by Mary Smith
“Anyone hear from Teo or Nathan?” Remington asks as we’re seated.
“They should be back next week,” Bas answers.
“Think they did their homework?” Alden questions.
“Coach went up to Stockholm last month and checked in on them,” Vance answers.
I stare at him. “How do you know?”
“Nathan told me.” He shrugs. “He also told me he did everything on his list.”
“Is anyone else surprised Teo didn’t get traded?” Kyson lowers his voice.
The waiter comes and takes our order. It’s sad but we order the same items. Hockey players are predictable. Well, some of us.
“Fuck, I’m shocked we all are still here.” Keaton sips his water. “I, for one, thought I was going.”
“You did?” I think he’s a great player and wouldn’t believe he had been worried about his position.
“Sure did. I even warned Harlow too. However, after the draft I felt a bit better.”
“I told Dacey the same thing.” Vance jumps in.
“Now, we just have to fight for our positions in training camp.” Alden grumbles. “Just one time in my life I’d like to walk into camp without having a heart attack because I’m clawing my way to a roster place.”
“Alden, you’ll do fine.” Cabel gives him a pat on the back. “Although, I’m as bowled over as everyone else no one was traded or even cut. I think this is the first time in my career it’s ever happened.”
“Is it a bad thing?” Vance inquires.
“We’ll have to wait until the first day of camp.” Cabel shrugs.
“Maybe they’ll just trade us right there on the spot.” Kyson jokes.
“Not funny. I have a wife and two little girls to think of.” Remington growls.
“Hey Edgar and I have kids to worry about too.” Cabel seems offended.
“I don’t mean it as if you guys don’t have responsibilities too.” He changes his tone fast.
I feel left out on this part of the conversation. I’m a single guy. The only thing I have is my property but that’s easy to sell. Even though I hate selling property.
The conversation moves to hockey and other teams around the league. We all agree we need to keep focusing on the games and winning this season. All of it.
As we finish eating and paying for our meals, I stand and walk out with the guys when a set of arms grab my waist and hug me. I’m not one to scare easily and fans have grabbed me before, but I knew who it was without even looking.
“Hello, Novabear.” I squeeze her hands and turn around hugging her properly. “I missed your hugs.”
“Me too.” She pulls away. “When did you get back? I texted you the other day.”
“A few days ago.” I grin at her. “Janan didn’t tell you I saw her.”
She nods with a sad look. “She did. She wasn’t thrilled about it.”
I shrug. “I’m hoping we can be friends.” Lies.
“Liar.” She calls me out. “But I understand.”
“I’ll call you soon and we’ll grab a bite, Novabear.”
“Bye, Hammy.” She smiles and heads off to work.
Alden punches my shoulder when we step outside. “You dog, are you doing her too?”
“I will fucking punch you in the throat if you talk one negative thing about Nova. I’m not fucking playing.” I stare him down.
“Dude”—Alden holds up his hands—“I’m just kidding. Sorry.” He rushes off to his tiny sports car. I’m still not sure how he fits in it.
I take a deep breath. I can’t seem to keep my temper in check when it comes to Nova and Janan. Can still remember the night when I found about their home life. I wanted to protect those girls. Coach gave me the girls that night and I took them home with me. I didn’t want to send them back to the house with Sharon.
When she and Nova would come over, Janan and I would stay up late and talk. She was over eighteen already. I didn’t start having feelings for her until she was closer to nineteen, and I’m not sure how it happened. One morning I woke up and she was all I could think about and the only person I wanted to be around.
Our first kiss had to be awkwardly romantic. Nova had been asleep as Janan and I were up late watching a movie. We were holding hands. I’m not sure why. The girls have been affectionate to me and I to them. It had always been in a sisterly manner but that night it changed. I twirled her hair around my fingers and then just leaned into her.
And it happened…
The greatest moment of my life.
Until I screwed it up.
IT’S BEEN A long week of working out and getting back into my regular routine. The new part of my routine is checking my phone every morning to see if Janan has emailed me. Finally, she did. There’s nothing but an attached schedule. I’d hope she would have at least said hello but nothing. I make sure to put all the rally dates and times in my phone and set up reminders too. I don’t want to miss a single moment. I need to show her I care for her. I know Alden is right. Although, I’ll never tell him to his face–his ego is too big as it is now.
I head over to the arena’s gym and start my workout. I want to get this workout in before heading to Janan’s rally. Today I am having a Blu-ray player delivered to her house with a Pride and Prejudice movie included. I had a card typed out with the line, most ardently. It’s not exactly like it is in the book, but it’s Janan’s favorite scene. She made me watch this movie with her a hundred times. Therefore, I clearly remember her telling me every time.
“Holy shit.” I hit the stop button on the treadmill and jump off. “What the fuck happened to you, Paxton?” I walk up to him.
“What’s wrong?” He furrows his brow, looking down at his clothes. “Is my dick hanging out?”
“Dude, you’ve gained like ten pounds of muscle. How many meatballs did you chomp down in Switzerland?” I punch his shoulder and he’s solid.
Nathan Paxton is living a PHL dream story. He was drafted several years ago but was pushed down to the minor leagues. He remained there until the middle of last season when he got his chance to be in the big leagues. Paxton proved himself a lot and deserves to be here. Despite the fact we finished in last place in the league this past season, it wasn’t his fault. The burden falls on me. I didn’t keep the team together like a captain should.
“I ate a lot. Teo and I hired a trainer. You should see him.” He chuckles. “Coach’s assignment told me to get stronger.” He shrugs. “He seems pleased.”
His simple explanation makes me grin. “You look good. When did you and Teo get back?”
“The other day.”
“Still going to live together?”
“Actually, yes. It’s strange, but he and I have a lot in common and he’s a great guy.”
I nod. Teo is an okay guy to me, but I’m still not sure why he’s on the Bears team or even in the PHL. He doesn’t have the skills anymore. He had them before but they simply faded away—as crazy as that sounds.
“How was your off season?”
“Fine.” I state with no more details. “Listen I’m about to hit the ice. Want to join?”
“Sure. Running some suicides sounds fun.” He smirks at his own sarcastic remark.
Once we hit the ice Alden, Cabel, Edgar, Gage a right winger, and O’Dell a defenseman end up joining us. Of course, everyone is impressed by Nathan’s beefed up body, but he seems a little shy by the attention. I’m hoping he turns his all new toned up body into something spectacular in the net.
After about two hours on the ice, I need to get going because I don’t want to be late for the rally. I need to work on Janan’s and my relationship. I will win her back.
“I KNEW YOU would be here.” Nova tucks her arm around my elbow.
I smirk. “Whatever do you mean?”
Nova rolls her eyes, just like Janan does. “She doesn’t know about the gift you sent.”
“I’m not following.” I lie.
She narrows her glare at me. “I
know you sent her the gift so don’t even play around. She wasn’t home when it arrived. She’ll be mad at you.”
“What else is new?” I remark while looking up the stairs where the women are holding up their signs.
“She loves you just as much as you love her.”
My stomach flutters at Nova’s words. “But she won’t let me in.”
She slaps my shoulder. “Gee, I wonder why.”
“Hey,” I exclaim, while I’m being accosted. “Why are you being mean to me?”
“She pours her feelings out to you like a busted up Hoover Dam and you come back with ‘sorry, you’re nineteen.’ Do you know how hard that was for her? Janan is the least trusting person in the world. I seriously mean it too because she barely trusts me and I’m her blood. But you... you were able to get her open up and be herself before you screwed it all up.”
“I... I…” There’s nothing in my brain to help me come up with some sort of argument or explanation. “You’re right. I’m here now trying to fix it.” I tell Nova my entire plan on how to win Janan back.
“Okay your idea is great and would have possibly worked.” Nova suddenly seems very sad.
“Would have? I don’t understand.”
Nova lifts up on her tiptoes and looks over the crowd. “Do you see the guy about two feet to the left of Janan?” She nods over to the stairs.
I glance over to where she’s talking about and I see a guy, about six feet tall with coal black hair staring right at Janan. “What about him?”
“That’s Mr. Alexander Eubanks III. She and he have been talking a lot for the past week and a half.”
My heart drops and I deflate. “She has a boyfriend.” It’s not a question. It’s the truth.
“She’s still calling him her friend. I do know they’ve not had sex, but they like each other. At least, he’s saying they do.” Nova gives me a sad smile. “If you want your plan to work, follow through with it, but if she tells you no, just walk away. Once Janan has her mind set on something you know she won’t back down from it.”
I nod. Janan is as hard-headed as me. However, right now I’m debating if I should leave her alone. If she’s happy, I don’t want to confuse her. I decide to stay and wait for the rally to end.
As the rally ended, I watch this guy go in for a hug, but Janan keeps her body away from him. I look down at Nova, and she shrugs seeing the same interaction I just did.
“Close, huh?” I quip.
“Just remember what I said.” Nova warns me and then I notice Janan’s eyes are on me.
It’s not hard to miss me in a crowd. I’m generally taller than most people. I need to remain calm and cool as she approaches me with the guy. His face lights up as bright as the sun when he comes closer. Obviously, he recognizes me.
“Hi, Janan.” I give her a small smile. “Great turnout.”
Before she can answer the guy shoves his hand out. “Dude, you’re Hamilton Baer.”
I nod, shaking his hand quickly. “I am.”
“I’m Alex. I’m Janan’s…” He thumbs over to her without giving more of a title.
I wait for him to say friend or boyfriend, but he leaves it at that. I grunt a response because there’s nothing I want to say to him. “Janan, how are you?”
“I’m fine.” She’s trying to look away from me but keeps connecting with me.
“So, Hamilton why are you here?” Alex asks. His excitement is radiating off him. I’ve seen it from fans before.
“I’m here supporting Janan and NOW.”
“Really?” He seems surprised. “You don’t seem like the type.”
“What type?” He’s starting to piss me off and Nova squeezes my bicep, reminding me to calm down.
“You know, to be at girlie rally.”
Janan audibly gasps and is about to tell him off before I jump in. “Dude.” I slap the term back at him. “I’m here supporting women’s rights for equality and justice. That’s the type of person I am. Now if you excuse me, I’m going home.” I kiss Nova’s forehead. I reach for Janan’s arm pulling her to me, kissing her temple. “He’s a fucking prick,” I whisper. “Bye, Alex.”
He holds out his hand, but I ignore him and stalk off to my truck. If that boy keeps sticking his foot in his mouth, I’ll win Janan back faster than I thought.
Chapter Five
Janan
THE DRIVE HOME with Nova is quiet. I’m furious at Alex for what he said. A girlie rally? Is he serious? Alex tried to talk to me after Hamilton left, but I just told him bye, grabbed Nova, and left him standing there. If I never speak to him again, it’ll be too soon.
When we get into the apartment, I go right for the fridge and grab a bottled water, hoping it’ll cool my temper. Highly unlikely. Nova hops up on the counter, and I see a box setting near her.
“What’s that?” I point to it.
“It’s for you. It was delivered right after you left for the rally.” She pushes it over to me.
I stupidly made the choice to ride with Alex to the rally, but that’ll be the last time. “Who’s it from?” There’s no postal markings or any writing on it. “Is it from Daddy?”
“Don’t know.”
I pull the tape off and open the box to find a Blu-ray Disc of Pride and Prejudice on top and under it a Blu-ray player. “What the hell?”
“Is that a card?” Nova points and I see a thick cardstock card on the side.
Elizabeth Bennett should be every female’s role model.
Most ardently.
“Who sent this?” I inspect the card and there’s no clue on who sent it to me or even delivered it.
“No idea, but it’s certainly sweet.” Nova hops off the counter. “I’m going to check my email and see if we got our school schedules.” She strolls off to her bedroom as I continue to look over the contents in the box.
Everyone knows this is my favorite movie and I’ve said more than once I wanted a Blu-ray player. Sure, I can afford it, but I didn’t want to spend any additional money if I didn’t need to. Not like I couldn’t call on Daddy or Uncle Oliver and ask them.
Then it hits me who sent this and I grab my cell phone.
Me: Did you send me the Blu-ray player?
Hamilton: What are you talking about?
Me: Don’t lie to me, please! I’ve had a long day.
I wait for his text and an answer.
Me: Hamilton please answer me.
Hamilton: I know you will be mad so I’m not going to.
So many words but still the answer is yes. Should I be pissed? I told him to leave me alone. Yet he came to my rally and now these gifts. Hamilton isn’t a cruel person. I know him better than anyone. Hell, he’s told me a million times the exact statements.
And I miss him. I miss my friend more than anything.
Me: Thank you.
Hamilton: Not the text I was expecting back, but you’re welcome.
I want to say I miss him, but I leave it alone. I knew him coming back to Manchester would be harder on me, especially us seeing each other more.
Now what am I going to do?
ALEX: PLEASE MAY we talk. In person.
Alex: I’m not sure what I did wrong, but you’ve not talked to me in three days.
Alex: Please.
“What are you going to do?” Dacey asks as she sips her tea.
She, Nova, and I are at The Latte Bean. My iced coffee sits in front of me, but I’ve barely touched it or my scone. “I have no clue.” I had just spilled every detail about Alex and me and even added in everything that happened between Hamilton and me. I even told them about Hamilton sending the gift and I missed him.
“I’m still Team Hamilton,” Nova says biting into her danish.
“I don’t know Alex, but I know Hamilton. He’s a quiet guy, but he cares for you, Janan. Vance told me how heartbroken he was in Alabama. Hell, Alden told me and he only sees woman parts. I doubt he knows what a broken heart even looks like.” Dacey jokes, but it’s the truth. Alden love
s the ladies.
“I don’t need either of them to define me. I’d probably be better on my own anyway. Single is the new way of life.”
Before either of them can critique me any more, I toss a twenty on the table and tell them I have to leave. I’m not really lying because I do have an appointment with Caryn in a little while but arriving early isn’t something new for me.
I check in with Caryn’s receptionist and take a seat to wait my turn. I scroll through my Instagram account. I don’t have Facebook or Twitter because they’re like a social media black hole. At least with Instagram, I can enjoy the funny cat videos and cool dog tricks plus find new books. I follow other activists and leaders of NOW and stay on top of their doings.
When Caryn calls me back to her office, I jump right into my first question. “Do you think because I define myself as a feminist, I’m a hypocrite because I’m pining over a man?”
Caryn softly laughs. “Janan, you always seem to surprise me. Have a seat and tell me who you are pining over and why you think you’re a hypocrite?” She takes a seat in her chair and I lay on her couch.
Ever since the first time I walked into this office, I laid on her couch. I assumed it’s what people did when they go to a therapist, but Caryn told me to do whatever felt comfortable for me and laying on the couch seems to be my place.
“I miss Hamilton.” I twist my hair around my fingers staring up at Caryn’s prestige white ceiling. “He’s back in town, and I’ve seen him a couple of times. It’s been a simple passing by type thing. Then he went off and sent me an amazing gift. The big oaf.” I grumble.
“And you’re thinking about him again? What happened to the guy who bought you dinner?”
“Alex?” I roll my eyes. “He was at the rally with me but called it a girlie rally. It’s not like we weren’t on that campus fighting for a young woman who’d been raped or anything. He made it sound as if we were picking out shoes to match our evening wear.” I groan. “Asshole.”