by Kenna Bardot
They'd had each other, and I'd been alone.
✽✽✽
My last class of the day ended without incident and without piquing much of my interest. After all, it was just a repetition of the same theme over and over. I’d been in the same classes for the last five years so I couldn’t imagine how boring it must have been for those who’d been in them for much longer. I shot out of my chair and out of the room so quickly, the rest of my classmates were still gathering themselves and deciding what to do with the rest of the day. That is if they didn’t have a viewing like I did in a couple hours. I wasn’t looking forward to it.
The silk flats I wore on my feet made a shuffling sound against the dark marble floors of Sylfeshire's hallways. I stopped before a tall window that looked out into the West. The late afternoon sun hung low in the horizon and unlike how it had been in Godsvail, you could see it. Appreciate it.
I took a deep breath and took in the crisp clean air that was never any less fresh or clear than it had been when I’d first arrived. I closed my eyes and even though I could hear the distant sounds that struck me as voices - Gods, Sylfes; I felt a silence that was broken only by the sound rushing water, the sound of birds that lived in the trees. And I had to admit, for all that I had never despaired to become a Sylfe, I could not hate Sylfeshire. Or at least the beauty it claimed, and the peace that it enjoyed.
Although once I had to Mingle, I was sure that beauty would be marred and that peace would be disturbed when the Gods were back in my life. And for all that our instructors treated us with respect, I knew that was more because they were all like us once. All but Colm Svadeni had been human once, Sylfe once. And because they had gotten what they wanted, they didn't treat us like we were any less.
I turned away from the window, ignoring the way a place deep inside me twinged as I ignored Demiorgo in the distance - I didn't want to think of it. No, I didn't want to think of the guys I knew were there, because I could not allow myself to yearn for them.
I lost my breath in surprise as a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a small, semi-hidden alcove. "What the actual fu-" Another hand came up to cover my mouth, and I met laughing pink eyes.
"Hi, Mireyah," Astraea spoke up, long-fingered hands still held over my mouth. "No swearing, okay?"
I raised my right eyebrow at her and seriously considered biting into her hand. And my eyes might have reflected my intention since she pulled it off and held a finger to her lips even as Lysandra elbowed her in the side, which was a feat given that she was at least five inches shorter.
"Mireyah, shh. We're hiding," Lysandra hissed at me through pursed lips, eyes widening as the hand she had around my wrist tightened in warning.
I tilted my head to the side. "What are we hiding from again?"
"Well, not we with you included but more we, myself and Aes," Lysandra clarified as she pulled me into the alcove further. "We haven’t been going into Visitation for a while which is frowned upon so we were very strongly urged to make an appearance and Mingle today. We made a very quick appearance, winked at the guard-”
“I smiled, you winked,” Aes interrupted with a smile, and Lys shook her head as she continued. “Fine, I winked at the guard, ignored the Gods and Sylfes, nearly slapped a wandering hand and then crept back in.”
I nodded slowly. "And that's okay?"
Astraea laughed, a soft amused sound. "Of course it isn't. We’ve really not been making a lot of appearances. Well, they don't care too much about me since I'm Descendant-born. But being human-born, Lys is bound to get into trouble."
"And this differs from most days how?" I asked, because Lysandra was always getting into trouble. When I said she was even more intense and God-hating than me, it wasn’t an exaggeration. I had to thank the Gods that I’d met her, and we’d become friends. She kept me sane.
"All they give a shit about is getting someone into bed. Nobody is looking for a damned spouse. Males and females alike." Lysandra huffed out a breath even as she let my hand go in favor of leaning against the rough brick wall.
"Well, we've always known that, haven't we? But why are we cramped into this alcove again?" I poked my head out to look down the hallway.
The rather empty, unoccupied hallway.
"There's no one out there," I pointed out as Lysandra pulled me in with a harsh tug of her hands. I protested and pulled back, "What? There isn't."
She narrowed her eyes at me. "Exactly. And let's keep it that way, yes?" Astraea rubbed a hand over Lysandra's shoulder. "The wandering hand belonged to a Springen, who propositioned Lysandra today. She's not thrilled."
"Damn right," she muttered. "Being around them is enough to sour my mood, but having one of them touch me brings out the violent side of me."
"Great. You’re not reassuring me about having to Mingle, guys. Thanks." I let out a dry chuckle even as I pushed back at my light pink hair as it slid into my face.
"I thought you had Gods you wanted to see, Mireyah?" Astraea threw me a worried look, like the mothering hen she was.
And my mind drifted towards them - Char, Tate, Ryle, Hollis and Shep, and I knew what she said was true. I wanted to see them. But they were Gods now and had been for a while, and we'd changed. All of us had surely changed.
And I feared they wouldn't want me.
Worse, I feared that I wouldn't want them. And that I would have to tell them.
Chapter 2
Mireyah
"Mireyah," the voice whispered in my ear like a niggling sensation I couldn't ignore. At first, my mind registered it as a dream - a sensation in that twilight land of sleep and slumber. But then I snapped into attention when I realized it was real.
I heaved out a sigh before I struggled to open my eyes. I had never been a heavy sleeper, but I was stubborn enough that I only woke up when I was good and ready.
"Mireyah?" the voice spoke up again, and I recognized it as belonging to Astraea. Why she was in my room at that early hour when she herself was no morning bird, I had no fucking clue but friendship notwithstanding, I had no qualms kicking her out. With violence.
"Wha-" I cut off because my voice was hoarse and attempting to speak was a struggle. I cleared my throat before throwing a glare her way. "What the fuck, Aes?" I blinked my eyes and saw her wrapped in her robe, her hair a messy nest on her head.
"See? I told them it would be hard to wake you. You stubborn ass.” She pulled at her hair and plopped onto the bed beside me. “Someone was stupid enough to think they can just wake you up with a simple knock on the door and when that didn’t work, they woke me up so I could wake you since you have a reputation for biting into Unwanteds. Like it didn’t matter that I hate waking up early." She ran a gentle hand down my hair before pulling at the ends. Hard. The pressure had my eyes opening all the way, before narrowing them at her angrily.
"I will end you," I grumbled before swatting her hand away.
"You are just as pleasant as Lysandra is when you make her do shit she doesn’t want to do. Why I like you girls anyway, I can't tell." She walked out of the room, but not before turning the lights on. As the brightness hit my eyes, I cringed and hissed. "Damn you to the Unwanted place and back."
"I love you right back. Get ready, you're late," she repeated, and I heard the door close to the sound of her amused laughter.
✽✽✽
Viewing days were shit. It made me feel like meat, merchandise to be stared at by the Gods who were probably already imagining how they would fuck us when the opportunity came around. That didn’t mean I was ever late for them, so I didn’t know why they’d changed my schedule on me suddenly. Because nothing but a viewing could have the Unwanted Sylfes so antsy that they’d inconvenience another Sylfe to wake me.
I had thrown on a long gown of lilac and periwinkle with wispy material that draped down my arms. Even though it was one of my outfits that had the most fabric, it still felt revealing. It didn't matter that I could just sit there and ignore the stares in favor of reading a boo
k from the library. It still felt wrong.
Colm stood by the door with a mysterious smile on his face like he knew something I didn't. A smile that was too pleased, and I couldn't help but hear the warning bells ring in my mind. "Mireyah, good morning. I'm sorry we had to wake you earlier than normal, but today you will remain in viewing for more than your usual hour."
My eyes widened when I thought about the book I carried. I had barely fifty pages to go on it, so it would not last me more than the hour I expected. I vaguely wondered if I could rush to the library and stock up before having to go in. That was when Colm Svadeni's eyes strayed towards my hands where I carried the book.
"Ah, yes." He stepped forward and into my space and it took all of my self-restraint not to step back and away from him. For a God, Colm Svadeni wasn't that bad. But he was still a God. He pulled the book from my hands and dropped a hand onto the top of my head. "Not today, my dear. Not today."
My eyes widened and my hands reached out towards the book before I caught myself. I could feel my mouth forming into an 'o'. "But-"
"No buts. Staring down at your lap as you read is not the best way to present yourself. For once, perhaps it's a good idea for you to look straight ahead. Show that beautiful face of yours."
I sucked in a breath along with the answer I wanted to give him. As much as it seemed he cared about his Sylfes, I didn't want to disrespect him. Even I feared the Land of the Unwanteds.
“Good. Lower level today. Welcome to second Level Viewing. Closer and closer, Mireyah. Closer and closer.” He gestured me in with my book, and I walked in as I glared at it.
The door closed behind me, and a dark-skinned guy was already in the room. He looked back at me as I entered. “New? I’m Theo. Welcome to longer Viewing.”
I gave him a tentative smile before sitting down near him. “Thanks, Theo. I’m Mireyah.” And I sucked in a breath, ready to face the day ahead.
✽✽✽
Hollis
Sometimes, it was quite a view to see Sylfeshire just after leaving Demiorgo. At the top of the mountain, it was elaborate, dripping in excess. But Sylfeshire was like a welcoming hug - a sight of perfect calm and peace.
But it was not peace that wrapped around us as Char, Shep and I walked into Sylfeshire, allowing the soft wind that blew around the place to whip our hair around. Char turned to me and smiled. It was a smile of such genuine pleasure that I could feel almost burst out of us.
A female Unwanted Sylfe with muted pink hair bowed us in. "Sirs, welcome to Sylfeshire. May I know what part of the shire you are looking to visit today?"
Shep stepped forward, impatience in every moment. "We wish to go to the Viewing Area."
The Sylfe smiled, thin lips bowing up calmly as she nodded. "Of course. It is your lucky day. One of our female Sylfes was promoted to second level Viewing today. She is on the precipice of Readiness. She has been in the chamber for over three hours and will be there for about an hour more so your timing is perfect."
Shep just nodded distractedly as he plodded forward, but I stopped a moment, an uneasy feeling clawing at my chest even as Char threw me a worried glance. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I failed, mostly because I could not reassure myself.
"Shephard, wait," Char spoke up softly, but Shep stopped. We always did what Char said and being Gods in Demiorgo did not stop us from doing so. "We go in together." He threw me a look, and I nodded as we stepped into the chamber. The first thing I noticed was that there were more Gods than usual present.
We'd always made it a point to come as early as we could. To make sure we could see Mireyah for as long as she could be on display since we really didn’t know what time she would be there. It killed me that I could not touch her. Killed me that the glass prevented me from reading her, feeling her again.
It had been a long five years. First in Godsvail, then in Demiorgo when I'd eventually Ascended.
"Look at that one with the pale skin. The one talking to the big Sylfe with dark skin," a Kald whispered to the Byta he sat next to. My head whipped up towards the glassed-in room and that was when I saw her and knew without a single piece of doubt that he had been speaking about Mireyah when I saw her talking to a dark-skinned male Sylfe.
Our Mireyah.
She took my breath away. Seeing her so close, since she was finally in the lower room, was a feast for the senses. Five years had been very kind to her. That and the life that Sylfes enjoyed being pampered, being cared for. Hair that had once been platinum and was now tinged a silky pink tickled her cheek as she turned towards the big teal-haired Sylfe with the dark skin.
"Who the fuck is she talking to?" Shep's eyes darkened, a deep violet that rivaled the blackness of the Tovenaar. It was like storms brewing, a potent combination that I tried to calm as I lay a hand on his shoulder even as Char gave his knee a soft pat. "Calm down, Shephard. It's just a Sylfe. Quite inconsequential."
Shep huffed out a breath as his general visage cleared, and he propped his elbow on his knee, resting his chin on his palm as he watched our girl. She laughed at something the other Sylfe said but steadily ignored the events transpiring on the other side of the thick glass.
"Beautiful lips," a Svadeni spoke up near me. He was a distant cousin, but he’d been a God for decades before I'd Ascended. A God before I'd been born, but he was still unmarried. And though there were other female Sylfes in the room with our Mireyah, I knew he looked at her, that appreciation in his dark red eyes, I knew he could see what I could see.
Mireyah just oozed life and vitality.
She was special.
"This close to bashing that Svadeni's face in," Shep muttered close to my ear and while I was a little offended for the member of my House, I could not help but agree with Shep when the other Svadeni licked his lips, eyes never leaving Mireyah. Our Mireyah.
"Settle down. Svadeni are by nature liable to think with their libido. Mireyah was a beautiful woman even in her frail humanity and now as a Sylfe, she is even more glorious. That much is plain to see. But she's ours. She will always be ours." She smiled, emanating happiness, but she didn't look towards us. Yes, by the stubborn set of her shoulders, she made it a point to avoid looking beyond the glass.
"I just want her to look at us." I sighed, and Char just shook his head. "She will, Hollis. A part of her knows we’re here. Our Mireyah is just stubborn by nature."
"That she is," I replied, and the moment lapsed into silence. We sat there watching for what felt like an eternity but even more devastating, it felt like a bare second before the aforementioned hour ran out and the door behind them opened and another Svadeni - Colm - stepped in. Mireyah smiled at the male Sylfe and stood when Colm gestured to her.
And I could feel the way Char and Shep deflated. Because she was going, but she hadn’t seen us and we hadn’t shared even a moment with her even through thick, impenetrable, clear glass. But, inexplicably, she stopped, and she whirled around. For the first time since we'd walked inside, her eyes tracked through the glass. Her lips parted, a small tentative smile in place.
Her eyes widened before she'd turned towards us, and our eyes met. She smiled, still tentative, but in my fevered mind, it had looked pleased. Her lips parted before she nodded and turned back around. She stepped through the door, then was gone.
None of it had been enough. And my patience was running low.
✽✽✽
Mireyah
I met Hollis' eyes and through the edges of my vision, I could see Shep and Char. I felt my heart thud, triple-time, in my chest. But I didn't know what to really feel. How to really react.
So I smiled. I was pleased, yes, but it was a pathetic smile because somehow I'd known they'd been there all along. But I’d ignored the feeling because I thought it had been wishful thinking.
But they'd been there, and it had been a wonder to see them.
"Mireyah, your time is over," Colm spoke up again to call me but this time he was more forceful. More like the strict parent that
he truthfully was rather than the doting uncle he sometimes acted.
"Yes, of course." I widened a smile. "Can I have my book back please?"
He laughed, a dark amused sound that coaxed a smile from my lips. He pulled something from the inside of his jacket, coming up with my book and presenting it to me. "Here you go, Mireyah. Your one true love."
The way he said it gave me pause and had my mind going to the guys I'd just seen. The guys who occupied a lot of my thoughts and feelings. But I tried not to let it show on my face. He gave me another pat on the head. "Okay, maybe not your only true love."
Probably stupid for me to think that I could hide things from him. He knew us, his Sylfes.
"Go and enjoy the rest of your day, Mireyah. Be comfortable in the thought you did well enough today." And with that final word, he turned and walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.
My doubts.
My anger.
My insecurities.
Waiting.
Chapter 3
Mireyah
Seeing Shephard, Hollis, and Char threw me off for days. Every single time I saw one of them it reduced me to a jumbled mess of insecurity and lost thoughts. That along with the fact that I felt sleep-deprived meant that I was the farthest thing from being engaged.
"Okay, class," our instructor, Edlynne Nastroj, a tall and slender Goddess with a long curtain of luscious silver curls, spoke from the front of the room. Her voice wrapped around us much as the silver swathes wrapped around the walls and ceiling of the room we occupied. "Remember, you are all on your next level of Viewing. This means you are closer to Mingling. Today, we added two to your rank of human-borns, Mireyah and Willa."
She shot us a smile, maternal and calm even as Willa let out a squeal. But I’d been in classes with her for the last five years, so I knew that Willa was always squealing. "Oh, Madame Edlynne, how thrilling! Do you think we're ready?" She bounced on her chair a bit, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing in her face.