“I sure hope so. I don’t want us to keep anything from each other. I want you to let me in your world, Emily. And I want you to trust me enough to know I won’t ever do anything to hurt you.”
I moved in a little closer to him. “I know you won’t.” And I knew that was the truth. He would rather cut off his own arm.
“Good. Are you hungry?”
As if on cue, my stomach growled. Jackson laughed as he pulled us up until we were sitting on the bed.
I tugged the sheets up to my chest. Even as I went to bed the night before in one of Jackson’s shirt, it was no longer on me. Sometime during the night, Jackson had pulled it off and threw it on the floor, along with his clothes as we leisurely explored each other’s body. And I was okay with that in the darkness of our bedroom, where his touch made me forget about everything including my physical flaws.
But in the harsh morning light, where my flaws were not only on displayed, they were enhanced in a way that was hard for me to ignore.
Jackson pulled me in close, and before I knew it, his lips covered mine, and he kissed me, his tongue moved in a way that felt a lot like making love even when he never entered me in that way before.
I moaned his name when he pulled away. Too caught up in him, I hadn’t even realized he had tugged the sheets away until it was too late, until he moved back a little and took in every inch of skin that was exposed.
“I love the way you look,” he said, his eyes darkened with hunger. “Don’t hide from me.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. He smiled and with me one last lingering kiss, climbed out of bed, his bare backside on display. I felt a blush make its way from my cheeks, down to my neck, my chest, as a molten hot heat pounded against the sensitive flesh between my legs.
Jackson turned back in time to catch me ogling, and as I had been staring at his backside before, I was now staring at the angry looking appendage between his leg, getting more and more excited the longer I kept my eyes there.
“Emily, your eyes are trouble, and if you keep looking at me like that, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
I quickly turned around and gave him some privacy. He chuckled softly while putting on his clothes. And then his hands cupped my shoulders from behind, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
I turned to look at him, finding lust and love wage a war in those unique eyes of his.
“One day, those little threats you make won’t be empty, and you’ll show me exactly what I do to you, won’t you?” I asked.
He nodded. “Someday soon, I hoped.”
I smirked. “You’re the one suggesting we go slow. I’m not the one putting on the brakes.”
Jackson laughed. “Yet, you still blush something fierce whenever you catch the sight of me naked.” I blushed, and Jackson bent down to kiss me. “It’s my job to protect you,” he whispered against my lips.
And how seriously he took that job. It made me feel cherished. “I know,” I conceded. Telling him I could take care of myself seemed pointless then, not when Jackson did a much better job than I ever did.
His eyes softened as he took me in. “It’s my job to protect you, even if I am protecting you from you.”
I frowned, not sure what he meant. He ran his pointer finger down between my eyebrows, smoothing out the wrinkle there, to the tip of my nose. “We won’t do anything more until I know for sure you are ready. Understand?”
I nodded. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Your self-control. How do you keep such a tight hold on it?” He must have the discipline of a monk. Or maybe he just wasn’t as crazy about me as I was about him. The thought was depressing.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“How can you not see how much I want you?”
I shook my head, amazed. Grant always said I was unable to hide my feelings and thoughts well. Jackson, who for some reason, made it his goal to pay attention to me as much as possible, missed nothing. “I’m fine.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed and took me in his arms. My thighs were placed on either side of him, straddling him.
“How can you not know how much I want to make love to you?”
“You do?”
He nodded. “More than anything. Sometimes, just looking at you hurts. That’s how bad I have it.”
I looked down at his chest, a smile threatening to show. I was sure he meant the pain in a very literal sense. “I’m just being silly,” I told him, playing at the ends of his shirt.
“No, you’re not. You’re new at this. I know that. And if there is something on your mind, I want you to tell me. No secrets, remember?”
“No secrets,” I repeated.
“Now, why don’t you go get ready while I make us breakfast.”
I leaned forward, and his smile widened. He closed his eyes as I got close, and he let me kiss him, let me control the kiss however I needed to, softly at first, desperately later, when I could feel his heart racing in tandem with mine.
I pulled away slightly, and he rested his forehead against mine. Then very gently, he placed me on the bed beside him and stood up.
He winked before walking out the door. I sat there for five more minutes before I was able to pull myself off the bed and ready myself for the day. I did so with the biggest smile on my face.
30
Present: Jackson
His waitress was a forty-something-year-old woman, with worn down shoulders and hair in a messy bun, as if it was an afterthought, and she didn’t much care whether it was brushed or not. Her eyes were kind though, even as the bags under them dulled the green of her irises.
“Thank you,” Jackson muttered distantly when she came back to refill his coffee.
“Anything else I can get you?”
Jackson shook his head. “That’ll be all for now.”
She smiled, the corners of her eyes wrinkling a little that told Jackson she spent the majority of her life passing out smiles without a thought.
Emily was like that for the majority of their life together. She would bless strangers on the streets with her beautiful smile, stopping men in their track, hoping the angel would turn her attention their way.
And she didn’t even know the allure she had over the other men.
She didn’t know how many times he had come close to beating some fucker senseless for looking at her with disrespect in his eyes. She was too sweet. Too innocent for how dark the world really was.
He had thought he’d done a good job protecting her from it.
He had failed in that respect.
He looked down at the journal and played with the leather cover, too afraid to open it. She had written this journal for him the first time she tried to take her life. He thought they were on their way to getting better. That he was getting his wife back. He had been wrong.
Taking a sip of his black coffee, he pulled the journal closer to him, and with shaking hands, opened up to where he had left off. He frowned when he found a piece of paper folded neatly, placed between two of the sheets. Pulling it out, he unfolded it.
It was a letter.
His wife had written him a letter. Careful not to wrinkle, he briefly glanced through it, and by the time he was done, he could no longer see what was in front of him, not when the tears in his eyes hindered his sight.
It read:
I didn’t mean to hurt you. In this very short life, I can say with absolute certainty, you are the best thing to have ever happened to me.
Did you know I first noticed you that first day of Freshmen year? I wasn’t with Ethan yet, though it was about the time when he wooed me that I saw you. I never told you this, but at that moment, I was completely lost to you. Ethan asked me out on a date that day, and I said yes, not because I was attracted to him, but because you overwhelmed me. You overwhelmed me without having even utter a single word to me, and I needed something to get you off my mind.
That was is h
ow much you affected me without even trying.
And I love you so much, God, I love you.
Please don’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault I am not happy. I am happy with you, but I am just not happy with myself. There’s something wrong with me, Jackson and I can’t seem to escape. My mom was like this, did you know? After my dad died, I went back to his house to pack up all the stuff that needed to be donated, and I found my mom’s journal. She took the easy way out. I don’t think I can ever blame her for that. Not anymore. She was depressed.
It all made sense now. Why she was so damn miserable in her life when my dad clearly adored her.
And why, after her death, my dad becomes the shell of a man, and he could barely look at me most days. I may not look like Emma, but I have her eyes.
Torture eyes, he had said.
Jackson, something bad happened to her, and she got me as a result. She had to look at me and was reminded every day of what she had gone through. Of what she was still going through up until her suicide.
You tried to protect me from all that was bad in the world. I once told you that was impossible, but you did a better job at shielding me than anyone had ever done.
I love you. Please forgive me.
31
Past: Emily
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and frowned. What would Jackson think of me?
It was Nathan’s party.
Jackson didn’t seem that excited to go, but he indulged me. He'd probably been through hundreds of these house parties before, so this wasn’t anything new to him, but this would be my first, and going as Jackson’s girlfriend made my nerves rattled even worse.
I didn’t do much. I had gotten ready the same way I had gotten ready for school every day. With minimum makeup, my hair straightened all the way down my back, and with jeans, along with my favorite purple cardigan.
Jackson came in, and like that, he completely stole my attention. He smiled a little when he met my eyes, and standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist as we both stared at the mirror.
He thought we made a good couple. He loved how short I was compared to him, and loved how great I fit in his arms, as if I was created specifically for him to hold me, to protect me. And when he told me those things, I believed him.
But looking at us in the mirror then, I just thought we looked odd.
Jackson was too handsome, too wild looking, whereas I just looked delicate, as if I was made of glass. Our height difference only enhanced how opposite we really were.
I wasn’t even average on the height spectrum. Five foot two was short by any standards, and standing next to Jackson, who was six foot four, and made of nothing but muscles and steel didn’t help.
“You’re frowning? Why?” Jackson asked.
“Don’t you think we look kind of odd together?”
Now he was frowning. “Odd how?”
“You’re beautiful, Jackson.”
Jackson smiled, his amused smile. “I love you just the way you look. You, Emily Lewis, are so much more beautiful. And when I look at us, odd isn’t what comes to my mind.”
I smiled. “Okay. What do you think when you look at us?”
“Like I finally found the missing piece of the puzzle. Like we fit so well, I wondered how I could have gone most of my life and only now worked up the courage to make you mine. I wished I had done it sooner.”
I shrugged. “I like our story just fine. I still end up in your arms. That’s all that matter.”
He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Are you nervous?”
“No,” I lied.
“Don’t be,” he said. “I’ll be by your side the whole night.”
I let out a deep breath. “I know.”
“And we can leave whenever you want. Even if we are only there for a couple of minutes and you decided you much rather spend your night at home.”
“I know.” That still didn’t make me feel better.
He tugged at my hand and pulled me to the master bedroom. “Come on.”
“What are we doing?” I asked as he brought me to the bed.
Jackson smile, a seductive smile. A smile I had become well acquainted with these past couple of weeks. “We don’t have time,” I muttered quietly.
“Nonsense. I always have time for my girl. You’re obviously nervous. Let me see if I can help you relax.”
Any protest I had, left the moment he kissed me.
I relaxed in his arms, and when he probed my mouth opened with his tongue, I comply, making us both moaned when he was finally inside.
He gently pushed me back until I was sitting on the bed and he spread my legs to accommodate his large size.
“I like what your wearing,” he muttered against my lips.
I smiled. “I wore this to school before.”
“Yeah, and it took my breath away then, too.”
“Jackson.”
He moved his hand to the cardigan and tugged it off my shoulders, revealing the black camisole I was wearing underneath. “No bra?”
I shook my head. His eyes darkened as he cupped my breasts through the thin material of the shirt. I gasped and moved in closer to him.
He was driving me crazy, and he knew it. His smile was driving me crazy, especially when he looked at me while his tugged at my nipples bringing them out to harden peaks.
I squirmed, wanting more.
Jackson buried his face in my neck and kissed the tender skin there, while he tugged at the straps of my shirt until I was bare to him from the waist up.
He looked down and took in my skin. “Beautiful,” he whispered with reverend.
“You make me beautiful,” I told him, and that was the truth. He made me feel confident in my own skin, and nothing was sexier than confidence. Jackson made me beautiful.
He shook his head and smiled, saying, “You are already the most beautiful girl in the world, long before you met me.” And then Jackson kissed me before I could say anything. I kissed him back with equal fervor.
His hands moved down to the waistband of my jeans, then he unbuttoned them, pulling the zipper down. Jackson slightly tapped my hip, indicating for me to tilt my butt up a little so that he could remove the jeans. I did as he asked, and then I was naked, except for the camisole brunched up around my waist, though truth be told, it only left me feeling even more exposed.
He left my socks on, and something about that was such an incredible turn on. It just drew attention to my naked legs and further up, which was where Jackson’s gaze was at. I ached from the intensity of his stare.
“I love how ready you are for me,” he said, moving his fingers back and forth my hip bone.
I nodded. “Yes. Please, Jackson. I need you to touch me.”
He spread my legs out further and cupped me between my legs. I moaned softly as he begun to move his hand.
Grabbing onto his shoulders, I tried to brace myself for the pleasure he would surely bring. Especially when he entered a single finger inside of me and begun to move. My hands tightened around him, my nails digging into his skin. But that only spur him on, his movements becoming quicker, harder.
I closed my eyes and threw my head back, shouting out his name as I came.
When I finally grabbed my bearing, I opened my eyes to find satisfied amber ones on me, a smile on his lips that could only be described as male pride.
“You are overdressed,” I told him.
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
He moved away from me and begun to tug at his clothes.
I took off what was left of mine and looked at him to see him removed the last of his clothes until he was standing in front of me, naked and vulnerable.
He moved toward me slowly and gently pushed me down until I was lying on the bed, my legs hanging off the edge.
He placed one hand by the side of my head and leaned forward to look at me. “Spread your legs for me, baby.”
I did as he asked, and then I
felt his other hand there, playing with me, petting me, his fingers seeking out entrance in the sensitive flesh.
“Jackson,” I pleaded, tilting my hips upwards to get more of him.
“I got you,” he cooed, bending down and took an aching nipple into his lips, sucking on it, adding a gentle bite.
I wasn’t coherent enough for words anymore. I let out a whimper when he finally entered me, his thumb rubbing around in circles.
He didn’t let me finish this time.
Letting go of my breast with the pop of his mouth, he moved in between my legs, until I found his hard length pressed against me.
“Oh, God,” I said, wrapping my legs around his hips. His smile was strained as he begun to move, never quite entering me, but he was touching me intimately, something that had never happened before.
Jackson never brought us this close, at least, not without the barrier of our clothing in the way. He was afraid to lose control, but not now. Not when his frenzy was driving him.
He moved in closer, and when I looked up and found his eyes, I lost it.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and burrowed in close, letting go of my control. He followed suit, creating a beautiful mess between us.
Jackson laid his body weight on top of me as if he was incapable of holding himself up any longer. My arms still wrapped around him, I rubbed at his back with my hands, loving the feel of his back muscle tensing each and every time I moved my hand.
“That was amazing,” he whispered against my neck.
I moved a little and felt our body sticky from his pleasure. “We’re dirty,” I whispered.
He moved back and smiled at me. “Oh, yes. We are.”
I laughed and pushed him away. “Not like that. I meant we’re all sticky. How can we go to the party now?”
He shrugged. “Don’t go. Stay in with me, and I’ll show a good time.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I laughed again.
“You’re hopeless.” I played with his hair, removing some away from his face. “I want to go,” I said. “I haven’t done anything. I want to feel what everyone else feel. And I probably won’t like it. But I want to go, even if we’re just there for fifteen minutes. Is that okay?”
Jackson's Girl: Being His Duology Page 26