“Ow!” Victoria put one hand to her ribs and tried to stifle her laughter to keep the pain to a minimum.
But ChristyAnne pointed a finger at her and flopped over backwards, her little shoulders heaving with convulsive giggles. “You… have… grass… everywhere!”
Victoria took one look at the grass covering ChristyAnne and knew she must look a sight and couldn’t help the mirth that shook her, even while she pressed one hand to her throbbing ribs.
Down at the end of the field, where the finish line stretched, Brooke Jordan and the little orphan girl, Daisy, broke the ribbon.
“And we have the winners!” Mr. Halvorson held Brooke’s and Daisy’s hands high in the air.
Beside her, ChristyAnne pulled in a long breath and managed to say. “Well at least we didn’t get beat by Jimmy and Damera!”
Victoria wiped her eyes and turned to look behind them. Rocky had just finished untying the knots and stood to his feet. He helped Damera up and dusted her off, then handed Jimmy, who’d already leapt to his feet, the sections of rope and gestured that he should take them back to the basket at the starting line. Glancing around, his eyes met hers, decided humor in their dark depths.
“Care to help a couple of damsels in distress, kind sir?” she asked.
“Sure! Where are they?” He pretended to diligently search the field, which sent ChristyAnne into another fit of paralyzing giggles.
Victoria chuckled too, then winced and clutched her ribs again.
Rocky’s joviality turned to concern and he strode over, kneeling down in front of them. “Are you okay?” He frowned as he began to work at the knot in the rope.
“I’m fine. Just… my ribs met with ChristyAnne’s shoulder and apparently her shoulder and my ribs don’t get along so well.”
ChristyAnne pointed toward Victoria’s foot and another spasm of laughter shook her. “Her feet don’t get along with rabbit holes too well, either!”
“You two are a mess.” The ropes untied, Rocky started to pull away some of the dirt that had collapsed on top of Victoria’s foot, burying it up to the ankle. “Is your ankle twisted?”
She shrugged and pulled her foot loose from the hole. “I don’t think so.” She held her leg out and rotated her ankle “It doesn’t hurt.”
Rocky nodded with satisfaction. “Good. Let me help you up.”
Doc and Mama approached, eyeing her with concern.
“You okay?” Doc questioned.
Victoria started to wave away his concern, but Rocky said, “Her ribs will need looked at, Doc. She and ChrisAnne, took quite a tumble.”
Still seated on the ground, ChristyAnne sucked in a sharp breath.
“And what about you, young lady,” Rocky held out a hand to help her up, “are you hurt anywhere?”
ChristyAnne shook her head no, but the stricken look on her face concerned Victoria.
“What’s the matter?” She pressed.
“Nothing.”
Victoria narrowed her eyes.
“It’s just. My Daddy used to call me that…ChrisAnne… before.”
Rocky tilted his head. “Does it bother you if I call you that?”
She shook her head. “No.” A crimson hue tinted her cheeks. “I kinda like it.”
“Well then…,” Rocky mussed her hair, “ChrisAnne it is!” He pulled her into a quick hug and turned to meet Victoria’s gaze over her head.
Jimmy and Damera bounded up jabbering about the hilarity of trying to get back on their feet after they’d fallen and Victoria’s heart literally pained her as she looked around at the small group. Her gaze settled on Rocky. He still studied her over the top of ChristyAnne’s head, a soft gleam in his eyes.
She swallowed. Lord, I don’t want to give this up. Please, help.
ChristyAnne pulled back from Rocky but his gaze lingered, warm and soft. Could he be feeling the same longing she was?
He stepped toward her and started to say something, but just then Cade thundered down the hill on a horse that had clearly been ridden hard all the way to town. “Doc! Doc, it’s Ma!”
21
Doc dashed toward his buggy, gesturing from Rocky to Mama in indication that Rocky should see her home. Rocky nodded and waved his assurance.
Rachel rushed to Cade’s side and laid a hand on his leg.
Victoria swallowed. Rachel and Brenda had been friends for a long time. That’s how Cade and Rocky became such good friends. She couldn’t hear Cade’s words, but he was as pale as fresh-laid snow, and Rachel took a step back, turned, and buried her face against Sean’s chest.
Beside her Rocky whispered, “Dear Lord, no.”
As Cade and Doc rode away, he placed a hand to her back and guided her over by his parents. Sky and Brooke arrived from the other direction at the same time they did.
“Ma?” Sky questioned.
“The pain medication that Doc gave her doesn’t seem to be helping. She collapsed again this afternoon.” She glanced up at Sean. “I should go out and be with them.”
He nodded and rubbed his hand down the back of her head. “I’ll take you.” He swallowed, his gaze tender on Rachel’s face, and Victoria could see the fear in his eyes and knew he was wondering how he would be feeling if it were his own wife.
She fiddled with her locket and glanced over at Rocky. What would she do if it were Rocky?
Zing. Zing. Zing.
“I’ll watch the jail for you,” Sky said to Sean.
“And I’ll make sure all the ladies get home,” Rocky offered.
“Thanks boys.” Sean placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder and directed her up the hill to their buggy.
The picnic dismissed early, no one feeling much like celebrating in light of the dim news. But by the time they’d gathered all the children and headed the wagons down the road toward Mama’s place, Victoria’s worry about Brenda’s condition had her hands jittery.
Rocky escorted Clarice to her front door and waited while she fumbled with the key. “Do you need me to get you anything?”
“No. No. I’ll be fine. Thank you.” She gave him a wan smile.
“Alright. Ah…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’d appreciate it if you’d send the Cox boy over with any news when Doc gets home.”
She laid her hand on his arm. “I will. Try not to worry.”
He nodded but as he made his way back to the wagon, settling his hat onto his head, he couldn’t help but wonder how he’d be feeling were he in Cade’s position. Lord, give him strength.
Sharyah stared silently across the horses’ backs as he drove her toward Ma and Pa’s place. She’d been unusually quiet all afternoon, shoulders stiff, back ramrod straight. Something had obviously happened between her and Cade at lunch. And the news about Brenda had to be affecting her grievously. Their families had been close since all of them were babies.
Beside him, Victoria fiddled with her fingers, rubbing, twisting, folding and unfolding them.
He covered her hands with one of his own.
She jolted and looked at him.
“Worrying won’t change anything.”
She made no comment but hooked one finger around his, keeping his hand close for a moment longer.
He pulled the wagon to a stop outside of the white farm house he’d grown up in. The wraparound porch with the bench swing on one end gave the place a welcoming feel. That and the flowers Ma had planted around the place.
He swung Sharyah down from the seat, but held her steady by her shoulders for a moment. “You going to be alright?”
“Yeah.”
But she blinked back tears. He pulled her into an embrace. He wanted to offer assurances, but had none to give. Finally he set her away. “Do you want to come to our place?”
“No. No. I’ll be fine, really.” She offered a tremulous smile, an attempt to reassure him.
“Come on over if you need anything.”
Sharyah nodded. “Okay.”
The wagon seat creaked as he climbed back aboar
d.
Victoria’s fingers were fiddling again. Covering her hand, he gave her what he hoped was an encouraging smile. A long night stretched out before them all.
Victoria sighed as they arrived back at the house. Both of the girls had fallen fast asleep. Rocky scooped up ChristyAnne, and Victoria followed suit with Damera and they carried them into the house. As they came out of the girls’ room, Jimmy was setting up the chess board with a hopeful look on his face.
Rocky grinned and clapped a hand onto his shoulder. “Chores first, Jim, then we can play a game of chess.”
Jimmy sighed in defeat and, with great exaggeration, slumped out the door after Rocky.
Victoria grinned even as she realized that exhaustion pulled at every muscle in her body. The news about Brenda had sapped all her strength.
She put away the leftovers from the picnic and cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, then went to her room and sank down on the edge of her bed. She would read for a bit and then retire early tonight.
As she lit the lamp a warm glow filtered throughout the room and she reached for Little Women.
She blinked.
The doll that her birth mother had left with her at the Foundling Hospital lay slumped sideways and the book had toppled over. The doll’s head was misshapen and limp.
Picking it up, she gasped at a prick to her finger. “Ow!” She tucked her finger tip into her mouth.
There was sand all over the table, and a needle poked through the head of the doll! Someone had torn the stitching on the doll’s head and had attempted to sew it back together.
She sighed. One of the girls, no doubt. Why would they have done something like this?
The sound of Rocky and Jimmy chatting easily out at the chess board filtered into the room. Maybe one of them would know who had played with it.
Carefully holding it so that no more sand would spill out she stepped out into the living room. “May I ask? Did either of you see one of the girls playing with this doll earlier?”
Both of them looked up.
Jimmy eyed the doll for a moment, then shook his head, his expression clear and honest.
Rocky frowned slightly. “No. I didn’t. Why?”
“Someone tore it and apparently attempted to fix it. I found it just now. That doll was with me when the nun found me at the Foundling Hospital.”
“I’m sorry they got into it.”
She waved a hand. “No harm done really. I’ll talk to the girls about it in the morning. ’Night.”
“’Night.”
Back in her room, she scooped the rest of the sand back into the doll’s head, stitched the small hole shut and set it back into its place.
She would have to let the girls know how precious this doll was to her.
22
Night still cloaked the yard as Cade led Doc’s horse and buggy out of the barn and slung the reins around the corral pole. He leaned his arms against the top rail and stared off into black nothingness. Everything around him seemed bleak, undefined, unimportant.
Wind touched the maple tree across the way and brought it into focus as the monochromatic leaves whispered sadly, matching the desolation of his heart.
He closed his eyes, settled his face into his palms and suppressed a groan. Wishing he could wake up from this nightmare, yet knowing all too well it was reality slashing at his soul. He blinked away the dampness from his eyes and scraped one hand over his jaw.
The first rays of the sun rose past the horizon and pierced the darkness, turning the leaves from black and gray shadows to green twirling wraiths shot through with blinding shafts of light.
It didn’t seem right that the sun should rise on a day like today. He winced and looked toward the ground, still dark and crawling with dawn’s shade. Pushing his hat back on his head, he allowed his focus to blur.
His stallion trotted over, whuffed and jostled his arm.
“Go.” He pressed the animal away without ever looking at it.
He hadn’t expected the numbness.
Behind him, he heard Doc settle his bag into his buggy and then come to stand close by.
“I’m sorry, Son. I wish there was something more I could have done.”
Cade nodded, his back still to the man.
“I’ll go on home now. I’ll let Pastor Hollybough know. I’m sure he’ll be out later today.”
He gave another nod.
Doc’s feet shuffled. “Your Dad… He’s going to need you to be strong, Son.”
Cade dropped his head and massaged the muscles along the back of his neck. How was he supposed to be the strong one when he only felt numbing emptiness?
How could she be gone? She was in the prime of her life. Only last month she’d helped him birth two late calves. Just a few days ago she’d teased him about the fact that he hadn’t yet made her a grandmother.
And now… he never would.
“Son?” Doc laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Cade flinched, stepped away, and waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll be fine, Doc. Thanks.” He glanced over at the house. “Are Rachel and Sean still in there with him?”
“Yes. They said they would stay until arrangements have been decided.”
Cade settled his hands at his belt and kicked a rock watching it jounce across the yard. So many things to think about. So many things he had never even considered. He stretched his neck from side to side. How were they going to get along without her?
Doc cleared his throat. “I don’t mean to be telling you your business, but I think you need to get inside and talk to your father. He sorta fell apart after you came out to get my buggy.”
For the first time since he’d come outside, Cade met Doc’s gaze and read the worry there. His brow lowered. His father had always been strong. He was going to be just fine. Still… He nodded, “Alright. I’ll go check on him. Thanks, Doc.”
With heavy steps he pushed through the back door as Doc drove the buggy out of the yard. Rachel Jordan stood at the stove stirring a pan of scrambled eggs. His mind revolted at the thought of eating, yet his stomach turned traitor and rumbled as the smell registered. He hadn’t eaten since the picnic lunch yesterday. Come to think of it, none of them had.
Rachel left the stove and pulled him into a warm embrace. “Cade, Honey, I’m sorry.” A sob caught in her throat. “So sorry.”
Cade blinked, refusing to give in to tears. He patted her back, as much the comforter as the comforted.
Ma’s scent still lingered here. Cinnamon, sugar, vanilla and her distinct lilac toilet water swirled tauntingly. The mixture of pie dough she’d started before her headache got so bad yesterday still sat on the counter, the wooden spoon jutting out of the bowl as though she would walk back into the kitchen at any moment and resume where she’d left off.
His stomach clenched. He needed to get out of here. Stepping back, he held Rachel’s shoulders and looked into her face. “It’s going to be alright. We’re all going to make it. Ma wouldn’t let us handle this any other way, if she were here.”
Rachel chuckled even as she swiped tears off her cheeks. “Isn’t that the truth?”
He glanced toward the front room. “Where’s Pa?”
She spun around and concentrated on stirring the eggs with seemingly more than necessary focus. “Uh. He’s in the parlor with Sean. They were talking through some things.”
“Doc said I should come in and talk to him?”
“He’s just grieving, Honey. He said a few things that… were not like him.”
Cade frowned. “He didn’t insult Doc, did he?”
“No. No.” She shook her head. “Nothing like that.” She pierced him with a look. “You should probably just go in and see for yourself. I’ll bring in a tray with some food in a few minutes.”
Cade stopped just outside the parlor door and swept his hat from his head. He swallowed. The last time he’d been in the room had been to check on Ma the day before yesterday. She’d been lying on the settee with her feet up, an
other of her headaches pinching her brow. But she’d smiled at him and held out one hand, giving him a squeeze when he’d taken it. She’d asked him then to help her upstairs to her room.
“Ma.” He choked on the breathy word and blinked back tears, looking toward the stairs, twisting his hat and crimping the brim all the way around it.
“I just don’t know if I can do this, Sean!” His father’s cry from inside the parlor brought Cade back to the present.
“I know, Smith. It’s going to be hard. But the Lord doesn’t ever give us more than we can bear.”
“This place… I won’t be able to stay here without her. She was everything to me!”
“I know she was. But you have Cade to think of, too.”
Pa sniffed. “Cade’s a grown man. He doesn’t need me.”
“He owns half this place.”
Cade felt suddenly light headed. He should walk into the room and let them know he was there. But he couldn’t make himself move just yet. Surely, Pa wasn’t thinking what it sounded like he was thinking.
“I’ll give him the first shot to buy my half.”
Cade’s knees lost their strength, but somehow he stayed on his feet. This ranch was Pa’s dream. Every day that Cade could remember he’d spent improving it, changing procedures to ensure some little glitch wouldn’t happen again, growing some of the best cattle and breeding the best horses in the entire state. What would Pa do, if not that?
“All I’m saying is that I think you should give yourself a couple weeks before deciding. You just lost your wife this morning. You are in no condition to be making a decision like this right now.”
“That is the reason I’m making this decision right now. I won’t live here for even one day without her. We built this place the first spring after we crossed the Cascades. Cade was just a tyke. All but a couple years of our life together has been here. You know that. It just doesn’t feel right to go on as though nothing happened.”
They should be talking about funeral arrangements and here Pa was—
Rachel stepped up behind him with a tray.
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