by Jo Watson
“Stop!” My voice came out loud and firm now.
Chris stopped. The rain started slowing down. And just as fast as it had started, it vanished. We stood there looking at each other for a while. You could have cut the awkward tension with a blunt, cardboard knife.
“I want to go back to the hotel,” I said.
My small handbag lay on the ground and I picked it up. I reached inside and thankfully the water hadn’t killed my phone. I opened my Uber app and located one nearby.
“Uber will be here in seven minutes.”
It was the longest seven minutes of my life. Chris and I sat on the pavement next to each other, wet, cold, shivering, and in total silence. I was trying to make sense of what had just happened. And I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I felt.
A part of me was angry. It was hard to explain, other than for some reason I felt like I had been cheapened by the moment we’d just shared. Would he really have fucked me up against a wall on a street? Was he that kind of guy? Was I that kind of girl?
A part of me was also just embarrassed. I’d just had a loud, thrashing, screaming orgasm against a wall on the side of a public road, after causing a massive scene in a restaurant and getting dramatically engaged and possibly nearly arrested once more. I felt my cheeks go hot again. I’d behaved like a woman possessed. Suddenly I wondered what Chris thought of me. Was he now also wondering if I was the kind of girl that would fuck a guy on the side of the road?
“Jesus.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
Chris turned. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Sssshhhh,” I hushed him again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I do.” He turned his whole body in my direction now and I cringed. “I should never have let it go that far. Please don’t feel like I just took advantage of you or something. It was all my fault and I’m sorry and I hope you don’t feel like I was using you or would have actually—”
“Oh please. You wouldn’t have stopped.” I cut him off.
“Would you?” he asked.
I turned and looked at him. “We both let it go too far. This whole night just snowballed. I mean, you fucking proposed to me in a room full of people, in front of Trevv, and now supposedly we’re getting married. We crossed some weird line tonight, Chris. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what got into me, either.”
We didn’t say another word to each other for the rest of the way back to the hotel. I was too busy trying to figure out how to get out of this mess.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I lay in the bath staring up at the ceiling. The warm water was soothing and had been very welcome when we’d finally gotten back to the room and my teeth actually stopped chattering.
Chris was downstairs, I could hear him typing away on his computer. He’d been typing for ages already. I’d thought a lot since the incident against the wall, and my thoughts were definitely a little more coherent now.
The whole thing had just shocked and terrified me. The total loss of inhibition and control had frightened me. I didn’t really recognize it and wasn’t even sure of where it had come from in the first place. Since meeting Chris I had done things that I would never normally do; it was clear he wielded some kind of power over me. God, I even thought I…
I…
I sat up in the bath, refusing to let that little thought enter my head again. I got out and wrapped a towel around me.
That I…
Persistent little fucker. I grabbed a toothbrush and started frantically brushing, but it was no use. That thought was going to surface whether I liked it or not.
I was falling in love with him.
I held on to the bathroom sink and shook my head. Everything about Chris and me was spiraling out of control. Everything about the way I felt about him, the kinds of things I wanted to do with him and nearly did…all out of control.
But I had finally settled on a way out of this mess. I just needed to tell Chris. I got dressed in a pair of pajamas and walked downstairs, where I found him hunched over his computer.
“Hi,” I called out and he turned immediately.
“Hey.” He reached a hand back and closed his computer.
“Still don’t want me to see it?” I said, forcing a faint smile.
He shook his head. “No.”
I walked over to the sofa and sat. “I wanted to tell you what I’ve decided to do.”
“Okay.” Chris walked over and was just about to sit next to me, when he moved away and sat on the other sofa.
“I’m going to tell Trevv tomorrow that the whole thing was a lie.”
“What? You can’t.”
“I have to. It’s all just too crazy and has been blown so far out of proportion. And I…I also can’t keep pretending like this anymore.”
“But don’t you care what he’ll think?”
“Oh, I do care, I care that he’s going to be right about me, that I’m pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic, Annie.”
“I am. Anyone that pretends to have a boyfriend, and gets fake engaged just to prove to someone else that they’re not lonely and sad and miserable, is lame and pathetic.”
“Annie…”
“No. It’s okay. I can deal with it. What I can’t deal with any longer is this, though. It’s just getting…it’s…”
“We took it too far tonight.” Chris nodded.
“Yup. I mean, it reads like some ridiculous story line from one of those revenge comedy movies we spoke about.”
Chris suddenly looked uncomfortable. “I suppose.” His voice was soft and slightly quivery.
“So I’m going to tell him tomorrow and face whatever smug laughter comes my way.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No. It’s fine. This is something I have to do by myself.”
Chris was nodding, but I could see he didn’t quite agree.
“And then in the morning, I’m going to be moving back into my old room because my friends are coming.”
“Are you breaking up with me, Annie Anne?” Chris looked up and gave a faint smile.
“Yup!” I smiled back.
“Will I still see you?”
“Sure. We can still hang out…as friends.”
“But we’re not, are we? We were on a date last night and, correct me if I’m wrong, it was going pretty well.”
I smiled. I’d forgotten about that. In all the madness of the night I had almost forgotten those moments that we’d shared together before Tress had ruined it all.
“I’m not sure I’d call a first date that ended in a first fight, a proposal, and an almost arrest one that went well. Hey, you never did tell me why you decided to fight Trevv in the first place.”
“Never mind,” Chris said dismissively.
“Tell me.”
“The drinks he sent us. Let’s just say they weren’t very flattering.”
“No. You can’t say stuff like that and not tell me.”
Chris eyed me for a few moments, “They were called redheaded…rhymes with nuts…”
“Redheaded sluts? He sent over redheaded sluts?” I stood up, suddenly feeling enraged all over again. “The fucking bastard. If anyone is a slut it’s him. And her. Filthy man-whore and his roaming bloody penis! And her and her macadamia-nut-oil hair and her bouncy breasts. I can’t believe it!”
Chris stood up looking like he was about to get worked up again, too. “So you see why I had to defend your honor.”
“Now I wish I’d hit him myself.”
“You should have!”
“I think I would have aimed a little more south, though. And it wouldn’t have been a slap, it might have been a knee, or a chair.”
“You can still do it.”
“I wish!”
“You can, Annie. Hit him where it really hurts. Let’s go through with our fake wedding. Come on, you can’t let him fucking win!”
For a second I got carried away in the idea of it all again, but shook it
off. “No. I think it’s time to call this whole thing quits.”
“It’s your call.” Chris sat back down in the couch again.
“I’m going to pack my bags and then I’m going to bed. Night, Chris.” I started walking away from him.
“About the wall,” he called after me.
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “What exactly about the wall?”
“You were right, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop.”
Something shot up my spine, and I instinctively folded my arms across my chest.
“But if it had happened, like that, I would have really regretted it.”
“Oh?”
Chris climbed out the chair and started walking toward me, and my traitorous body reacted by sending shivers along my spine.
“I wouldn’t have wanted it to happen like that. There. And in that way.”
“Mmmmm…” My arms loosened and the words were on the tip of my tongue: “How would you have wanted it to happen? Show me, Chris. Show me.” But I didn’t say it. This was exactly what I meant. The line. There was a line and the two of us kept stepping over it. This was one of those times, despite contradictory messages being screamed at me by my body, to stay on the right side of it. It was getting too real and too painful to keep stepping over it like this.
“You don’t believe in love, correct?” I blurted out. That was not what I’d wanted to say.
“I…I…,” Chris stuttered, clearly thrown by the question. God, I was thrown by the question.
“You don’t believe in love and you live on the other side of the world. I believe in love and roses and Valentine’s cards, and even if it’s hard and it hurts and sometimes I hate it, I still believe in it. And you just want to have fun for a few days, make the most of our time together and kiss me and be the perfect pretend boyfriend and I…I don’t, I can’t do it anymore.”
I waited for him to say something. For him to open his mouth and tell me he was wrong about it all, that he did now believe in love and that it was because of me.
But he didn’t.
I sighed. Stupid Annie, now I was that girl that thought she could change his mind and melt his cold heart.
“Good night, Chris.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I snuck out early before the sun was up to avoid Chris’s detection. When I got downstairs he was slumped over his computer fast asleep. He must have written all night. He looked like he’d made himself a little nest again: coffee cups, empty bags of chips, and a pair of terribly ugly and unfashionable reading glasses that I’d never seen before.
He was so perfectly imperfect.
I crept out, closing the door behind me, and returned to my little hovel. As soon as I got there I dropped my bag on the floor and climbed on top of the blanket and closed my eyes again. I’d barely gotten any sleep last night thinking about how Chris was just downstairs. Besides, it was way too early to be awake.
“Annie! Annie!” I woke up to loud banging and calling. I knew exactly who it was. Lilly.
“Hang on a second.” I climbed off the bed and walked over to the door. As soon as it was open, an overly enthusiastic Lilly burst in and hugged me. Jane followed, looking a little less enthusiastic; she hated traveling, her height made it a truly uncomfortable, cramped experience.
“We’re finally here! I thought we’d never get here.” Lilly flounced into the room like she always did. “I swear I thought I was going to die at one stage. I’m totally better now, though, thank God, and I am so ready to drink cocktails and lie on the beach and tan and drink more cocktails and dance and…In fact, let’s start now.”
Lilly made a move for the bar fridge as Jane threw herself down on the bed, stretching out her legs.
“Ooohh, what do we have here?” Lilly pulled out a little dinky bottle of sparkling wine. “Small, but it will do for our first official holiday toast.” She bent down and grabbed two wineglasses and a coffee cup. “Not enough glasses.”
She was like a hurricane of holiday happiness, and I was feeling very overwhelmed as she swayed this way and that way.
“Here we go.” She thrust a glass into my hand—there were probably only two sips in it—and gave the other one to Jane.
“To us.” Lilly held her coffee cup in the air. “To having an amazing vacation, even though it’s a little short, and to…” She stopped dead in the middle of her sentence and stared at me.
“Annie?” She lowered her glass and walked all the way up to me. Her face scrunched up and she gazed at me suspiciously. “What’s going on? You seem…”
Lilly walked around me, and I felt myself crumbling under her penetrative gaze. “Something is definitely up, you seem very…”
“Yes!” Jane piped up. “I can see it. Something is different. And it is not the sunburn.”
“What’s going on?” Lilly put her cup down. She and Jane moved to stand in front of me. I downed the two sips in my glass, and then did the same to Lilly and Jane’s.
“Frankly, I don’t even know where to start.”
“Hey, Annie,” Damien called as he stuck his head through the door. Lilly squirmed a little and looked at me apologetically.
“I know we said girls’ holiday, but you know…and it’s just Damien, I mean he’s practically one of the girls anyway…sort of.”
“Hi.” I waved at Damien as he walked in and wrapped an arm around Lilly.
“They just can’t go for more than a day without having sex,” Jane said and dropped into the chair. “You won’t believe what they did in the plane.”
Lilly giggled as Damien nuzzled into her neck. Jane rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Let’s just say it was the longest ‘bathroom’ break”—Jane wildly gestured air quotes all over the place—“in Mauritius Air’s history.”
“It could have been longer,” Lilly said with a slight giggle. “But there’s always later.”
“Oh God, you two. Stop! Please, you’re making me feel sick again,” Jane teased. “Besides, Annie was about to tell us something.”
“Okay, I’ll leave you guys to your girl talk.” Damien turned.
“No. Wait. It might be good to get a male’s opinion,” I said. “But first, this calls for a lot more alcohol.”
“Why?” Lilly asked, looking concerned again.
“Trevv and Tess are here!”
“What?” A chorus of gasps and shocked whats rose up, and everyone’s eyes widened.
“Jesus, why the hell didn’t you call and tell us?” Lilly rushed forward.
“We would have totally booked you into another hotel.” Damien came and laid a hand on my shoulder.
“So what have you been doing?” Lilly said. “Hiding in this room the whole time? Have you seen them? What did you say to them? Oh God, what did he say to you, did they apologize, did they—”
“Stop!” Jane was now standing in the middle of the room scanning it. “This is not right.” She walked up to the dressing table and ran her hands over the surface. She opened the bathroom door and stuck her head in. She walked up to the cupboard and peered inside. She even dropped to her hands and knees and looked under the bed.
“I lived with you for two months, Annie, and in all that time, there was always something lying on the floor. There was always a mess…” Jane rested her intense gaze on me and I felt like I was crumbling under it. She could be so intimidating at times; it was those different-colored eyes.
“Where have you been sleeping, Annie?” She folded her arms.
“Oh my God!” Lilly gasped and jumped back. “You and Trevv are back together. How did it happen? Where is Tess? Did he beg, have you been having sex with him, noooo, tell me you haven’t used nipple clamps!”
“Annie!” Jane sounded furious. “Just tell me you didn’t. Not Trevv. Don’t you remember what he did to you?”
“Guys.” I tried to stop them but they were off.
“Guys!” I shouted and they stopped. “His name is Chris. Okay. It’s not Trevv. It�
��s Chris.”
“Who’s Chris?” Lilly had finally calmed down.
“He’s sort of, well, we’ve kind of been…”
They all leaned in. “Been what?” Jane’s eyes were wider than before.
“He’s been pretending to be my Boyden for the last few days.”
“Boyden from Down Under?” Damien spoke. He’d been watching this whole thing unfold with something that resembled quiet amusement. He was used to Lilly’s intensely dramatic moments. She was rather known for them actually, and as much as she would hate to admit it, she had more in common with her theater actress mother than she thought.
“It’s a really long and complicated story.”
“Well then, you better get started,” Jane said.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
It felt like I’d been talking for hours. We were all seated on my veranda, Damien swaying in the hammock and Lilly and Jane sitting across the table from me.
When it was all finally over, when I had told them about every single tiny detail (apart from the wall), they looked at me and said nothing for the longest time.
“I know.” I held my head in my hands. “I know what you guys are all going to say. That it’s ridiculous, it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s embarrassing and totally mad and it got totally out of control and that’s why I’ve decided I’m just going to tell Trevv the truth so I don’t have to run around pretending anymore and so we can all just put this thing behind us. I know.”
I downed the last sip of the bright green cocktail that Damien had commandeered for us all about halfway through the story, when I think he was starting to get bored.
“So?” I looked at them all, willing them to say something.
“It’s fucking genius.” Damien was the first to speak, and my mouth fell open.
“What?” I asked, looking straight at him, trying to read his expression.
“What?” Jane swung around. “You can’t be serious, Damien.”
“It’s brilliant. It’s the best thing I’ve heard in ages. Congratulations for pulling something like that off. I salute you!” He held his glass up. “And whoever this Chris is, he deserves an Oscar, I mean…” Damien started to chuckle now. “An Australian accent. For two days straight.”