by Jo Watson
They were also curious; some ventured right up to the side of the boat, so close at times that if I’d reached out, I would have touched them. The boat started up again and we sped off. The dolphins seemed to take this as a challenge and started racing the boats, jumping and soaring out of the water. They were so agile and effortlessly graceful, the way they maneuvered in and out of the boats.
“Do you know that dolphins give each other names?” Chris asked, shouting over the sound of the high-speed engines.
“Really?”
“Yes, they develop their own individual whistles that effectively act as their own names. True story!”
“Wow, I didn’t know that.”
“So if you were a dolphin I might call you—”
And then he did it.
The silliest dolphin impression I’ve ever heard—well, to be honest, I’d never really heard a dolphin impression before so I had absolutely no benchmark from which to measure it. This was a first, and thus definitely the silliest. He opened his mouth and a high-pitched squeaking noise came out. I burst out laughing and tried to outdo him with another equally ridiculous and maybe even higher-pitched noise. And so the great dolphin whistle-off began, until we realized that the boat had stopped and the driver was looking back at us with a concerned expression, as if he hadn’t been informed that he was taking the residents of a mental asylum out for an excursion. When Chris and I finally noticed the terrified squint he was giving us, we couldn’t contain the eruption of laughter that followed. We guffawed until it hurt.
I felt like I could be completely silly with Chris. Totally free, without fear of judgment or ridicule. He was the first person who’d made me laugh like this…
Crap!
There was no denying it any longer—my feelings for Chris were growing by the second and then something he’d said rang in my ears. All the women he’d dated thought that they would finally be the one to change him. Melt his heart and make him believe in love.
I needed to snap out of this. And fast. It was potentially very detrimental to my health—as in my heart could get ripped out of my chest and thrown to sea urchins to feast on. The man in the boat spoke.
“This is where you will snorkel,” he said, bringing two sets of flippers and snorkeling goggles to us.
“Oh, no thanks.” I waved an arm at him politely. I wasn’t going to leave Chris here on the boat by himself while I swam.
“It’s okay, go.” I could see he was forcing a smile.
“I don’t want to leave you here alone.”
“I’ll be fine,” he said, and I didn’t believe him.
“I have an idea.” I moved closer to him. “Why don’t you come with me?”
He shook his head quickly. “No thanks.”
“You can swim, right?” I asked.
“Yes, but—”
“So come with me. We’ll do it slowly.”
“I don’t know.” He sounded so reluctant.
“Trust me, Chris.”
I reached out and took his hand in mine and inched him toward the edge of the boat. I grabbed one of the life jackets and held it out in front of him.
“Take your shirt off,” I said, and this time Chris didn’t come back with a witty retort like, “I’ll take mine off if you take off yours.”
He started peeling his shirt off, and my eyes locked onto his hands and followed them. Pulling the hem up, lifting the fabric over his stomach, his chest, his head, and finally off. Chris dropped his shirt on the floor of the boat and looked at me.
There was a new emotion bubbling between us this time. And if this were a real relationship, this would be that moment when unconditional trust is formed. When a couple learns that they can rely on each other and face anything together. But this was not a real relationship.
I started putting his life jacket on and fastened the clips in the front. I pulled the strings hard, making sure they were totally secure, and then I led him to the edge of the boat.
“Maybe just one more.”
Chris grabbed another life jacket and wrapped it around himself. I watched as he did up the straps. His fingers were shaking slightly but I could see he was trying to hide it. If this had been a comedy I would have laughed; the jackets made him look like the Michelin Man, but there was nothing funny about this moment.
The water wasn’t very far below us at all. It was tiny jump, but I knew that for Chris it would probably feel like leaping out of a plane. I looked over at him. He was staring at the water in absolute horror.
“You’re not that kid anymore, Chris.”
He lifted his head and his eyes met mine. “No?”
“No. You’re successful and brilliant and funny and hot and you saved me from total humiliation when you didn’t even know me.”
He smiled faintly. “Thanks, Annie.”
“In fact, you are probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”
His smile grew, mine did not. Because the cruel, painful irony of that statement didn’t escape me.
“It’s ironic, but my fake relationship with you has probably been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and you aren’t even real.”
Sadness gnawed at me. I was twenty-seven years old. I’d spent most of my youth dating losers and assholes, and then when I thought I’d found the right guy, he turned out to be an asshole, too. And now I was on the wrong side of twenty-five, skidding toward thirty, and I still hadn’t found the right guy.
“What?” Chris asked. “What’re you thinking?”
I looked at him and wished he was mine. But he wasn’t. And none of this was really real.
“Nothing, it’s fine.” I perked up and squeezed his hand. “So are you ready to do this?”
Chris gave me a tiny nod.
“In three, two—”
“Wait.” Chris sounded panicked.
“Think of something else,” I quickly said.
“Like what?”
“Think happy things. Happy thoughts. Nice, distracting thoughts. What would make you feel better right now? What would make you forget all the bad memories and block it all out?”
Chris gave me that sexy smile I was going to miss. And then he kissed me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
It wasn’t a kiss like before. There was nothing small and soft and restrained about it. It wasn’t breathy lips that lingered, it was hungry and fiery and it consumed.
I felt my body being pulled off the ground as Chris wrapped his arms around me. I let out a surprised gasp as his lips came down on mine. Hard. It was real and raw and so fucking hot.
I opened my mouth and let Chris in. Our tongues and lips crashed and collided with no finesse whatsoever. It was frantic and uninhibited and desperate, as if I was drowning and he was the last drop of oxygen left in the world.
His arms moved down my body and I shuddered against him. They traveled lower and then he completely lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs and arms around him and held on for dear life. The kiss deepened and was almost suffocating. And then I felt us fall. And for a moment or two, we floated through the air as one, nothing stopping us or holding us back. I dug my nails into his back and clung on for dear life until…
Splash. We hit the water. For a moment our heads went under but the life jackets soon pulled us back up to the surface. Our kissing didn’t stop but I now wanted more from this moment. I wondered what would happen if I trailed my hand down his stomach and slipped it into his bathing suit. How far were we going to take this acting? And how far was too far?
The kissing finally slowed down. He ran the tip of his tongue over my lips and I drew it into my mouth, sucking on it gently. We were so in tune, as if we’d been kissing each other for years.
Chris finally pulled away. “Annie, I have to tell you something.” His face had drained of color.
Shit. And there it was. He was going to remind me that it had just been pretend. Make a wise-guy crack about being a good actor,
downplay the whole thing, and laugh it off in a way that would break my heart a little.
“You don’t have to,” I said quickly and broke away from him. I couldn’t bear hearing it, and I dove into the water and swam down where I knew he wouldn’t follow me.
Now, I’ve seen some beautiful things in my life. But nothing prepared me for the reef.
The coral came in every shape and color imaginable. The pink and orange bits that swayed like miniature palm trees in the water were by far the most spectacular. Large green bulbous-looking things drew the attention of a school of bright yellow fish. Small and feisty, they nibbled on the coral and darted around it at lightning speed. They were particularly small, but the reef was teeming with some substantially larger sea creatures of all shapes, colors, and sizes.
Blue and yellow fish with bright red lips swam up to my goggles and eyed me curiously. A luminous green fish with a pink-painted face also came to investigate, while the rest busied themselves with eating and swimming. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a large movement and turned to see a giant sea turtle gliding through the water. And by giant turtle, I mean that it was at least four feet long, making it more or less the size of a small child.
I looked up and Chris was still bobbing up and down. I finally resurfaced.
“What’s it like down there?” he asked.
“Why don’t you take your life jackets off and see for yourself.”
Chris smiled at me. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“I’m in the water. And I’m not scared. And now I’m going to take the life jackets off.”
We spent a good hour down there, popping up for oxygen and going back down. The world below felt mystical, magical, and so full of life and color that I didn’t want to leave. But finally the sheer exhaustion of treading water and swimming up and down the reef got to be too much and we both climbed back on the boat.
I collapsed on the bench, took my flippers and goggles off, and looked across at Chris. He was flipping through an underwater camera. I’d been so wrapped up in my own magical world down there that I’d hardly noticed he was taking pictures.
“Where did you get that from?”
“Bought it at the shop this morning while you were getting ready. I figured you might want to take some pics. I didn’t think I would be the one taking them, though.” He smiled happily to himself and my heart swelled with pride for him. He’d conquered something huge today, and I had helped him. I suppose it was the least I owed him, since he was helping me with Trevv.
I got up and sat next to him. He’d taken some amazing pics: a shy black-and-yellow eel peeping out from underneath a rock, a large blue fish feeding in the swaying arms of an orange anemone, and…
“Hey! That’s my bum.” I grabbed the camera away from him and started looking for the delete button.
“I was trying to take a picture of a fish.”
I scrutinized the photo. There was absolutely no evidence of any aquatic life form in the shot. “Oh…and where is this so-called fish?”
“There.” Chris pointed to the edge of the frame where I could just make out a tiny (practically invisible) yellow tail disappearing.
I turned and eyeballed him suspiciously. “Mmmm, I think you were just taking a photo of my bum.”
“And, so what if I was?” he asked with that dashing grin that lit up his ridiculously blue eyes.
*Internal sighing*
I zoomed in on the photo. “Well, it’s not exactly very flattering. It’s not a good angle.”
“I think it’s a great angle.” He snatched the camera away from me and held it up.
“I think you should delete it.”
“Why, are you scared I might put it on Facebook and tag you?”
“Who knows what evil plans you have for it.” I pulled the camera away again and located the delete button. The picture disappeared and Chris feigned a loud sigh of devastating disappointment. I tried to put on my best bossy face and glared at him.
“But seriously,” he said again, his tone more sober this time, “I really was just trying to get the fish. The fact that your bum was in the way was just a bonus.” Cue boyish grin that melts my heart again. Trying to resist Chris and fight off the feelings I was having for him seemed to be a useless exercise. Resistance was officially futile.
“I’m having a really good day, Chris.”
He smiled. “Me too. And if I believed in love, you might actually be the girl I’d finally fall for.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
What? Come again? What the fuck did that even mean?
How was that even a statement? It was just a string of words that all contradicted one another. There was no logic to it at all. Chris was up and speaking to the driver of the boat and I was left sitting there gaping in absolute shock. But Chris seemed as casual as could be. If he was any more laid-back right now, he would be dead.
“He’s taking us to another small island now,” he said.
“Oh.”
“It’s uninhabited.” Suddenly that sparkle in his eye was back and hope rushed in. Maybe he wanted to talk about things on the island and pick up where we’d left off earlier.
Only this time, it wouldn’t just be a kiss.
* * *
We finally reached our destination twenty minutes later: a small island with the whitest beaches I had ever seen. The beach seemed to slope up into thick, dense forest; there were a few paths that seemed to wind their way into it. After a fresh—plucked from the ocean in front of our eyes—seafood barbeque, we went exploring the small island.
At one point we simply walked in absolute silence, side by side, down the beach, picking up purple cowrie shells and small bits of dried coral that had broken off and washed to shore.
When our intrepid exploration was over, we collapsed down on the beach and sat together looking out over the sea. It was a beautiful day and we were in one of the most magical places on earth. The sea was a pale turquoise color and completely calm. The sand was as white as snow and soft to the touch. I could stay here forever. With Chris. In this perfect fantasy bubble that we’d created.
“So, Annie, what are your plans for the future?” Chris suddenly asked out of the blue.
My heart fluttered at the line of questioning. “That’s a bit broad.”
“Oh you know, marriage, babies, the suburbs, PTA meetings?”
“PTA meetings?”
“Yeah, you’d look good as one of those soccer moms running your redheaded sons around. You’d definitely be the hottest, and coolest mom at school. The local MILF for sure.”
“The things that come out of your mouth sometimes! If I didn’t know you by now, I could probably sue for sexual harassment.”
“I’m just saying. If I was a senior in high school and you were one of my friends’ moms, I’d totally be fantasizing—”
I put my hand over his mouth. “Okay. Stop. I think what you’re suggesting is illegal in a million different states.”
“And you’re a great kisser, by the way.” Chris slowly pulled my hand away from his face and held on to it. He laced his fingers though mine and then laid our hands on the warm sand between us. I tried to remain as calm as possible, and not betray the crazy feelings and slightly mad internal monologue that was raging through my mind right then. It was such a small, simple gesture but it felt so incredibly intimate. It felt big.
“So?” he asked again.
“So what?” I was so focused on the feeling of his hand in mine that I’d totally forgotten what we were talking about.
“PTA meetings? Carpooling?”
“Oh. That. Yes,” I managed. “Well, to be honest…” I paused. It was still hard to think about this specific detail of that day, let alone talk about it. “I kind of thought that Trevv and I would get married. In fact, that day I walked in on them, I actually thought he was going to be proposing to me that night.”
“Seriously?” Chris sounded surprised.
“Stupid, I know
. But I found this receipt from a jewelry store and we were having dinner at our favorite restaurant that night and he’d bought red roses. It was so fucking embarrassing, I even asked him about it in the police station.”
“And what did he say?” Chris leaned in, looking totally intrigued by this conversation.
“Hey, I hope you’re not enjoying this,” I said quickly. “I know it’s all a bit like a morbid car crash, but seriously, that was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, especially when I got pathetic and said, ‘But you’re supposed to be marrying me. Why aren’t you marrying me? Marry me. Marry me.’”
“Ouch. Sorry.” Chris looked less intrigued now and more concerned.
“Tell me about it. I basically begged him to take me back and marry me, even after what he’d just done.”
“And now? You don’t still have any feelings for him, do you?” He flicked his eyes away from mine. “Romantic feelings?” Chris looked almost shy now, and my heart rate quickened slightly. Excited butterflies pushed their way into my stomach.
“Would it make you jealous if I did?”
“Well, you are my pretend girlfriend, in case you’d forgotten.” Chris stopped the eye acrobatics and brought them up to rest on mine again.
“And you’re my pretend boyfriend,” I repeated, feeling deflated about where this conversation had landed again. Clearly, he truly was incapable of feeling anything real.
* * *
We finally got back to the resort at around five p.m. The evenings always look so beautiful; the light appears tinged with an incandescent pink, making the green of the plants pop even more and turning the water into a subtle rose color. In the delicate pink glow, Chris’s eyes looked even bluer. A little darker, deeper, and dreamier.
“Do you want to go for a swim in the pool, now that the sun’s not too bad?” Chris asked.
“A swim?” I eyed him.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind making up for lost time.”