I quietly walk back to the living room, turn off the TV and leave, locking the door behind me with the key she gave me. We have keys to each other's apartment, as if we're boyfriend and girlfriend.
Our relationship is so screwed up. We're childhood friends, and yet sometimes we act like we're more than that, even when we're dating other people. I've always wondered what it would be like to actually date Jen, without worrying about all the shit I constantly worry about when it comes to her and me.
What would it be like to actually tell her how I feel? To take her out and be able to kiss her goodnight? Or invite her up to my place to finally relieve the sexual tension between us?
I can't let my head even go there because it's not going to happen.
CHAPTER SIX
Bryce
The next morning, Jen sends me a text telling me thanks for getting her to bed. She says she'll see me later but she won't. I'm not going over there tonight. Then again, I said that last night and look what happened. But I can't go over there. I need to stay here and finish this kitchen now that I no longer have a crew.
It's almost noon and I'm getting ready to caulk around the tile backsplash, but then decide I should get lunch before I start. I go out to my truck and drive to the street that has all the fast food places.
As I'm driving, my mind goes back to Rita and that parking ticket. I can't believe she's making Jen pay it. I've been pissed about that all morning. Jen shouldn't be paying it, and I'm going to make sure she doesn't.
I whip my truck around and go back the other way, heading towards Rita's house. She lives in an older part of town in a single level house with two bedrooms. The inside is okay but the outside is run-down and needs to be painted. I'm surprised Rita hasn't had sex with a painter in order to get her house painted for free. But maybe she's waiting until the weather warms up.
I park in her driveway and go up to her door and ring the bell several times. She's probably still in bed. Since she doesn't have a job, her lazy ass sleeps until noon. She doesn't come to the door so I knock louder, over and over until I finally hear her yelling, "Hold your damn horses! I'm coming!"
She opens the door wearing a short leopard print robe and black high heels, a cigarette in her hand. Her eyeliner is smeared and one of her fake eyelashes is falling off. She leaves all that shit on when she sleeps in case one of her male visitors decides to drop in for a visit.
"Oh. It's you." She turns and walks away, puffing on her cigarette. "What do you want?"
"I want to talk to you." I go inside and shut the door.
She turns back around and smiles at me with her bright red, lipstick-covered lips. "Are you sure you don't want more than that? I know my little girl doesn't give you what you need." She parts her robe so I can see her red lace bra.
I glance away. "Shit, are you serious? Cover yourself up."
"Bryce, honey." She slinks over to me. "I know we've had our differences, but it's time we get past all that. I think it's time we made up." She runs her tongue over her lips, making me almost gag. "I have years of experience. I know how to please a man." She puts her hand on my chest.
I shove it off me and back away. "I'm here to talk about Jen, not to have sex with you." I shake my head. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"You'll give in eventually," she says, taking a puff of her cigarette. "Men are weak. If they want it bad enough, they'll do anything to get it." She smiles. "And I could use some handyman services." She eyes me up and down. "Plus, you're something to look at. Tall, dark, and handsome. I'd like a piece of that."
"You're disgusting." I walk away from her into the living room.
"Don't talk to me that way," she hisses. "I put up with you all those years when you were just a snot-nosed kid. You show me some respect."
"Respect you?" I laugh. "Yeah, I guarantee that'll never happen. Now back to the reason I'm here. Jen isn't paying that fucking parking ticket. It's not her responsibility. It's yours, and you're going to pay it."
She sets her hands on her hips. "It's none of your damn business who pays for it." She shrugs. "Besides, she offered."
"She only offered because you—" I stop, because Jen wouldn't want her mom knowing she told me about the cop. Jen didn't even want to tell me that, but she did, so I need to keep it a secret.
"Because why?" Rita asks. "What did she tell you?"
"Nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is that Jen doesn't have $200 lying around to pay for your damn ticket."
"Sure she does. She works. I don't."
"She works three jobs AND goes to school. She's exhausted. Meanwhile, you sit around here all day doing nothing. Don't you even give a shit that your daughter's working herself to death? All to pay your bills?"
"My daughter loves me." Rita snuffs her cigarette out in the ashtray and sits down on the couch. "That's why she does it."
"She does it because you manipulate her into doing it. And I'm fucking tired of it. I'm not letting you do it anymore."
"You're not LETTING me?" She laughs. "No one tells me what to do, especially some snot-nosed kid." She plucks a cigarette from her bra and picks up the lighter from the table.
"I'm not a kid. And I'm not joking around, Rita. I'm serious. You're done conning Jen into paying your bills. This ends now." I storm to the door. "I'll be dropping that ticket off here tomorrow so you better hurry up and get yourself a job to pay for it."
As I open the door I hear her say, "I'll tell her about that girl."
I whip back around, letting the door shut behind me. "What girl?"
She smiles, holding her cigarette in the air. "The one you fucked the night after graduation."
Shit. I was hoping she'd forgotten about that, but I should've known better. Rita probably keeps a damn file on all the things she can blackmail people with.
It happened the night after Jen and I graduated. The night after we kissed for the first and last time. That kiss messed me up. Turned my head upside down. It just confirmed how much I love Jen. After that, I knew I was in trouble. If I let myself get any closer to her, I'd never let her go.
So the next night, I ended up having sex with a girl, thinking it would get my mind off Jen. It didn't. I just ended up feeling guilty about it. Technically, I wasn't dating Jen but still, I'd kissed her the night before, and then had sex with some other girl less than twenty-four hours later.
The girl was just someone my brother, Jake, knew. He was friends with her older sister. Earlier in the week, we were all hanging out at a party the girls had at their apartment and Tanya, the younger sister, and I started making out. She was 21 and worked at a bar. The night after graduation, she texted me from the bar she worked at and asked me to meet her in the back parking lot on her break. And when I did, she got in my truck, climbed on top of me, undid my pants, and fucked me right there in the parking lot. I should've told her no. After kissing Jen, I wasn't ready to be with another girl. Not that soon. But I did it anyway, and while it was going on, Rita walked by.
What are the odds, right? Out of all the bars in Chicago, Rita shows up at that one and just happens to walk by when I'm fucking some girl in my truck? It was dark out, but Rita knows my truck, so when she saw it she knew it was me. She waited until Tanya got out of the truck, then came over to me and winked and said, "It'll be our little secret." Then she sauntered back to the bar.
Despite what she said, I was scared shitless Rita was going to tell Jen. If Jen found out I'd been with a girl so soon after we kissed, she'd be devastated. She'd think our kiss meant nothing to me, when in fact it meant everything. It would hurt Jen so bad. Even now, she'd be hurt, which is why I don't want Rita telling her about it.
"Why would you do that?" I ask.
"Because you can't keep your nose out of my business." She steps right in front of me and blows her cigarette smoke in my face. "Jen's a good girl. She loves her mama. And nothing you say or do is ever going to change that."
"She just needs to see you for who you are. And I'm
going to make sure she does."
Rita frowns. "Poor Jen. It's going to break her little heart when she finds out the boy she loves was fucking some other girl just one night after giving her the kiss she couldn't stop talking about."
"She told you?" I'm shocked because Jen never tells her mom stuff like that.
"I heard her talking in her room to one of her girlfriends." She switches to a high pitched voice and waves her cigarette in the air. "It was perfect. Magical. The best kiss I've ever had." She laughs. "Stupid girl. Hopefully that was just her youth messing with her head. Either that or those damn romance movies she watches, making her believe all that shit about love and happily ever afters. That girl's always been living in the clouds. She needs to get her head back to reality."
So Jen was telling her friends about our kiss. And her mom just said Jen loves me. Did Jen tell her that? Or did Rita overhear Jen telling her friends that?
"Don't tell her," I say. "It was almost four years ago. She doesn't need to know. Telling her would just hurt her."
"This isn't about her. It's about you. You don't want me telling her because you want her to still see you as the guy who doesn't do anything wrong. But you're no different than any other guy. Act like you love the girl, then go fuck someone else behind her back."
"That's not what I did," I spit out. "That night at the bar was a mistake.
She smirks. "That's what they all say." She kicks her heels off and saunters back to the living room. "I think it's time she found out. My little girl is all grown up now. She can handle the heartache over knowing what you did. It'll be good for her. Toughen her up. Maybe she'll finally realize life's not some romance movie. Men cheat. Always have, always will."
"I didn't cheat on her," I say through gritted teeth. "We weren't even dating."
"She wanted to marry you." Rita sits down on the couch and sets her cigarette in the ashtray. "I heard her tell her friend that. One kiss, and in her mind, she thought you were hers. I thought I taught her better than that, but I guess not."
Jen wanted to marry me? I don't know if I believe Rita. She lies all the time so for all I know she's only saying it to trick me into doing whatever it is she wants me to do. Or to get me to react a certain way. She has a motive for everything.
She picks up some trinket she had sitting on the table next to the couch. A gold ladybug figurine with a red jeweled back. She holds it up. "This is what you get when you stop trying to love a man and just give him what he wants."
"And why the hell would you want that? It's ugly as shit."
She sets the ladybug down. "It's fourteen carat gold and the back is rubies. Worth $300."
"Then go sell it and use the money to pay your damn parking ticket." I check my phone for the time. "I have to go."
"She still loves you," Rita says, pulling another cigarette from her bra. How many of those things does she smoke a day?
"She doesn't think of me that way anymore. She's moved on. She's dating other guys."
"Then I guess it won't matter when I tell her about your little fling in the parking lot."
"Rita—" I stop myself before I go off on her. She makes me so damn angry. I take a deep breath. "Do not tell her that. Please. It'll just hurt her, and do you really want to hurt your daughter?"
"It's for her own good. She needs to feel the pain of betrayal. That's the only way she'll know what men are really like."
Coming here was a waste of time. I just need to go.
"I'm leaving," I tell her. "Get your ass down to the pawn shop and sell that ladybug because you're paying that parking ticket."
She takes her cell phone out of her bra. How big is that bra? And what the hell else does she keep in there?
"I think I'll tell her right now," she says, smiling.
"Fine," I say, giving up. "Go ahead. I'll never date her so it doesn't matter."
She holds her phone up but doesn't make the call. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why won't you date her? I know you like her so I could never figure out why you wouldn't date her."
"She's moving." I shouldn't say that because I don't know that for sure, but I'm pissed at Rita and I knew saying that would get to her.
"Moving?" She stands up, her phone slipping from her hand onto the couch. "She got a job?"
"Not yet, but she will, and she sure as hell isn't going to stick around here."
"She'd never leave me." Rita nervously puffs on her cigarette and paces the floor. "She loves her mama. She'd never leave."
"I gotta get back to work." I wave as I go out the door.
Walking to my truck, I smile, knowing I got to her. In all the years I've known Rita, I've never been able to unnerve her, make her unsure of herself and the world she's so carefully constructed over the years to get what she wants. If Jen leaves, Rita will not only lose her stream of cash. She'll also lose her driver when she needs a ride home from the bar. Her caretaker when she's sick. Her housekeeper when she's too lazy to clean. Her grocery shopper. Errand runner. And the list goes on. She depends on Jen to do all that stuff and more, so if Jen leaves, Rita is screwed. Which is exactly what I want. I want that bitch to finally have to do things herself and maybe then she'll finally appreciate all that her daughter has done for her over the years. I doubt that'll happen. Rita doesn't appreciate anything. But if Jen is gone, Rita will at least be forced to get off her lazy ass and do things for herself, or whatever she can't get her man of the week to do.
As I'm driving back to work, Jen calls. I smile, like I do every time I see her name pop up on my screen.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Did you have lunch yet?"
"No. I got busy and didn't get around to it. I'm in my truck so I'll just stop and pick something up."
"Are you near campus?"
I'm not, but I say, "I'm not that far. Why?"
"I was just about to have lunch. Do you want to join me?"
"Sure." I pull over into a gas station and turn around. "Where are you?"
"At that burger place on the corner."
"Just wait by the door. I'll be there in a few minutes."
I don't have time for this. I need to be working on the kitchen or it won't get done on time. But I have a hard time saying no to her.
I wonder if Rita's really going to call Jen and tell her what I did. At first I was sure that she would, but now I don't think she will. If she tells Jen, then Jen will think our kiss meant nothing, and if she thinks that, she'll give up hope that we could ever be together. That will make her want to leave Chicago, and that's the last thing Rita wants. Now that I think about it, maybe I should tell Jen myself. Maybe that's the push she needs to leave Chicago.
But I can't do it. I won't. It would hurt her too much. She knows I've been with other girls, but not right after our kiss. In this case, timing is everything. I never should've been with that girl, not right after kissing Jen. It was wrong and I shouldn't have done it.
My phone rings and I put it on speaker.
"What do you want?" I ask, seeing it's Rita calling.
"You should be nicer to me," she says. "You don't want to get on my bad side."
"And you don't want to get on mine. Now what do you want?"
"I was thinking about what you said, and I think maybe I shouldn't make Jen pay for that ticket."
I'm quiet, waiting for the catch. There's always a catch. Rita wouldn't just volunteer to pay the ticket after Jen already agreed to do it.
"Bryce, are you there?"
"Hurry up. I don't have all day. Just tell me what this is about. I know you're not paying the ticket."
"No. YOU are."
I let out a laugh. "Yeah, I don't think so."
"Then I guess it's time to tell Jen about the night after graduation."
"So you're blackmailing me? All because of some stupid ticket?"
"You'd be helping Jen out. She'll have to work extra hours to pay for it. You make a lot more than her so you should be the one to pay it."
/>
"No. YOU should be paying it. It's your fucking ticket!" I yell at her.
"Pay the ticket or I tell her."
I take a calming breath, trying to control my anger. "And what are you getting out of this? I know you're not doing this to help Jen."
"I want her to like me again. She hasn't been coming to see me as much as she used to, and I don't like it. I want to see her more."
"She doesn't go over there because every time she does, you give her your fucking bills to pay."
"Well, now she'll have one less to pay. Do we have a deal?"
Am I really doing this? Being blackmailed by Rita? I don't want Jen knowing what I did that night, and I don't want her working more hours just to pay for that ticket.
"Fine." I grit my teeth. "I'll pay it."
"Good boy," she says like I'm a dog. "I knew you'd see it my way."
I end the call before I scream at her again.
I'm at the restaurant now but the lot is full so I park across the street.
"Bryce!" Jen waves at me as I get out of my truck. She's standing near the door to the burger place, her dark blond hair blowing in the breeze. God, she's beautiful. Her mom had me in a shitty mood, but now I'm feeling better, seeing Jen there with that happy smile on her face.
She's wearing a light green cotton dress and a jean jacket. She wears dresses and skirts more often than jeans, and I like that about her. I like that she shows off her girly side, maybe because I'm always surrounded by guys, working in construction and having all brothers. A pretty girl in a dress is a welcome sight, especially when that pretty girl is Jen.
She's so freaking beautiful. I just want to wrap my arms around her tiny body and kiss her.
But instead I hold the door open for her and say, "Sorry for the wait. I hit some traffic."
"It's okay. I don't have class until one-thirty."
We get in line. The whole place is full of college students because we're just down the street from the campus.
"It's on me," I say, "so get whatever you want." I take her backpack from her because I can see it's hurting her shoulder. The thing must weigh at least thirty pounds with all her books in it and Jen doesn't weigh more than a hundred and ten. She's so tiny, and looks even tinier next to me. I'm a foot taller than her and at least a hundred pounds heavier. I'm built wide, like my brothers. We're all big guys.
Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel Page 5