I tried to pull off her tank. I wanted to see her. I wanted her tits in my face and her nipples in my mouth. But she stopped me. She didn’t take off her underwear, either. Pushing them to the side, she slipped me inside her. Something between a groan and a grunt breathed out of me. She ground on me so I filled all of her, so I hit that spot deep inside.
Her soft cries deepened into low growls. She clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip like she was on the brink of losing control, her eyes burning with a hunger that sent me crazy. Her nipples puckered like high-rise buildings through her tank top, taunting me. I imagined they were pink. Sweet, delicate pink nipples that would’ve felt so good with my tongue wrapped around them.
Leaning forward onto my chest, she gently bit my lip. Her pussy contracted and tightened around my dick, and she increased the pace, harder and deeper, over and over, with every thrust. Her whimpers of pleasure pushed me to the edge, and I could hardly breathe.
I squeezed her ass cheeks, whispering a desperate plea in her ear. ‘Slow down, Lucy. I want this to last.’
Her breath was like fire on my neck. ‘I want to make you come, Billy.’
I sucked air through gritted teeth. Her words took me to the brink, and I couldn’t stop from exploding inside her.
Sweat beaded on my forehead. Lucy collapsed onto my chest, and we both needed a moment to catch our breath. Eventually, she rolled off me, and I removed the rubber. When I turned toward her, she wouldn’t look at me.
But I had unfinished business.
Sliding my hand down to her belly button, I planted kisses in the crease of her neck.
Her body tensed. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m making you come.’
‘You don’t need to do that.’
I let out a soft laugh. ‘What’s need got to do with it?’
Returning my lips to her neck, I slipped my fingers into the hem of her underwear, and this time her entire body stiffened.
‘Why do you want to do that?’ she asked.
I stared her square in the eyes. ‘Because any half-decent man should make sure the woman he’s with is taken care of. Now, relax.’
She opened her mouth, and I knew an argument was coming. But before she could speak, I slipped my fingers between her wet flesh, circling them around her clit. Her body slackened. I bit into her neck, sucking on her soft skin, taking in the sound of her moans. She arched her back and pushed up her pelvis, guiding me to where she wanted to be touched. Her clit grew and throbbed against my fingers, but it was her short, sharp cries that told me she was coming.
Finally, she released an unrestrained moan. I felt her orgasm ripple through her and it made me smile, made me feel a little too fucking proud of myself.
She rolled over and curled into me. Though I’d never admit it, I loved when she did that—when she pressed up against my chest and sank into me so I could wrap my arm right around her.
We stayed silent for a moment, and that suited me. It was just Lucy wrapped in my arms, against my naked body. Her shoulders rose slightly and fell gently. My eyelids grew heavy, and just as I began to slip away to sleep, Lucy jerked up.
She gazed at me with a blank expression. ‘Did you enjoy that? Did it feel good?’
I furrowed my brows. ‘Yeah, I enjoyed that.’
Her expression didn’t shift. ‘But it wasn’t because of me, right? Any woman could’ve made you come like that.’
‘What are you getting at?’
‘Just say it. Say that you could’ve fucked any woman, and it would’ve felt good.’
Narrowing my eyes, I studied her, noticing the slightest quiver in her lips. ‘Lucy—’
‘Just say it,’ she cut in.
She locked her glazed eyes with mine, and I clenched my jaw, clamping my teeth shut. I didn’t want to say it. Because it was bullshit. No one else would’ve felt as good as she did.
But she wouldn’t give up.
‘Say it, Billy!’
‘Yeah, sure, whatever. Any other pussy would’ve felt as good as yours.’
Her bottom lip wobbled, then, without a word, she curled into me again, burying her face into my chest.
I edged back to create a gap between us. Cupping her chin, I tilted her head so I could look straight into her eyes. ‘What’s going on, Lucy?’
She swallowed, sadness flickering across her face. ‘I’m petrified of finding out who I am. I’m petrified of realizing I’ll be as alone then as I am now … of realizing there’s a reason I’m not worth remembering.’
My heart sank, and I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know how to keep looking into her glassy eyes, either, so I lowered my gaze to the bed, wishing I knew what to say.
She scooted to the edge of the mattress, then stopped as she was about to stand. ‘I know how you feel about Tyler. I could tell by the way you stared at him with devil eyes during dinner. But think what you like about him, he’s the only person in this whole damn world who’s interested in me. Only two other people are in my life right now. One is a social worker paid to care, and the other …’ She sucked in a breath. ‘The other is her brother who’s been forced to give a shit about me.’
Fuck!
She stood, but I caught her hand, stopping her. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To my room,’ she whispered. ‘The last time I slept the night in your bed, you didn’t talk to me for a week.’
She left, and the room felt instantly smaller, colder. Hearing her talk about Tyler that way made me nauseous, and I clenched my fists. I may be an asshole, but not like him. Nothing at all like him.
I stared up at the ceiling, my body still tingling from her warmth, from being inside her. I heard the light switch go off in her bedroom and sighed.
I didn’t want her to sleep alone.
Without thinking, I slipped on my boxers and walked to her room. I tapped against the door, hearing the faintest reply before I swung it open. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t move. Even in the dark, I could see her curled into herself, buried deep under her blankets. Sliding in beside her, I spooned her from behind and pulled the covers evenly over us. As I wrapped my arm around her, she exhaled, and her weight sank against me, so I held her tighter.
Who the fuck was I kidding?
It was me who didn’t want to sleep without her.
15
Her
Something jolted me from sleep. My eyes sprung open, and I saw Billy hovering over me, looking like he’d seen a ghost. On catching his eyes, he exhaled a deep sigh, then dropped back onto the pillow.
‘Fuck, Lucy! You’re so damn still when you sleep!’
I rubbed my face, trying to rouse myself.
‘Did you just nudge me awake?’ I asked sleepily.
‘Yeah, I nudged you. You freaked me out.’
I rolled into him. He was so warm and soft from sleep. He was everything I imagined I’d love about waking up beside someone.
‘I’m glad you’re talking to me this morning,’ I said, teasing him.
Not responding, he shifted a rogue strand of hair from over my eyes and planted tender kisses along the side of my face. Whatever this softer side of him was, I wanted to capture it and store it away for all eternity in a little glass jar labeled heaven.
‘What day is it?’ I asked.
He laughed, and his eyes beamed. As if it were a camera, my mind snapped the moment, saving it to memory so I could draw his gorgeous face later, looking as it did now.
‘It’s Saturday.’
That meant we had dinner with Tyler only last night.
It felt like ages ago.
‘What time is it?’ I asked, knowing that whatever the time, it was still too early to leave his arms.
‘No idea.’
I snuggled deeper into his embrace. ‘I’m not ready to get up.’
Billy didn’t argue. Instead, he tightened his arms around me, so I nestled right up against his chest. I felt his heartbeat—so strong and steady—and exhaled. It didn’t matter that I
couldn’t remember who had held me in the past, I knew that no one had ever held me like Billy did. All the chaos, uncertainty, and loneliness disappeared when he touched me. I felt safe. I felt like someone.
In a world where everyone had forgotten me, I was his Lucy.
The gentle rise and fall of his chest lulled me, and my eyelids grew heavy. His warmth enveloped me, and I surrendered to sleep.
The kitchen was dark. I tried to open the pantry door, but I was too small to reach the handle. My belly growled with a ravenous hunger that weakened my tiny body. I turned toward the living room. The entire house was dark. Fear crept over me, and I called out, ‘Mum!’, but there was no response. I leaned against the fridge door, waiting for her, wondering if she’d ever wake up.
A kind woman wearing ugly pants led me to a waiting car. I cried so hard my eyes stung, begging her to let me stay. But it didn’t stop her from taking me. She gave me a sweet smile.
‘It’s for the best,’ she said.
I told her that it wasn’t. I told her that my seventh birthday was only two days away, and I wanted to stay home for it.
Another woman with tear-drenched cheeks, white-blond hair and sad blue eyes sat on the steps outside the front door. I wanted to be with her so much. She called out to me, sobbing between each word. ‘I’ll get you back, Baby Bear. I promise. I’ll get you back.’
I believed her. Somehow, I knew I’d come back home.
I sat inside the closet with the door shut, humming happy fifteenth birthday to myself. A torch illuminated my drawing pad, allowing me to sketch the beautiful woman I’d seen at the store that morning.
The sound of distorted drums spilled through the tiny space. I hated that music. But he always had it turned up so loud that I was forced to listen to it when he was the one wearing headphones. We didn’t speak even though we’d been in there for hours. He just needed me next to him.
He slammed into me from behind, over and over and over again—hard, deep thrusts. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping this would be one of the times he’d come quickly. He groaned, sounding like a trapped animal.
He pulled my hair, yanking my head backward.
‘Scream for me, baby.’ He panted.
I forced out a moan. He came inside me, and his mess spilled out, dripping down my inner thighs as he collapsed onto the bed. I curled into a ball and pulled the covers over me. He cupped my face, trying to tilt it so I would look at him, but I didn’t. Still, I knew the exact shade of his blue eyes.
‘Let me go down on you. I’ll make you come with my tongue. I really wanna make you come.’ He begged me, over and over.
‘You never let me see you,’ he said finally. ‘Why don’t you ever let me see you?’
Records towered from the floor to the ceiling. I fell through the ground, down a spiraling hole into nothingness. I called out his name, begging him to take my hand, to pull me out.
‘I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to disappear,’ I yelled out to him. But he only stared at me with his pale blue eyes and smiled.
‘It’s okay. I’ll disappear with you.’
The records began playing by themselves—heavy, angry music that drowned out the sound of my screaming, and I knew I needed to leave.
I knew that if I stayed, I’d disappear with him forever.
The train doors dinged, ready to close, and my heart pounded.
He stood on the platform and opened his mouth, screaming my name. But I couldn’t hear his voice.
‘What is it? What’s my name?’ I yelled back.
He called my name again, but the train’s whistle sounded, and I didn’t hear what he’d said.
It was too late.
The train was pulling away from the platform—away from him, from the only person who knew my name.
‘Lucy!’
My eyes flew open. Billy hovered over me again, his forehead creased with concern.
‘You were mumbling like crazy,’ he said. ‘I think you were having a nightmare.’
I stared into Billy’s wide eyes, struggling to catch my breath. Sweat drenched my body, making my tank stick to me, and my heart pounded like the beat in the music Tyler had made me listen to.
Tyler.
I swallowed, my hands trembling.
Those hadn’t been nightmares, not all of them. Something had kicked-started the cogs in my brain, and, out of nowhere, they’d begun turning.
Billy waited on me to say something. I opened my mouth, but it felt like I’d chewed a handful of sand, and nothing came out. Shuffling up, I reclined against the bedhead.
I needed to see Tyler.
‘I have to head out this morning,’ I said.
Billy narrowed his eyes in confusion. ‘Where?’
I didn’t respond, and his tone hardened. ‘To see Tyler?’
‘I won’t be long.’
His jaw stiffened. Dropping back onto the pillow, he stared up at the ceiling. I snuggled closer, feeling how tense his body was, and trailed kisses along his collarbone.
‘I want to say goodbye to him before he goes back home,’ I said, only partially lying.
Apprehension flickered in Billy’s eyes. Getting up, he kissed the crown of my head, then left my bedroom without saying a word.
Half an hour later, I walked out of my room, showered and fully dressed, feeling so anxious I thought I would vomit. Billy sat at the kitchen table with his laptop, some uneaten toast, and a half-finished coffee. He looked up at me and offered a hesitant smile.
‘I won’t be long,’ I said again, then left, the gold ring in my back pocket.
Tyler was waiting for me at Circular Quay. I’d sent him a message before I showered, asking if he could meet me in an hour. He’d replied instantly, telling me not to bring Billy.
There was no way I’d bring Billy.
Tyler smiled as I approached. ‘I’m glad you left Mr. Asshole at home.’
He laughed, but the humor in his eyes contradicted the bitterness in his tone.
The kink in his lips made my empty stomach churn, and I had to swallow the bile rising in my throat.
‘Do you know who I am?’
His smile turned thin. ‘What do ya mean?’
My shoulders tried to curl inwards, but I forced them straight and, ignoring my wildly beating heart, asked him again, firmer this time. ‘Do you know who I am?’
He stepped toward me. I pierced a look at him, even though it felt like my legs would buckle beneath me. He cupped the left side of my face, and a subtle smirk cut his blank expression.
‘Oh, come on, Meg. Tell me you remember something from the seven years we’ve known each other.’
Meg.
My name is Meg.
My insides curdled. Tyler had known me this whole time.
This whole time.
My words tumbled out of my thickened throat. ‘You left me in the hospital? You left me in that damn hospital when you knew who I was this whole time?’
‘No!’ Tyler pointed an accusing finger at my chest, raising his voice, ignoring the swarms of people surrounding us. ‘You left me! Remember that, Meg? Remember when you said you didn’t want to be together anymore? Remember packing your bag and leaving? Breaking my fucking heart like everyone else!’
I shook my head, and my tone dropped to a disbelieving whisper. ‘How could you be such a fucking asshole?’
Anger boiled in my veins, making my heart need to work overtime, making my entire body tremble.
Tyler’s gaze fell to my chest. ‘Calm down before you hurt yourself,’ he said flatly.
‘How did you know where to find me?’
‘You don’t think I know you? I figured you’d eventually go back to where you got hit. I sat at Railway Square for two weeks, day and night.’ He released a hollow laugh. ‘I was about to give up and go back home, and like magic, you finally showed.’
Was I that predictable?
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his cigarettes and offered me one.
I shook my head. ‘I don’t smoke.’
But I did.
I did smoke.
He arched an eyebrow, knowing I was a smoker. Knowing that I’d smoked ever since he introduced them to me in the first foster home we’d shared at fifteen.
He shrugged as he propped a cigarette between his lips and lit it. ‘Probably a good thing you don’t smoke anymore, considering that weird breathing thing you do.’
Stepping toward me, Tyler tried to take my hand, but I slapped him away. ‘Don’t you dare touch me.’
A man walking by stopped. He glared at Tyler before looking at me with an expression that asked is everything okay? I offered him a gentle wave of my hand, letting him know I was fine, and the man walked away.
Tyler lowered his voice. ‘Will you just calm down and think about it for a damn second? I’m here, aren’t I? I did come for you.’
He was right. He had come for me.
Why the hell hadn’t he revealed who he was?
I opened my mouth to ask, but I couldn’t find the air to speak. Memories flashed in my mind’s eye. And like a painter splashing random colors onto a blank canvas, information splattered into all corners of my brain.
I was twenty-two.
An only child.
I had no friends.
I’d lived in many different houses, with many different carers—more than any child should have.
I’d come to Sydney to get away from Tyler, had cut and colored my hair so I could start again with a whole new life.
As if changing my hair had the power to do that.
I dropped my face into my palms. As I remembered more details about myself, hurt and sadness threaded itself through every fiber in my body. Until, finally, I saw her. Bear. Her sad blue eyes flashed in my mind.
‘Why have you been pretending not to know me all this time?’ I asked, speaking into my palms.
He didn’t respond.
I looked up. ‘You didn’t want me to remember that I’d left you. Did you?’
He flicked his finished cigarette onto the ground. ‘No, I wanted you to remember that you left me. Then I wanted you to realize that the only person you had was me.’ He slammed his finger into his chest to emphasize the point.
Call me Lucy: An Enemies to Lovers romance Page 14