out of my purse and look up into the sky, knowing that this magnificent day is all her.
“Aunt Judy, I hope you know how much I truly love you,” I murmur, putting on my best smile, knowing I’ve made her proud.
Cranking up the car, ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence starts blasting through the speakers and I laugh at the irony. I roll down the windows and sing the words loudly, not caring who can hear me. With each lyric I feel myself become lighter, the ache in my chest lessening slightly, like the song is taking my emotions and feeling them for me. The best kind of therapy.
I continue to weave through traffic and pull into the florist shop just as an upbeat tune flows through the speakers. Feeling a little better after my emotional breakdown, I saunter into the shop and am instantly greeted by Dee Williams, the florist.
“Hello, Shayne. You look absolutely stunning. Come on in and let me show you what I thought you might like. I know how much your aunt loved pink and white carnations.”
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Williams. That really means a lot to us. Carnations are exactly what we had in mind.”
Mrs. Williams shows me her idea and it’s the most beautiful arrangement that I’ve ever seen. We talk for a few more minutes as she continues to pull the flowers she’ll need out of the cooler. She comes around the counter and pulls me into a tight embrace.
“Your aunt was very proud of the two of you, and she loved you both so much. Always remember that, dear, and don’t ever let it go.”
“She sure did, and we’re so lucky to have had her. Thanks for everything, Mrs. Williams. We really appreciate this.”
“You’re welcome, dear.”
We say our goodbyes and I quickly get back into the car and check the time. Lucy should be back from her swim class. Picking up my cell, I dial Erin’s number and listen for the ring tone. Erin is my neighbor and one of my best friends back home. We met in school and she’s always been there for Lucy and me.
Much like now.
I didn’t want to tear Lucy away from her daily routine nor was I ready for her to experience such a painful event, so Erin offered to keep her for me while I was gone. Expecting Erin to answer, I'm surprised when the sweetest little voice in the world greets me.
“Mommy!” my precious angel screams.
“Hey, sweetheart! How’s my girl?”
“Good, Mommy, but I miss you.”
My heart constricts. “I miss you too, baby girl, but Uncle Adam will be there in a few days and he’ll bring you to visit me.”
"Oh, I can’t wait to see him! I have to show him my new back stroke that Erin taught me,” she squeals with delight.
"He’s going to love to see that, baby. Honey, Mommy has some things to finish up here, so I’ll call you before you go to bed, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy. I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. Bye.”
I miss my Lucy so much. For the past six years, that little girl has been my life. I feel empty without her, a deep hollowness in my belly when she isn’t around. She’s amazing, my little water baby with so much love in her heart. She’s always happy and dreams so big even at a young age.
Several months ago, she expressed how badly she wanted to go to swim camp. She’s always loved the water and has been determined to be the best little swimmer she can be. I love watching her swim, love seeing how free and natural she becomes when her toes touch the water.
My little dolphin.
Before I leave, I need to go to the surf shop and get her a new bathing suit. She’ll totally love it.
I pull up to the movie rental kiosk about a block away from the house and look through the selection. I decide on two action movies knowing they’re a safe choice and head back to the house. Pulling into the garage, I grab the movies and make my way into the house.
Adam is just finishing up making some sandwiches. We turn on the television and ‘eenie meenie miny mo’ between the movies. Once our childish game makes the selection for us, we pop it in and relax.
Halfway through the movie we find ourselves making fun of how outlandish it is and laughing harder than we have in days, maybe longer. The air in the room is light, our sadness evaporating with each giggle or snort. Adam does a ridiculous impersonation and I grab my stomach, laughing so hard it hurts as I fall to the floor. Suddenly, the doorbell rings, startling us both.
“Who in the hell could that be this late at night?” frowns Adam, cutting me a glance. The hair on the back of my neck swiftly stands on end and goose bumps cover my body. I instantly sober, knowing who it is without having to answer at the door.
“Luke,” I mutter under my breath. I jump up and run to the top of the stairs as Adam goes to the door, wanting to hide. I position myself against the wall, completely out of sight but still able to hear their conversation.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Adam asks, his ton
e threatening, the fun we were having just moments before disappearing as if it never happened at all.
“I need to talk to her, Adam.”
At the sound of his deep, sexy voice, my body starts to tremble and I feel hot. Is it fear? Lust? Anxiety? A mixture of all three? I’m not sure, but I don’t want to think about it either. I just want him gone.
“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. You stay the hell away from her. I won’t let you hurt her again.”
From the escalated boom in Adam’s voice, I can tell that more than angry words are going to be thrown at each other if I don’t intercede. The last thing I want is for them to fight. They’re friends, were best friends, if not still so. Having me come between that is something I just can’t deal with. So, decision made and big girl panties pulled up, I make my way down the stairs with my head held high and determination coursing through my veins. I will not let Luke’s presence affect me.
As I enter the kitchen, I feel like I’m in a testosterone war zone. The tension is so damn thick a sword wouldn’t be able to slice through it. There’s a major stare down happening between Adam and Luke. When they notice me approach, they turn and look at me.
“Hey, baby,” Luke greets, and the sound is like music to my ears. Stop it, Shayne. Cool, calm. He hurt you, left you. Think with your brain. “May I have a word with you for a minute, please?”
His question cuts through my internal pep talk and I turn to Adam. “It’s okay, Adam. Give us a minute.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, his concern for me breaking through the anger in his voice.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” With that, I turn to Luke and motion for him to step outside so we can talk.
“How are you?” he asks. An effort to break the awkwardness, I’m sure.
I turn toward him and lean my arm against the rail lining the patio.
“I’m doing okay. Listen, Luke, I appreciate you coming here, and I know that you cared very deeply for my aunt, but I don’t want you here. I’d appreciate it if you would just leave.”
The words tumble past my lips, all in fake bravado. I want him gone, can feel the hurt and resentment I have bubbling to the surface. But more than that, I hate the way my body responds to him.
It scares me.
I feel so out of control, my heart and brain battling against what I want versus what I know. He left me. No phone call, no explanation, just a sad, heartbreaking letter that crushed me into pieces. Pieces I’ve had to weld back together for my daughter, for myself. If playing the bitch role makes him leave, makes this whole scenario hurt less, then I’ll do it.
“Shayne, there’s so much that I have to tell you...so much that you just don’t understand. I need to explain a lot of things to you and you’re going to listen to me,” he says, the tone in his voice turning into a harder, more determined one than before. Can I actually hear him out? Do I want to? With the tone he’s carrying, I’m close to just telling him this conversation is over, but there’s still that piece inside of me that wants to know why he left. I’ve been craving answers for seven years. Seven long, excruciating years. I’d told myself that it had to be me. That I just wasn’t it for him, like he was for me. Could there be another reason?
“Please, Shayne.” The words break me away from my thoughts. This is too much to process, but for the life of me I can’t find it in myself to deny him. I want… no, need the answers he may finally be able to give me.
“Okay,” I acquiesce.
“Thank you,” he says, the relief in his voice palpable. The softness in his tone sends goose bumps to rise on my arms and my heart skips a beat. He used to use that voice so many times before, but only with me. When he whispered how much he loved me in my ear, when he told me how exquisite I was to him. Tesoro bella; beautiful treasure. That’s what he called me.
“How about we meet at Bubba’s, one o’clock, the day after tomorrow?”
“Fine,” I say quickly, knowing how fast my hardened shell is crumbling to pieces. I need to get out of here now before I break down like a blubbering idiot. Luke turns to leave, but before he strides down the stairs, he looks back.
“Oh, and Shayne? I still think of you as my tesoro bella.”
Fuck!
I watch him climb into his vehicle and pull out of the drive wondering what the hell I just agreed to. I walk back into the house and shut the door. Leaning my head back against it, I let out a deep breath. A moment later, Adam enters the kitchen with a look between irritation and sadness on his face.
“You doing okay?” he asks with concern.
“No, I’m not doing okay. I just agreed to meet him the day after tomorrow for lunch and I just can’t. I’m just… I don’t know what I am. Scared? Maybe. Concerned? Definitely. It’s ridiculous.”
“Come into the living room with me and let’s talk about this.”
Doing as he asks, I follow him into the living room where we both take a seat on the couch.
“Now, spill. Tell me why you can’t go see him?”
“There are so many reasons why I can’t. When I came home, I never expected him to be here. He was the reason I haven’t been home in years. Now that I have seen him, everything has come rushing back and I’m not sure how to handle it all, all of the emotions, the hurt, and the betrayal. But at the same time, my heart knows him and it’s not acting accordingly. I just can’t put myself in that position again. I can’t put Lucy in that position. And, when he finds out about her, I have no idea how he is going to react. You know what? No, I’m just going to go upstairs, pack everything up, and go home with you. I need to get back to everything anyway.”
“Like hell you are. You are going to stay right here and hear him out. You are also going to tell him about Lucy. You’re not a coward and by leaving, that is just as bad if not worse than what he did. He has a right to know about her and, more importantly, she has a right to know about him.”
Standing up, I look at him, instantly pissed off.
“Are you fucking kidding me? He has a right to know after what he did? He left me!”
“Yes, he did leave you, Shayne. But, damn it, he didn’t know you were pregnant and I know for a damn fact that if he did things would have been different.”
“You don’t know that, Adam.”
“No, I don’t really know that, Shayne, but I do know that you owe it to yourself and to Lucy to stay here and hear him out. You’re jumping to conclusions and acting like you already know the outcome, and you don’t. You have no idea what he’s going to say, you have no idea how he’s going to react. So, you need to pull up your big girl panties and listen to what he has to say.”
Standing there staring at each other for several minutes, I come to the conclusion that he is right. I need to do this for my daughter and for myself as well as Luke.
“You’re right, Adam. I do owe it to her. But if I don’t believe him, I am not putting my daughter through hell.”
Striding over to me, Adam pulls me into a tight embrace.
“He loves you, Shayne. This I do know. Why else would he be so determined to make you listen to him?”
Kissing the top of my head, he says, “Now, let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day on both of us.”
Chapter Three
How do you say goodbye to someone that you love? How do you let yourself utter the words when they’re so final? So devastating? I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, racking my brain for what my aunt would tell me to do if she were here. She would tell me to stop sulking, put on my big girl panties, smile, and get out of bed.
With that thought, I do smile. That’s exactly what she would say. I climb out of bed and take a long, hot shower, letting the jets beat down on my neck, relieving the tension. I quickly dress, deciding on a black sleeveless sheath dress that rests just above my knees, along with my aunt’s pearl earring and necklace set. I slide my feet into my strappy, three-inch wedges and attend to my face. I apply very little makeup, a nude lip gloss, and pull my
hair up in a French twist. This is about as good as I’m going to get, I think to myself before heading downstairs to make coffee. As I’m standing there staring at the coffee pot brewing, Adam comes up behind me and kisses me on top of my head.
“Morning, brat.”
“Morning, Adam.”
I turn around and look at my cousin who’s more like a brother and he holds his arms out to me. I embrace him with everything I have. We stand there for the longest time just holding each other and feeding off of each other’s emotions. When we finally break away, it is time for us to leave for the funeral. We both grab a coffee to go and head out to Adam’s truck.
We arrive at the funeral home before everyone else, grateful that we can have a private goodbye with Aunt Judy. We walk hand-in-hand and are greeted by Mr. Standish. He directs us to the room where Aunt Judy is.
Slowly, we approach the casket. Seeing her lying there, looking so peaceful but knowing she’s no longer with us, brings us both to tears. Adam places his arm around me and we find our way to our seats as people start to file in and give their condolences.
The funeral begins and several people from my aunt’s school as well as a few old students stand and talk about how great of a teacher she was. A feeling of peace settles over me, knowing how much my aunt was loved by so many people. Once everyone has finished saying their piece, we all file out to our vehicles with our heads down and head to the cemetery where we put my aunt to rest.
As Adam and I go to leave, I see Luke and his older brother, Antonio, standing off to the side. When our eyes lock, I notice a single tear roll down Luke’s face and land on his lips. I force myself to smile and squish the urge to run over and lick the tear from his perfect lips. This is not the time nor the place, Shayne, I scold myself, feeling slightly disgusted that the thought even appeared.
As we’re getting into the truck, Bubba and Jen approach us and ask if we want to come over for a few beers and to meet their daughter, Zoe. We both agree and follow them to their house.
As soon as I step through their door, I take off my heels and the light sweater that I have on over my dress and sit in one of the outdoor deck loungers while Jen goes into the house to take care of the babysitter. Adam and Bubba grab us all a beer.
Her Dom (Dominic Powers #1) Page 25