Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
From the Author
Can't Let You Go
By Allie Everhart
Can't Let You Go
By Allie Everhart
Copyright © 2016 Allie Everhart
All rights reserved.
Published by Waltham Publishing, LLC
Cover Design by Okay Creations
This book is a work of fiction. The characters, things, and events are fictitious, and any similarities to real persons (live or dead), things, or events are coincidental and not intended by the author. Brand names of products mentioned in this book are used for reference only and the author acknowledges that any trademarks and product names are the property of their respective owners.
The author holds exclusive rights to this work and unauthorized duplication is prohibited. No part of this book is to be reproduced in any form without written permission from the author.
CHAPTER ONE
High School Graduation Night
Bryce
"We're finally free," I say, laying back on the bed of my truck. Jen is next to me, lying on the sleeping bags I laid out for us.
She laughs. "Not me. In a few months I'll be back to studying. Doing homework. It'll be like high school but more work. And I'll be working two jobs, maybe three."
I turn on my side, facing her. "Let me help you. I don't have a lot of money saved but I have a little and I'll make more this summer."
"Bryce, no." She turns to face me and my eyes get caught on her beautiful face, her delicate features highlighted by the bright moon just above us. "You're not giving me money."
"I don't want you working so much. College is tough, and then you're going to work two jobs? It's too much."
"I can handle it. I promise." She runs her hand along the side of my face. "I won't disappoint you."
"You'd never disappoint me." I take her hand from my cheek and kiss her palm. "I'm so damn proud of you."
"I'm only going to college because of you. Because you helped me. Supported me. Believed in me."
"I'll always do those things. You're my best friend. You always will be."
She looks down. "Please say we won't grow apart when I start college."
"Why would we grow apart?"
"Because we won't see each other every day. You'll be busy with work and I'll be busy with school and—"
"Doesn't matter." I slip my hand under her chin and lift it slightly. "Jen, look at me." Her eyes go to mine. "I don't care how busy we are or what's going on in our lives. I'll always be here for you. I'll always care about you. And I'll find a way to see you, no matter what. You're more important to me than anything else."
A tear slips down her cheek. "I'm going to miss you."
I wipe the tear away with my thumb. "I'm right here. Always. And when you start college in the fall, I'm just a phone call away. Anytime you need me, day or night, just call and I'll be there."
She nods, another tear escaping.
I hate seeing her cry, but I understand why she's doing it. She's sad that high school is ending. I'm sad too. It's been an emotional day for everyone. Saying goodbye to friends. Goodbye to your old life.
Tomorrow is a new beginning. A new life. The start of adulthood. I'll be working construction full-time for my dad and Jen will be working at a restaurant, saving money for college. We'll both still be in Chicago, but with our different work schedules, I won't see her as much as I did when we were in school together.
Jen and I have seen each other every day since the day we met back in first grade, so not seeing her every day is going to be a huge change. A change neither of us wants. But that's life. Change happens whether you like it or not.
"I'm not ready for this," she says, wiping her eyes. "I've been excited about graduation for months, but now it's here and I'm not ready for it to be done."
"I'm not either but it's time." I brush the back of my hand over her cheek. "You're gonna do great, Jen. You're gonna kick ass at college, graduate, get a great job."
"And what about you? Is construction what you really want to do? Will you be happy?"
"I'm working for my dad, helping out the family business, so yeah."
Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll be happy or not. I worked construction all through high school so I know what I'm doing and it's okay work, but doing it full-time? I don't know if I'll like it. My brothers seem to, so maybe I will too. It's not like I have any other options. I'm not smart like Jen. I've always struggled in school, so construction is really the only thing I can do.
"I just want you to be happy." She softly smiles and my eyes go to her lips. The lips I've wanted to kiss for years now. Since junior high, when I stopped seeing Jen as just my friend and started seeing her as a girl. A girl I'd want to kiss.
I'm not sure when Jen saw me as more than just a friend but I know she does. I feel the attraction between us and I have for years. But we've never acted on our feelings, not willing to put our friendship at risk. So for the past four years, I've had to watch her date other guys, wishing it were me.
"I'm happy right now," I tell her. "With you. Looking up at the stars."
She gazes up at the dark night sky while I gaze at the girl who owns my heart. The girl I would do anything for. The girl I love.
How can I ever let her go? I know it'll be at least four years before she even considers leaving Chicago, but if and when she does, what'll I do? How will I go on without her?
"They're beautiful," she says, taking her eyes off the stars and putting them back on me. "Don't you think?"
"I think you're beautiful," I say, unable to hold back my thoughts.
"Bryce," she says, a shy smile creeping up her cheeks.
"You are. You've always been beautiful to me." I don't know why I'm telling her this. Why I'm being so honest. Maybe because I feel like this is the end for us. A goodbye to our childhood. From here on out, our friendship will never be the same. We tell each other it will, but we both know it won't. She'll meet someone at college. A guy who takes up all her time. Maybe even a guy she'll fall in love with. And I'll be left behind. Our friendship will eventually fall apart and the girl I love will be gone forever.
She looks into my eyes as my hand rests on the side of her face. And then, for a reason I can't explain, I slowly lean toward her and press my lips to hers. They're soft and warm, just like I imagined, but what I'm feeling inside is not. I thought it might feel strange to kiss her. Or awkward. In fact, I was hoping it would so I could prove to myself once and for all that Jen and I should be nothing more than friends. But instead, it feels right. Like she's the girl
I'm meant to kiss for the rest of my life. It confirms what I've known all along. That Jen and I belong together.
I gently pull away and hear her breath catch. She grasps my shirt and lightly tugs on it, drawing me back to her. It was only supposed to be one kiss but I can't resist her, and so I kiss her again. She softly moans and I feel myself straining against my jeans. If only we could be together that way. But the kiss is already pushing it too far and yet I can't stop.
I part her lips with my tongue, then kiss her slow, and deep. She tastes like cherry from the licorice she ate earlier, and the scent of her perfume surrounds me, light and flowery.
I quickly become lost in her. Lost in a forbidden place we said we'd never go. No longer able to draw the line at our friendship and not giving a shit that I can't. This is what I want. What we've both wanted for years. So why can't we have it for just one night? We'll just kiss. That's it. I won't take it any farther. I just need to kiss her. Feel her next to me. Hold her in my arms.
Tonight is about Jen and me. It's our goodbye. A farewell to our childhood. A recognition that tonight is the end of our friendship as we know it. Tomorrow, our friendship will change. I don't want it to, but I know it will. It'll slowly become something else, and we'll slowly become different people.
That's just how life is. Life is about change. I never wanted my friendship with Jen to change but I always knew it would. And now it has. I've kissed her. I've made my feelings clear. She always suspected I liked her as more than a friend and now she knows I do.
But it'll only last a night. Tomorrow we'll go back to being friends. She needs to move on with her life. She needs something better. Something better than me. Better than her mom. Better than the life she's led up until now.
I only want what's best for her. Whatever will make her happy. So after tonight, I'll have to let her go. I'll love her from afar. And I'll continue to love her wherever life takes her. Because she's my best friend. The girl I love. The girl I will love forever.
CHAPTER TWO
March
Jen's Senior Year of College
Jen
"What time do you guys want to meet?" I ask as I hoist my backpack over my shoulder. Class just ended and I'm standing with my study group in the hall.
"I could do seven," Chad says, checking his phone.
"That works for me." Todd turns to leave. "See you then."
"Wait." Kelly stops him and he turns back. "I have to work until seven. If we're meeting on campus, I won't get here until seven-thirty."
"Then we'll make it seven-thirty," Chad says. "That work for everyone?"
"Yeah, that's fine," I say.
Todd agrees and we all go our separate ways. Except Chad. He's walking beside me as I go out to the parking lot.
"You ready for the test on Friday?" He smiles at me with those bright white teeth that are a little too perfect, just like the rest of him. Chad's the all-American boy. Grew up in the suburbs. From a good family with two parents who are still together. Got all A's in school. He was even a Boy Scout. And he looks like a Ken doll; average height and build, with dark brown hair that's always the same length and combed to the side like the newscasters on TV. In fact, I've always thought he'd be good on the news, but instead he's going to be an accountant, like me. He's already doing an internship at a firm downtown Chicago.
"I still need to study some more," I tell him.
"Yeah, me too." He shrugs his backpack over his shoulder as we walk.
"So you want to grab some dinner before we meet tonight?" He stops next to my car, a '95 Honda Civic that's still running despite having almost 200,000 miles. Her red paint is faded and chipped and she has some rust spots but she's still my pride and joy. I worked a ton of hours flipping burgers in order to earn enough money to buy her back in high school. She was more than a car. She was my ticket to freedom. An escape from my house and my mom and the never-ending string of disgusting guys she brought home.
"I don't know," I say as I unlock my door. "I have some things to do before our group meets." I toss my backpack in the back seat.
"It wouldn't have to take long. We could meet at seven, somewhere close to campus. You can pick the place. It's on me."
Chad's been flirting with me for weeks, but this is the first time he's actually asked me out. Maybe I should say yes. He's a nice guy and smart and has a bright future. I'm not feeling any sparks between us, but maybe I would if we went out. Maybe the school setting is interfering with my ability to see him as anything more than a classmate. Maybe if we go to dinner, I'll see him as more than that.
I sigh in my head because I know that won't happen. I keep waiting for it to, but it never does. I keep thinking I'll meet a guy who makes my heart race, my body heat up, my girl parts tingle. Someone who I'm comfortable with and yet still causes that fluttery, almost nervous, feeling in my stomach. Someone who's strong, who will look out for me, and be there when I need him. Someone who's my friend, but who I'm also insanely attracted to.
Yeah, I know that's asking for a lot, but I also know it's possible, because I already know that guy. I've been friends with him since the first grade. When we got to junior high, I began to see him as more than a friend, and ever since then, I've compared every guy I've ever dated to him.
The guy I'm talking about is Bryce, my best friend, who refuses to see me as anything more than that.
"What do you say?" Chad asks, putting his hand on the top of my car and leaning toward me. His smile is now a flirty smile and he's so close I can smell the strong mint he must have discreetly popped in his mouth when we were walking to my car.
I take a moment to look at him, starting with his perfectly styled hair, then down to his dark brown eyes which sit below brows that have been neatly trimmed into place. It's late in the day but his face is smooth, without a trace of stubble. My eyes wander down to his arms. It's a cool day in March but he's not wearing a coat, just a polo shirt. His arms seem small for a guy, but that's only because I'm always hanging around the Wheeler brothers who have huge arms. Chad's arms are probably normal, but I like a guy with bigger arms. And ink. Chad doesn't have any, at least none that's visible, but I'm sure he doesn't have any. He seems like someone who doesn't like tattoos.
"Jen?"
I wake from my thoughts and realize I still haven't answered him.
"Sorry, but I can't tonight. I don't have time."
He stands up straight and adjusts his backpack. "No problem. Maybe some other time. I'll see you tonight."
"Yeah, bye."
He walks off and I check out his ass, or lack of one. Maybe it's just his pants. He's wearing khakis that do nothing for his ass.
"Jen." I turn back and see Bryce across the street. I immediately smile, then realize I didn't smile at all when I was talking to Chad. Why didn't I smile at him? He was smiling the whole time. Now he probably thinks I was being mean, but I wasn't trying to be.
"Hey, Bryce," I say as he comes over to my car. "What are you doing here?"
He holds up a red, three-ring binder. "You left this at my place. Thought you might need it."
I take it from him. "Thanks. I totally forgot I left it there."
Actually that's a lie. I didn't forget it was there. And I didn't accidentally leave it. I left it there on purpose so that I'd have an excuse to see Bryce again. And sometimes I study at his apartment, telling him mine is too loud, which it is, but I could still study there. The noise doesn't bother me. But I have to make up these excuses because Bryce never invites me over.
Ever since I started college, Bryce has been avoiding me. Well, not really avoiding, but he doesn't go out of his way to spend time with me. We don't hang out like we used to. When we were in high school, it was just a given that we'd hang out at least a few nights a week and on the weekends. As friends. Always just friends. But the past four years, it seems like the only time we see each other is when we have a specific reason to. Like now. Bryce is only here because I left my notebook at his apartment.<
br />
Maybe it's bad that I trick him into seeing me but it's not like he doesn't do the same thing. He'd never admit it, but I know he finds excuses to see me. Like just last week, Bryce said he was working on a house that was near my apartment, but then I asked Nash about it and he said they didn't have any jobs on this side of town. Bryce just made that up so he'd have an excuse to stop by and see me.
"You working tonight?" He folds his arms over his chest and leans against my car. He's wearing a black t-shirt and my eyes move down to his massive biceps and forearms. They're at least twice as big as Chad's. Then again, Bryce does construction for a living so his muscles come from lifting heavy things all day. The heaviest thing Chad lifts is probably his backpack.
"No. I'm meeting with my group," I say. "It's for that class I told you about where we have to meet and discuss case studies and then write a paper. I'll probably get stuck writing the next one since everyone else will be gone next week."
Next week is spring break and it seems like everyone on campus is heading to some tropical destination. But not me. I'll be working. I have three jobs. I work at the campus library, the bookstore, and a restaurant that's just down the street from my apartment. The library will be closed next week due to spring break and the bookstore will have limited hours so I'm hoping to get some extra hours at the restaurant. I really need the money.
Bryce's phone rings and he checks it. "Sorry, I have to get this." He holds the phone to his ear and walks away from my car. "Hey. What do you need?...Tell him no. We can't start the trim until the floor is done."
As he talks, my eyes wander to his backside. Now THAT'S an ass. Tight, round, and filling out a pair of worn jeans. I feel a slight tingle between my legs and immediately force my gaze upward. It lands on his arms as he turns back around, still on the phone. His arms are covered in ink. Random designs that were created by yours truly. I'm not an artist, but I do like to draw. It helps my mind relax when I'm overwhelmed with classwork and relieves my stress when my mom's causing me trouble, which is almost always.
Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel Page 1