On the other hand, medical professionals were few and far between, and terminating a pregnancy was a risky procedure that countless women in the past had died from. The thought of losing her friend to such a tragedy made her face go cold with horror.
“What if you can't find one who can . . . help you?” she asked quietly.
Vicky shuddered violently. “I don't know,” she said in a tiny voice. Then she stiffened, expression becoming fierce. “But even if I have no choice but to have it, Kris, I'm not raising it. I'm not! Not after what they did to me. They destroyed my life, they don't get to have this, too.”
Kristy murmured soothingly and rubbed her friend's back, crying with her as she suffered all the pain in the world.
* * * * *
By the time sunset rolled around Kristy was exhausted, heartsick, and more dispirited than she ever remembered being. At least not since before Tom rolled up with the trucks full of rescued convoy members outside Newpost.
Huddling in the mountain man's comforting arms was a balm she desperately needed, some sense that even though the world was insane and cruel and was currently crushing those she loved most, at least things weren't completely hopeless. Feeling his reassuring warmth beside her even gave her the courage and resolve she needed to decide on something that had been teasing her mind ever since discovering the awful news that Vicky was pregnant.
But she wasn't ready to act just yet. Instead, she clung to Tom, returning his kisses and caresses with desperate need, drawing strength from his solid presence.
She was slightly annoyed when he interrupted their enjoyable intimacy to talk about the coming trip. “No one seems inclined to dawdle when it comes to heading to Utah Valley,” he observed. “What would you say to leaving day after tomorrow?”
“That's fine,” Kristy mumbled, pulling away slightly. She just wanted to get back to kissing him, but she had a feeling if she didn't bite the bullet now she might not be able to tonight. Might not be able to ever.
So she took a deep breath and stared into his calm gray eyes. “Tom, we're getting married, aren't we?”
He froze, eyes going huge. “Is-um . . . are you proposing to me right now?”
Kristy felt a moment of annoyance. Why in the world would he jump to that conclusion? “No, and when you propose, or, um, if, you'd better make it a fantastic one.” Drat, this was already off to a bad start. She took another deep breath and hastily continued before he could speak. “Vicky's pregnant.”
She expected more shock from him, but he just nodded sadly.
That was enough to temporarily derail the discussion, as she stared at him in surprise. “You knew?”
Tom shrugged uncomfortably. “I suspected. I was in charge of the convoy, so it was kind of my job to pay attention, especially when people go off on their own away from the safety of the group. I noticed her sneaking away when she could and coming back pale and sickly, and there were only a few reasons for that. Also, they've lived with us for weeks . . . picked up enough other hints here and there to draw the obvious conclusion. And the fact that she wanted to keep it secret points to the source of it, so I can't blame her for wanting to endure it in private.”
Kristy was a bit annoyed that he'd noticed before she had, and even more so that he hadn't mentioned it to her. Although it was hard to be angry at him for respecting her friend's privacy. And on the upside, it meant she only needed to spring one unpleasant surprise on him, rather than coming to him with this while he was already reeling from the news.
So she steeled her nerves and reached for his hand, holding it in both hers as she stared into his solemn eyes. “Tom, the reason Bob and Vicky want to come with us up to Utah Valley is to see if they can find a doctor to . . . take care of this.”
“Seems reasonable,” he agreed, expression sympathetic and supportive.
Well, she hoped he'd be that openminded about the rest of what she had to say. She squeezed his hand gently. “But if they can't, it would be the worst thing imaginable to force Vicky to have to have this child, then have to raise it. She's already suffered so much, is suffering so much, because of what they did to her.”
Tom stiffened, not quite jerking his hand away. “I'm not liking where this is heading.”
“You think I am?” she snapped, before clawing for her self-composure. “Tom, Vicky's more than just my best friend. She's family. She and Bob were there for me when Miles was dying, and took me and Skyler in afterwards. I couldn't have made it without them.” She squeezed his hand again, pleading with her eyes as much as her words. “I can't let her suffer this if I can do something about it.”
He closed his eyes, obviously also struggling to be reasonable. “Just to be clear, what you want to do about it is take in the baby if they can't find a doctor to terminate the pregnancy?”
It was hard not to flinch at hearing the situation so bluntly laid out. “Yes.”
The mountain man sighed. “Kristy, we're not even hitched yet. We haven't even talked about it, unless you count just barely. We didn't even have our first kiss until a week ago. You want to start off our marriage raising the rape baby of the family that lives a stone's throw from us?” She started to reply angrily, but he kept going in a firm voice. “If you're wanting to spare the Hendricksons having to bear that burden, what good would it really do them when they have to see the child every day?”
Kristy hesitated, grudgingly acknowledging that point. “It's not just for them. What kind of life would a child have, coming into the world under those circumstances? How could the family not blame it, at least unconsciously, for what it represents?”
“Would we do any better?” Tom looked away. “Maybe it's selfish, but I want to have a family of my own. My own kids. With you. Would you really want to have our own baby while already raising one, one that's not even ours? Ruin our lives because of what those monsters did in Newpost?”
Normally she would've been thrilled to hear all his hopes and dreams of a future with her, but under the circumstances, she couldn't believe he was saying it. Snatching her hands back, she turned away angrily. “Who says I even want to have your kids, Tom Miller?” she snapped. She regretted the words immediately, but couldn't bring herself to take them back.
He sighed, seeming more weary than angry. Weary and hurt, which made her feel even worse. “I'm perfectly willing to help you look for someone to adopt the baby.”
Kristy snorted derisively. “Adoption. When everyone out there is just struggling to feed themselves, you think anyone would be willing to take in someone else's baby? Especially a, as you so callously put it, “rape baby” fathered by the monsters that are invading our country? Nobody's going to be lining up to adopt it, and what sort of life would it have with whoever we could find?”
Tom stubbornly pressed the argument. “I'd be willing to help pay to raise it, if that's what it takes.”
Help pay, with Miles's wealth no doubt. And never mind that she'd given it to him and it was his, she still had trouble seeing it as anyone's but her husband's. Not that that mattered. “In that case, we might as well raise it ourselves, so we can be sure it has a good life.”
“Raising it ourselves is exactly the problem I have with-” he cut off sharply and sucked in a breath, obviously fighting to rein in his temper. “Maybe we can save the yelling for when this actually threatens to destroy our relationship.” When she stiffened at that he added. “By which I mean we should wait and see if the Hendricksons can find a doctor to help them out, before we argue too much over it when it turns out to be a non-issue.”
Kristy didn't like shelving the discussion when Vicky was in such emotional turmoil and an answer would ease her burden. But she had a feeling this really might ruin her relationship with the mountain man if she didn't drop the issue, at least for now.
So she climbed to her feet, shaking away his attempt to take her hand. “I'm disappointed in you, Tom. I wouldn't have thought this would be a problem. Not compared to the good we could do.”
Chapter Five
On the Trail Again
Tom shouldn't have been surprised.
By what Kristy was asking of him, sure, that came out of left field. But the fact was that in the past she'd been willing to break a promise to him, not to mention try to talk him into a suicidal attempt to sneak into Newpost to rescue the Hendricksons, for her friend's sake. Which was a pretty solid clue about her loyalty to Vicky.
So why shouldn't she be willing to blow up their relationship to help her now?
He supposed he could admire her willingness to make sacrifices for a friend, if she wasn't dragging him along with her. Especially since this smacked of a decision already made and an ultimatum given, rather than a cooperative effort they both agreed on.
And Tom just wasn't sure he could agree on this, because it wasn't going to be a realistic solution.
What did Kristy think would happen if they took the baby in, especially when their relationship was already so new and fragile? Tom couldn't predict the future, but he had a feeling that every time the young woman looked at the child she'd think of what had happened to her friend, and it would hover over her every attempt at nurturing.
He knew she already felt some guilt about the fact that of all the women in the convoy, she'd been spared that fate. Irrational, maybe, but understandable. And on top of that, Kristy would be seeing Vicky every day too, which meant Vicky would be seeing the baby every day. So she wouldn't really even be solving her friend's problem of the baby serving as a constant reminder of what she'd suffered. It might even just compound Vicky's pain, with guilt over choosing to give up the baby and place a burden on her friend.
That sort of stew of emotions wouldn't do anything good for a baby, and that would just pile onto Kristy's guilt. And in the meantime, she'd practically made the adoption a condition of them getting married, so Tom was going to get dragged into that stew of emotions as well. It would rot their relationship from the inside until they were both miserable, and it wouldn't even help anyone or make anything better.
Of course, that might just be the most pessimistic possibility.
But the crazy thing was, even though he knew it could, and probably would, end disastrously, Tom was still finding himself leaning towards agreeing. For her. Although he had to consider the fact that after being strong-armed into that sort of life-altering decision, he'd have his own stew of emotions to add to the pot if things began going south.
What a mess.
And it was already starting; Kristy refused to talk to him the entire next day, as they prepared for the trip up to Utah Valley. In fact, she found excuses to walk away whenever he got within ten feet of her, and the meals were so frigid that Tom found himself collecting his food and eating elsewhere.
Even engulfed in their own turmoil, Bob and Vicky couldn't help but notice the sudden chilling in their friends' relationship. Tom wasn't sure if Vicky talked to Kristy, but Bob certainly approached him awkwardly to ask just what the blazes was going on. Tom wasn't sure exactly how to answer that, since the issue involved the man, so he deflected the question as an argument they were working through.
Only it didn't seem as if they actually were, because that evening when he looked for Kristy to walk to their spot to enjoy the sunset together, she was nowhere to be seen. Trying to ignore the sinking in his gut, he went alone hoping she'd eventually join him.
She didn't; after waiting almost a full hour past sunset, he gave up and went to bed.
So was this it, then? Giving up after the first real hurdle in their relationship, without even talking about it? Maybe he should've seen the warning signs when Kristy broke her word upon reaching Newpost. And come to think of it, she hadn't really changed her mind there, either. She'd just followed through when, against all odds, he'd managed to do what she wanted after all.
Maybe ending things before they became too serious was a blessing in disguise.
Only it didn't feel like a blessing; he was miserable, confused about whether she really cared about him, and suddenly all the plans for the future, if it didn't involve her, seemed pointless. Even going up to Utah Valley to retrieve Miles's fantastical treasure, assuming it really existed, was no longer exciting.
He knew his bitterness and pessimism was just the hurt talking, that he was probably blowing things out of proportion and assuming the worst about the direction things seemed to be going with the young woman. But knowing didn't do much to change his mood, or his outlook.
Tom's last thought before falling asleep was the resolution that he wasn't going to give up without even talking to Kristy. Maybe she wouldn't change her mind, and maybe neither would he, but at least they'd both know one way or another.
He was up early the next morning, getting the horses ready and making sure the things they'd packed the day before were all neatly arranged and everything they'd need, and only that. He was a bit surprised when Skyler joined him without needing to be woken up; looked as if the boy was used to early mornings now.
It was a relief to find that Skyler treated him the same as always; either he wasn't aware of the friction between the Tom and his mom, which seemed impossible, or he was tactful enough not to mention it. Tom was just grateful that he seemed to still have at least one friend among the group, and after finishing up the final preparations even spent a while as they waited for the others teaching the boy to ride Mary on his own.
Kristy finally came down with the Hendricksons, later than any of them usually got up. The morning sun turned her hair into a golden halo, and in spite of the current tension between them Tom couldn't help but stare, feeling a surge of fondness and longing.
Ruination, she was beautiful. And one of the warmest and most genuine people he'd ever met. Stubborn, sure, but it was hard not to argue that her stubbornness had carried her and her son safely through some hard times. Even now, with this unreasonable demand of hers, he reminded himself that it came from good intentions, a desire to help her friend.
Would it be such a difficult thing to raise someone else's child, for her sake? Not to mention a chance to ease the suffering of their friends, and possibly offer a baby a better life in a family less likely to resent it.
He loved Kristy, and he wanted to spend his life with her. If she could choose to live with him in the mountains, even though it wasn't the life she wanted, couldn't he make this sacrifice for her?
The young woman looked up from watching her step on the steep stairs down to the flat and caught him gawking at her. For a moment her expression softened with that warm and loving look he still couldn't quite believe was for him. Then her stubbornness reasserted itself, and she looked away.
Well, at least there was some warmth there still. He'd talk to her and they'd sort this out.
So he left Mary placidly plodding around the flat with Skyler on her back, and went over to meet the flaxen-haired woman. At his approach, Bob and Vicky, conscious of the mood in the air, ushered Lisa over to their mule to make their final preparations.
That left him alone with Kristy, the air thick with tension. He decided he'd get the conversation going with something innocuous, before steering it towards the issue hanging between them like an ominous cloud. “I figure we'll head to Emery and pick up the wagon, then go north along Highway 10 until we hit Huntington. We can split off there onto 31, take it through the mountains to-”
Kristy interrupted him. “Just so we're clear,” she said coolly, “I'm coming along to be there for Vicky through this. I wish you the best of luck finding your treasure, and I hope it's everything you hoped for.”
Tom's spirits sank. “Kristy . . .”
She ignored his pleading tone. “Unless you've got something you want to tell me?”
He felt his back stiffen, despondency turning to indignation. First, she walks away the moment he objects to an outrageous demand,
then she freezes him out ever since, and now she was delivering ultimatums? “Can't think of anything,” he growled, then pointedly turned away to call for Skyler to bring Mary over, so they could get going.
He flinched slightly when she spoke at his back, tone even more frosty. “Well then, thank you for agreeing to guide us up to Utah Valley. Not that we really need one.”
Hard to believe he could feel so heated and so cold and numb at the same time, his few remaining hopes sinking into a knot in the pit of his stomach. He called Skyler over to the other mounts, where he had the boy hop down and got their things arranged behind the saddle on each animal's back. That way there was room for Vicky on the mule, Kristy on Mary, and Lisa up on Horse.
The girl's dark eyes were wide with uncertainty about being on the big stallion, but Tom held the reins and led him at the front, while Bob took the rear holding the mule's reins.
After a final look to make sure they were good to go, and everything on the flat was squared away, Tom started up the valley towards the higher meadow.
The Hendricksons didn't argue with his choice of direction, maybe didn't even notice anything was amiss. But after a minute or two, Kristy nudged Mary up beside him, looking confused. “Is this a shortcut to Emery? It's going to take us way north of town.”
“Emery's out of the way,” Tom replied curtly. “I know a good road that'll take us up to Utah Valley on a more direct route, shave close to a day off the trip.”
“What about the wagon?” she demanded, then hesitated and lowered her voice, glancing back at Lisa. “And the Geiger counter and hazmat suits?”
“Waste of time and money getting them. There's nothing I want up there.” He picked up the pace a little, and rather than pursuing the topic the young woman simply let Mary fall back, letting him get ahead again.
Tom had walked for almost a minute before Lisa cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Uh, Trapper? She's just sitting back there. And, um, Mom and Dad and Skyler stopped, too.”
Mountain Man (Book 2): Homecoming Page 9