by Janet Dailey
"Isn't it enough that I came here!" she cried out. Her temper flared quickly to the surface. "And you know why I'm here, too."
His raised eyebrow sent her quickly to her feet. She walked hurriedly to the fireplace and paused in front of the blackened hearth as if to gather warmth from the dead ashes. Tears turned the back of her eyes and her breath came in quick gasps. Misery, humiliation, and pride warred with the sensible, logical side of her mind that asserted the need for Rad's help. A flash of color appeared beside her. Lainie turned her hurt gaze toward it.
"You've come to see if my offer is still open," Rad said calmly.
"I don't want your money!" The words were hurled out in a burst of pride.
"Ah, but your mother needs it," Rad replied smoothly. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here."
"You're insufferably arrogant!"
"That isn't exactly the attitude you should take when you're trying to get money from a man."
"What should I do?" Lainie asked sarcastically. "Grovel at your feet or kiss your hand?"
"It would be a novel experience," Rad replied with the same degree of composure as before, unmoved by her spitfire attack.
"Well, I won't do it. I won't!" Lainie turned away, despair taking the conviction out of her voice. "All I want from you is a simple yes or no. Either you will help me or you won't."
"But that's not all I want from you," Rad murmured softly. The strange statement brought Lainie's head around so that she was looking at Rad over her shoulder. There was an unidentifiable gleam in his eyes that brought a breathlessness to her. The glittering light seemed to be born of anger and cruelty, but there was something else there, too, and it was that that held her mesmerized. His hand reached out and twined a lock of her hair in his fingers.
"If…if it's collateral-" Lainie's voice was a husky whisper. "I could arrange to sign over the house to you."
A mirthless chuckle escaped Rad's lips. "That wouldn't begin to cover your debts. I'll help you, Lainie…."
The sentence hung unfinished in the air. Lainie turned around to face him, a hint of relief in her eyes. Then the possessive way he was looking at her and his unfinished words brought a tightening in her stomach muscles. His gaze was drawing her into its unfathomable depths. She had to lower her eyes to escape it, although his magnetism, still drew her closer.
The black curling hairs on his chest were revealed by the open neckline of his shirt, evoking a desire in Lainie to slip her hands under the silk shirt and feel the warmth of his skin and the hardness of his muscles as she had done so long ago. It was a heady thought, one that sent her reeling backward, away from him. The distance was still only inches.
"What do you want from me, then?" The question was really a plea to be released from her over-awareness of him.
"I want back what has always been mine. What I already bought and paid for once. Fool that I am, I'm paying again." His words were clipped and harsh. Yet when Lainie glanced up, he was calmly studying the lock of her hair in his hand. Feeling her startled eyes on his face, Rad turned his thoughtful and determined gaze on her. "I want you, Lainie."
She stepped backward, twisting her head to remove her hair from his grasp. "It's absurd!" she breathed, blinking up at him with rounded eyes. Her statement seemed to amuse him.
"You are still legally my wife," Rad pointed out. "All I'm asking is that you take up those duties once more."
The idea was ludicrous, Lainie thought wildly. She should reject it out of hand. Why was she hesitating? Why didn't she speak up? Why didn't she say she would never agree to those kind of conditions?
"And in return you'll-" Was that really her voice speaking so calmly?
"I'll pay all your debts and any future costs due to your mother's illness." He watched the conflicting emotions flit across Lainie's face.
The knowledge that Rad had all the cooks, housekeepers, and servants that he could possibly want left only one position for her to fill. Lainie had never realized he regarded her with such contempt. How could he be so cruel, she wondered. The tears overflowed her eyes.
"No!" Her voice was choked but clear.
"Don't try to convince me that you find me repulsive." Rad reached out, grasping her wrist and pulling her toward him so that her hands with their curling fingers were resting against his chest. "You tremble like a frightened kitten in my arms, but you'll just as quickly purr."
That was a fact that she knew too well to be true, and it made her much too vulnerable. "Have you suddenly grown tired of Sondra?" Lainie lashed out with the only weapon she had left, a spiteful tongue.
But Rad seemed to expect it. His dark eyes danced with devilish mischief. "Sondra has always been very satisfactory-in every respect."
"Then why do you want me?" she moaned, feeling a surge of old jealousy quake through her.
"Isn't it obvious?" A muscle at the corner of his mouth twitched involuntarily. "I still find you desirable."
"Oh, Rad," she murmured, gazing beseechingly into his face. "Do you hate me that much, that you would degrade me in that way?"
"Surely it's a more inviting a proposition than selling yourself in the streets," he jeered. He tightened his hold when she would have pulled away in shame.
"You know I never meant that," she whispered, hanging her head.
"Of course. I know also part of you wants to be my wife again."
"No!" Her whispered protest was accompanied by the horrifying discovery that what he said was true.
She was crushed tightly against his chest. His shirt cast a rippling sheen over his muscles. The blood pounded in her head as she fought to control the urge to put her hands around his neck and bury her face in his arms in submission. The longing was intense; she closed her eyes to block it out. Brief seconds flitted past while his gaze studied her frightened face, then he released her swiftly and stepped away, snapping a lighter to his cigarette.
"That's my offer. Take it or leave it." His back remained turned to her as he spoke. He didn't glance around to see her reaction. Instead he picked up his empty glass and walked to the bar.
Lainie watched him as he refilled his glass and gulped it down. Her mind decreed that she was glad he had walked away, but her traitorous heart was crying. She was torn in two; one part of her was inflicting darts in the broad back covered by his silk shirt, while the other part wanted to rush over and throw her arms around him. What a fool she had been not to accept his previous offer! But that refusal had been dictated by her pride. Now need had replaced pride. What frightened Lainie now was that this need for Rad had nothing to do with her mother. She still loved him. And she was beginning to wonder if she had ever stopped.
"For how long?" From out of her chaotic thoughts came the calmly worded question.
Rad poured himself another drink, turned to lean against the bar, and regarded her cynically, the glass in his hand. There was a raking thoroughness in his gaze that seemed to strip away all her carefully erected barriers. She wanted no time limit, no set day when she would be forced to renounce her love for him. Judging by the frown gathering on his forehead, her question was posing a problem to him.
"When I tire of you, I suppose."
"When will that be day, a week, a month, a year?" Pain etched bitter edges to her words.
"Would you prefer that I use the day of your mother's funeral as the termination of our agreement?" Rad sneered. "That might be appropriate. Since you're sacrificing yourself on her behalf. Then you could rejoice at being released from two tyrants."
Lainie flinched as the cruelty of his tongue lashed out at her. "That's unfair!" she breathed.
"Unfair! I'm keeping the width of a room between us while you make up your mind." Lainie turned away under his contemptuous glance. "I could have taken advantage of you a minute ago. All I had to do was kiss you a few times, murmur the right things in your ear, and you would have resisted me just long enough to sweeten your submission. That was what you wanted me to do, to make it easy for you to agree to my demands so
that later you could throw it up in my face that I'd seduced you. If you agree to stay with me, it won't be due to any physical influence from me." Rad paused, his evenly measured gaze holding Lainie's. "So what's it going to be? Do you stay or do I call a cab?"
Lainie had to admit that he was right. A few minutes ago, if he had begun making love to her she would have agreed to anything and never been sure that the decision was her own. Now of her own free will she knew she wanted to go back to Rad. But he had stated his case so coldly and callously that she didn't know if she could.
"You make it sound so cheap and degrading." She made a small half turn away from him, lifting her blurred eyes toward the unseen heavens.
"Are you agreeing?" Rad's voice came from only a few feet away.
"God help me, yes!" There was a choked sob in her voice as she wondered what kind of purgatory she was committing herself to.
The touch of his hand upon her shoulders was light but firm as he gently turned her around toward him. She refused to lift her gaze and see the triumphant, glitter in his eyes. Yet when his hand cupped her chin and forced her to look up into his face, she found herself staring into two dark pools of still water that were etched with tenderness.
"I will not degrade you," he said quietly. "You're the only woman I ever wanted as my wife and you will receive the honor and respect of that position.
He slowly folded her into his arms, his hand entangling itself in the thickness of her dark hair. Lainie wished he had spoken of a love he had once felt for her, but she had to be satisfied with his handing her back a little of her dignity. Rad held her tightly against him until some of her rigidity faded away and the warmth of his body had melted the coldness that had surrounded her heart. Lainie didn't resist when his mouth moved down over her hair, her closed eyes, to settle on her lips. Her hands even managed to encircle his neck and cling to him with bittersweet urgency as he lifted her off her feet and carried her into his bedroom.
There was a fleeting glimpse of rich royal blue draperies contrasting with the white carpet before Rad snapped the light out. He paused beside the bed, still holding her in his arms, his expression as he gazed at her unreadable in the darkness. He set her gently on the dark-colored bedspread. Very faintly she heard him murmur her name before he joined her.
THE SATIN SHEETS felt smooth to her skin and Lainie snuggled deeply into this unaccustomed luxury. Then the faint aroma of a man's cologne drifted past her nose. She blinked herself awake and the knowledge of where she was came back to her. Her eyes immediately went to the empty space beside her and the hollow place on the next pillow where Rad's head had lain. She reached out and touched the smooth sheet beside her, remembering the feeling of being whole again that she felt last night. She rolled over on her back, stretching her arms above her head, and studied this room that belonged to her and her husband alone. Her toes curled at the thought.
Again the walls were in white, as was the carpeting, but this time there were vivid splashes of blue that added vitality and zest to the room.
But nothing could match the zest that had come into her own life. Loving someone breathed a whole new life into her body. Her senses were heightened, freed of previous dullness and apathy. Her mind was more aware of the wonderful things in life, the precious beautiful things that you cherish rather than possess. But most of all, her heart was fulfilled and happy.
The hands on the clock on the dresser said it was half-past eight. Lainie wondered where Rad was, hoping he hadn't left for his office. His lovemaking last night had told her he wasn't totally immune to her. She had grown up a great deal since their last disastrous attempt to make their marriage work, and now she knew she had outgrown the childish possessiveness that had ruined it before. Perhaps if she tried this time to show that she was an understanding and loving woman, she would be able to win Rad's love…
A knock on the door interrupted her musings. Assuming it was Rad, she quickly rearranged her pillow, leaning against the back of the bed and pulling the covers closer around her chest. Her voice was eager as she bade the person to enter. But the door was opened by a woman in her late forties; a crisply starched green dress covered her stout figure and she regarded Lainie with a briskly intimidating expression on her face. She marched on into the room, carrying a tray.
"Mr. MacLeod thought you'd like breakfast." The words were snappish, plainly indicating that the woman was on the offensive. "It's not normally my duties to see that breakfasts are served in bed."
"I don't normally care for breakfast in bed." Lainie soothed the housekeeper's ruffled feathers. "But it was terribly thoughtful of Rad to suggest it. Would you put the tray over on the table by the window?"
There was a derisive sniff by the housekeeper, which brought a smile to Lainie's lips. This household wasn't accustomed to having a woman around, she realized. The servants were not likely to take kindly to a woman who appeared out of the blue, declaring herself to be Mrs. MacLeod. She would have to tread lightly at first.
"I don't know your name," she said as the housekeeper was about to leave the room.
"It's Mrs. Dudley," the woman retorted.
"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Dudley," Lainie smiled. The woman nodded and reached for the doorknob. "Has my-has Rad left for the office?"
"No, ma'am." Mrs. Dudley's eyes glinted at her brightly. "Miss Gilbert arrived a little before eight. He's in the den with her now
With that the woman left the room. Lainie felt a cloud gathering over her head. A light blue satin robe lay on a nearby chair. By the size of it, it belonged to Rad. Lainie reached out from beneath the covers and drew it toward her. She slipped into it quickly, rolling up the sleeves that tried to cover her hands. She walked around the bed to the table where the breakfast tray sat. Brushing her long hair behind her ears, she poured herself a cup of coffee, ignoring the eggs, bacon and muffins on the gold-rimmed china plate. She lifted the cup to her mouth in an involuntary movement while holding back the knobby linen curtain of blue and looking out at the city below.
The moment of elation had passed. Lainie was once more Rad's wife, but the old obstacles were still there, including Sondra Gilbert. The break in her heart that she thought had been mended by Rad's tenderly ardent lovemaking seemed to have broken open again. Nothing was as simple as she had painted it earlier. True, she was more understanding, more cognizant of the demands Rad's business placed on him, and more adult when it came to dealing with a relationship between them. The city with all its tall buildings and concrete roads stared back at her, exposing the harsh realities. If only she could understand why Rad had wanted her back! If it were only for physical satisfaction, then was there really much chance that she would be able to make their marriage last? What would happen if he tired of her?
"Good morning. Mrs. Dudley told me you were up."
Lainie looked over her shoulder as Rad entered the room. Not more than ten minutes ago she would have run to greet him. Now, as she stared at the imposing figure in the dark business suit, she feared the rejection that such a gesture might bring into his eyes.
"Good morning," she murmured in return. Her bland response brought a questioning look in his dark eyes.
Lainie turned back to the window, sipping her coffee rather than let his eyes probe into her momentarily confused emotions. Rad walked around the bed and paused in front of the table where Lainie's breakfast tray sat.
"Your food is getting cold."
"I don't really have much of an appetite this morning." Her stilted words betrayed her uncertainty about their new relationship.
This was getting her nowhere. They were ex- polite conversation like two strangers. Lainie let the curtain fall back, shutting out the city.
"Rad, why did you want me back?" The question that had been uppermost in her mind was blurted out without conscious effort.
"Why do you think?" His voice came back sharply.
"I don't know." Lainie's eyes blurred as she stared at the coffee cup in her hand. "Maybe you wanted
revenge for that girl you married who hadn't grown into a woman. I know I hurt and disappointed you all those years ago. I also know that physically you still want me." Her voice trembled and she tried to steel herself to remain composed. "And I'm not totally immune to you, either."
She wished she hadn't turned and looked at Rad's face. It possessed the unfeeling coldness of stone.
"But let me finish it for you," Rad inserted sharply. "What better method of revenge than to take you back as my wife and subject you to the humiliation of being in my debt?"
"Is that really the reason?" Her gaze begged him to deny it.
"You're a very clever girl, Lainie, to figure it out all by yourself." There was no mistaking the sarcastic sneer in his voice. "What other reason could there have been? I suppose I could have been so desperately in love with you that I wanted you back under any circumstances."
"But you never were in love with me," Lainie admitted unwillingly.
"No, I never was, was I?" His cold agreement lacerated her heart. "Now that we've aired all these unpleasantnesses, shall we get down to business?"
"Business?" Lainie echoed, cocking her head to one side in bewilderment.
"Yes, business," Rad snapped. "Sondra was over this morning so I could give her a list of the creditors who were to receive payment. Here it is." He passed a sheet of paper to her. "See if we've missed anyone."
Lainie accepted the paper with sort of a dazed look on her face.
"Naturally Sondra's first stop will be the hospital. I believe there was a question as to whether or not your mother could afford a private room."
With a trembling hand Lainie handed him back the paper. She wished she had never brought up the subject of why she was back with him. For one ridiculous moment she had thought it was for a reason other than the one he had stated. But Rad had let her know that affection had not been a part of his decision. She felt his eyes stray over the blue dressing gown she wore. Her pale cheeks filled with color as his gaze lingered on the low V neckline where the cleavage of her breasts was visible.
"The next thing on the agenda," he went on, "is to take you to your home where you can pick up some of your things."