Liane, on the other hand, was Kezia’s threat, her terror … her reminder that if she crossed the invisible boundaries into forbidden lands, she, like her mother, would die. Edward wanted her to be more like her father. It was so much less painful for him that way. But so often … too often … she was the image of Liane, only stronger, and better, smarter, and so much more beautiful even than Liane.
Kezia was born of extraordinary people. She was the last surviving link in a long chain of almost mythical beauty and grace. And it was up to Edward now to see that the chain was not broken. Liane had threatened it. But the chain was still safe, and Edward, like all lonely people who never quite dare, who are never quite beautiful, who are never quite strong-was impressed by it. His own modestly elegant family in Philadelphia was so much less impressive than these magical people to whom he had given his soul. He was their guardian now. The keeper of the Holy Grail: Kezia. The treasure. His treasure. Which was why he had been so glad when her plan to work at the Times had failed so dismally. Everything would be peaceful again. For a while. She was his to protect, and he was hers to command. She did not yet command him, but he feared that one day she would. Just as her parents had. He had been trusted and commanded, never loved.
In the case of the Times, he had not had to command. She had quit. She had gone back to school for a while, fled to Europe for the summer, but in the fall, everything had changed again. Mostly Kezia. For Edward it had been almost terrifying.
She had returned to New York with something crisper about her manner, something more womanly. This time she didn’t consult Edward, even after the fact, and she didn’t make claims to being grown-up. At twenty-two she had sold the co-op on Park Avenue where she had lived with Mrs. Townsend-Totie-for thirteen very comfortable years, and rented two smaller apartments, one for herself, and the other for Totie, who was gently but firmly put out to pasture, despite Edward’s protests and Totie’s tears. Then she had gone about solving the problem of a job as resolutely as she had the matter of the apartment. The solution she chose was astonishingly ingenious.
She had announced the news to Edward over dinner in her new apartment, while serving him a very pleasant Pouilly Fumé ’54 to soften the blow.
Kezia had acquired a literary agent, and stunned Edward by announcing that she had already published three articles that summer, which she had sent in from Europe. And the amazing thing was that he had read them all, and rather liked them. He remembered them-a political piece she had written in Italy, a haunting article about a nomadic tribe she had come across in the Middle East, and a very funny spoof on the Polo Club in Paris. All three had appeared in national publications under the name of K. S. Miller. It was the last article that had set off the next chain of events.
They had opened another bottle of wine, and Kezia had suddenly begun to look mischievous, as she tried to extort a promise from him. Suddenly, he had that sinking sensation in his stomach again. There was more, he could tell. He got that feeling every time she got that look in her eyes. The look that reminded him so acutely of her father. The look that said the plans had been made, the decisions taken, and there wasn’t a hell of a lot you could do about it. Now what?
She had pulled out a copy of the morning’s paper, and folded it to a page in the second section. He couldn’t imagine what he might have missed. He read the paper thoroughly every morning. But she was pointing to the society column by Martin Hallam, and that morning he hadn’t bothered to read it.
It was a strange column, actually, and had begun appearing only a month before. It was a well-informed, slightly cynical, and highly astute account of Jet Set doings in their private haunts. No one had any idea who Martin Hallam was, and everyone was still trying to guess who the traitor might be. Whoever he was, he wrote without malice-but certainly with a great deal of inside information. And now Kezia was pointing to something at the top of the column.
He read it through, but found no mention of Kezia.
“So?”
“So, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine. Martin Hallam.” She was laughing openly, and Edward felt faintly foolish. And then she stuck out a hand to shake his, with a gurgle of laughter and those familiar amethyst lights in her eyes. “Hello, Edward. I’m Martin. How do you do?”
“What? Kezia, you’re joking!”
“I’m not. And no one will ever know. Even the editor doesn’t know who writes it. Everything goes through my literary agent, and he’s extremely discreet. I had to give them a month of sample columns to show that I knew what I was talking about, but word came back to us today. The column will now run as a regular feature three times a week. Isn’t it divine?”
“Divine? It’s ungodly. Kezia, how could you?”
“Why not? I don’t say anything I could get sued for, and I don’t let out any secrets that will destroy anyone’s life. I just keep everyone … well, ‘informed,’ shall we say … and amused.”
And that was Kezia. The Honorable Kezia Saint Martin, K. S. Miller, and Martin Hallam. And now she was home after another summer away. Seven summers had passed since her career began. She was successful now, and it only added to her charm. To Edward, it gave her a mysterious sparkle, an almost unbearable allure. Who but Kezia could pull it off? And for such a long time. Edward and her agent were the only two people she had entrusted with the secret that the Honorable Kezia Saint Martin had another life, other than the one so lavishly depicted in WWD, Town and Country, and occasionally in the “People” column of Time.
Edward looked at his watch again. He could call her now. It was just past ten o’clock. He reached for the phone. This was one number he always dialed himself. It rang twice, and she answered. The voice was husky, the way she always sounded in the morning. The way he liked best. There was something very private about that voice. He often wondered what she wore to bed, and then reprimanded himself for the thought.
“Welcome home, Kezia.” He smiled at the newspaper photograph still lying on his desk.
“Edward!” He felt warm at the delight in her voice. “How I’ve missed you!”
“But not enough to send me so much as a postcard, you little minx! I had lunch with Totie last Saturday, and she at least gets an occasional letter from you.”
“That’s different. She’d go into a decline if I didn’t let her know I’m alive.” She laughed, and he heard the clink of a cup against the phone. Tea. No sugar. A dash of cream.
“And you don’t think I’d go into a decline?”
“Of course not. You’re far too stoic. It would be bad form. Noblesse oblige, et cetera, et cetera.”
“All right, all right.” Her directness often embarrassed him. She was right, too. He had a distinct sense of “form.” It was why he had never told her that he loved her. Why he had never told her mother that he had loved her.
“And how was Marbella?”
“Dreadful. I must be getting old. Aunt Hil’s house was absolutely crawling with all sorts of eighteen-year-old children. Good God, Edward, they were born eleven years after I was! Why aren’t they at home with their nannies?” He laughed at the sound of her voice. She still looked twenty. But a very sophisticated twenty. “Thank God I was only there for the weekend.”
“And before that?”
“Didn’t you read the column this morning? It said I was in seclusion in the South of France for most of the summer.” She laughed again, and he smiled. It was so good to hear her voice.
“Actually, I was there for a while. On a boat I rented, and it was very pleasant. And peaceful. I got a lot of writing done.”
“I saw the article you did on the three Americans imprisoned in Turkey. Depressing, but excellent. Were you there?”
“Of course I was. And yes, it was depressing as hell.”
“Where else did you go?” He wanted to get her off the subject. Disagreeable issues were unnecessary.
“Oh, I went to a party in Rome, to the collections in Paris, to London to see the Queen…. Pussycat, pussycat, whe
re have you been? I’ve been to London to see the …”
“Kezia, you’re impossible.” But delightfully so.
“Yeah.” She took a long swallow of tea and hiccuped in his ear. “But I missed you. It’s a pain in the ass not being able to tell anyone what I’m really doing.”
“Well, come and tell me what you really did. Lunch at La Grenouille today?”
“Perfect. I have to see Simpson, but I can meet you after that. Is one all right with you?”
“Fine. And Kezia …”
“Yes?” Her voice was low and gentle, suddenly not quite so brisk. In her own way, she loved him too. For almost twenty years now, he had softened the blow of the absence of her father.
“It really is good to know you’re back.”
“And it really is good to know that someone gives a damn.”
“Silly child, you make it sound as though no one else cares.”
“It’s called the Poor Little Rich Girl Syndrome, Edward. Occupational hazard for an heiress.” She laughed, but there was an edge to her voice that troubled him. “See you at one.”
She hung up, and Edward stared out at the view.
Twenty-two blocks from where he sat, Kezia was lying in bed, finishing her tea. There was a stack of newspapers on her bed, a pile of mail on the table next to her. The curtains were drawn back, and she had a peaceful view of the garden behind the townhouse next door. A bird was cooing on the air conditioner. And the doorbell was ringing.
“Damn.” She pulled a white satin robe off the foot of the bed, wondering who it might be, then suspecting quickly. She was right. When she opened the door, a slim, nervous Puerto Rican boy held out a long white box.
She knew what was in the box even before she traded the boy a dollar for his burden. She knew who the box was from. She even knew the florist. And knew also that she would recognize his secretary’s writing on the card. After four years, you let your secretary write the cards: “Oh, you know, Effy, something like ‘You can’t imagine how I’ve missed you,’ et cetera.” Effy did a fine job of it. She said just what any romantic fifty-four-year-old virgin would say on a card to accompany a dozen red roses. And Kezia didn’t really care if the card was from Effy or Whit. It didn’t make much difference anymore. None at all, in fact.
This time Effy had added “Dinner tonight?” to the usual flowery message, and Kezia paused with the card in her hand. She sat down in a prim blue velvet chair that had been her mother’s, and played with the card. She hadn’t seen Whit in a month. Not since he had flown to London on business, and they had partied at Annabelle’s before he left again the next day. Of course he had met her at the airport the night before, but they hadn’t really talked. They never really did.
She leaned pensively toward the phone on the small fruitwood desk, the card still in her hand. She glanced across the neat stacks of invitations her twice-weekly secretary had arranged for her-those she had missed, and those that were for the near and reasonably near future. Dinners, cocktails, gallery openings, fashion shows, benefits. Two wedding announcements, and a birth announcement.
She dialed Whit’s office and waited.
“Up already, Kezia darling? You must be exhausted.”
“A bit, but I’ll live. And the roses are splendid.” She allowed a small smile to escape her and hoped that it wouldn’t show in her voice.
“Are they nice? I’m glad. Kezia, you looked marvelous last night.” She laughed at him and looked at the tree growing in the neighboring garden. The tree had grown more in four years than Whit had.
“You were sweet to pick me up at the airport. And the roses started my day off just right. I was beginning to gloom over unpacking my bags.”
She had had the bad judgment to arrive on one of the cleaning woman’s days off. But the bags could wait.
“And what about my dinner invitation? The Orniers are having a dinner, and if you’re not too tired, Xavier suggested we all go to Raffles afterwards.” The Orniers had an endless suite in the tower at the Hotel Pierre, which they kept for their annual trips to New York. Even for a few weeks it was “worth it”: “You know how ghastly it is to be in a different room each time, a strange place.” They paid a high price for familiarity, but that was not new to Kezia. And their dinner party was just the sort of thing she ought to cover for the column. She had to get back into the swing of things, and lunch at La Grenouille with Edward would be a good start, but … damn. She wanted to go downtown instead. There were delights downtown that Whit would never dream she knew. She smiled to herself and suddenly remembered Whit in the silence.
“Sorry, darling. I’d love to, but I’m so awfully tired. Jet lag, and probably all that wild life at Hilary’s this weekend. Can you possibly tell the Orniers I died, and I’ll try to catch a glimpse of them before they leave. For you, I will resurrect tomorrow. But today, I’m simply gone.” She yawned slightly, and then giggled. “Good Lord, I didn’t mean to yawn in your ear. Sorry.”
“Quite all right. And I think you’re right about tonight. They probably won’t serve dinner till nine. You know how they are, and it’ll be two before you get home after Raffles. …” Dancing in that over-decorated basement, Kezia thought, just what I don’t need. …
“I’m glad you understand, love. Actually, I think I’ll put my phone on the service, and just trot off to bed at seven or eight. And tomorrow I’ll be blazing.”
“Good. Dinner tomorrow then?” Obviously, darling. Obviously.
“Yes. I have a thing on my desk for some sort of gala at the St. Regis. Want to try that? I think the Marshes are taking over the Maisonette for their ninety-eighth wedding anniversary or something.”
“Nasty sarcastic girl. It’s only their twenty-fifth. I’ll take a table at La Côte Basque, and we can go next door late.”
“Perfect, darling. Till tomorrow, then.”
“Pick you up at seven?”
“Make it eight.” Make it never.
“Fine, darling. See you then.”
She sat swinging one leg over the other after she hung up. She really was going to have to be nicer to Whit. What was the point in being disagreeable to him? Everyone thought of them as a couple, and he was nice to her, and useful in a way. Her constant escort. Darling Whitney … poor Whit. So predictable and so perfect, so beautiful and so impeccably tailored. It was unbearable really. Precisely six feet and one inch, ice-blue eyes, short thick blond hair, thirty-five years old, Gucci shoes, Dior ties, Givenchy cologne, Piaget watch, apartment on Park and Sixty-third, fine reputation as a lawyer, and loved by all his friends. The obvious mate for Kezia, and that in itself was enough to make her hate him, not that she really hated him. She only resented him, and her need of him. Despite the lover on Sutton Place that he didn’t know she knew about.
The Whit and Kezia game was a farce, but a discreet one. And a useful one. He was the ideal and eternal escort, and so totally safe. It was appalling to remember that a year or two before she had even considered marrying him. There didn’t seem any reason not to. They would go on doing the same things they were doing, and Kezia would tell him about the column. They would go to the same parties, see the same people, and lead their own lives. He’d bring her roses instead of send them. They would have separate bedrooms, and when Kezia gave someone a tour of the house Whit’s would be shown as “the guest room.” And she would go downtown, and he to Sutton Place, and no one would have to be the wiser. They would never mention it to each other, of course; she would “play bridge” and he would “see a client,” and they would meet at breakfast the next day, pacified, mollified, appeased, and loved, each by their respective lovers. What an insane fantasy. She laughed thinking back on it now. She still had more hope than that. She regarded Whit now as an old friend. She was fond of him in an odd way. And she was used to him, which in some ways was worse.
Kezia wandered slowly back to her bedroom and smiled to herself. It was good to be home. Nice to be back in the comfort of her own apartment, in the huge whit
e bed with the silver fox bedspread that had been such an appalling extravagance, but still pleased her so much. The small, delicate furniture had been her mother’s. The painting she had bought in Lisbon the year before hung over the bed, a watermelon sun over a rich countryside and a man working the fields. There was something warm and friendly about her bedroom that she found nowhere else in the world. Not in Hilary’s palazzo in Marbella, or in the lovely home in Kensington where she had her own room-Hilary had so many rooms in the London house that she could afford to give them away to absent friends and family like so many lace handkerchiefs. But nowhere did Kezia feel like this, except at home. There was a fireplace in the bedroom too, and she had found the brass bed in London years before; there was one soft brown velvet chair near the fireplace, and a white fur rug that made you want to dance barefoot across the floor. Plants stood in corners and hung near the windows, and candles on the mantel gave the room a soft glow late at night. It was very good to be home.
She laughed softly to herself, a sound of pure pleasure as she put Mahler on the stereo and started her bath. And tonight … downtown. To Mark. First, her agent, then lunch with Edward. And finally, Mark. Saving the best till last … as long as nothing had changed.
“Kezia,” she spoke aloud to herself, looking in the bathroom mirror as she stood naked before it, humming to the music that echoed through the house, “You are a very naughty girl!” She wagged a finger at her reflection, and tossed back her head and laughed, her long black hair sweeping back to her waist. She stood very still then and looked deep into her own eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’m a rat. But what else can I do? A girl’s got to live, and there are a lot of different ways to do it.” She sank into the bathtub, wondering about it all. The dichotomies, the contrasts, the secrets … but at least no lies. She said nothing to anyone. But she did not lie. Almost never anyway. Lies were too hard to live with. Secrets were better.
As she sank into the warmth of the water, she thought about Mark. Delicious Marcus. The wild crazy hair, the incredible smile, the smell of his loft, the chess games, the laughter, the music, his body, his fire. Mark Wooly. She closed her eyes and drew an imaginary line down his back with the tip of one finger and then traced it gently across his lips. Something small squirmed low in the pit of her stomach, and she turned slowly in the tub, sending ripples gently away from her.
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