by Claire Adams
I gave her a look and buttoned up my heavy coat before walking back toward the table and grabbing my backpack. "I'm headed to the library. I have a paper due when I walk into my business law class tomorrow."
"What? That's messed up." Katelyn tossed her stuff in the trashcan and turned to give me a sympathetic look. "You want us to come with you?"
"No, and you wouldn't even if I did want you there." I chuckled and pulled my phone from my back pocket as it buzzed. My mother. "I gotta take this. The world might be ending."
"Your mom can't find her favorite brand of shoes at the mall?" Lucinda poked at me and shook her head. "No clue how you ended up odd man out within your family, but I'm sure glad you did."
"Why is that?" I opened the door and shuddered as the chill of winter wrapped around me.
"Because we wouldn't be friends otherwise." She laughed.
I waved to my friends and answered the phone as my stomach tightened. There was no one in the world I dreaded talking to as much as I did my mother. I wasn't good enough, smart enough, or working nearly hard enough for her. This coming from a woman who hadn't worked a day in her life and looked like a Barbie doll, thanks to a group of surgeons who got paid quite well to keep her that way.
"Mom. What's going on?" I kept my tone even. I might not be my mother's favorite, but to disrespect her would bring more harm than good, and besides, my father raised me to be a better person than that.
"Valentine, why didn't you tell me that you weren't planning on running for the Presidency of Gamma? You're the Vice President now. That I have to hear these things from Marilyn Jacobs is upsetting. You know she's just looking for a reason to make me feel inadequate. Why do you keep giving her one?" My mother's voice was tight and filled with tension.
I let out a slow breath, praying like hell that she wouldn't hear me and-
"Don't you sigh at me. This is serious business." She continued to grumble as I jogged toward the library. Huge piles of snow lined the narrow path that someone had taken the courtesy to create earlier that morning. My mother was forever concerned about Marilyn Jacobs, much like I was concerned with the dealings of her bitchy daughter, Carolyn. Funny how some things just moved from generation to generation – whether we wanted them or not.
"Mom, I'm not sighing at you. I'm jogging to the library. It's freezing out here. Give me a minute and I'll talk about this with you. I can't breathe right now." I pulled the phone from my ear as she started up again.
Why she couldn't just let me be was beyond me. My older sister Allison wasn't badgered her whole life; but then again, she had been the measure of success by which all my failures were compared and left wanting.
I opened the door and walked in as a group of giggling girls walked out. Their excitement labeled them as freshman, and I was almost jealous. The thought of graduating in a year and a half left my insides turning to ice. To say I was scared was a mild understatement. I wasn't capable of pulling my weight in high school and now college. Real life was going to eat me alive.
My mother's voice rose up from the phone as I lifted it to my ear and forced myself to sound much more pleasant than I felt.
"Sorry, Mom. That was a long jog. I'm in the library. I have a paper due for my business law class tomorrow," I whispered as loudly as I could without grabbing unwanted attention from the people working at the checkout desk.
"You're out of breath. Have you been going to the gym? Your father and I don't pay for you to go to the gym just to spend our money on the hope that you'll stay in shape, Valentine."
I found an empty table near the back of the library and quietly sat my stuff down before dropping into one of the chairs. The last thing I needed that morning was to have my mother remind me that if I didn't stay in shape, I wouldn't be a prime candidate for a man.
"You know that if you let yourself continue to gain weight, you'll end up alone and living with me and your father." She let out a frustrated sound, and I leaned back in my chair, unwilling to give her fuel for the forest fire she was creating. "Start using the gym membership or we'll cancel it."
"It's part of the campus fees, Mom. You can't cancel it, and I'm not getting fat." I ran my hand through my dark brown hair and glanced around to make sure I wasn't being disruptive. "Besides, basketball is starting back up, and I've been on the courts, which I assure you is a great workout."
"Basketball." She huffed loudly. "That's a boy's sport, Valentine. You need to stop spending your time on things that aren't going to be part of growing your future."
"Like the sorority that you made me join?" I closed my eyes and dropped my head in failure. I hadn't meant to bring it up. It was like putting a target on my head and handing my mother a loaded gun.
"That sorority, young lady, has the ability to help you get any job or any man that you want. It's a powerful group of women, and you not even trying for the leadership role, which is rightly yours, is disturbing." She was running out of breath, which means the drama was just starting. "What's even worse is that you let Marylyn’s daughter take the presidency. You have no clue of how incredibly disappointed and embarrassed I am."
"I'll try harder, Mom. Sit down and don't get upset over this." I opened my bag and tried to ignore the sickness swirling deep inside my stomach. I loved her, I did, but she was a monster most days of the week – and that was when she was in a relatively good mood.
"How do you know I'm not sitting?" she barked into the phone.
"I can hear you pacing. You know your blood pres-"
"I'm not interested in having a pow-wow with my child over my blood pressure. What I am interested in doing is hearing that you're going to stop wasting all of the opportunities that your father and I are creating for you and that you're going to actually do something with yourself." She was yelling by this point, and I was over it.
"Yep. I am. I'll call you later, Mom. I love you to the moon and back." I dropped the call as tears filled my eyes. I'd promised myself a million times that I wasn't going to cry another tear over her disapproval of me. It wasn't going to change or get better, and I'd quit trying to please her after my first year of coming to college. The fact that I was still in the sorority house pleaded the opposite of that, but it was a small offering of peace toward her. That's all I had left in me.
A text came through from Katelyn that the Sigma Chis were having a “last night of winter break” party later that night. I told her I would go, but only if there was beer and hot guys.
Hot guys. Yeah right. I barely wanted to see the good-looking guy that I had been dating for the last six months, much less anyone new. Paul Wright was the all-American heartthrob on campus, and where I'd promised myself I wouldn't get involved too seriously with anyone during my college years, his blond hair and blue eyes left my heart fluttering too often to refuse.
Me and every other girl on campus.
We'd been together for six months, and while the relationship was good, it wasn't anything near great. He was too much like my mother, and the fact that she approved of him left me feeling like I was almost out of my league.
I stiffened as the sound of his voice lifted up from the row of books to my left, surprising me a little.
"The party starts at eight. Just grab your friends and come out," Paul was whispering to someone, or trying to.
"Come get us." Carolyn Jacobs.
I stood as anger burned through my veins. Carolyn was the current president of the Gammas and had been after my boyfriend since the day we started dating. Funny enough, she wasn't interested in him until he decided he was interested in me.
"Yeah. Come get us." I moved up to stand beside them, working hard to keep my expression calm and unemotional. The turmoil dancing inside my chest would never be seen by either of them. I was a master at the art of calm facades.
"Val. There you are." Paul's lips lifted in a warm smile as he turned to pull me into a tight hug. "You didn't answer my texts."
"You didn't text." I winked at him and pulled back a littl
e to look over at Carolyn. Her tight shirt and short skirt left her looking like a hooker. "It's freezing outside. You're going to catch your death wearing that."
She rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. "Jealousy isn't becoming, Valentine." She spat my name before turning her attention back to Paul. "Come pick all of us up. We'll even let your charity-case girlfriend come."
"Carolyn." Paul gave her a warning look and turned back to me. "You want to come to the party tonight? I'll pick you up and bring you back home."
"I'm going, but I'm riding with Amy." I gave Carolyn a side glance before shoeing her off. "Go away and make someone else miserable. Your job is done here."
She rolled her eyes and turned. "You're dating the wrong girl, Paul, and you know it. I hear she doesn't even put out."
I ignored her and pulled from Paul's hold. Why everyone reminded me of my mother all of a sudden was beyond me. I needed a new focus – or better yet, a new life.
"Hey. You know she's just jealous of you." He followed me back to the table where my stuff sat strewn everywhere.
"And why is that?" I sat down and pulled my business law book toward me. "She has everything I have and then some."
"She's jealous of me." He let out a curt laugh and touched the back of my hair. "Hey. Look at me. Don't let her upset you. I'm good with us sleeping together just every once in a while. I know sex isn't important to you."
Ice water ran through my veins.
"What?" I turned and looked up at him. He was everyone's wet dream, except mine. His lack of humility and borderline obsession with popularity left me having to force myself to do anything beyond a quick, friendly kiss.
If this is love or lust, I don't want it. Fuck it.
"It's okay. Really." He smiled and touched the side of my face. "Besides, it's been a few weeks. I'm figuring if you'll let me take you to the party tonight, then we can go back to my place afterward. Spend some time together and snuggle up for a good night of sleep?"
Spending time together usually included me sucking him off, fucking for five minutes, and listening to him snore the rest of the night. Count me out.
I swatted his hand away, suddenly not feeling so friendly anymore. "I'm good. Go pick up Carolyn. I'm riding with my friends, and what happens after that is anybody's guess."
"Val, come on." He touched my shoulder, but I jerked away, hating how immature I felt, but not able to drag myself from the black hole I was teetering over.
There were many more parts of my life that I hated than those that I loved. Or liked.
"I have to work on this paper. I'll see you tonight. Okay?" I glanced up at him, pleading with my expression for him to leave me be. I didn't need any more pressure in my life, and if things kept going the way they were, he wouldn't have to worry about me too much longer, anyways.
Carolyn wasn't one to give up on anything she wanted, and after grabbing up the leadership role in Gamma our sophomore year, she was only hungry for something else that was mine. Paul would be next, and I honestly didn't care. As long as she kept her damn hands off of my friends, I would survive.
If she didn't, then game on.
Chapter 2
Tate
"Mom?" I called out as I opened the dilapidated front door to the small, one-bedroom house my mother and I shared. She was overly precautious about someone breaking into the house, so to save myself from having her shotgun in my face, I started making sure to let her know I was home. It was just far safer than the alternative. My lips lifted in a smile at the thought.
"In here, baby." She poked her head out from the kitchen and lifted her eyebrow at me. "Why are you late? You're usually done with dinner and sitting at this old kitchen table studying by now."
"Long day at the shop. We had more cars than hands to fix them." I let my backpack drop from my shoulders onto the couch before tugging my jacket off. "I'm going to go with Sam to a party later tonight, but I'll be back home for sure."
She moved back into the kitchen and had her back to me when I walked in. "Fine, but please be careful. I'd rather you take my jeep than drive that bike late at night. It's freezing out there and you know that in next few days, it's only going to get worse."
"I'll be fine, Mom. I'm not taking your jeep. My bike's sturdy and has the right tires to deal with anything that your jeep could deal with. Shit, it's probably more prepared." I sat down at the table as she gave me a look over her shoulder.
"Watch your mouth. There are a million more words you could choose. I don't need to hear you cursing." She dished me up a bowl of something and moved to sit down in front of me.
"Sorry, Mom." I pulled the stew toward me and breathed in deeply, loving the smell of it as it penetrated my lungs.
I'd been raised by the kind woman across from me, and she was all I knew, but she wasn't my mother. I didn't know my parents, nor did I want to. Sarah was all I needed. We'd spoken about my adoption once when I was twelve and never again. She was all the mother I could hope for, and I tried hard to live up to being the son she deserved.
"Where is this party, anyway? Are you taking that sleazy blonde girl you were seeing from school?" Her nose turned up as she pushed a pan of cornbread toward me. "You want butter?"
I got up and laughed. "I'll get it myself, and no, I'm not seeing Andrea anymore. I'm not sure why you didn't like her. She was so...loving."
The snort from my mother caused me to laugh. Andrea was by far one of the sluttiest girls I'd brought home, but something about her left me wanting to save her. I was most likely the one that needed saving from my grandeur hope for a better future and a love story to tell my grandkids, but nevertheless, I looked for broken souls. It somehow made me feel better. Wanted. Needed.
"Yeah, loving and extremely touchy-feely. The girl groped you three times the last time you guys were here." She followed me with a stern look on her face as I laughed again.
"Mom. That's the new way to hug nowadays. You should get out more."
"Hug? By cupping someone’s crotch? No, sir." She shook her head. "I'd whoop someone's ass if they tried to hug me."
I'd just lifted a spoonful of soup to my mouth and laughed so hard it sprayed it across the table.
She turned and started to clean it up as her lips lifted in a smile. "I love you. You're a great kid. Did you know that?"
"I'm a man, Mom." I smirked and sat back in my chair. "Now, if you could butter and honey up my cornbread, please. You do it better than I do."
"Brother." She grabbed the plate and started to fix my bread like she always had. A cough left her as she turned and lifted her hands to her face.
"That doesn't sound good." Concern ran through me, and I watched her closely for signs of anything other than the nasty cough as she walked to the sink and washed her hands.
"It's okay. Just a cold. You know I don't do so well during the winter months. It just gets so cold here." She turned to look at me as she dried her hands. "When does school start back up?"
"Tomorrow." I shook my head and worked on the stew in my bowl. "I'm actually looking forward to it, though. I think having to work so damn hard to pay for it makes me honestly respect the fact that I need to do well."
Her expression saddened. "I wish I could help. There is a possibility for me to pick up more shifts at the hospital."
"No." I gave her a silly expression. "I'm good. The shop is bringing in enough to help pay for my books and keep me and you fed. You just worry about the mortgage and the lights. One day, I'll be able to take care of all of it for us."
"One day, you'll be married with a family of your own, Tate." She moved around the table and gripped my shoulders softly before leaning over and pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "You need to focus on you and not me."
"Right. Try again." I stifled the need to make a million more promises I wasn't sure I could come through on. I wanted to give her the world, and not just because she'd opened her home and her heart to me, but because she was a good woman and dese
rved it. Her last boyfriend had been an asshole and a half, and the day I got to kick him out was one of the best days of my life.
She had no clue what respect looked like between a man and a woman, and I was struggling to find the boundary lines myself. I couldn't remember her ever being in a healthy relationship.
My best friend Sam's parents were in a good, solid relationship. I'd learned most of what I needed to know about being a good man from Sam's dad. Sam and I had been inseparable since grade school, and it had been him who forced me to look into scholarships and grants to attend University of Minnesota. It was a great school and I loved the idea of growing smarter and furthering myself, but it was certainly taking a toll on my income.
Funny enough, Sam was also the one that regretted getting me started in college. My ability to diagnose and fix cars was almost uncanny, and the guys at the shop were giving me hell for passing up Jerry's opportunity to have more hours at the shop. Sam was on my ass to rethink everything, too, but I was eighteen months away from graduating. There was no way I was throwing in the towel. I'd invested far too much. I could keep pushing forward for another year and a half, then I would find a way to cut back and re-balance everything.
Weariness rolled over me as I thought through all that I had coming up the next week with classes starting back up. Jerry needed me at the shop six days a week for the next few months. The winter season was always the busiest for us, and I was loyal to a fault, if nothing else.
A knock pulled me from my thoughts. My mother was already headed toward the door by the time I stood up.
"Mom, let me-"
She opened the door, and Sam walked in, giving her a big hug.
My stomach was tied in knots as I let out a long sigh and dropped back down into my chair. I was scared as hell that we hadn't seen the last of Daniel, my mom's ex with a temper that would scare Lucifer himself.
"It smells like your famous beef stew in here, Ms. Phillips. You saved me some, right?" He walked in and patted my back. "Hey, buddy."