by Mary Smith
Copyright 2017 © Gone Writing Publishing
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Table of Contents
New Hampshire Bears’ Roster
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
More to Come
About the Author
New Hampshire Bears’ Roster
Coach: Taden Long
Forwards:
15 – Hamilton Baer*
56 – Alden Brockman
11 – Ladd Hanes
28 – Edgar Hopp
81 – Zerrick Justice
88 – Finlay Mackey
67 – Gage McLoyd
16 – Vance Pemberton
53 – Jarvis Richter
72 – Remington Rosin
65 – Kyson Wick
86 – Bas Zorn
Defensemen:
6 – Cabel Dirks
4 – Keaton Jaco
32 – Walker Lange
2 – Dag Limon
5 – Ivan Rodin
7 – O’Dell Tillman
57 – Shade Wooten
Goalies:
50 – Teo Elgin
33 – Nathan Paxton
* - means Captain
Dedication
For Janan
Chapter One
Janan
I SIT AT the table and check the math work of the two kids I’ve been helping. I personally hate math more than breathing but considering these little guys are only going into the second grade, I can handle it.
“You need to carry the two.” I point to the number with my pencil. “There you go.” I praise them and continue to observe.
“Hi, Janan.” Caryn Hammons my therapist and a volunteer here at the shelter smiles as she passes me.
“Hey, Car.” I try to act natural around her because even though I’ve been going to her for a couple months, I’d rather people didn’t know.
As soon as I finish up with the kids, I go to the director’s office. “Miss Kathy?” The older woman looks up from her computer. Kathy Hart started this domestic shelter with her own money to help women who suffered from domestic violence like herself.
“Janan, everything go okay with the boys?”
“Oh yes. They’re catching on just fine. As long as they keep up with their studies, I think there shouldn’t be any issues when they go back to school this fall,” I inform her and sit down in the chair next to her desk.
“Are you doing okay?” Miss Kathy asks. “I’m not overworking you am I?” She teases.
“No.” I shake my head. “However, I am going to take this weekend off, if that’s okay with you? I have a rally on Saturday down in Boston, and I’d like to spend some time with my dad.” He’s been so busy with the upcoming draft, I’m not sure we’ve seen each other at all these past couple weeks.
“Of course. You go and enjoy your youth.” She pats my hand.
“Thank you.” I go back to the study room to gather up my purse and phone. I tell everyone goodbye and head out to the car to go home.
I love my apartment that I share with my cousin Nova. Her mom, my aunt, died when she was only two years old. Even though I’m only a few months older than her, she’s more like my sister. We’re practically twins.
We moved out of the house a couple of months ago. I couldn’t spend another moment in that place. I’m so glad Daddy sold it. It had been my own personal hell there. My mom, Sharon, was nothing but a horrible, abusive bitch and I hated her. Okay, hate is a bit harsh, but I wished I had a mother. A caring, loving mother like I’d seen other people have. Nova and I didn’t have any love, except from Daddy.
I drop my purse at the door and kick off my heels before going to the kitchen to grab a bottled water. Stretching out on the couch, I turn on the TV and see if there’s anything on. More than likely there isn’t. I’m not a huge TV watcher, although I’m slowly becoming addicted to really bad reality TV shows. It must be the boredom in my life.
As the picture appears, I realize Nova must have been watching the PHL Network. She loves hockey. Considering my daddy is the head coach of the New Hampshire Bears, hockey runs in our blood. I loved it as well before…
“In today’s good news story, New Hampshire Bears Captain Hamilton Baer was present at the disabled warriors hockey game.”
And there he is…
The camera zooms in on Hamilton’s gorgeous face. His deep brown eyes seem tired, and his brown hair is shaggier than the last time I saw him.
I miss him.
I shouldn’t because I believe he really didn’t want to be with me. He only thought he did. He had been there for my family when no one else knew the truth about our home life. He was a strong shoulder to lean on. Hamilton is a great guy, and someday he’ll find the one he wants. One who isn’t nineteen. I know my age bothered him a lot. I never saw it as a big deal, but I’m not going to dwell on it.
Time to move on.
I’m a strong woman, and I don’t need a man to complete my life. I need to love me and respect me first. Sure, I can put on a great show for everyone else to believe it, but there are times I don’t really believe it. I had been beat down by my mother for so many years, I just couldn’t find... well... me. Now, I’m trying to find me and if Hamilton didn’t want to be with me because of my age, then I needed to let him go, and I did.
It’s so hard to see him right now… even on the TV.
“Hamilton, how do you like being back in your hometown of Birmingham, Alabama?” the reporter asks.
“It’s great, but I’m ready to get back to Manchester and start the season.”
I lick my dry lips. I can remember how he tasted against them. Flashes of him deep in my mouth, moaning my name, still keeps me up at night.
“Grrr.” Growling in frustration, I turn the TV off. “I don’t want to hear it,” I say to no one but the dark screen TV.
I go down the hall and into my bedroom. Since I’m not taking any summer classes, I grab a book off my shelf. Sure, I could open my Kindle and read a sappy love story,
but I’m tired of reading those. Where are the strong, independent women? Where are the Elizabeth Bennets, Katniss Everdeens and Jo March’s at?
I flip through the pages but the words mean nothing to me right now. My mind wanders back to Hamilton, but I quickly push it away. Jumping up, I turn on my laptop and look up the schedule for the upcoming NOW rally. I loved when I joined NOW. It’s opened so many more doors for me. Not just professional but my mindset as well. Since Sharon kept us locked up, I had been so closed off while the whole wide world kept moving forward. Now, Sharon’s dead and I’m focusing on the vast world in front of me.
Without Hamilton.
I flop back on the bed and sigh. Why can’t he just leave me alone? Actually, since our last talk, he has left me alone. He never even attempted after I told him to go off and find someone else.
It was the right thing to do.
Right?
I CLAP LOUDLY listening to the woman who had been discriminated and sexually harassed finish her speech. It’s very moving to hear these brave women stand up for their rights and beliefs. I found out I had some inner strength about a year before Sharon killed herself. It was as if a light bulb went off and I stood up to her. It hurt because she came at me harder and stronger, but I survived.
As the rally ends, I help clean up with the others. I love being part of NOW because it feels like a family. Daddy and Nova are my only true family, but this is a great extension. Elizabeth the coordinator of our chapter comes over to me as I toss the trash into the dumpster.
“You seem sad, Janan?” Elizabeth is older, around Daddy’s age, and smart. She has taught me so much.
“I think I’m tired.” It’s not a lie. I stayed up most of the night thinking about Hamilton. Again.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes. Daddy is great. His new girlfriend, Macy, is nice and they seem happy. Nova is working her tail off and loves it.”
“Have you heard from Hamilton?”
I told Elizabeth how it went down with Hamilton, and she doesn’t really ask a lot of questions.
“No.”
She hums something inaudible and hands me a hand wipe. “I’ll see you at the meeting next week.” Then she just turns and walks away.
My drive back to Manchester is smooth, and I decide to head to Daddy’s condo. He’s been busy, since all we’ve been getting is texts from him. I stop by his favorite deli and grab us each a sandwich. I send him a quick text letting him know I was coming because I’m not sure if Macy is in town. She is still living in Portland until she can move here permanently.
“Daddy!” I yell coming into his place.
“Kitchen.”
I stroll over and put the bag on the table. “You look rested.” I give him a hug.
“I am. I had a session with Caryn.”
I’m glad he is still going to therapy. He needs to. Sharon messed him up way more than me. However, I hide my pain better than he does.
“I’m starving.” I reach for a bottled water and go back to the food.
“How’s your day?” He sits across from me.
After taking a large bite of my sandwich, I tell him about the rally and work. I like my job and even thought about changing my major to teaching but with my political science degree, I could do more.
“How’s the hockey world?”
“Good. I’m leaving in a couple of days. I need to check on some of the guys about their off season homework.”
I giggle. Daddy and his assistant coaches gave each player a list of things they had to work on. It needed to be done because the Bears were in last place last season. It was hard on everyone.
“How’s the love life?” he asks me.
“Non-existent.” I polish off the last bit of my food. “Yours?”
There’s a stern look from him. He doesn’t like talking about his because he still feels as if it’s too soon after Sharon’s death. I don’t think it is.
“By your silence I’m guessing Macy is good.” I grin.
“I’m more concerned about you. I do talk to Hamilton.”
I shrug trying to act as if I don’t care.
“Janan.” He shakes his head. “Just talk to him. He’s miserable.”
“Doubt it,” I mumble.
“He cares about you and you feel the same way about him. You both are just too damn hardheaded.”
I roll my eyes, a habit I’m trying to quit but failing. “Whatever.”
“Very mature, Janan.” He kisses the top of my head and starts to clean up the table.
He may have a point, but what does he know.
Chapter Two
Hamilton
“YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE,” I yell at my twin brother, dropping the Xbox One controller onto the table.
“Ah, sweet, sweet victory.” Henry raises his hands. “You’re getting slow in your old age.” He bumps my shoulder.
“Asshole,” I mumble again and stand up. I stroll to the kitchen and out to my patio.
I love Alabama. It’s my home and always has been. Resting in a chair, I stretch my legs and look out at my vast property. Most of it is flat but there’s a tree line outlining my property. My main reason for buying this land… it’s big. The bigger the better is my motto. I have a big truck, a big house here and another in Manchester, and everything in between-including myself.
“Are you out here pouting? You big baby.” My twin brother sits next to me.
We’re not identical at all. I’m six feet eight and two hundred thirty pounds of muscle. My hair is medium brown and my eyes are chocolate brown. Henry is six foot two, at best and barely a hundred seventy pounds. His hair is lighter brown, but our eyes are the same. It’s strange for twins to be so different. Unfortunately, Henry had been born with the cord around his neck and suffered for a while. In Henry’s fashion, he bounced back. When the doctors told our parents he wouldn’t be smart, he beat them all and now is a doctor. Nonetheless, I’m still protective of him. We’re almost thirty, but I won’t stand for people hurting the ones I love.
“Hey, Ham, what’s wrong?” He looks at me with concern.
“Nothing. Really,” I say still staring out at the land. “Should I build a barn or something?” I wave my hand to the left side of the field.
“Why? Are you planning on becoming a farmer?”
“Nah. I’m not an animal person. I was just thinking.”
“You were thinking about a barn?” He turns up his nose. “Is this the way for you to stop thinking about Janan?”
I kept nothing from Henry. He knows everything about me, especially my loveless love life. “No.”
“Ham, you suck at lying.” He shakes his head. “Just call her.”
“She told me she wanted me to leave her alone.”
“Never thought you would back down from a challenge.”
“I’m not. She told me to leave her alone.” I repeat. “Pretty sure it means it’s over.” I cross my arms and continue to stare at my property.
“Still think you’re a pussy for backing down.” He mutters low but loud enough for me to hear him.
I roll my eyes and tune him out. I can’t hear this anymore. I can say, in good conscience, I did everything I could to show Janan I was sincere and I loved her. Yes, I had a hang up about our age. I thought she would end up being immature and just using me for sex, or whatever nineteen year old women use men for, but I had been wrong.
Now, I’m heartbroken and alone.
“Listen, I’m going to head home for a little bit. Are you packed to leave tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Is Vance and Garrett coming?”
Vance Pemberton is a teammate of mine, who recently found out hockey legend Garrett Ross is his biological father. Garrett is a good guy and the head coach of the Blacksmiths here in Alabama. I’ve known Garrett for a long time. He actually was my first assistant coach in the PHL when I was drafted. Vance is down here with Garrett, and I invited them to go fishing with us.
“Yes
, they’ll be there.”
“Who else is coming?”
“I invited Alden. I’m not sure why.” I sigh. He’s a pain in my neck but a good teammate. “He hasn’t confirmed though. Plus, I invited some others.” I shrug. “Whoever shows up will be going with us.”
“Well, I’m outta here.” He slaps my knee before getting up and heading out.
“Later, bro,” I holler at him, but I remain in place.
Alone.
HENRY AND I load the back of my truck with our coolers and backpacks full of supplies. I tossed in a couple of tents just in case we turned this into a longer trip than planned. Sometimes Henry wants to camp. As kids we’d pitch up sheets in the backyard and “camp” out there.
“Ready?” Henry hops up into my truck.
“Yep.” I pull my keys from my pocket and climb up into the truck.
On the way out to the lake, Henry tells me about his job. I’m beyond proud of my brother. A doctor. It’s hard to believe how far he’s come. I tried to get him a job on the PHLs medical staff, but he told me he’d rather do his own thing. As always.
I pull the truck up to a parking spot near the dock. As Henry and I unload, Vance and Garrett park next to me and they brought Bas, another teammate of mine.
“Bas, I thought you were going back to London to visit your family?” I shake his hand.
“Plans changed,” he says in his thick accent and shrugs.
“He’s hanging out with me.” Vance’s Irish accent is something I’m used to now, but Bas’ is still hard for me at times. They both say they don’t understand me from time to time. I’m not sure why, but they say I have an accent… I don’t think I do at all.
“Garrett.” I shake his hand. “Great to see you.”
“Same here, Baer.”
As I introduce my brother to them, a speedster sports car pulls up. I know who it is.
“Alden,” I yell over the thumping bass. “Turn that shit down.”