We have the big family dinner, and afterward everyone sticks around to play a card game, except for Bryce and me. When we said we were leaving, they all gave us this look like they thought we were racing home to have sex. It was so embarrassing. I'm sure I was blushing.
"The heat is finally fixed at my apartment," I say when we get to Bryce's place. "So I guess I'll just pack my stuff and head out."
"Yeah, I don't think so." He kisses me.
"I've been here all week. Don't you want your place back?"
"I like it better with you here." He brings me to the couch and pulls me onto his lap. "You don't really want to leave, do you?"
"No. But I do have to leave around noon on Sunday. I need to get groceries and get ready for class on Monday."
"So how's this going to work? When are we going to see each other?"
"I don't know yet. I have a lot of work to do between now and the end of the semester. I won't have much free time, and I don't want you driving way across town to see me if we can only see each other for an hour."
"I don't care about the drive. We need to see each other on more than just the weekends."
"I'm sure we'll find time. You managed to see me before we were dating without us even making any plans."
"Yeah," he smiles. "There might have been some planning on my part."
"So you weren't just in the area?" I emphasize that last part because that's always the excuse he'd use when he'd stop by.
"Sometimes I was, if I had a job around there, but other times, I just had to see you."
"Bryce, you didn't have to make up excuses to see me. All you had to do was call me and we could've gone out and done something."
"Yeah, your boyfriend would've loved that. That idiot never wanted me around. None of the guys you dated wanted me around."
"That's because they could tell how much I liked you, as more than a friend. I couldn't hide it. And I'm sure I talked about you way too much when I was on dates."
"I did the same thing. That's why I didn't date girls for very long. They got sick of hearing about you. And then I'd cancel dates whenever you needed me for something, which really pissed girls off. Once I even had a drink thrown in my face for ending the date when you called."
"Bryce, you should've told me you were on a date. I wouldn't have bothered you if I knew that."
"So you'd rather have me out with another girl?"
"No. But we weren't dating then, so you were free to do what you wanted."
"That's not what I wanted. I wanted you, Jen. I've always wanted you."
"I've wanted you too. And..." I pause.
"And what?"
"I thought I had you, after we kissed on graduation night. But then..." I look down, "you barely talked to me. For almost a year."
"Jen." His hand cups my face. "I was just a stupid kid back then. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have treated you that way. I was just confused. I didn't know what to do."
"While you were confused, I cried in my room, for weeks, wondering where my best friend went and why he wouldn't talk to me." My voice cracks and a tear slides down my cheek.
"Jen, I'm sorry." His arms go around me and he pulls me into his chest. "I wish I could go back and change that entire year. I made so many mistakes. I thought I was helping you by not talking to you but I only made it worse."
I wipe my eyes. "How would ignoring me help me? I don't understand."
"That kiss was...intense. I didn't expect it to be that way. After it happened, I didn't know what to do. I wanted you more than ever but I kept thinking you'd have a better life without me. I didn't even want to try dating you because I didn't want to hold you back. So I pushed you away. Pretended I didn't care. But Jen, I DID care. I missed you and thought about you every day."
"Why did you think I'd have a better life without you?"
"Because I had no future. At least that's what I thought back then. Now I have a good job and make good money, but back then, I felt like I was headed toward a dead end. Everyone was going to college and it seemed like they all had these great futures ahead of them and I didn't. I was just working construction."
"Bryce, I wish you would've told me this back then. You have no idea how much time I spent trying to figure out what was wrong and how I could get you to talk to me again."
"Shit." He looks down. "I knew you were upset but I didn't know—" His eyes lift back to mine. "I thought you'd start college and make new friends and forget about me."
"I'd never forget about you. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I was at your house every weekend for family dinner. We were at the same table but you acted like I wasn't even there."
"I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what else to say."
"Can I ask you something? About that night?"
"Yeah. Go ahead."
"Did you love me back then? When you kissed me?"
He exhales a breath, his eyes moving down to my hand as he holds it in his. "I loved you so damn much. Fuck." He shakes his head. "You have no idea. And when I kissed you, it just confirmed how much I loved you." He looks up. "It scared me. I was only 18, and feeling that in love with you scared me. I wasn't ready for it. I was too young. I hadn't figured out my life and I sure as hell wasn't going to risk ruining yours."
"That wouldn't have happened. If we'd ended up dating back then, I still would've gone to college. I'd still be graduating in a few weeks. Nothing would've changed."
"So I think we can agree I screwed up." He half smiles.
"Yeah, you did, you big idiot." I go to hit his shoulder but he catches my hand before I can.
He brings it to his mouth and kisses it. "I love you."
He hasn't told me that since earlier in the week, when he said it after we had sex. I kept wondering why he didn't say it again, thinking maybe he didn't really mean it. But I know he loves me so maybe he just has a hard time saying it.
"I love you too," I tell him.
He brings my face to his and kisses me for at least a minute, getting me all hot and tingly, anticipating what's to come. But then he says, "Want to go play some hockey?"
"Naked hockey." I climb off his lap.
"That's the best kind."
We go to the bedroom, skipping the hockey game but keeping the naked part.
We only have one more day of this. One more day to just be together without work and school, and job searches, and my mom. I haven't even heard from my mom since we left her house that day. She's probably mad at me for Bryce hitting her loser boyfriend, but the guy deserved it.
I don't want this week to end. But at least when I get back to my apartment, back to my routine, I'll no longer be wishing Bryce was mine. Because now, he finally is.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Bryce
"You sure you want to stay here?" I ask Jen.
We're at her apartment, which is now too hot because she had the heat cranked up when she left.
"I live here," she laughs, "so yes, I think I'll stay."
"But I have HBO. And a really comfortable bed."
"You forgot the best part." She kisses me.
"Which is what?"
"That you're there."
"That's true. So what do you say? Want to pack up some stuff and come home with me?"
"Sorry, I can't. You live too far away from campus."
"Callie lives a half hour from campus."
"Yeah, and she doesn't like the commute. Neither would I. Plus, I need to be close to work."
If the me from a couple weeks ago was listening to this conversation, he'd think I'd lost my damn mind. I just asked Jen to live with me, and didn't even think twice about it.
I don't know what's happened to me. I spent years forcing myself to be only friends with Jen. I agonized over that decision, telling myself it was for the best. And then last week, it's like a flood gate burst open and I gave in to everything I've ever wanted with Jen. Now it's like I can't stop myself. If I want her to live with me, I just ask her to, with no restrai
nt. No thought. So yeah, I don't know what the hell happened. I can't explain it. But I'm happy, so maybe all that other stuff doesn't matter. I love Jen, and I love that she's mine.
"I should get going," I tell her. "I need to go over those estimates with my dad."
"Okay." She hugs me. "I'll call you later. I love you."
I love hearing her say that. And I love saying it back.
"I love you too." I kiss her. "Sleeping without you tonight is really going to suck."
"We did it before, we can do it again. But you're right. It's gonna suck."
"Oh, I forgot something." I go out to my truck and come back with two grocery sacks. I hand them to her.
"What's this?" she asks.
"I pay my debts."
She opens the first sack. "Oreos!" She laughs. "You have like ten packages in here."
"When you said endless supply, I wasn't sure what that meant, but that should last you a couple days."
"It'll last until the end of the semester." She opens the other sack. "And peanut butter. Awesome. I was running out." She sets the bags down and hugs me. "Thanks."
"I told you, I pay my debts." I kiss her. "Call me if you need anything else." And then I force myself to leave. I'm so used to having her around that it's going to seem strange to go back to an empty apartment.
I stop at my dad's house on the way there. We sit at the kitchen table and he looks over the estimates I did, marking them up with his pen.
"Good job on these," he says, sliding them across the table to me.
"But you marked them all up," I say, seeing his scribbling all over them.
"I only made a couple changes. The rest of what I wrote was just notes for you. Things to keep in mind next time you do one of these."
"You're going to let me do this again?"
"You've proved you can do it, so yes, you'll be doing them going forward on any of the jobs you bring in. And if Jake's workload gets to be too much, maybe I'll have you help him out."
"Sounds good." I sit back in the chair, smiling a little. "I've actually been wanting to get more involved in the company."
He sets his pen down. "Why didn't you tell me you wanted to be more involved? I would've had you training with Nash and Jake this past year."
"I didn't think you wanted me to." I look down at the estimates laying in front of me on the table. "I thought you just wanted me doing construction."
"Bryce." He takes the estimates and moves them aside. "You need to stop assuming I think your brothers are smarter than you. I've never thought that. Not once." He pauses. "Just because you struggled back in school doesn't mean you're not smart." He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back in his chair. "I've never told you boys this but...I struggled too. I had such bad grades, I honestly don't know how I graduated high school. It's not that I didn't try. I just didn't understand the material. And the classroom setting didn't fit me. I learn by doing, just like you. That's why your mom and I never scolded you for getting a bad grade. We knew you were doing your best but that the classroom setting just wasn't the right way for you to learn. So we let you learn by doing; by building things, by taking things apart and putting them back together."
"Dad, I'm not saying I—"
"Let me finish. I've let you focus on the construction part of the business the past few years because I know you like doing it, but I've always known you could do more. You were just afraid to try. I was the same way when I first started out. I thought I could only do construction because I'd failed all through school. But once I got married and had you boys, I pushed myself to do more. I had a family to support and sons who looked up to me. That's when I decided I wanted more than just a job. I wanted a business. And to make the business what it is today, I had to keep telling myself I wasn't stupid just because some teacher told me so years ago."
"A teacher really said that to you?"
He nods. "Seventh grade, and I never forgot it. I was so ashamed I didn't even tell anyone. Never have, until now. The point is, anyone can be a success. Doesn't matter where they came from, how they did in school, or what people say about them. So I want you to stop beating yourself up and thinking you're not smart enough. I want you to start taking initiative and challenging yourself. It's okay if you make mistakes as long as you learn from them."
"Did you talk to Nash?" I ask, knowing this pep talk didn't come out of nowhere.
"He might've mentioned something to me." He rubs his chin, his eyes on me. "So are you really ending things with Jen?"
"What are you talking about? I'm not ending things. We just started dating."
"Nash said you're letting her move away."
"I'm not letting her do anything. It's her decision, not mine."
"You need to tell her you want her to stay. Otherwise she'll assume you don't."
"Yeah, I already got this lecture from Nash."
"And you still haven't said anything to her?" He sounds angry, like Nash did. They're both protective of Jen, and they know I hurt her when I didn't talk to her after graduation night. They'll kill me if I hurt her again.
"I don't want to sway her decision. Why is that so hard for everyone to understand? I don't want her taking a job in Chicago she doesn't want just because of me."
"So you'd rather lose her."
"NO, I don't want to lose her." I rub my hands over my face. "This whole thing is so messed up."
"What whole thing? What else is going on?"
I don't want to tell him this but maybe I should. He knows Rita, and he knows what she's like. They've argued so much over the years that my dad won't even talk to her anymore.
"I want Jen to get away from Rita," I say quietly, my eyes on the table.
He lets out a heavy sigh. "Bryce. Do not sacrifice your happiness for that woman. Or Jen's."
"But that's the thing. Jen will never be happy until she's away from her mom. I mean, yeah, Jen would be happy being with me, but it's not enough. She'll still have to deal with Rita. And Rita is always causing problems between Jen and me. Even when Rita isn't around, Jen and I end up fighting about her."
"And Jen keeps insisting on helping her?"
"Yes. I've tried to convince her not to, and I know you have too, but nothing ever changes. She thinks her mom needs her and Rita plays into that, acting like she's helpless." I shake my head. "I'm so damn sick of it."
"Rita's never going to change, so either you learn to deal with her or you lose Jen. And if you lose Jen, Rita wins. Is that really what you want?"
"She doesn't win. Not if Jen leaves. That's Rita's worst nightmare. She won't have Jen here to do everything for her anymore."
"We both know Rita's smarter than that. She'll find a way to control Jen from wherever she ends up living."
"Maybe, but it won't be easy. Jen won't be buying her mom's groceries or driving her home from the bar."
"Bryce, you need to think about this, and I mean really think about it. If you love Jen the way I think you do, you can't let Rita drive you two apart. You'll regret it the rest of your life."
I nod, then stand up. "I have to go." I take the estimates. "I'll look over your notes and email the estimates out tonight."
He raises his brows. "And then?"
"I'll call the homeowners tomorrow to see if they have any questions. Then I'll explain to them why we're a better choice than our competitors."
"Then you give them some time to think it over and make a decision."
"And if I don't hear back in a couple days, I'll follow-up."
He smiles. "So Jake has already gone over our sales process with you."
"No. I just listened when you were explaining it to him."
He stands up and gives me a quick hug. "Don't ever doubt yourself again, you hear me?"
"Yeah. I'll see you later."
Back at my apartment, I finish the estimates and send them out, then watch TV. But it doesn't hold my interest. I'm restless. Bored. And already missing Jen. Around five, I head to her apartment. It'
s a long drive, but what the hell? She's my girlfriend and I want to see her.
Instead of knocking, I just walk right in, hoping to surprise her, but instead, I'm the one who's surprised. Because she isn't alone. Chad is there. The guy she went out with before spring break. Khaki pants guy with the newscaster hair.
"You got company?" I ask, sounding angry. Seeing Chad in her apartment is pissing me off.
"Bryce." Jen walks over to me. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to take you out for dinner."
"Oh, um, like right now?"
"Whenever you want. Why? Are you busy?"
"We're working on our paper," Chad says. "It could be a while."
I look at Jen. "I thought you said it was only three pages. How long could it take?"
"Chad thought we should emphasize some different points from the case study. The accounting method the company used was—never mind. It doesn't matter. But I do need some time to work on it."
"How long do you need?"
Chad answers. "Probably a couple hours." He smiles. "But don't worry. I'll make sure she gets dinner. Jen, maybe we should go to that new Thai place down the street."
"Forget dinner," she says to him. "Let's just hurry up and finish the paper." She turns to me. "Bryce, I'm sorry you came all the way here. If you'd called I would've told you about this."
"Can we talk?" I glance at Chad, then back at Jen. "Alone?"
We go out in the hall.
"I'm really sorry," she says.
"Don't apologize. I shouldn't have shown up without calling. I just wanted to see you." I kiss her. "I missed you. I had a whole week with you and now my apartment feels empty. It's kind of depressing."
Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel Page 23