‘Connor texted me,’ she mumbled, her head still pressed against his chest. ‘It was vague, but he said I needed to go home because my mum needed me.’ She sighed and pulled out of Harry’s hold. ‘He gave me such a shock, I felt sick, but when I called, she and dad were absolutely fine. What’s he playing at?’
Harry didn’t know much about Connor. All he could see was Maddy’s reactions towards just the mention of his name, which meant Harry didn’t like him. But then would he ever really like any ex-lover of the woman he was sleeping with?
‘Did you call him?’
‘No!’ Maddy’s eyes widened as if horrified by the thought.
‘Well, I don’t know then, but maybe the police might catch up with him eventually, and ask him where he was on the day of your fire.’
‘Who, Connor? I don’t think he did it …’
‘Well who did then? He’d be number one on my hit list.’
‘Why?’
‘You haven’t really disclosed the circumstances of your relationship ending, but if you ended it, then he might be trying to get you to run back to him. He might not be accepting the rejection.’
‘Nah, he was a controlling shit, but arson …?’ Maddy paused as if considering it. She would be the only one to know what Connor was capable of. But in Harry’s experience in the fire service, he knew what lengths some jealous exes would go to. It wasn’t a regular occurrence, but it did happen. He’d seen plenty of horrific things, but none of them had affected him until Karin.
Karin … trapped … car unrecognisable … smoke … flames … explosion …
‘Are you okay? Harry … Harry?’
‘Oh, sorry.’ Harry shook his head. He couldn’t change the past. He had to look to the future. But it didn’t take away the guilt. Time would never take away the guilt.
‘I lost you for a moment. It was as if you were in another time zone.’
‘Yeah, yeah, shall we have dinner? I’m starving.’ Harry moved towards the oven, grabbing the oven gloves on the way. He buried his feelings, locking them back up deep inside. He needed to be strong for Maddy. ‘Take a seat. I’ll bring it out.’ Opening the oven took away the chill that had swept through his body.
He dished up the cottage pie. He’d planned to tease Maddy that he’d slaved away in the kitchen to make it, but it was really a shop bought ready meal he’d picked up on the way home. Like the carrots and green beans, already prepared. All he’d had to do was throw them into boiling water. But he wasn’t sure he was in the mood to joke now. Memories of Karin would always haunt him, but Connor worried him.
He couldn’t undo what happened to Karin. But Connor had the ability to change everything.
‘How was Connor controlling?’ Harry said after some time. The food filled a gap being so late in the evening, but it wasn’t anywhere near as good as what they’d had on Sunday evening, or even when Maddy made a dinner from scratch.
Maddy was pushing food around her plate clearly lost in her thoughts; she hadn’t spoken much during dinner. ‘At first I didn’t realise it was controlling behaviour, but he used to get funny about me going out with friends, and would want me in by a certain time.’
Harry snorted, trying not to choke on his food. He sipped his water. ‘Sounds worse than living with your parents.’
‘It was. And the sulks. He always thought he knew what was best for me. But I think when I found the strength to move to Cornwall and open a gallery, he realised he didn’t have much of a hold on me after all. When I received my grandfather’s inheritance – my parents felt they didn’t need it all so gave me and my brother a good lump sum each to help us set ourselves up – Valerie convinced me to move. She knew it was something I’d always wanted to do. I spent a great deal of time to-ing and fro-ing from Cornwall – usually staying with her – because of the landscapes and seascapes I enjoyed painting, and the commissions I was getting – cute cottages just like Wisteria. Valerie never liked Connor.’ Maddy pushed the remains of her food to the back of her plate, placing her knife and fork together. ‘Sorry, it was very nice, but I don’t feel hungry. I think it’s a mixture of worry, heat and it being so late.’
‘It’s okay, I was going to make out I slogged over it, but when I saw your expression when you came in, I left it.’
‘The box on the side also gave it away.’ Maddy pointed through to the kitchen where the packaging stood on the counter.
‘Oh, yeah, I should have disposed of the evidence.’ Harry rolled his eyes. ‘I thought this was easy to cook but slightly healthier than a pizza.’ He gathered the plates. ‘So, how long were you with him … if you don’t mind me asking?’
‘We were together about three years I think.’
‘Wow, how did you stick it for so long?’
Maddy’s face reddened, and again she wouldn’t meet his eye.
‘Maddy?’ Harry’s instinct to protect her uncoiled, spreading down into his limbs. He refrained from reaching out to her, though. He waited for her answer.
‘He threatened to kill himself if I ever left him.’
Briefly, she looked at him, and he could see the sheen glossing her eyes, where she was holding back tears.
‘Shit.’ Instinctively, he grasped her hand and clutched it between both of his.
‘Yes, it was rather, but I moved here, and said he could come with me, but I soon realised it was nonsense. Being closer to Valerie gave me the impetus to kick him out of my life for good.’
‘But the bastard keeps pulling little tricks. Shit, Maddy, after hearing all this, I’m sure now that he caused the fire.’
‘But there is no proof. And he handed me back the key.’
‘He could have got another cut beforehand.’
‘We can’t prove that.’ She sighed, finding a tissue in her short pocket and wiping her nose.
‘I’ll clear the plates, you go shower, or take a bath, and come down when you’re ready.’
‘I should go back to the cottage.’
‘Nonsense.’
***
It was too hot for a bath, so Maddy stood under the shower for ages, probably using as much water as filling the bath. She let the pressure of the water massage her shoulders and back.
Could Harry be right about Connor? Was he playing his usual mind games?
When she had ended their relationship four months ago, he’d left for Bristol almost immediately. He’d made a scene, begged her to take him back, and when he’d realised his pleas were futile, he’d finally gone. She’d receive the odd text message to ask how she was, that he missed her, but that was it. Until the house fire.
Noticing her fingers were prune-like, a sure sign she’d been in the water too long, she turned off the shower and towelled herself down. After moisturising her body and her face, she slipped into a clean pair of pyjamas which she took from a bag of ironing she hadn’t cleared from Harry’s house. It was driving her nuts not knowing where all her belongings were. Some were now at the cottage, some still here, some at home – although not many as she’d avoided taking stuff back while the house still stank of smoke.
She headed downstairs with her wide-toothed comb, combing it through her towel-dried hair.
Harry had poured them each a small glass of red wine.
‘Thought this might help relax you further,’ he said, handing her a glass.
‘You definitely don’t want me to go back to the cottage.’
‘Looks like you’ve already made the decision unless you’re driving back to the cottage in your pyjamas?’ Harry pointed at her, eyebrows raised.
She chuckled. ‘Good point.’ She sipped the wine. The taste of the smooth, deep red liquid clung to her mouth, and with a swallow, it took some of her anxiety with it. Harry made her feel safe, like a lion protecting his lioness.
Would he be her protector? Against the crap life liked to throw at her from time to time … against Connor …
The way she felt about Harry, she would do the same for him.
He
guided her to the sofa and, taking the comb, started to gently comb through her hair. Having someone comb her hair was something she found very relaxing. She loved visiting the hairdressers for that reason. Unfortunately, she couldn’t afford to go as often as she’d like.
Eventually, her head started to weigh heavy on her shoulders so she lay back, resting on Harry’s solid warm chest and cuddled into him. He still continued to play with her hair, brushing his fingers gently through it, stroking her scalp, his other hand trailing slowly up and down the top of her arm. They barely spoke, only whispers, making sure the other was comfortable. Her eyes got heavier and heavier, until she was unable to fight to keep them open. She gave in and closed them, concentrating on Harry’s sensual touch.
Maddy could feel his arousal, yet he didn’t act on it as if knowing she needed something much more than sex tonight. Comfort, security, love … No man had ever made her feel like this – whatever this was. Did she even know? She was too scared to think too deeply about this moment. She concentrated instead on Harry’s caresses, the physically relaxing feelings he engendered in her … She didn’t want to give into her other feelings; she wanted to keep them locked away for a bit longer. She’d given so much over to Connor; he’d drained her … She needed to learn to love again.
At some point, Maddy stirred. Vaguely conscious she was being lifted, carried, a creak on a floorboard, then laid onto a soft surface, cool sheets.
Chapter 23
Harry sat bolt upright, sweat plastered over his body, the bed sheets damp. A recurring nightmare. A woman trapped, slumped, broken and bleeding, cold dead eyes staring at him, images replaying over and over, but different from the reality. In the dream, he’s so close to the car, he’s wrenching open the door, dragging out the body, but the explosion always wakes him as it throws him off his feet.
But the woman in the nightmare hadn’t been Karin this time; it had been Maddy.
It took Harry a couple of minutes to shake off the nightmare, letting his heart rate slow as he told himself over and over it was only a dream. He turned on the bedside lamp to reassure himself that Maddy was sleeping safely beside him. A tangle of blonde and copper curls framing her delicate face, he watched the rise and fall of her chest as she peacefully breathed. A few weeks ago, if someone had told him he’d be sleeping with the woman from across the road he’d have told them hell would have to freeze over first, but here he was – and he didn’t want to change it.
The last couple of nights he’d forgotten to take his medication: blissfully happy with Maddy, he’d felt better, whole again. He also knew it tended to knock him out, so much so that a bulldozer could drive through his bedroom and he’d not hear it. And although Maddy knew he took medication, she didn’t know why. He didn’t feel confident enough to tell her yet … he didn’t want to scare her off before they’d even got started. But he’d need to tell her … soon.
Or was this nightmare a wake-up call? Should he risk getting close to another woman? Could he live with losing another …? The chill of fear swept over him, turning him from hot to cold instantly, goosebumps rising over his chest and arms. He shivered and checked the time on his phone; it was three a.m. Too late to take the medication now as he had an early start and didn’t want risk feeling groggy, or worse not hear his alarm in the morning.
Turning off the lamp, he slid back underneath the covers and curled into Maddy, giving her a hug and a kiss. Her warmth and unique scent gave Harry some comfort. But deep down, an ache in his chest questioned whether he should get any closer to this woman. Should he keep his distance? Probably too late for that now. But was he ready to love so deeply again?
He never wanted to experience what he went through with Karin ever again. He feared he’d never survive it.
***
Still spooning into Maddy, Harry’s alarm woke him with a start. She groaned sleepily too and rubbed her eyes. He ran a hand up her thigh, then reached behind him and turned off the alarm, aware of his arousal.
He needed to get up, but his alarm was set deliberately early to allow him to hit the snooze button … so fifteen minutes wouldn’t hurt … or twenty … probably a good half hour if he was lucky.
Harry pulled Maddy closer into him so she could feel his hardness. He kissed her neck, and she turned to face him, so he could kiss her thoroughly, pressing his groin against her leg.
‘Good morning,’ she said, smiling. ‘Sleep well?’
‘Not really,’ Harry said, realising he should have withheld his honesty.
‘Oh, why?’
‘Dreaming about fucking you.’
‘Think we should make it a reality.’ Maddy positioned herself under him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her eyes sparkled, sleep replaced with lust.
They kissed, fumbled, throwing the duvet back and drove each other mad to the point where he urgently needed to claim her.
Harry straddled Maddy, his powerful thighs tensed, holding his full weight off her – he was so much bigger he feared crushing her – and reached into the top drawer of his bedside cabinet to grab a condom.
He ripped the foil, rolled on the condom, and looked at Maddy, stunningly beautiful and biting her lip sexily.
Then, out of nowhere, came a sudden flashback of his nightmare — Maddy or Karin, he couldn’t tell which, lying eyes open, vacant, dead … It drained the blood from his face … and elsewhere.
He’d drooped. And it didn’t matter how much he tried to get it back, running his hand firmly over his cock, it wasn’t coming back.
‘Shit, I’m sorry.’ Harry wanted to die. ‘It’s not you … it’s me.’
‘Hey, hey, it’s okay, these things happen …’ Maddy reached for him, but he backed off the bed, pulled the condom off and chucked it in the bin, swearing under his breath.
He stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door harder than intended. He took a good hard look at himself in the mirror. ‘Fuck, what just happened?’
***
Maddy scrambled to the bottom of the bed and gathered the twisted bed sheets up around her. What had just happened? Why’d Harry reacted so badly? Sometimes these things happened, but right before, Harry had gone white as a sheet and she’d lost him for a split second to another world.
It wasn’t as if she’d laughed at him … God, did he think she would?
And then Maddy’s own anxiety crept in. Was it her? Did he not really fancy her? Was she not so pretty first thing in the morning? She always felt self-conscious first thing in the morning. Hair a mess, teeth not cleaned, sleep in her eyes, not quite ‘fresh’ down there … even the possibility of a dribble mark down her mouth – not that she dribbled … or at least she didn’t think she did … but it might have happened. Subconsciously she wiped around her mouth with her fingers, then gave a sniff under her arms. No, she was okay.
Harry emerged from the bathroom, almost catching her smelling her armpits – God he didn’t see that, did he?
‘Hey, I’m so sorry, I had a rough night, and it all came flooding back.’ Harry sat beside her, cupping her face. He leaned in and gently kissed her.
‘What do you mean rough? I didn’t realise.’ She’d slept so well. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ She copied his own action by stroking his face, looking into those blue eyes that appeared darker this morning, matching his solemn expression. Was it too soon to care so deeply for someone?
He stood, shaking his head. ‘No, it’s fine. Something I need to deal with.’ The moment between them vanished.
‘Harry, you can talk to me. I’m a good listener. I don’t overreact …’ Really? The reason they’d ended up in this situation – living together, sleeping together! – was due to her overreacting. Her being hysterical at the firemen had resulted in Harry carrying her over his shoulder quite literally kicking and screaming. But her house had been on fire. She would always stick to that line of defence. It was a perfectly plausible excuse to overreact.
‘I know, Maddy. But I’ll confide in you when I’m read
y.’
Confide? What did he need to confide in her about?
‘Okay.’ Maddy thought it best to leave it there. Men often liked to keep themselves to themselves. It had to come from them, the opening up side of things. She knew Harry was holding back on something – the medication for a start – but by pushing it, she would only make him withdraw further. She’d wait until he was ready. Men were from Mars after all … ‘You know where I am when you want to talk about it.’
***
In the gallery, Maddy didn’t have time to dwell on Harry. She busied herself, cleaning, hanging paintings, making sure the price tags on the pictures were clear. All of a sudden, the school holidays were approaching – this Friday most of the schools would break up – and Tinners Bay was about to get a whole lot busier for the next six weeks. She needed to make sure she had enough paintings hung, and backups to fill the spaces, in the hope of huge sales. These six weeks were crucial to her business. The rest of her year she would fill with commissions, hoping to gain some in these important weeks.
‘Is everything all right, you seem very focussed today?’ Valerie said, dusting pictures and shelves, carefully manoeuvring around some sculptures on display.
Maddy hadn’t told Valerie about Connor’s text. Or that she’d spoken to her mother. And certainly not about this morning with Harry. ‘I think I’m just stressed. Tomorrow I’ve got the appointment with the kitchen designer, and as of this weekend we’re going to be doing a lot more hours in this gallery.’
‘Josie can do more hours, remember, and Declan has offered his services, too,’ Valerie said. ‘Oh, I know what I was going to say to you, your mum called me last night. She’s worried about you.’
‘Did she tell you I called her last night?’
‘Yes. Because of Connor, right?’
Maddy nodded.
‘Sandra hasn’t even seen Connor, not since the last time she called you. Anyway, she was concerned about you,’ Valerie said and Maddy huffed. ‘She wanted to know about the cottage you were staying in.’
‘Oh, God, you didn’t say it was full of builders did you?’
Meet Me at Wisteria Cottage Page 21