Illusion of Love

by Patricia Lake

  'Ah, Stephanie,' he said unsteadily, murmuring the words against her tousled hair. 'Nobody else could make me feel like this. You're so beautiful.'

  She smiled, deeply pleased, lifting her head slightly to look into the glazed darkness of his eyes. 'So are you,' she said softly.

  Luke returned the smile, his mouth gentle as it brushed hers. She felt tired, sensually lethargic, deeply satisfied. She couldn't keep her eyes open, and with a faint sigh, she turned her face into his bare shoulder and fell asleep.

  She woke at dawn, refreshed and languorously happy, and opened her eyes to see Luke next to her, still sleeping, his arm still tightly around her.

  Without moving, she looked into his face with wonder, seeing an unexpected defencelessness in its hard lines, seeing the dark stubble along his jaw, the dark lashes curved against his cheek. A deep emotion twisted inside her. God, how she loved him! Last night had been so beautiful, so fulfilling. She had guessed that he was an expert lover, but nothing had prepared her for the shattering pleasure of his lovemaking. He was her first lover—there could have been nobody else, there would never be anybody else.

  A grey melancholy began to creep over her as she lay staring at him. He didn't love her, she was sure of that. Luke used words like need and want, but he never mentioned love. She had thought it would be enough, and it wasn't.

  She had been in his blood, he had said. Stephanie closed her eyes miserably. She had to get away. He had the power to destroy her if she stayed. She loved him so much she would probably end up doing something totally humiliating like begging him to let her stay.

  Everything seemed to close in on her as her thoughts ran on, elation fading away. She looked at her life, at the future, and saw nothing but despair. A life without Luke didn't promise any happiness, and despite the fact that his arm was coiled around her, she felt achingly lonely. The thought of getting up and going back to the restaurant, facing all the questions, didn't make her feel any better either.

  She sniffed, realising that she was crying. She looked at Luke again. He was still sleeping peacefully. As carefully as she could, she tried to move his arm from her body, sliding from beneath it and crawling on to the floor. She looked back at the bed, holding her breath. He had not moved, and her glance lingered hungrily on his bare tanned shoulders.

  She had barely been aware of her surroundings the night before, but now she realised that they were in a large cabin, the walls lined with wardrobes and shelves. Off the cabin was a fully-fitted bathroom with a built-in shower. Again there was wood and brass, an air of pure luxury, of no expense spared. Any other time Stephanie might have been curious to know what secrets were hidden behind the numerous doors off the narrow passageway outside. As it was, she didn't care.

  She looked around for something to cover her nakedness and found a black silk dressing gown hanging behind the door. The tears were pouring down her face now, blinding her. The silk was cool against her heated flesh, the dressing gown miles too big for her. She didn't know what to do. Walking over to the portholes, she saw that the sun was rising, the sky tinged with pink. Should she dress and leave without a word? She felt so unsure of herself and she couldn't stop crying.

  'Stephanie, what's the matter?' She heard the deep concern in Luke's voice and looked round.

  He was wide awake, sitting up crosslegged, watching her. She shrugged, unable to speak, and turned her head away. She should have gone when she had the chance, she thought dully. She didn't think she could bear any post-mortems of last night.

  'Stephanie ' He was behind her, turning her to

  face him, his eyes skimming her tear-stained face.

  'Leave me alone,' she whispered, as his touch shivered through her.

  'Why are you crying?' he asked gently.

  'I'm going back to the restaurant,' she said, sniffing loudly and ignoring his question.

  'No, you're not,' he told her harshly, then as he looked at her, at her tousled hair, her slender body lost in the black silk, at her small bare feet, his eyes softened. 'What is it? Tell me,' he demanded quietly.

  Stephanie wanted to go into his arms, the urge overwhelming her. She looked at the power of his body and her tears fell uncontrollably. What had she done? She would be trapped for ever by her unrequited love for him. One desperate impulse had trapped her for life. And suddenly all her misery and loneliness and insecurity froze into anger; anger at herself for being such a fool, anger at Luke because he seemed so untouchd by what had happened. She looked into his eyes, her face icy with defensive hostility. She wanted him to go away.

  'Stop questioning me,' she said coldly, and shrugged away from him, walking across the cabin. I thought I loved Dean, she was thinking, as the wild irrational thoughts took hold of her, feeding on her insecurity. I was mistaken about him, I could be mistaken about Luke.

  He watched her with narrowed eyes, his face tightening at her hostility. They stared at each other in heavy silence, the air between them filling with tension, with savage electricity. Stephanie's breath was constricted as she looked at him, her eyes wide.

  'What the hell is the matter with you?' Luke demanded harshly. 'Last night——'

  'I don't want to talk about last night,' she cut in desperately.

  'Why not? It was beautiful—you were beautiful.' That dark gentleness was in his eyes again, fading into blankness when she retorted wildly.

  'I wish it had never happened! I hate you! I wish I'd never broken off with Dean!'

  It was a lie, a blatant lie, but for some reason she wanted to hurt him. She felt lost and confused and unsure of everything in her life.

  Luke swore violently. 'You never wanted him—you know what sort of a man he is.'

  'I don't care!' She glared at him furiously.

  'So you regret the fact that we became lovers last night?' The violent savagery of his words shocked her.

  'Yes, yes, yes. How many times do I have to tell you?' she shouted hysterically.

  'Don't tell me, show me,' he muttered through clenched teeth, and strode over to her, tangling one hand in her golden hair and pulling back her head.

  Stephanie looked defiantly into his glittering eyes, recognising the violence he was controlling with difficulty. She didn't fight him. She was going to show him that she didn't care. She had to make him let her go. But as his mouth parted hers, she felt that weakness running through her again, that aching need, despite the brutality of his kiss. She couldn't remain passive in his arms for more than a moment, and with a soft moan of surrender, she began kissing him back with a hunger that overrode his anger and fused them together with a fierce aching passion. Of their own volition, her hands came up around his neck, stroking greedily through his thick dark hair, stroking the tense nape of his neck.

  She felt the abrupt hardening of his body, and gasped as his hands slid beneath the folds of black silk that covered her. He touched her bare skin with sure, gentle, arousing fingers. He caressed her slowly and hungrily, his palms closing over her naked breasts. He was shaking as he touched her, and when he reluctantly raised his head, iron self-control stiffening his body, she reached up and touched the firm beautiful line of his mouth, and whispered softly, 'Oh, Luke, I'm sorry.'

  He took a deep breath. 'I can't let you walk away from me,' he said unevenly.

  'You've got to let me go,' she replied quietly.

  'Why?' Luke stared down at her, and she lowered her head.

  'I don't want an affair with you.' Her voice trembled.

  'It's a little late for that, isn't it?'

  She flushed hotly. 'Last night was a ... was a mistake. I should never have let it happen.' She saw his mouth tightening ominously and said quickly, 'You know what I mean. I'm not the sort of person who has brief affairs '

  'I know that,' Luke cut in gently, and her legs trembled at the expression in his eyes.

  'Yes,' she said quickly, very embarrassed, not wanting him to say anything else about her obvious inexperience. 'I'm sorry, Luke, but I think it w
ould be best if I left now.'

  'No.' He was cool and implacable, his arms folded across his broad chest. Stephanie swallowed nervous-

  iy-

  'How are you going to stop me? Are you going to keep me a prisoner here?' she demanded with husky defiance.

  Impatience flared in Luke's eyes and he swore softly beneath his breath. 'If I have to.'

  'Why won't you let me go!' she cried, almost afraid of him. 'There's nothing more to say.'

  'I think there is,' he countered flatly. 'Last night was good, it was fantastic, good for both of us, Stephanie. We both knew it had to happen—we've known since the moment we first met, and I still want you. There's no way I'm going to let you walk out of here carrying all that guilt I can see in your eyes.'

  'I won't have an affair with you,' she repeated, fighting hard. 'It may mean nothing to you, but I . . . I. . ..' She couldn't finish her voice cracking emotionally.

  Luke moved towards her, but she held out her hand to ward him off. 'I don't know what to do in this sort of situation—it's never happened to me before. I didn't even know what I should do when I woke up this morning. I didn't know whether I should leave without a word, or wake you up or make coffee, or what!' Her voice was getting higher and higher as she became more upset. She didn't think she could bear it if he touched her now.

  Luke watched her intently for a moment, knowing that she needed a few moments alone to get herself together, then he said, 'I'll make us some coffee and then we'll talk, okay?'

  Stephanie nodded mutely, her throat blocked with tears, thankful for his tact. As soon as he was gone, she slipped out of the black silk dressing gown and quickly pulled on her clothes, breathing deeply to calm herself, and by the time Luke returned with a tray of coffee she was outwardly collected and ready to face him.

  He smiled at her as he set down the tray, but his powerful body was tense as he shrugged into his shirt. The terrible tension was gone, Stephanie realised with relief, as she gratefully sipped the hot, strong coffee. It was all thanks to Luke's control of the situation. She felt she ought to say something, but she didn't know what, and as the silence lengthened, she felt his brooding probing eyes on her face.

  Finally, he said, 'I'm sorry—I've been acting like a bloody fool. I didn't mean to upset you.'

  She lifted her head. 'Me too,' she admitted wryly. 'But I meant what I said—I don't want an affair with you. I don't know what I want. I've been so confused since I broke off my engagement.'

  She realised she shouldn't have mentioned it as soon as she saw his eyes flaring with anger. He was probably as unused to this situation as she was, she thought, and had to hide a smile. The women who ended up in Luke's bed were probably ready to settle for anything he would give them.

  'And last night?' he probed coolly. 'What was that? Pity? Pretence?'

  'No,' she said earnestly. 'No.'

  'Marry me, then.'

  She heard the cool almost indifferent words with a pounding shock. She stared at him in astonishment, but his eyes gave nothing away.

  'What did you say?'

  'Marry me—it's a perfectly straightforward proposal.' There was a hard, almost wary edge to his voice.

  'You don't want to marry me, any more than I want to marry you,' she said tremblingly, unaware of how insulting she was being.

  His eyes became blank, as her words hit home. 'I want you, Stephanie, and I'm prepared to go to any lengths to get you,' he'told her in a roughly violent voice. 'You wanted me last night, you still want me— and I can prove that to you.'

  He was mad, she thought wildly, not listening to him. Why, oh, why hadn't she left when she had the chance? What was holding her here on this luxurious yacht, with this tall, handsome, green-eyed man who had become her lover only hours before?

  She already knew the answer. His sheer physical presence held her. She loved him deeply, and if his proposal had meant anything more than an expression of desire, she would have accepted it immediately. As it was, she felt it was almost an insult, that he was trying to placate her into bed again. And she wasn't going to stand for that.

  'You don't have to prove anything,' she told him angrily. 'I—'

  Before she could say another word, the cabin door swung open and a slender, ravishingly beautiful woman appeared on the threshold. She did not appear to notice the awful tension in he room, she was looking

  at Luke, her admiration obvious.

  'Sorry to barge in, darlings,' she said in a high breathless voice, obviously put on, Stephanie thought unreasonably.

  'What is it?' Luke's voice was hard with impatience, but far from putting the woman off, it seemed to attract her more. She stepped into the room, ignoring Stephanie completely.

  'You're Luke Baroda!' she said in husky surprise.

  Luke nodded unsmilingly. 'We're busy. What do you want?'

  She wasn't getting the message at all, Stephanie thought wryly, or maybe she was just ignoring it. But she was beautiful, with long auburn hair cascading to her waist and tiny yellow shorts that didn't hide an inch of her long tanned legs. How could Luke be unaffected by her? Stephanie wondered as she watched them both. It probably happened all the time. He would be well used to women flinging themselves at him.

  'I'm looking for Bryan,' the woman said softly, her low voice grating on Stephanie's nerves.

  'He's in Paris,.' Luke revealed shortly. 'He won't be' back for at least a fortnight.'

  The woman's face registered no disappointment and she made no move to go.

  Pursing her lips, Stephanie got to her feet. 'I'm leaving,' she said quietly to no one in particular. She wouldn't stay to watch this beautiful woman drooling all over Luke!

  'Sit down,' Luke commanded, his eyes as hard as ice. She obeyed without thinking, sinking back weakly on to the soft bed.

  He turned to the auburn-haired woman. 'You'll have to excuse us,' he said harshly.

  'Of course.' Something in his voice had the woman

  walking from the cabin in seconds, pausing only to flash him a devastating smile as she left. She intended to come back, Stephanie was sure of that, and jealousy filled her.

  'Thank God!' Luke muttered irritably, as the door, closed and they were alone again.

  'She was beautiful,' Stephanie said coolly.

  His dark brows rose sceptically.

  'I suppose that happens all the time,' she continued, not looking at him.

  'What?'

  'Beautiful women falling at your feet,' she replied critically.

  He laughed, and the open amusement in his eyes turned her heart over. 'You're not falling at my feet!'

  'I'm not beautiful,' she snapped, angry now.

  'You know that's not true,' he told her softly. 'And I meant what I said last night—there's been nobody since I met you.'

  'And before?' Stephanie didn't know why she was asking. His answer would only hurt her.

  'I'm thirty-six years old—I haven't lived a life of celibacy,' he told her with a shrug of his powerful shoulders.

  'Why have you never married?' she asked. 'Have you never been in love?'

  'I'd never found a woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.'

  The tense he used and the darkness of his eyes had

  her rigid with shock. 'No——' she whispered

  unbelievingly, and unable to bear the strain on her stretched nerves, or the clattering silence, got to her feet, walking away.

  'I wasn't joking when I asked you to marry me,' Luke said tautly.

  Stephanie shivered, as white as a sheet. 'Why should you want to marry me?' she whispered.

  'Because you don't want an affair and because, dammit, I don't either.' He was moving, his voice getting nearer. 'I want everything, Stephanie—I love you.'

  She felt the coolness of his breath on the nape of her neck as he murmured his words of love.

  'Why didn't you tell me before?' she asked shakingly.

  'I told you last night with my body,' he replied deeply. 'I thought the
words might frighten you away.'

  He slid her arms around her waist, pulling her back against the hard warmth of his body. Stephanie relaxed against him, a brilliant happiness running through her.

  Luke drew an unsteady breath and turned her in his arms....

  'Luke ' She whispered his name, staring into his

  lean face, seeing his love smouldering in the darkness of his eyes.

  'I love you,' he repeated softly, his mouth hungrily sensual. 'And whether you like it or not, Stephanie, you're going to marry me.'

  She smiled, radiantly happy, hardly able to believe it. 'How long have you loved me?' she demanded artlessly, sliding her arms around his waist, delighting in his immediate response.

  'I guess ever since your father showed me your photograph,' he admitted with a rueful smile. 'You never had a chance after that. There was something about your eyes—a beauty that caught my attention. I wanted to meet you, I wanted to know you, and knowing what I did know about Sangster and the money he'd conned out of your father, I was bloody furious when I found out you were engaged to him.'

  'You thought I was involved,' she remembered painfully.

  Luke shook his head. 'I couldn't really believe it. I thought Sangster was using you, so I decided to fly out there.' He smiled wryly. 'God knows, you knocked me sideways the moment I saw you.'

  'At the traffic lights?'

  'Mm, at the traffic lights. I was obsessed with you from that moment on. I was desperate to get you away from Sangster before it was too late.' His voice was rough with a possessive desire that shuddered through her body.

  'And if we had been lovers, if I had been involved?' Stephanie asked curiously, Luke shrugged.

  'I don't know, I loved you and nothing could have changed that.'

  'You told me it was all a coincidence,' she accused laughingly, secure now in a love that was so deep, so fierce and all-encompassing that nothing would ever break it.

  'A man's entitled to a little pride,' Luke told her drily. 'Especially when the woman he loves is fighting him every inch of the way. Dear God, Stephanie, if you only knew what torment you put me through the day we had that picnic!'

  'I thought you were rejecting me,' she said softly.