“I’m sorry, Bodhi.”
“I’m sorry too, Kimberly. I thought things would be different. That you’d trust me and believe in me. I can see what Dr. Rosenberg means by new relationships beginning just after rehab not being a good idea. They probably don’t start off very healthy.”
We sit there together for a moment in silence.
At last Kim says, “I was wrong to assume that I was enough.”
“Enough for what?”
“Enough for you to stay clean, Bodhi.”
I look into her blue eyes. “But you are, Kimberly.” Tears form in my own eyes. “For you, I want to be a better person than the one you read about. Because of you, I have a different outlook on life and want to share it with you. In the thirty days we spent with each other at Serenity Springs, you changed me. You showed me what it’s like to live for me and not worry about what others think. You guided me through one of the worst periods of my life and never judged me. And then you gave me a chance to be someone that I’ve never been before. With you I found a relationship that made me want to wake up every day. You’re the reason I’m going to stay clean. You’re the reason I smile and want to be a better person. So yes, you are enough to keep me clean.”
“I’m so sorry I left,” she cries out. “I was so stupid.”
“I forgive you,” I say, surprised to hear myself saying it, but realizing that it’s true. I’m in love with her and want her to be a part of my life.
Kimberly kisses me. Her hands are everywhere, and mine quickly follow suit. Something tells me that makeup sex is going to be especially hot, but I’m secretly hoping we don’t fight like this ever again.
“I have one question,” I say, pulling away from her. “Will you take a sabbatical and stay here with me for a while? In a few months VeeP will be going on tour and I honestly don’t want to be away from you for that long. It’s not that I think I’m going to relapse; it’s more that I don’t want to be away from you. I don’t think I can go on tour and not see you at least on the weekends.”
“Do you think we’ll be together in a few months?”
I blanch at her words but understand where she’s coming from. I’m not exactly known for commitment. “You know, my mom once said to me that when you find the one you’re supposed to be with, it’s easy, because you can be yourself. When I’m with you, I’m just Bodhi McKnight.”
“And I never once thought of you as someone else.”
“That’s what makes this so right. You see me for me, and I love you for that.”
“I love you too, Bodhi, and the answer is yes. I’ll happily take a sabbatical, and then I’ll go on tour with you.”
My heart leaps, but I realize I have to tell her what touring is like and give her the chance to back out. “I want you to really think about it, because it means living on a tour bus and eating shitty food. Plus the hours suck. But I also promise you that the payoff will be worth it.”
“What kind of benefits are there?” She raises one eyebrow, and I’m so glad to see her sense of humor again.
“Free concert tickets, merchandise, and sex in odd places. You’ll have to learn how to be quiet and to enjoy fucking in closets and bending over bathrooms sinks so we can have a quickie. The beds on the bus are tiny, but that means we can cuddle more.”
“You make it sound so romantic.”
“It will be, if you believe in me.”
“I do, Bodhi. I do believe in you.”
Epilogue
It’s been months since I left rehab, and now I’m back—but it’s not because I relapsed. To date I haven’t touched drugs or alcohol, aside from the time Aspen drugged me. It’s been rather refreshing, actually—I’ve been able to see just how ridiculous people act when they’re wasted. For the most part, Bray and Carson have stopped drinking as well, especially when we’re at parties representing Virtuous Paradox.
I’m back at Serenity Springs because Susan is finally leaving, and I promised her that I’d be here when she got out. I had hoped things with her husband would turn around, but they haven’t. According to Kim and Susan, things only got worse—he stopped taking her calls and then changed his phone number. Many times I’ve wanted to hunt him down, but my father says he’ll have his day in court. Also as promised, Susan has a place to live at my parents’, a job, and a high-priced attorney ready to file on her behalf tomorrow morning.
I’m making her trip to my parents’ house an unforgettable one. I rented a white stretch limousine and brought Brayden and Carson with me. I don’t know if she’s a fan or not, but we’re going to treat her to lunch and make sure she feels special, because she is, and it’s about time someone shows her that.
The three of us lean against the limo waiting for Susan. Kim comes out first, carrying her overnight bag. The driver takes it from her before she even reaches me. I welcome her with a kiss that lingers longer than what is deemed appropriate in public. She’s been my salvation and the reason I am becoming a better person. Yes, I have to fight temptation, and I often wonder where Aspen is. Since that morning in my room, I haven’t seen or heard from her, and part of me hopes she’s in a place like Serenity Springs getting the help she needs. I know that what I have now is worth the struggle, and I want her to discover that too.
“Today is a big day,” she says, nestling into my side.
“I know. Is Susan ready?”
Kimberly nods and looks over at the door, waiting for Susan.
Even though Kim and I have been together for only a few months, things are amazing. Right now Kim spends four days a week with me, mostly over weekends. As much as I wanted her with me every day, it didn’t make sense for her to leave her job and sit at my parents’ every day while I worked. I didn’t want her to be bored and come to resent me.
Virtuous Paradox is going on tour soon, and when we do, Kim is coming with me. Rebel isn’t thrilled with the idea, but eventually she agreed. It’s not that I need Kim there to keep me on the straight and narrow; it’s because I love her and I don’t want to be away from her. My father was the same way after he met my mother. He cast her in all his upcoming movies so that he could be with her nonstop, marrying her just months after they met. It seemed to work for my parents, and I’m hoping it works for Kim and me as well.
“You guys really went above and beyond,” Kim says, and I look over at them. Carson is holding a dozen long-stemmed roses, and Bray a box of chocolates. Once I told them Susan’s story, they wanted to help. They’re in agreement with me that her husband is an epic piece of shit.
When Susan appears, I notice that she looks healthier. She’s put on a little weight, her eyes are less sunken, and her skin isn’t so ashen. It’s amazing what therapy, decent meals, and love can do for someone.
She comes to a halt in surprise when she sees us waiting for her, but her smile doesn’t waver. It’s as bright as the sun.
“Is this for me?” she asks timidly.
“Of course,” Carson says, stepping forward and handing her the roses.
“Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve been given flowers.”
“And chocolates,” Brayden says.
“Susan, allow me to introduce Brayden Copeland and Carson Monroe.”
Her eyes twinkle as the guys shake her hand. “I’m a huge fan,” she tells them, and then she looks over at me. “Thank you, Bodhi.”
I shrug because this isn’t a big deal. I know what she’s been through, and this is the least I could do for her.
“Don’t do that,” Susan tells me.
“Do what?” I ask her.
“Don’t act like this is something you do every day. The things you’ve done for me, what your family has offered . . . I’ll never be able to repay you.”
Stepping away from Kim, I place my hands on Susan’s shoulders and look her square in the eye. “Listen to me. We’ll never ask for repayment. You can stay as long as you want to, as long as you need to. Sometimes people need a break in life, and that is what we’re giving you.
My parents are thrilled that you’re moving in, and my father is excited that you’ll be coming to work for him.”
“The apartment is very cute, Susan. Gabriela has gone a bit crazy decorating, but I think you’ll love it,” Kim adds.
Susan starts to cry, but Kim quickly envelops her in a hug. It’s another reason Kim’s coming with us today—to help Susan transition. I imagine it’s pretty damn scary being out on your own for the first time in months.
Kimberly helps Susan into the limo, and we pile in after her. Our first stop is Chateau Marmont, for lunch. We figured that Susan needs to see what it’s going to be like to dine with my father during the week. He’s always holding meetings here because the paparazzi aren’t allowed near the place.
Our drive back to Los Angeles is filled with jokes and a lot of laughter. At one point we have Susan laughing so hard that she’s holding her stomach and can barely catch her breath. It’s a nice sight to see. After lunch we head to my parents’, and my mother promptly whisks her away to show her the apartment.
Finally Kim and I are alone for a few minutes.
“Wanna take a walk?” I ask her. We link hands and venture outside, past the gate, and into the street. Luckily for us the media frenzy died down quickly when they realized Kim was here to stay and wasn’t just a weekend fling.
We walk a few blocks until we come to a condo with a real estate agent’s sold sign out front. I lead us up the walkway and unlock the door to my newly purchased house. I know it’s a risk, but I’m hoping she likes it. Otherwise it’s going back on the market.
“What’s this?”
“It’s something I wanted to show you.”
The entryway opens to a long hallway, with the living room and kitchen off to the left and a staircase on the right. Everything has been upgraded and painted, and the place is move-in ready. That’s the spiel the real estate agent gave me when she showed me the condo a few weeks ago.
Kim walks around and I follow behind her. I’ve been here many times imagining us living here and starting a family, but if she doesn’t like it, I’ll buy something else.
“The kitchen is beautiful.” And it is, with its stainless-steel appliances, buttermilk-colored cabinets, and hardwood floors. The kitchen was one of the big selling points for me, because I could see her being happy in here.
“As long as you’re standing in it, it is.” I go over to her and lift her up on the counter. The thought occurs to me that it’s the perfect height for me to fuck her on. “I bought this house for us.”
“You did?” Her eyes light up, confirming for me that she loves it as much as I do.
“I did, but I had to bring you here to test a few things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, the counter first of all. I have to make sure that the height is perfect, so when you’re cooking and I want to fuck, it’ll be easy to bend you over or take you like this.” I grind my growing erection into her core. I’m always hard when she’s around, and it’s something I’ve had to grow accustomed to. Kim scoots closer to the edge, adding her own pressure to my groin.
“What else?”
“The shower, of course. If we can’t fuck in there, it’ll have to be remodeled.”
“Do you think we should test it out?” she teases me.
“Maybe after we finish the tour.”
“What’s upstairs?” she asks. I look at the staircase and smile, because the upstairs is the most important part of the tour.
“Three bedrooms and two bathrooms.” I help her off the counter, making sure she slides down my erection before her feet touch the ground. I’m confident that we’ll be christening the house before we leave today. I kiss her lightly on the nose and take her hand in mine.
She follows me up the stairs, letting go of my hand when we come to the first room. It’s average size and would make a great guest room. I thought about finding something bigger, something with more rooms and a pool, but with this being so close to my parents’ house, it didn’t make sense.
She checks out the next room, which was used as a nursery. I see the twinkle in her eye, and her hand unconsciously glides over her stomach. I know she wants children, and I plan to give them to her.
When she gets to the master bedroom, she gasps and covers her mouth. I’ve already decorated it, sort of, with a bed and a picture on the wall.
The picture is of me, holding a ring in my hand. She walks over to it, and when she turns back to look at me, I’m on bended knee, holding a black velvet box in my hand.
“My father told me that when you find the one, the one who makes your heart beat faster, you make excuses to see them,” I began. “I make every excuse I can to drive down to see you before I have to go to rehearsal, even when I know I’ll see you on the weekends. I can’t go an hour without texting you or talking to you.
“You make me feel like I can accomplish anything, and there isn’t anything I want to do that doesn’t involve you. Kimberly, will you marry me?”
She drops to her knees, tears in her eyes. “Yes. Oh my, yes, I’ll marry you.”
My nervous hands fumble with the ring as I slip it on her finger. She holds her hand up, the sunlight hitting her diamond perfectly.
“If you don’t like it, we can get you something else.”
She shakes her head. “I love it. I love you. And I love this house.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says, nodding. Her eyes glisten with happy tears. “And I’m going to show you.”
Kimberly has never shied away from showing me how she feels, but this time it feels different. We’re in what’s going to be our home, the place where our future will start. Her hands fumble with the buttons on my shirt, and after each button is undone, her lips press against my skin, burning the sensation into my being.
The way she undresses me is slow and methodical, almost like a present that you’re eager to open but you want to take your time with to savor the beautiful wrapping.
“Stand up,” she commands, and I do, watching her intently as she undoes my belt, letting it dangle between us. Next she opens the button on my pants and pushes my slacks and boxers to the floor, freeing my straining cock.
Kimberly licks her lips before taking me deep in her throat. My head falls back as I groan. I don’t care how many times we fuck—I’ll never get used to her mouth or pussy. Each time is like the first time. Her nails scrape along my legs and over to my ass, bringing me forward into her mouth. I thrust gently, creating some much-needed friction as she pumps me with her hand.
All of a sudden I need to be in her. I reach for her arms, pulling her up until she’s standing in front of me. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand in the sexiest fucking move I have ever seen.
“Turn around,” I demand, guiding her shoulder until her back is facing me. The swell of her ass presses against my growing erection. She shimmies against me, eager for my dick. The dress she’s wearing is one of those summer ones that flow easily and make it so fucking easy to bend her over. I bunch it up in my hands to reveal her perfect ass.
“Spread your legs for me.”
She does as I ask, and I ease her panties off. I press my cock against her, moving ever so slightly, and begin to slide into her wet folds.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I tell her as I thrust into her. She cries out and reaches to steady herself against the wall. I take my time, moving in and out slowly until she starts meeting my thrusts.
“Do you want it hard?”
She looks at me over her shoulder and nods. I pull out of her, my gaze fixed on her blue eyes, which are filled with lust, desire, need, and love. She pulls her dress off and moves to the bed, beckoning me with her finger. I crawl on top of her and, suddenly and inexplicably nervous, start to tremble as I enter her. Kimberly’s fingers thread through my hair, tugging lightly. The deeper I go, the more I feel . . . the more this moment means.
“I love you,” I say to her as her lips turn up in a smile.
/> “I love you too,” she says.
And then she bucks her hips. That’s my sign to get the deed done. To bring my woman the pleasure we both desire.
We move in unison, as if we’ve done this a million times. Her hands, my lips, always where we need them. She moans and arches her back, causing me to go deeper. I flip us over and marvel at the gorgeous woman on top of me, bringing herself to ecstasy as her nails dig into my skin.
“Do you know how sexy you are?” I ask her as I palm her breasts.
“You make me feel this way. I have never . . .” She shakes her head and falls to my chest, letting me finish the job. My hips buck into her, and she screams out my name, a sound I’ll never tire of hearing.
We stay like this, our bodies soaked in sweat, until the sun goes down. When we finally dress, I stand behind her in the bathroom mirror and hold up her hand so she can see what her ring looks like, what others will see.
“Hearts will shatter when this hits the news,” she says with a laugh.
“I don’t care. You’re the only one that matters to me. The only one.”
As I watch her admire her ring, I think if it hadn’t been for coke, I wouldn’t ever have met her. What a bunch of dumb luck that is.
Acknowledgments
First and foremost I have to thank my agent, Marisa Corvisiero, for everything. There are no words to properly tell you how much I appreciate all your hard work.
Many thanks to my editor, Sue Grimshaw, for taking a chance on me.
To my family for being supportive and putting up with the long hours; thank you for giving me an opportunity to follow my dreams.
Leslie Dover—you are without a doubt one of the best people I know. My life would not be the same without you in it. Thank you for your friendship, for your support, and for taking a chance on Society X with me.
To my usual crew—your continued support means the world to me.
And to all my readers—you guys are the best. Thank you for everything.
Also by Heidi McLaughlin
Blow Page 19