by Kylie Scott
“I think I’m dead.”
The jerk pinched me on the ass.
“Ow.”
“Still alive,” he said.
I retaliated by pinching one of his nipples.
“Damn it, woman.” He grabbed my hand, holding it captive in his. “Enough. I surrender. Let’s be friends.”
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, glued together. Neither of us seemed inclined to move. After a while, I may have even fallen asleep. The man was just comfortable, plus I was exhausted. Ever so gently, my hair was brushed back from my face. A finger traced the sensitive rim of my ear.
“Complicated,” said the man.
Had I been more awake, I’d have agreed.
* * *
The next day, Joe was back to work at Dive Bar. I was again positioned at a corner table, working on my laptop. Yes, I could have worked in the quiet of my hotel room. Strangely enough, it turned out that people watching actually got my mind going—my creativity rocking and rolling. I kind of liked just being on the edge of things, watching. I never realized that I didn’t have to be sucked into the thick of things, surrounded by people and constantly dealing with the frenzy of the big wide world. The fringes were fine too. And so was watching my mountain man hottie (not that he was my hottie), and occasionally chatting with Nell or Rosie. It was nice.
Everything had been quiet until Eric arrived just after the lunch rush.
“Come see,” he called out from the front door. Smile wide, practically buzzing with excitement.
“What?” Joe paused mid-motion, a couple of beers in his hand for restocking the fridge.
“Everyone!” he yelled.
Eric disappeared back outside while we gave each other confused looks. Out of the kitchen lumbered Boyd, one of the cooks, along with Nell. Rosie and Taka were the waitstaff on duty. With a shrug and a frown, they headed out the door too.
I hunched down in my sweater, shoving my hands into my back jeans pockets to keep warm. A cold wind was throwing autumn leaves around, the sky a clear blue. And parked at the curb was a shiny red muscle car with white racing stripes.
“Two thousand eight Shelby GT500,” said Eric proudly. “And I got it for a song, only twenty-five grand. Owner had just died and apparently his wife hated him.”
With a nod, Boyd turned and wandered back inside. Guess cars weren’t his thing. I kept quiet and stayed back. Cars weren’t really my thing either.
“Didn’t you already have a reasonably new working vehicle?” asked Rosie, arms crossed.
“It’s a guy thing, you wouldn’t understand.” Taka bent to check out the inside through the open passenger-side door. “Nice. Very nice.”
“Take you for a drive sometime,” said Eric.
“You better.” Taka followed the unimpressed Rosie back inside.
Still beaming, Eric turned to Nell and Joe. “Well? Isn’t it beautiful?”
Nell blew out a breath. “Yes, it is. And it only has two doors. That’s going to work out great for transporting a baby.”
Eric frowned. “I figured you’d just be using your car for the kid.”
Nell said nothing. But you could almost see the haze of storm clouds gathering around her head, the frustration and anger wound up in her balled hands—clearly she was experiencing way more stress than was good for a pregnant person. She too went back inside.
“What the hell?” Eric muttered, hands on hips, scowling after her.
Joe just hung his head.
“Seriously? You too?”
“Fuck me.” Joe licked his lips, shook his head. “Ever wonder why I don’t worry about you repaying the money you owe me? Remember the loan you hit me up for when you wanted to buy into Dive Bar?”
Mouth shut, Eric stared at his brother.
“Because the business was still getting going. Then, when things got out of the red—surprise!” Joe held his arms wide, a vein bulging out of his neck. “You knocked up Nell. You’re going to be a father. I figured you need the money, that you’d be helping out Nell with stuff for the baby. You know? Not buying a fucking muscle car.”
Eric’s lips looked dangerously thin.
“When the hell are you going to grow up and start thinking about your responsibilities, huh?” asked Joe, voice harsh. “Good work, brother. Solid effort.”
Joe marched back into the bar, leaving me standing there. I ever so subtly side-stepped closer to the door. Really, I should have taken the opportunity to run back when Boyd did. The guy might not say much, but he was smart. Yet, I couldn’t help but be impressed by Joe’s hard stance. Sure as shit, his pleasing days were done.
Jaw set, Eric slammed the car door shut. “What about you, Alex. You going to give me shit too?”
“No,” I said, keeping my face blank. This situation had nothing to do with me and I was happy to keep it that way.
“He’s been different since you arrived.”
Lips. Shut. Tight.
The man then mumbled expletives all the way around to the driver’s side, tearing open the door before throwing himself inside. A toddler couldn’t have thrown a better tantrum. Engine growling, he roared off down the street. Sending more leaves into the air than the wind.
Wow. Conflict sucked. Just being around it made my pulse manic.
Back inside, Joe was standing behind the bar, staring at the ground. Not happy.
“Hey,” I said, standing on a stool’s rung, rising high enough to lean part of the way across the bar.
“Hey.” He took my offered hand, letting me draw him in nice and close. Then I kissed him. It wasn’t a polite peck on the cheek. Hell no. I pressed my lips against his and gave him the kind of kiss best reserved for lovers in private.
Behind us, someone wolf whistled. Another person clapped.
When I finally pulled away, his eyes had calmed, and the beginnings of a smile curved his mouth. Much better.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Anytime.”
* * *
“Your brother is quickly working his way up the ranks toward being an all-time legendary douchebag.” Nell slung a handbag over her shoulder, lips tight and eyes as fiery as her hair. “He was supposed to come pick me up at closing. Would you mind giving me a lift back to your place?”
“Not a problem.” Joe forced a smile.
“He’s probably off somewhere masturbating over his new car.”
Joe grunted.
I said nothing. It was a disturbing visual, and possibly even true.
It was late, the streets empty. Above us, the stars were spread out across the sky in all their glory. Such a beautiful cold pristine night. Even the wind had calmed down some.
“Sorry, there’s probably some crap on the backseat,” said Joe, unlocking the truck.
“No worries. I’ll deal with it,” I volunteered. Fair was fair, the pregnant lady could have the comfy seat up front.
Indeed, there was a variety of paperwork, a set of pliers and some other tools, an empty soda can, a denim jacket, and a baseball cap. I shoved it all over to one side and climbed in while Nell got settled in the passenger seat.
My jaw cracked wide on a yawn at the same time as Joe’s. He turned and gave me a wink. I couldn’t help but grin back, my partner in tiredness. All of the sexing activities had been eating into our sleep time. Not that I minded one little bit. I’d take shadows under my eyes and a wee bit of morning grumpiness. After all, that’s why God invented concealer and caffeine.
The clock had started counting down the time I had left in Coeur d’Alene. Decisions would eventually have to be made about our situation. We could date from afar, take turns visiting. I don’t know. While it seemed a likely and even positive option, it filled my heart with dread. Even in this age of technology, long-distance relationships were hard. Unlikely to succeed.
The engine rumbled to life, wonderful hot air rushing out of the vents. As usual at this time of night, most of the houses lay quiet in the dark. We drove under the streetlights a
s some old Springsteen tune played on the radio. I couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel, to have naked time with Joe. To get as close to him as physically possible and forget all about how I’d have to leave him soon.
We’d only gone a couple of blocks when Joe slowed to a roll for a stop sign. After a brief pause, we were off again. From out of nowhere, an SUV smashed into the side of Joe’s truck, wrenching us headlong sideways through the intersection. There’d been no headlights to warn us. Nothing. Metal screamed, my head bouncing off the hard glass of the window. Everything went black.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Message sent ten days ago:
ME: Hi Eric, I haven’t heard from you for a couple of days. So I’m assuming you’re crazy busy with the bar and your family and friends. I hope everything is going okay. Talk to you soon. Best, A xx
Message sent one week ago:
ME: Eric, I’m worried about you. Probably silly of me, but would you mind just dropping me a line so I know you’re okay? It’s just been a while. Hey, isn’t your birthday next week? Thanks.
Hospitals still made me want to puke, that hadn’t changed. Endless white corridors and the scent of bleach and disinfectant. Nurses and doctors rushing around, so many voices. Somewhere a child was wailing.
I sat in the hospital waiting room next to Rosie and Boyd. Eric and his parents sat opposite. Everyone looked worn and pale, apart from those with red eyes. Despite the cast on his left arm, Joe insisted on pacing. The fracture was a couple of inches up from the wrist. The doctor said he was lucky that the damage to his arm wasn’t much worse. I’d had my right eyebrow glued back together. Otherwise there were some bruises, a few aches and pains, but nothing major. The doctor said I was also lucky. The idiot in the other car who’d been driving with no headlights on had barely had a scratch on him. Of course, he hadn’t been rammed in the side by a massive bull bar.
Nell hadn’t been so lucky.
“She wants to see you and Alex,” Lydia told Joe, her face splotchy from crying. Vaughan stood beside her, their hands wrapped tight together.
Joe stopped pacing. “Right.”
I stood slowly, my head still woozy and full of pain. They wanted me to stay overnight, just in case. Mild concussion and so on. Hard to see how me having a panic attack would help anything, though. And if they’d made me stay any longer in a hospital bed, with the whole world feeling wonky and memories of Val’s suicide attempt filling my head, it would have happened. So I’d discharged myself against their advice. Now, much like everyone else in the waiting room, I was barely holding my shit together.
“Right,” Joe said again before breaking into motion, striding toward Nell’s room.
I followed.
She lay propped up by a mountain of pillows. Aside from the bruising on the side of her face and her arm, her skin was paler than the dove-white sheets. Even her red hair, spread out across the pillow, seemed subdued. Machines beeped and little lights flashed, monitoring heart rates and saline drips and fuck knows what else. It was obvious, the pain she was enduring. My heart ached. Nothing about this was fair or okay.
I knew shit happened to good people, but at the moment, seeing Nell like that cracked my heart into tiny pieces.
“Hey,” said Nell, pale face set. She got right to the heart of the matter. “It wasn’t your fault, Joe.”
Blond hair hanging around his face, he shook his head and said nothing. The slump of his shoulders, his whole body. More than his arm had been broken tonight. It hurt to see him so wrecked.
Oh God. This was way worse than I’d thought.
“Even if Eric had come and picked me up, that car still would have run the stop sign,” said Nell. “I could still be in this bed.”
“I shouldn’t have been driving.” Joe gripped the back of his neck hard. “Knew I was tired. Didn’t even see the car coming at us. What the fuck was I thinking?”
“It’s not your fault.” I reached for his elbow, gave his shirt a tug. There was blood on it. From me or Nell, I didn’t know. “Don’t put that on yourself, Joe. Please.”
He didn’t even look at me.
“Listen to her,” said Nell.
Suddenly, we heard someone shouting down the hall. Then someone was stomping down the corridor, almost running. “Where is she? Where’s Nell?”
Pat strode into the room. Black hair, black clothes, face furious. I flinched, taking a step back to stand by the end of the bed. Behind him, Eric hovered, waiting. On the bed, however, Nell’s face crumbled, all bravery gone.
“Patrick,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I lost my baby.”
“Shit,” he muttered, rushing to her side. His arms gently and slowly surrounded her, holding her to him like a precious thing. White-knuckled, her hands clung to his shirt.
“I’m sorry.” He lay his cheek against her hair. “So fucking sorry, Nell. My beautiful girl … I should have been there. Should never have left.”
The sound of Nell’s sobbing filled the room. All of her agony set free.
Joe turned, blinking rapidly. I did the same, throat tight and raw. Without a word we left, giving them their privacy. It all still felt like waking from a nightmare, the world hostile and strange, and my body shaking. At least she had Pat now.
“Wasn’t sure if I should call him,” said Eric in a quiet voice as we returned to the waiting room.
“You did the right thing.” Vaughan reached out a hand, squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sorry about the baby, Eric.”
Dazed, he nodded and sat back down next to his mom. She immediately took his hand, clasping it between both of hers. Stan sat rigid, face almost confused. Guess it was too much emotion to handle, too many people. His sons were hurting and he did nothing. To be so locked down couldn’t be easy. Did he feel like a failure of a father or did he feel nothing at all?
I sat, staring up at the fluorescent lights marching across the ceiling in such neat lines. One half of my face throbbed. Also, there may or may not have been a steel spike shoved through my brain. I’d never had a headache like this.
“Alex?” someone spoke in front of me. Slowly, gradually, Rosie’s face swam into view. “You need to rest.”
“Hey.”
Gently, she took my arm, lifting me to my feet. The world around me straightened. Or at least it stopped spinning for a while.
“Come on,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’ll drive you back to the hotel.”
A few feet away stood Joe, his agonized gaze fixed on his brother. Right. Of course. He should probably be with his family. They probably wanted to be alone right now. Still, I had to check.
I slid my hand over his, tilted my head. “Joe? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?”
The man had been far, far away. Lost inside his head. He blinked rapid-fire, as if my words were traveling from a distance.
“No.” He shook his head. “Thanks.”
“Rosie said she can take me back to the hotel. But I’m happy to stay.”
Without a word, he lifted his hand, carefully touching the mess on the right side of my face. Lines sunk deep into his forehead. “Fuck, look at you. I’m so sorry.”
The look in his eyes killed me. I took his hand, kissed it. “Not your fault. Not even a little. Get that thought out of your head.”
“I barely stopped,” he said. “If I’d just … if I’d waited a little longer I might have seen him.”
“You stopped. You did the right thing. He was the one driving in the dark with no goddamn lights on.”
Joe just shook his head.
“I’m going to stay,” I said to Rosie, giving her a brief smile. Christ, even that hurt.
“No, go,” said Joe. Then he shoved his hands under his arms, out of reach. “You should go.”
I just looked at him.
“It’s okay,” said Joe.
Bullshit.
“I should be with my family,” he said in a low voice.
“Okay. Call me if you need me.” I softly
rubbed his arm. We were all so broken and pummeled. No touch was safe. “I’ll be at the hotel. Come see me anytime.”
A nod.
Eric sat forward in his chair, staring at the ground. His mom had her arm wrapped tight around his shoulders, whispering in his ear. Stan sat there as stiff as ever. Vaughan tipped his chin at me. Lydia was stretched out on the seats with her head in his lap, seemingly asleep.
“Joe!” A blonde strode toward us, a collection of silver bracelets clinking on her wrists, long skirt swishing about her ankles. Guess she was some sort of relative or a friend I hadn’t met yet. God, she was a boho queen. Her features were a little sharp, but her hair was long and flowy. And either she hadn’t noticed his bruises, or she didn’t care, and threw herself at him.
“Star,” he said with wide eyes, proceeding to pat her awkwardly on the back. “What are you doing here?”
“I hit the road as soon as I got Eric’s message.” Stretching up on tippy-toes, she pressed her lips to his. Not family. And certainly not just friends. My stomach dropped straight through the floor. What the ever-loving fuck?
Joe turned his face away, breaking the kiss. Then he looked to his brother.
“She’s Nell’s best friend and your, ah…” Eric just shrugged. “I figured she should know.”
“Okay.”
“Sweetie.” She sighed. “Oh, Joe. What happened?”
“Car crash,” he said bluntly, still eyeing her like she’d appeared from another planet. “Pat’s in with Nell now, we’re giving them some privacy. Where the hell have you even been?”
At that, she inched back just a little. “Arizona, mostly. You know how I love the heat.”
“Right.”
“But I was only in Montana when I heard, so…”
Joe said nothing.
“Star. It’s lovely to see you, dear.” Joe’s mom opened her arms to the woman. Christ, the woman was being greeted like long-lost family. If I hadn’t already guessed that Star and Joe had been together in the past, the nervous look Audrey gave me out of the corner of her eye clued me in just fine. Even Stan offered the woman an almost affectionate looking nod. Give me strength.