by Alexis Anne
For a man who lived his entire life for the game, that had to be a gaping hole in his life. I knew if my dad had given up the game even earlier than he already had he would have been completely lost.
“But there are also no more injuries, no more threats to be sent back to the minors, no triple headers . . . ”
“You know I loved that crap,” he chuckled.
“Hey, I was trying to be helpful.” I sucked in a breath as his finger snagged mine.
“Give me a second chance,” he whispered.
I swallowed. My heart stopped then started, beating even harder. “I don’t think I’ll survive you twice, Roman.”
“You won’t have to. We’re going to get it right this time.”
“What makes you so sure?” I barely got the words out. My voice was even quieter than his whisper.
He searched my eyes. “Faith.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Faith? Like you found religion?”
He shook his head slowly, a smile pulling up on his lips. “Not exactly. More like, I found confidence in my own hopes and dreams. The only thing I believed in growing up was that my father got what my father wanted. There was no tide strong enough to change the inevitable so I always went along with the tide. I knew I wanted a different life but I didn’t have faith in myself.” He paused and held my hand tighter. “I didn’t have faith in us. But I do now. I believe we have everything we need make an amazing life together. The only thing stopping us is . . . us.”
“You make it sound simple.” I sat back in my chair, trying to put some much needed distance between his confidence and my doubts.
“It’s not. I know it’s not. But it doesn’t have to be complicated, either.” He cocked an eyebrow and settled his large hands flat on the white tablecloth.
I studied those hands that had memorized my body—knew how to bend and mold me until I came apart. “You’re speaking in riddles.”
“We are a riddle.”
“That’s the truth,” I muttered.
“But the thing about riddles? There’s always an answer.”
“And not being complicated is our answer?”
“Yes.”
I groaned. “I don’t understand.”
“Before? We were looking at this all wrong. We gave all the power to our parents. How do we make this work while making them happy, right?”
I nodded. “Yes, that’s the general idea.”
“Wrong. Their feud is their problem. Our relationship is ours. If we focus on what we need, what we want, then the onus is on them to get with the program, not the other way around.”
He had lost his damn mind. That was the only possible explanation for the crazy coming out of his—admittedly handsome—mouth. I threw out my hands. “What?”
But that only made him grin. Then he stood up to move his chair around the side of the table, closer to me. His knees brushed against mine as he took my hands in his. “We’re not kids anymore, babe. We love our families and we don’t want to upset them but . . . they’re destroying us. That’s not something I’m willing to allow any longer. If you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you, then let’s be together.” He took my right hand and held it over his heart. His suit was surprisingly soft and warm under my palm. “This is the simple part. My heart wants you. My body wants you. I miss my friend. We work, June. Together, we were an unstoppable force. We need to see what happens when we’re together with clear heads and a little more maturity. And if what we want is a future together, then we need to put the burden on our families to figure out how to deal with it.”
I stared at my hand inside his, firm against his thudding heart. I knew he was nervous and excited because I could feel it. “This is insane.” And yet it wasn’t. It was beautifully clear even if it was incredibly complicated.
“Maybe,” he agreed. “But it’s a good kind of insane. For the first time I finally feel like things are right.”
“Have you thought about this? Planned out the next ten steps?”
He dipped down and caught my gaze. “I’m tired of the games and the planning. I’m not going to live my life based on what ifs. I live in the present and I’d love for you join me.”
It was tempting. Forget everything except him. When I stepped away from my life and focused solely on me, things were so much clearer. Did I like my life? Yes, but I wanted more. I loved my job but I didn’t want it to be my everything. I loved my family but they didn’t keep my warm at night. Roman understood me from day one and I’d been attracted to him just as long. I was making myself miserable trying to fit into a mold I didn’t create.
Maybe it was time to stop trying.
What had he just said? It was time to live in the present? Living in the present meant letting everything else go.
So I did exactly that. I followed my instinct. “Come with me.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Where?”
“To my room.”
Then his eyes darkened. “June,” he growled. “I didn’t do all this to jump into bed with you.”
That wasn’t exactly what I meant. “You don’t want to have sex with me?” I batted my lashes. I was willing to be bet all the chips I had left in my clutch that Roman had a hard-on hidden in his suit pants.
“That’s not the point,” he gritted out between clenched teeth. “You know full well that I always want you.” He let out a slow, labored breath. “But what I want even more . . . is do this right. I don’t want another fling. I want forever.”
I wanted it to, but at the moment the idea of a forever filled with fights and family that hated me was too overwhelming. What I needed was now.
“I can’t give you forever,” I said carefully, trying to be clear while also not losing what little sense of control I had left. “Not yet.” Then I stood. “What I can give you is a night. Whether we sit up and talk until dawn, go our separate ways after five minutes, or kiss all night, is up to us.”
His eyes slowly raked up my dress, lingered on my lips, then up to lock with mine. “One night?”
“You said once that one kiss wouldn’t be enough, can one night be enough, if that’s all I have to give?”
He swallowed hard, his hands clutching the table. “No,” he croaked.
“You want to live in the present?” I whispered, coming close enough to press my body into his, to whisper in his ear where I knew he was sensitive. “I can’t guarantee anything. I refuse to make you a promise I don’t know I can keep. What I want is to escape from everything. With you. The way we used to.”
He turned his head so that our lips were practically touching. His soft breath puffed against my skin. “And if all I have to offer is my witty conversation? Is that enough?”
This time it was me that was swallowing and gripping his chair to stay steady. A night of talking to my best friend wasn’t nearly enough, but it would do.
Not that I believed for a second that our clothes were going to stay on much longer.
“Roman, didn’t you know?”
His eyes darkened. “Know what?”
“You were always enough.”
14
“Dammit! Why isn’t this stupid phone app working?” Roman groaned as he waved his phone in front of the door. His other hand was wrapped firmly around my waist and I was pressed up against the wall with his strong body molded to mine.
We hadn’t kissed . . . yet.
But the elevator ride up to the twentieth floor of the Bellagio had been filled with awareness and the walk down the hallway ended with this almost-kiss as he tried to open his hotel room door.
“Here,” I offered, reaching for the phone. “Let me try.” It was entirely possible his shaking hands were the problem.
He handed me the phone and I closed the app, then reopened it. This time the lock clicked immediately.
“Fucking finally,” he whispered, shoving the door open and whisking me inside.
His room was different than ours. Instead of a common room with two separate b
edrooms, Roman’s room had a sitting room that led into a separate bedroom. It was very nice and would allow us a chance to talk without a bed staring us in the face.
Because if his shaking hands told me anything, it was that we needed to do that first. “May I have a drink?”
He finished shrugging out of his suit jacket. “All I have is a bottle of bourbon, but I could call down for a bottle of wine if you prefer?”
“Ice?”
“I have ice.”
“Then bourbon will do nicely.”
He grunted a sound of approval and crossed over to the little bar. Ice clinked into the glasses.
“Do I make you nervous?”
He paused, then finished pouring. One with ice, one without. “You always make me nervous.” He turned and handed me a drink. “To us.”
“To us,” I repeated, clinking my glass against his. “Why do I make you nervous?”
His eyes watched me as I took a long drag of the liquor. “Because I want us to work.”
“And you think sex will screw that up?”
“No,” he shook his head slowly. “I just don’t want it to get in the way of everything else.”
“Forever?”
He shot back his entire glass of bourbon and set the glass down with a thud. “Getting it right,” he corrected. “Forever involves a lot more than a good idea.”
He really had thought this through. “Enlighten me.” I made myself comfortable on the little couch, kicking off my heels and tucking my feet underneath me.
He came around and sat on the coffee table. “For one, we need to be on the same page or nothing works.”
“And you want forever?” I asked again. I needed to be clear on this point in particular. Going into a doomed relationship with someone ready to go into battle alongside you was very different from crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.
“You’re it for me,” he said carefully. “I know we’ve probably both changed a lot in the last five years and it will take some time to get to know each other again, but to me? Those are just details.”
“And what if we discover that underneath the five year old conversations and great sex we’re actually incredibly incompatible?” What if he left his dirty underwear on the bed or never brushed his teeth? There were a million things that we didn’t know about each other. Being with someone all the time, for decades, meant we needed to be more than friends and lovers. We needed to be roommates.
His eyes danced with delight. “Do you eat in bed and forget to put gas in the car? Because those are both deal breakers for me.”
I feigned shock. “Put gas in the car? Why would I do that?”
“See? We’re compatible. We’ll work out the other details.”
“Even after all these years you make me crazy.” I finished my drink and set it on the side table.
“Crazy good or crazy bad?”
“Both.” I inched closer and returned my feet to the floor between his knees. “You make me crazy because you’re talking about forever with someone you barely know.”
He stopped me in my tracks with a kiss. His hands rested lightly on my bare knees as his lips gently coaxed one, two, three kisses from me. “I know you.”
“No you don’t,” I whispered against his lips as I stole a fourth.
“Yes I do. I know everything that matters.” He tilted his head to the right and kissed me deeper, his lips parting mine, but stopping short of anything more. “I know that you think with this,” he touched my bare skin just above my dress, where my heart beat wildly inside my chest, “just as much as you think with this,” he gently ran the same finger over my temple, all while staring deeply into my eyes. “And I know that the fight between the two is what makes you so special.”
He sat back and waited for my response but I was too surprised to say anything. Instead I stared back at his steady, confident gaze and remembered exactly how happy I was when I was with Roman.
Happy because when I was with him I never had to pretend to be anything. I was just June when I was with him. Confused, sure, but also blissfully content. He took me however I was on any given day and didn’t ask for me to be any different. And I hadn’t felt this kind of peace since the last time we were together.
I missed it desperately.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
His eyes widened and then locked on my lips a split second before he took my face in his hands and kissed me. His fingers wove into my hair as his warm palms guided my lips into a perfect lock with his. The world slipped away. His nose ran along mine, his lips were soft and coaxing, and his tongue . . . oh how he carefully unlocked years of missed kisses.
And suddenly it wasn’t enough to be kissing. Oh no. I needed so much more.
But instead of following my nudges Roman pulled back, placing one last kiss on my forehead. “Was that what you wanted?” He still held my face in his hands.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Why? Dear lord, he really did want to know everything. I took a steadying breath. “Because you hold me together when all I want to do is fly apart.”
He made a strangled sound in the back of his throat and closed his eyes, dropping his forehead against mine. “This is exactly why we belong together, babe. You do the same thing for me.”
I whimpered. Hearing that was the best thing in the whole world. Knowing that Roman needed me the way I needed him meant that this uncontrollable feeling wasn’t just me making an impulsive, needy decision.
It was more.
I crawled into his lap, my dress sliding up to my hips as I rested my knees on either side of his and took his face in my hands. “I’m going to kiss you,” I murmured a split second before I ground my hips against his hard-on and kissed him with everything I had. It was a full body kiss. I used everything in my arsenal from my fingers to my knees, pressing my breasts up against his chest, and locking my fists in his hair.
He responded in kind, wrapping his strong arms around my body to hold me steady. He rocked his hips and the contact was enough to take my breath away. I broke the kiss, gasping for air.
“I can’t think,” he groaned.
“That’s exactly what I want.” I brushed my lips along his jaw. “I don’t want to think anymore. I’m too confused. But this? I understand this.”
He lifted me off his lap and turned me sideways, then stood up with me cradled in his arms. “Then let’s start at the beginning.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Really?” I probably sounded a little more hopeful than was necessary, but come on. We were both clearly ready to have sex and considering how good we’d always been together it was a crime to wait any longer.
“Yes,” he practically growled as he stormed into the bedroom. “I will happily remind you of what’s at stake.” He tossed me lightly onto the bed and began stripping out of his tie. “This is undeniable. Maybe,” he yanked the tie free of his collar and began unbuttoning his shirt with so much force I was afraid he was going to lose buttons, “if we start at the one place we both can agree is clearly already perfect, I can get you to start talking about the rest.”
“Work our way out from the center?” I rolled onto my side so I could better enjoy seeing his body revealed to me one inch at a time.
“Something like that.” The shirt fell away and the white undershirt went next.
Sweet Jesus I’d forgotten just how much I loved his body. It was as if it were made just for me. Roman was made up of all my favorite parts. Broad, strong shoulders, a long torso, and hips made for wrapping my legs around.
“Careful.”
My eyes snapped up to his. I arched a sassy eyebrow. “Or what?”
“Or I’ll put my shirt back on.”
I frowned. He was so damn determined to set us on the right track that he was almost no fun.
Almost.
He was also being incredibly sweet.
With his pants still on, he kneed onto the bed, forcing me onto my back. “I’l
l make you a deal. We explore our chemistry first,” he trapped my legs inside his, “we work out what we know, then we talk about what scares us.” He dropped a kiss onto my neck. “With much cooler heads and calm bodies, maybe we can get somewhere good.”
“This is already good.”
He shot me another of his chastising looks. “I’m starting to think you’re using me.”
I was. And he knew I was. That was why he had that vague look of disappointment on his face. No one else would ever notice it but I knew it well. I knew all his expressions. They were the secret language of Roman and there were only two known speakers in the world.
And I wasn’t really using him. Not the way he meant. This wasn’t a quickie and I wouldn’t abandon him in the middle of the night. I was hot and needy for the way we were together and I was using it like a shield against all the “forevers” he kept talking about. Right now it was enough just to be with him.
“I’m not using you,” I slid my hands over his bare shoulders, watching as they moved up and down over his dips and valleys. “I’m thoroughly enjoying this moment.” I slid my fingers up his neck and into his hair. “If I start thinking too far into the future I’m going to have a panic attack.” I studied every feature of his face on my way up to his eyes. The scar near his right ear, the stubble on his chin, the straight line of his nose. And then those eyes. I sighed inwardly as I gave myself over to his attention. It was so intense that I always felt naked in front of him. “Just be with me.”
He nuzzled into my neck and rested his cheek against my chest, breathing me in. “I’m here.”
With him lying relatively still and, more importantly, no longer mentioning the big bad future, I was able to take advantage of this position and simply touch him. It was familiar and foreign all at the same time. “Your skin is soft,” I murmured into his hair.
He burrowed closer. “So is yours.”
Our bodies were touching but something bigger was happening. Our souls were reconnecting. Lying still like this was therapy. It gave me a chance to sink into the moment. His heavy body pressed into mine, reminding me that Roman was all man. Soft, strong, sexy man.