by Ryan Casey
KAREN NOT BIT HES AIRBOURNE TIM AIR—
Ten
The sunrise was cold and unwelcoming.
Hayden stood outside the hangar where they slept. Everyone was outside—Gary, Sarah, Martha, Amy, and Holly. They all stood around in a circle rubbing their cold, goose-pimpled arms. Some of them had clothes wrapped around their mouths. All of them stared, longing and thoughtful, into the flames in front of them. Everyone was quiet. Understanding last night’s turn of events at their own pace.
Hayden smelled the fumes from Matt, Karen and Tim’s burning bodies and he tightened the scarf around his mouth.
It had been four hours since the discovery of the trio. The discovery of Matt and Karen’s undead bodies. And of Tim’s body, still dead and cold on the floor.
Since those words written across the floor in blood that Hayden couldn’t etch from his mind no matter how hard he tried.
KAREN NOT BIT HES AIRBOURNE TIM AIR—
Hayden had checked Tim’s body after reading those words. He’d put gloves on, covered his mouth, and checked every inch of him. Gary had done the same. So too had Sarah, and Martha, and even Holly.
No bites. Not a single wound.
He hadn’t died of a bite. He hadn’t risen and bitten his mum or dad. He’d passed it on through the air somehow, presumably through Karen considering she too was completely bereft of bite marks.
Hayden imagined the fear and the confusion Matt must’ve felt when his wife rose and wrapped her teeth around his neck.
He imagined Matt’s desperate attempts to scrape a message on the floor in blood in his dying moments.
A warning.
“So what … what now?”
Martha’s voice split the collective silence like a carving knife through hot turkey. Hayden looked at her. Looked at the black scarf covering her mouth. Over her shoulder in the distance, Amy stood. Martha didn’t want her little girl anywhere near these bodies. And Hayden knew Newbie wouldn’t want that either. Death was very much a part of life now, but it was important to protect a child’s innocence. Otherwise, what was the point to anything anymore? If kids couldn’t be kids—if even children couldn’t see some light at the end of a dark and winding tunnel, then what hope was there for the next generation and the one after that?
It was for that exact same reason that Hayden hadn’t told Martha or Amy about knowing Newbie. He wanted to. He wanted to tell them what a brave man he was. But whenever he came close, he saw Newbie’s body lying outside that house, leg snapped, blood spurting out of his shoulder.
He felt himself lifting the axe above Newbie’s head, wedging it into his neck.
He heard the sound of Newbie’s spine cracking and he lost his strength. Because Newbie hadn’t died with dignity. He’d been euthanised. Euthanised in a mad few seconds before a crowd of zombies reached Hayden and his sister.
There was no dignity in death. Never had been, never would be. Hayden saw that now.
“We can—we can clear out another of the hangars,” Gary said, his voice uncharacteristically raspy. “Somewhere else to stay in case … well. In case this thing spreads, like.”
“We can’t stay here,” Holly said. “Surely after all that’s happened we can’t even think about staying here.”
“And who made you the authority on what we do around here?” Martha said. Hayden could hear the grief in her voice. “You’ve been here five minutes and already you’re tellin’ us what we can and can’t do.”
“Martha,” Sarah said, raising a hand.
“No I won’t back down,” Martha said. She shook her head. Tears welled in her eyes. “This place, it’s—it’s ideal. It’s good for us. We’ve got food and water and we’ve got four walls and a pillow to rest our heads on. It ain’t perfect, but it’s … well, it’s as safe as we’re gonna get. It’s home now. I can’t take my daughter away into the outside world again. Not again. I can’t do that.”
“We might not have to be unsafe,” Holly said. She scratched at the fresh white bandage on her arm and her dark eyes turned to Hayden.
Hayden felt the light of responsibility fall on him. He hadn’t told the rest of the group about Holyhead. Mostly because he hadn’t had much of a chance. But he wasn’t sure how they’d take it. He knew it would only cause factions and splits within the group, and he’d hardly had a perfect opportunity to speak about it in light of what had happened.
But right now, he knew he had to say something. He knew he had to pitch the idea. Because otherwise, what else did they have?
“I know a place,” Holly said, doing his job for him. She looked around at the rest of the group as she spoke, making eye contact with each and every one of them. “When I was with my last group, I heard of an extraction point in Holyhead.”
“Where the boats are?” Gary asked.
Holly nodded. “The ferry crossing to Ireland.”
Holly told the group what she’d told Hayden the night before. About her reluctance to head that way after being bitten. About her self-defeat, and then about the hope rising as she realised she might be different, she hadn’t turned after all.
“I know it’s a long shot,” Holly said, “and it’s hardly my intention to drag you away from a place where you’ve obviously all got a lot of attachment to. But I guess I’m asking for your help. If I haven’t turned, then maybe … maybe there’s something in me. Something that can help people. And if this virus is spreading through the air now, maybe I … well, maybe I’m more important than ever.”
She looked into Hayden’s eyes again when she said these words. And a part deep inside Hayden’s mind found himself agreeing with her the more she spoke.
“And how’re we s’posed to trust you?” Martha said. “How’re we s’posed to know this ain’t a loada bullshit just to lure us to some bad place like … like this used to be?”
Holly looked Martha right in her eyes. “I’m going to be honest with you. You aren’t supposed to trust me. Because it’s dangerous to trust anyone—”
“Well that’s that settled,” Martha said. She turned and started to walk back to Amy, who lingered a few metres away.
“But I’ve been bitten and I haven’t turned and the way I see it, there’s no reason for me to lie about that. And I need your help. I can’t make it on my own. But if I have to try, I’ll try. I’m not forcing any of you to come with me. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m just trying to survive here. Survive and help.”
Sarah shook her head. “I dunno if—”
“I think Holly’s right,” Hayden said.
He wasn’t sure where the words came from exactly, but he totally believed them as he spoke them.
Martha stopped and glared at Hayden. “You what?”
“We can stay here and we can risk dying in here. We don’t know how this infection or this virus spreads now. What happened with Tim and his parents … that changed things. And now I’m starting to wonder if there’s more to … more to life than playing house here.”
Martha shook her head. “Keeping my daughter safe ain’t playing anything.”
“I don’t trust you, Holly. Like you said, it would be wrong to trust you. And I swear to God I’ll tear your guts out and put you through more pain and misery than you can even comprehend if you betray us. Just like I did to the last person who crossed me. And the one before that. So just bear that in mind. Bear it in mind at all times.”
Holly lifted her hands. Hayden saw a flicker of fear in her expression. “I don’t have any other motive than survival and maybe helping other people out. If I’ve been bit and not turned, maybe there’s more like me. Maybe they’re looking for people like me.”
“Humble girl, aren’t you?” Sarah asked.
Holly ignored that one.
Hayden and the group watched the last of the flames flicker across the charred remains of the three bodies. They didn’t speak, not for some time.
“I don’t feel safe here anymore,” Hayden said. “And I … I’ve had a glimpse of wha
t might be on the other side. We all have. So we need to try something. We stay here and risk tearing each other apart or we go out there and—”
“Risk being torn apart,” Martha said.
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means saving lives,” Hayden said. “So … so who’s with me?”
Hayden looked at Sarah, Gary and then at Martha and Amy. They were still. All of them were still. And Hayden began to feel foolish—like he’d made a massive mistake—like Holly was reeling him in with those powerful eyes and ...
“S’pose I’m with you.”
Gary stepped forward. He half-smiled at Hayden, then nodded at Holly.
Hayden felt a slight wave of relief. “That makes three of us. Does—”
“Oh what the hell?” Sarah said. She stepped forward and joined Hayden, Holly and Gary in this messed-up circle of trust. “We’re gonna fucking rot at some point anyway. Might as well rot trying to do something good.”
She stepped up to Holly. Squared right up to her.
“But Hayden’s wrong when he says he’ll put you through more pain than you can imagine if you step out of line, missy.” She edged even closer, leaned over Holly. “Just wait ’til I get started with you.”
She moved away, and Holly had a look on her face like a new kid in a playground desperate to make friends with a group of thugs.
Hayden looked beyond the smoke at Martha and Amy. They stood in the distance, watched the others, both of them completely still.
“Don’t make me beg you to come with us,” Hayden said. “Please.”
Martha shook her head and tightened her grip around Amy. “My duty as a mum’s to look out for my little girl in the way I see’s fit. And I don’t see this journey of yours as fit. So I’m sorry but you’re on your own.”
She nodded at Hayden, at the rest of the group, and then she turned around and walked towards one of the hangars.
Amy looked back at Hayden as she walked away with her mum. And right then, Hayden wanted to tell her everything. Everything about Newbie, about how brave her dad was. About how hard he’d fought to get to her. About how much he loved her.
But then Amy turned around and the moment was gone, again.
Gone for good.
“Better get a roadmap then,” Gary said. “Looks like we’re goin’ on a journey.”
Eleven
When Hayden climbed over the fences of Riversford, he felt a part inside of him fade away to ashes.
As he walked across the main road and into the fields opposite Riversford, towards the trees, he felt a distinct urge to turn back. Sarah, Gary and Holly were with him, but Martha and Amy were staying behind. Nothing Hayden could say to Martha would possibly tempt her to leave.
Except he had a feeling there would’ve been something he could’ve said. He could’ve told Martha how much hope Newbie had for his daughter. How optimistic he was about a brighter future, and how he fought to the very end.
But that moment had gone now. That opportunity had passed. Martha and Amy were staying behind. Staying behind in the very place that Tim had died and Karen had turned, all without being bitten.
Staying in the clutches of the unknown.
And yet, there was a bigger sense of security surrounding Riversford than there were the grounds outside.
“Pretty depressing when you think about it,” Sarah said.
Hayden looked to his left at her. She was walking through the fields beside him, her brown walking boots squelching through the muddy grass that the sun shone down on. Winter was heading into its final act, which meant that the frosty grass that greeted them every morning was defrosting more readily. As the sun rose a little earlier every day, so too did the optimism, the hope.
And yet Hayden knew he had no idea what he was optimistic about, what he was hoping for.
“What is?” he asked.
Sarah turned around and looked back at Riversford. Studied it with her radiant blue eyes. Her dark brown winter coat was unzipped halfway, revealing a dirty white shirt underneath. Her blue jeans were splattered with mud and something that looked like blood. “That we were happy back there. Content back there.”
Hayden turned and looked back at Riversford. He saw the faint outlines of the metal hangars, saw the leafless trees scattered around the grounds beyond the makeshift walls. “It served its purpose. Kept us safe. Wasn’t so bad.”
“But to think it was the end goal for us. Just … just some industrial tip with decent walls around it and a stinky damp room to sleep in at night. To … to think we were content there. That we were happy that we had that place. It’s like back at the bunker. Is this all we’re living for now? Stopgaps on the road? One junkyard after another?”
Hayden thought about Amy and Martha being stuck back in Riversford. He tried to picture them firing shots at the zombies when they surrounded the fences or repairing the makeshift walls whenever a brick fell out of place. He thought of their solitude. Just the two of them, and maybe one day just one of them. And then he felt an incredible guilt. He’d made a silent promise to Newbie that he’d find his daughter and look after her. And yet here he was, marching away at the first opportunity without even attempting to win Martha and Amy over.
“Do you think they’ll be alright?”
Hayden looked ahead and saw Gary staring back at Riversford too. He could see the genuine look of concern on his bearded face. Beside him to the right, Holly, who was dressed in a black coat and black trousers way too big for her. She glanced back at Riversford with casual interest. But there was no connection in her look. No real sentimentality. And why would there be? All Riversford was to her was a stopgap. A temporary shelter where she’d finally found company to help her get to Holyhead.
Holyhead. Just thinking about it made Hayden’s stomach turn.
“They made their choice,” Sarah said, turning away from Riversford and carrying on walking. “We gave them the option to leave that place and Martha made the right call for her and her daughter.”
“Just dunno how you can say that’s the right call,” Gary said. His cheeks were reddening. He fumbled with the sleeves of his grey Mackintosh.
“Not to us, maybe,” Sarah said. She put a hand on Gary’s arm. “But Martha has a daughter to think about. And Holyhead’s a long journey to take on a … well, it’s a long journey to take.”
Hayden could sense the apprehension in Sarah’s voice. The doubt about this journey. “If there’s someone there waiting for us in Holyhead, we can tell them about this place. We—we just need to know for sure. We need to … to check it out. And then we can go back for Martha and Amy. Help them.”
Sarah, Gary and Holly all looked at Hayden with apprehension like he was a crazy person talking crap.
And Hayden understood exactly why. It’s because he was talking crap. There was no going back for Martha or Amy. Who in their right minds would take a risk like that?
They’d made their decision. They were gone.
And in this world, gone really was gone.
“Come on,” Holly said, leading the group. “It’d be nice to be out of the open and in those trees over there sometime soon. Then we can figure out which way we’re actually supposed to be heading.”
Hayden looked back at Riversford. He looked back at it and he remembered the hope he’d felt when he first laid eyes on it. Or was he misremembering? Had he felt hope or had he felt apprehension right from the off?
Had he felt the same way about Riversford as he now felt about Holyhead?
“Hayden?” Sarah said.
Hayden swallowed a lump in his throat. He thought about Clarice. Thought about her kneeling on the ground while Ally sliced her head off her neck. He thought about Newbie—Newbie’s drive and determination to reach his daughter, the hope in his face when he found that note in Martha’s old house.
And then he thought about Tim. Tim, dead on the ground for no apparent reason. And then Karen, turned without the first sign of a bite wound.
He cleared his throat.
Felt his face getting a little clammy.
He took a deep breath of the fresh late winter air and he walked.
Twelve
“How long did you say this is gonna take again?”
Hayden traipsed through the grass. His legs had lost their strength, and the rucksack of weapons and supplies over his shoulder made his body feel like it was going to cave in. Cold sweat stung his lips, and the smell of rot completely engulfed them in this barren woodland.
But that emptiness was also a problem. The complete silence was a problem.
The smell of rot accompanied by … nothingness. There was something deeply unsettling about it.
“Warrington to Holyhead used to take us a good two hours in the van,” Gary said. “And that was goin’ the easy route. Right down the motorway. Even with a car, it ain’t gonna be possible for us to go down the—”
“How long?” Sarah asked.
Gary moved his fingers through his short hair. “Forty hours. Or so. Two solid days walk without any rest. Talkin’… a week if we bear in mind sleep and—”
“A week,” Sarah said. She shook her head. Hayden could see the bloodshot tiredness in her eyes. “Knackered after a fucking hour and now we’re talking about walking a week.”
She glared at Holly, but Holly didn’t see it. Hayden understood it though. He’d been glaring at Holly this entire journey so far. Not with hatred, not with resentment or anything like that. But with curiosity. Genuine curiosity.
What did she have to gain?
What did she have to lose?
What did they really even know about Holly?
“This transmission,” Hayden said, catching up with Holly.
“The one on Harry’s phone?”
“You say you heard it?”
Holly nodded. “I saw the words on the screen. Saw all the stuff about an extraction point. There were others, too. Holyhead, Devon, Dover. Figured Holyhead was less of a strain on the—”
“What happened to the people you were with before us?”