by P. K. Tyler
But now Zeph was gone and, apparently, not coming back. In a way, she kind of wished it was her instead.
She couldn't understand why her father had been so harsh on Zeph, or why it was so bad that he loved Nik. She’d prayed with her parents for him to repent, to turn his back on the demon of homosexuality, but secretly she wondered why it mattered. Maybe it didn't and her father just overreacted. He did that a lot.
She'd ask him again, but on Saturday morning. He was always in a much better mood on Saturday mornings, after he and Mama had stayed up late Friday night and slept in, so she'd wait a couple of days and ask him then.
Adel put thoughts of her brother out of her mind. She showered, taking her time washing her hair and then brushing it out when she was done. Her hair hung halfway down her back and she loved to wear it down, letting it flow behind her like a veil. She imagined wearing a wedding dress and walking down the aisle with her father. Someday she’d have a perfect life, one where no one shouted. She’d have a husband and a perfect little baby that would laugh and smile all the time. Adel wouldn’t marry a man who was angry all the time, and she wouldn’t turn into a zombie when he said, “I’ll handle it.” She'd been sent to her room early tonight, so even when she was done in the bathroom, she still had about an hour or so before bedtime.
She read for a while but bored quickly, unable to get her restless mind to focus. Finally, she decided to just go to sleep.
Adel padded down the hall in her flannel pajamas and kissed her parents goodnight.
Her father's attention stayed riveted to the T.V. Her mother, on the other hand, noticed the early hour. "Why are you going to bed so early?"
"Just tired. Plus tomorrow is Thursday and we always have tests on Thursdays. I might start going to bed early every Wednesday night, actually." Adel forced herself to stop rambling. She didn’t want to accidentally say what she really felt, that she’d rather lock herself away in her room alone than spend any more time with her parents.
"You've always had tests on Thursdays and Fridays, why the sudden need for more sleep?"
Adel's face heated. She should have known her father wouldn't simply let it be. It was her story, though, so she persisted. "I just want to do well in school.”
She stood there with her hands clasped before her, trying her best not to fidget under her father's scrutiny.
"All right, fine. Goodnight, Adel." He turned back to the TV without another word.
Adel let out a sigh and returned to her room, closing the door and turning off her light. She leapt into bed and under the covers, grateful to finally be alone.
She stretched out in bed, rolling from side to side, trying to find a comfortable way to lay, but she couldn’t settle down. Every time she closed her eyes, her mind would swim with memories she’d rather forget.
Restless and awake, she reached down and gently rubbed her soft panties. Her fingers danced across the cotton, tickling her growing desire. She spread her legs and slipped her hand inside her underwear, teasing the little nub hiding within.
Adel bit her lip to keep from moaning. Her motions became frantic as she tried desperately to find the pace and pressure that would bring the explosion at the end. Her mind cleared and all her worries disappeared. Her arms and legs tensed and she arched her body up off the bed, hovering on the edge of some amazing feeling she didn't yet have a name for.
Light from the hall flooded the room suddenly, making Adel gasp and straighten her legs, yanking her hand out of her panties quickly.
"Evelyn, go on to bed. I'll handle this."
Her father stepped into her room and closed the door behind himself and locked it, all while he kept his gaze trained on her.
"Daddy? I was just..."
"I know what you were doing, Adel." He walked over to her small, twin bed and sat on the edge of it, forcing her to scoot over to make room for him. His hip rested against hers and he leaned over, putting one hand on the other side of her. "Let me ask you something, Adel, and I want you to be honest with me."
He paused, staring her in the eye to make sure she understood.
"What you were doing, it felt good, right?"
Adel thought that maybe what she was doing had been wrong. She'd always kept it secret, had done it when no one was around. It was just something she didn't want to share with anyone. Certainly not her father.
"Adel, answer me."
She nodded.
"Speak up, Adel. I want to hear you say it."
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, what?" he probed.
"Yes, sir. It felt good."
He stood up and pulled her covers down, leaving them in a heap at her feet and sat back down next to her.
"Just because something feels good doesn't mean it's right. Sex out of wedlock is wrong, even sex with yourself. You're embarrassed right now, aren't you?"
A few tears escaped her eyes and she nodded, gasping a sob. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, Daddy. I won't ever do it again."
"I know, Adel. But I need to make sure you understand." He placed a hand on her thigh and pushed the edge of her nightgown up. “You have to learn self-control and self-respect. I’m going to teach you, because I'm your father. Because I love you.”
Adel froze, shaking from fear and embarrassment. It was a sin for her to disobey her father, but wasn't it a greater sin to allow him to touch her?
His hand came to her underwear and his fingers stroked the warm, wet spot between her legs.
"See how good this feels, Adel? Even though you know it's wrong. You have to find a way to resist what your body is telling you, find a way to clear your mind."
After what her father had done to Zeph, she knew better than to argue. Even as shame flushed her face and her body responded to his touch, she forced herself to hold still. Her mother wouldn’t interfere. She'd have to take this punishment just as Zeph had taken his.
She called up the image of Zeph in the shower in her mind and her body cooled.
“That’s good, turn away from sin, and keep your body in check. It longs to sin, to be defiled and lure you away from God’s grace.” Her father slipped two fingers inside Adel’s underwear, surprising her into a gasp. His fingers stroked her, warm and rough and she shook.
She prayed for forgiveness as more tears slipped from her eyes.
"You like that, don't you?"
She wanted to say no. She didn't like it, not really. She shook her head with the thought, but it felt like a lie. It did feel good. She didn't want it to. She hated herself because it did. She hated her father for making it feel good. She hated her mother for letting him. And she hated Zeph because if he hadn't left her alone, this wouldn't be happening. More than anything, she hated Nik for being the reason Zeph had to leave.
Just as the world began to blur and her hips rocked up against her father’s hand, he pulled away and pulled her nightgown back down.
“You must resist. The temptation you feel is the Devil’s own work. Tonight you will sleep without covers to hide your shame, your door open. Don’t touch yourself. If you do, I’ll know.”
He dragged her blankets from her bed, leaving them in a pile by her door.
“Good night Adel, I love you.”
Her father left her room.
***
“He did that every night?” Zeph asked, his eyes brimming with tears.
Adel had long ago buried any emotion she felt about her father’s lessons. “Yes. Some nights he touched me. Some nights he did… other things.”
“Did he rape you?” Zeph leaned forward and his hands twitched in his lap. Adel knew he wanted to reach out to her, but she pulled back even from the thought of it, her body and mind unable to handle even the smallest offering of physical affection.
Thoughts of hatred had haunted her for so long. Hatred for herself, for her father, for Zeph, but mostly for Nik for bringing all of this on her family. If he’d never come into their lives, Zeph would have never left her and her father would have never done those things to
her. All she really wanted was to escape.
“Adel?”
Zeph’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she nodded.
“I’m so sorry. I should have been there. I should have protected you.” Zeph’s tears finally crested the table of his eyes.
She shook her head and stood up, straightening her clothes. She turned her heart off, the same way she had with their father. It was the only way she knew to survive.
“It was a long time ago.” She set the untouched mug of tea on a table next to the couch. “I should get home, it’ll be dark soon and after last night…” She shivered remembering the man’s dark eyes and soulless voice.
“I’d rather you stay here tonight. I’d feel better if you weren’t alone until Nik can figure this out.”
“I’m not sleeping on a pew in the church, Zeph. I have a perfectly good bed at home.”
“I know that. We have empty rooms in the nun’s quarters. You can sleep there. We make sure to keep them available in case we have someone visiting from the diocese or a postulant coming to train with the Sisters. Please, I can’t stand the idea of something else happening to you.”
“I don’t need your pity.”
“Of course not. Shit.” Zeph ran a hand over his short hair. He stared at the ground and chewed the inside of his cheek. “You’ll be fine here. And you know how to get to my rooms if you need me. Sister Margaret is in the room across the hall and Sister Delphina is next to her. If you need anything, they won’t mind you knocking on their doors.”
“Right, random girl knocking on their door in the middle of the night is totally welcome.”
He smiled indulgently, “They’re nuns, remember?”
Adel watched his jaw clench for a moment before giving in. “Fine. I’ll stay.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her brother.
He stared at her, his eyes sharp and probing, but she closed herself off, locking her memories and pain behind the door she’d erected to separate her soul from her body. After a moment, he nodded and led the way out of his office and into the dreary halls of the old church.
Chapter Four
As Adel dreamed, Asmodeus opened the doors of her mind, seeking out her secret desires and pain. She was a treasure trove of emotions, each darker than the next.
Fear of her father haunted Adel, but malicious dreams called to Asmodeus like a beacon in the night. The full force of anger from a woman scorned many months before was like a strawberry cake baking in the oven, a delicious, tart-sweet scent making his mouth water.
He slithered through her subconscious, tasting each memory with the flick of his forked tongue. He observed dreams of revenge, passed over the little girl trapped beneath a heavy weight and went straight to visions of a woman heavy with child. Jealousy pounded a rhythm like the heavy thud of a bass drum. A man’s face imprinted itself in his mind’s eye. He focused on that image and locked Adel into her dark fantasy, retaking complete control of her body.
The poor, wretched creature had kept tabs on the man who betrayed her. Asmodeus allowed her to replay her darkest desires in her dream state, drawing each one out to the extreme so she could live them out to her satisfaction.
He pulled her clothes on and snuck his hijacked body from the church. The city streets smelled of decay and desperation. The perfect place for a demon to make himself at home, a place where evil didn’t differ too much from the acts of humans in control of their own free will. Perhaps that was why cities had always been the easiest targets for his kind. Bring humanity together and their darker nature would become manifest. Perhaps humans weren’t God's chosen creatures, perhaps they were no different from Asmodeous and his kin at all.
Still, Asmodeous hated them: humans. Their arrogance and ignorance combined repulsed him. Why should they retain domain over a world they cared nothing for? They wasted their lives abstaining and praying instead of indulging in all the pleasures and impulses their physical form allowed.
He guided Adel’s body through the streets, enjoying the leering of the few men still out at this hour. The church resided in a quiet area but the fun wouldn’t take long to reach if he wanted to exploit this woman. But no, he had bigger plans for her.
He hailed a cab, easily catching the attention of the driver with this underused body.
“Astoria, please.”
The cab driver nodded and pulled out into the street.
Asmodeous noticed how the driver kept the music low and didn’t talk on his phone, as most drivers did to pass the time. Instead, when he wasn’t watching the road, his eyes were trained on Adel’s body in the rear view mirror.
Asmodeous smiled and unbuttoned the top two buttons of Adel’s shirt, letting the top of her breasts show. The soft white skin seemed to glow in the passing light of the street lamps. He grasped one breast, slipping Adel’s fingers inside her shirt and pinching her nipple.
The driver coughed.
Soon, Adel’s shirt hung open, her hands roaming across her chest and abdomen, her skirt hiked high.
The cab slowed and the driver veered off the main road.
“Keep driving.”
“I cannot see,” the driver said, a whine in his voice.
“Keep driving or I’ll stop.”
The car sped back up.
The cab neared the Queensboro Bridge and as Adel slipped a hand into her underwear the driver moaned.
He lifted up in his seat, glanced behind him, and readjusted the mirror.
Asmodeous slipped his fingers between the lips of Adel's cunt, the nerves of his clit pulsing with need. He delivered image after image of pain and torture to Adel’s mind, showing her all the wonderful things he could inflict upon her ex-lover. The more he showed her, the more aroused her body became. He pinched her clit between two fingers and allowed her mind back into her body, bringing her into the explosive orgasm as she dreamed of drenching her hands with her ex’s still warm blood.
Adel screamed, throwing her head back and arching up off the seat of the cab.
In the rear view mirror, she held the driver’s eyes as he stopped the car, palming his erection and jerking it hard.
Ten minutes later, they arrived in the small Queens neighborhood tucked safely into a quiet corner, slightly away from the busy streets, but near enough to hear the blazing sirens.
“Twenty-six fifty,” the cab driver said.
Asmodeous laughed and buttoned up his shirt. “Trust me, that show was worth a lot more than that.”
He climbed out of the cab and almost hoped the driver would follow him. To fight or fuck. Fun could be had either way. The sound of the car driving away was almost a disappointment, but what lay ahead would be so much more rewarding.
Adel had come here before. She had watched the woman who stole her life, already full with the child of her former lover, haul groceries into their townhouse. Brennan never did anything when he lived with Adel, that he’d let his pregnant girlfriend struggle with the bags didn’t surprise her. He never had ambition, always willing to mooch off Adel’s hard work or the few friends he had. He was lazy, but he was everything her father hadn’t been. She just knew he’d make a good father. He would never do what hers had done to Zeph and her.
The house in Astoria screamed money. Not many could afford an entire row-house to themselves, plus garage. It had fueled the fire raging within Adel and Asmodeous used the memory to push her into a frenzy of hate and fury. She’d worked hard to provide a decent home for herself and Brennan, but apparently he’d traded up. She’d never been good enough, for him or for her family.
His mouth twisted with sadistic pleasure.
It gave Adel some small comfort to know that maybe, just maybe, the only reason he’d moved on was for the money. This woman who’d stolen her future husband, the children they may have had together, her entire life, was nothing but a dollar sign to him.
Asmodeus went through the open gate to the back of their home. One car parked in their carport, a beige Camry. A nice fa
mily car. He fed the flames of Adel’s righteous indignant rage.
Fuck your family. It was supposed to be mine!
Satisfied that she was properly riled, he approached the back door and knocked.
“Hello?” the woman called behind the locked door.
“Hi, I’m so sorry. I need some help. Could you please…” Asmodeous stopped speaking, breaking off with a sob.
“Do I know you?”
“No, I just … I’m sorry, there was a man … he followed me a few blocks and when I saw your lights on, I ducked back here. I’m afraid to go back out there.”
The woman didn’t respond right away, probably weighing her safety against her desire to help a strange woman.
Asmodeous leaned against the door and whispered. “Please, I’m so scared, I don’t know what he wants.”
The woman opened the door with a tight smile. Her eyes widened when she saw Adel, probably recognizing her from Brennen’s pictures.
“What are you…”
Asmodeous cut her off with a quick jab between her eyes. Adel’s small fist delivered a solid blow that snapped the woman’s head back. Blood gushed from her nose.
She staggered back a few paces, enough for Adel to enter her kitchen and close the door behind them.
With a wild grin, Asmodeous locked the door and swept through the room. Granite counter-tops and a large eat-in kitchen confirmed Adel’s suspicions. This woman had everything. Money, Brennen, even a baby on the way. And what had she done to deserve this life when Adel had nothing?
A large knife lay in a small pile of partially chopped onion.
Asmodeous wrapped his fingers around the cool, metal handle and the woman screamed, raising her hands.
“Please, I know he hurt you, but I didn’t have anything to do with that. I didn’t know about you,” she pleaded.
Asmodeous smiled. He did so love the fear that emanated from the woman as she rambled, but that wasn’t what he came for.
He was here for Adel. To bring to life her deepest, darkest desire. If she was to accept him completely then she would have to accept her own core of evil.
A pang of guilt interrupted him briefly. Adel left the confines of the red-hued fantasy she watched Asmodeous’ actions through, realizing this horror was real. She looked at the woman’s stomach. Perfectly round, like a basketball tucked beneath her shirt. He coerced her to see it as such. Just an object, nothing more. An object which should belong to her. Something that was stolen from her, like Brennan.