by Clare Kauter
“Now I’m back to square one.”
“Actually, we’re a little behind square one, because now you’re on the run from the law,” he said. “Hence my suggestion that we hide in the dungeons with the souls of the damned. No one is going to come looking for us there.”
I shook my head. “Bad idea.”
“Come on,” he said. “It’s not that scary. I was in there earlier.”
Furrowing my brow, I asked, “Seriously? Why?”
“I was going to question Krampus. Ask if he recognised that ritual. It seems like kind of his area.”
“Oh,” I said, secretly impressed. That seemed like exactly the kind of thing Krampus would know about. “What did he say?”
Ed sighed. “Nothing. He’s gone completely mad in there. Not that he was ever all that coherent, but now…”
Of course. What had I expected? Nothing had been going right for us so far. Why should anything change now?
“We can’t go into the dungeons, anyway,” I said. “They’re alarmed, so Satan will know if I’m there and if she gets angry I don’t trust her not to dob me in.”
“Fine. What do you suggest?”
“I think we have to go back.”
Ed frowned. “What, are you going to turn yourself in?”
“No. We’re going to steal Wolf Girl.”
He sighed. “Should I pretend I know what you’re talking about?”
“The girl they think I attacked. She might know who really assaulted her.”
“Right. Where is she?”
“At Satan’s.”
“So leave her there,” he said, throwing his hands up, palms facing the sky. “What use is she to us? She’ll be safe there, won’t she?”
“No,” I said. “Satan doesn’t care about her. The only reason she’s letting the girl stay there is because she’s filming a reality TV show and she wanted to look compassionate to encourage more people to come to Hell for a holiday.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. She has a whole advertising campaign in the works about taking the perfect Helliday.”
“She’s insane.”
I shrugged. “Anyway, my point is that she doesn’t care if Wolf Girl lives or dies.”
“Why do you?”
I gave him a look.
“Seriously,” he said. “You can still find her if she’s dead and ask who hurt her.”
“No, we can’t. Gnawlack’s soul was… weird when we tried to summon him. We couldn’t talk to him. Whoever is doing this is covering their tracks.”
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “His spirit couldn’t speak, and he was weirdly transparent, like he wasn’t really there. Like someone was hiding him. Then he disappeared.”
Ed stared at me in disbelief. “You mean he was clouded?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“And you couldn’t even break a clouding spell? Are you serious?”
My jaw dropped. Clouding spells weren’t exactly easy to break. The whole point of them was to go undetected. “What, do you think you could have broken it?”
“No, but you’re you. You saw through the clouding spell I put on my grave.” That was true. Back when I’d been investigating Ed’s murder (slash suicide), Ed had concealed evidence on his dead body with a clouding spell. Standing above his grave, I’d been able to sense that the energy in the coffin was muddled. It turned out that being able to detect a clouding spell was kind of a big deal.
“So maybe he wasn’t being clouded,” I said. “Death told me souls have been disappearing lately, and some of Satan’s demons have vanished.”
“You mean ones you didn’t murder?”
I glared at him. He shut up.
“My point is,” I said, ignoring him, “this might be connected to the ritual the murderer is performing.”
“If only we knew what that was.”
“Oh!” I said, realising I hadn’t told him what I’d found in the library before Dick had come crashing in, swinging his weight about. “I found it in one of the books!”
I explained the diagram I’d found and how the writing had been old and faded, but I’d managed to catch the word ‘king’.
Ed frowned, clearly lost in thought.
“What is it?” I asked, impatient to know what he was thinking.
“It doesn’t make any sense,” he said finally.
“What doesn’t?”
“If that ritual is meant to call up the king… This doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why not?”
Ed groaned loudly. “Really? You still haven’t figured it out?”
I threw my hands in the air. “Clearly not! Like you’ve said so many times, I’m a bit thick. Sorry it’s taking me so long to figure out whatever I’m meant to figure out about whatever it is I’m meant to figure it out about! How pathetic of me to think that this would be easier with a bit of help!”
Ed sighed. “I’m sorry.”
I glared at him.
“Really,” he said, “I am sorry. I know it must be frustrating for you as well. Anyway, how about you just trust me that the ritual calling up the king makes no sense and we move on? We need a plan, seeing as you don’t like the idea of going to the dungeons. At the moment we’re just standing out in the open here waiting to get caught.”
“I have a plan,” I said. “Steal Wolf Girl.”
“Why?”
“Because I think the murderer is going to try to finish her off, seeing as we thwarted his plan the first time. Maybe she will be able to tell us who attacked her.”
Ed glared at me. “You really think the best idea is to break into Satan’s house and kidnap the girl you’re suspected of trying to kill? You don’t think that maybe there’ll be someone guarding her? That The Department probably has Satan’s house surrounded while they wait for you to show up?”
“Maybe,” I said, “but we don’t have a better option.”
Ed stared at me in disbelief. “It’s going to make you look a billion times more guilty.”
“Well, unless you have a better plan –”
“I do, actually,” he said. “Watch and learn.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ed took his mobile phone from his pocket, swiped the screen a couple of times and then put the phone to his ear.
“Hey, Death,” he said. “Got a little favour to ask.”
I stared at him in disbelief for the entire duration of his conversation, unable to accept what I was seeing.
“You have Death’s number?” I said when he hung up.
“Of course,” said Ed. “I’m dead.”
“Why do you have his number? Do you guys, like, hang out on weekends?”
Ed shrugged. “Occasionally.”
I was flabbergasted. All the years I’d known Death and he hadn’t given me his number, yet in waltzes Ed and they’re best buddies in ten seconds. If I’d wanted to contact Death, I’d always had to smear my own blood on his front door, or ask Satan to summon him, or murder someone and wait by their body, and now I found out he’d had a mobile this whole time? Unbelievable. I bet he had Facebook as well. He probably followed Satan’s Hellhounds on Instagram.
“Anyway,” Ed said, “Death’s with the girl now, making sure no one attacks her. She’s still asleep, so she’s no good to us. Kidnapping her is unnecessary, and also just kind of a terrible plan.”
“Great, thanks,” I said flatly.
“Although it would have been nice to see Satan’s Hellhounds in person.”
I looked up at him sharply, wondering whether I’d accidentally spoken aloud earlier. “What?”
“I follow them on Instagram,” he said.
“Of course you do. Everyone does.”
“They’re adorable.”
“They’re not that cute!” I snapped.
Ed looked at me in horror.
“OK,” I said, “they are that cute. I’m just annoyed that you have the Grim Reaper’s number and I don’t.�
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He shrugged. “Well, at least that’s something to look forward to when The Department catches you and you’re executed for all the murders you didn’t commit.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “They’re not going to execute me.”
“Sure they’re not,” said Ed.
Oh, hell. They wouldn’t do that, would they? Rather than dwell on that thought, I tried to bring my mind back to the case at hand. “How about we try to clear my name so we don’t have to find out?”
“Good idea,” said Ed.
“We need to figure out who actually did it.”
“Yes, we do,” said Ed. “Any ideas on how we do that?”
I shook my head. “I felt like I was close to a breakthrough when I was looking at the books, but now I just don’t know. Nothing makes any sense.”
“Come back to my place.”
I glared at him. He put his hands up in front of him like I might shoot him.
“I didn’t mean – I have a few occult books back there that might be able to help us.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back to wherever you’re staying,” I said. “Anyone around here would sell you out for a bagel.”
“Of course, because we all know that ‘bagel’ is the official currency of Hell.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Fine,” he said. “How about we walk towards my place, and if we think of somewhere better on the way, we’ll head there instead.”
I frowned, unsure. It didn’t seem like a great idea. Dick had seen me with Ed, and although he didn’t know what Ed looked like, after seeing me use the stone it wouldn’t take a genius to put two and two together.
“Do people know where you live?”
Ed shook his head. “Of course they don’t, otherwise your friends would have knocked on my door and hauled me off to prison a long time ago.” He paused, waiting for my response. “Come on. It’s better than just standing out here in the open.”
I nodded slowly. “OK,” I said. “We’ll head to your place, but we need to think of somewhere better ASAP.”
“Sure,” he said. “Let’s just get moving.”
He took my hand again (slightly unnecessarily) and led me through the streets, weaving his way through the backstreets of Hell. He lived in one of the darker parts, where less moonlight filtered in between the buildings and more of the windows were boarded up. I suspected there were a few demons watching us from the shadows and a couple of times I could have sworn I saw something move out of the corner of my eye, but when I looked it was gone. This part of the city was creepy, but I doubted people around here were going to sell us out to the cops. At least not straight away.
Eventually we reached a building with an old wooden door that was a little too small for the doorway it covered. Thanks to the faint glow coming from Ed, I could see that it had a large, old-fashioned handle and a broken board in the bottom right corner.
“Got a key?” I whispered to Ed.
“Afraid not,” he said with an apologetic shrug.
“What do you mean –”
Then I felt him grab me with his ghostly powers again. Oh, great. There was no way to unlock the door, so we were going to walk through it. At least I could comfort myself with the knowledge that when we got inside I’d be able to vomit all over Ed’s most prized possessions.
Ed went through the door first, pulling me behind him. The sensation of being transported through something solid is akin to having a wave of nausea sweep your whole body while you’re being crushed between two large planks of wood. Thankfully the whole process only lasted a couple of seconds, because I didn’t know if I’d be able to stand it any longer.
“That was fucking terrible,” I said when we made it to the other side and I’d already heaved a couple of times. (Unfortunately, as much as I’d wanted to trash Ed’s place, nothing had come up since it had been so long since I’d eaten.) “Just get a key like a normal person.”
“It’s a security thing,” Ed explained. “Only ghosts – or people accompanied by ghosts – can get in here. Keeps me a little safer from The Department.”
I kept breathing deeply, trying to calm my stomach. Ed’s explanation made sense, but that didn’t mean I thought it was a good idea. At least not as far as bringing friends over was concerned. Straightening up, I looked around the room. This place was small – possibly even smaller than my shack. There was a simple kitchen setup along the wall to my left, a staircase directly in front of me that I supposed led to Ed’s bedroom and bathroom, and a television and lounge set on the right side of the room. Near the lounge sat an armchair, next to which a bookcase was situated. Bingo.
I headed for the shelf, ready to start researching. Scanning the spines, though, I soon became disappointed. I knew all of these books, and none of them contained any relevant information. More importantly, none of them was the book I’d been looking at in the library. I sighed and plonked into the chair.
“I think we may have hit a wall with your books,” I said to Ed as he sat on his faded green lounge.
“Not what you’re looking for?”
“Not even close,” I said. We were silent for a moment. “What now?” I asked eventually.
“How about we come up with a list of suspects?” Ed suggested. “That seems like a good place to start.”
I nodded. He did have a point. “Um, OK,” I said. “Well, there’s the film crew that caught Dick finding the body.”
Ed frowned. “Really? You think three normals would have decided to perform a ritual sacrifice while making a documentary on Satan?”
I shrugged. “We know they were in the area when it happened,” I said. “Plus, it definitely adds a layer of intrigue to the film. Maybe they’re really committed to their art.”
Ed tilted his head to the side and then nodded. “OK, they can go in the ‘Maybe, but probably not’ pile. Who else?”
I thought. “There was a really mean werewolf named Alfonse who was at the goblin bar brawling. He went to school with Henry, and he definitely seemed the type.”
Ed rolled his eyes. “Let me guess – he bullied Henry at school and now you want to lock him away for life.”
“Once a meanie, always a meanie.”
“Right,” said Ed. “He can go in the unlikely pile as well.”
“Wait,” I said. “You shouldn’t discount him just because I don’t like him. He’s a wolf. He could have attacked Gnawlack and eaten his eyes. Plus he’s a creature of the night, which means he could have seen that book in the library.”
Ed thought for a moment before nodding. “OK, he’s been upgraded to ‘Maybe’, but not because he bullied Henry and thus deserves to die for his sins.”
I ignored him. “Then there’s Bogalon, the goblin who was Gnawlack’s second in chief. Maybe he wanted to take over the gang. He could have gotten up to the third floor of the library too.”
Ed nodded. “OK, so we have three suspects. Anyone else you can think of?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
Ed exhaled loudly. Obviously he was just doing it for effect, since he didn’t actually need to breathe. “There is another person we know was in the area at the time of the murder.”
I rolled my eyes. “I am not a suspect.”
“Not you,” said Ed. “Henry.”
I scoffed. “Right, sure.”
“I’m serious.”
“Henry didn’t murder anyone.”
“I know you’re blinded by your weird wish to adopt him as your pet, but it makes sense.”
“In what way?” I couldn’t believe Ed was actually coming up with this stuff.
“He used to work for The Department. He knows about the stone and probably about the companions as well. He’d be able to fake those wolf tooth marks on Gnawlack by shifting into a wolf. Maybe he was trying to set up that guy he hates from school.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“He was the one who got Dick released, remember?
Maybe he was still hoping his old nemesis would take the fall. We know he doesn’t like wolves, so it’s entirely possible he attacked that girl. He’d know about goblin poison with his training,” Ed pointed out. “Plus his clouding spells are cracking, which says to me that he’s been involved with some pretty heavy magic lately. I can’t imagine what else would be bringing them undone.”
I shook my head, but I could no longer form words. Surely it couldn’t be true. Henry wouldn’t have done that. He wouldn’t have let me be arrested for his crimes.
“No,” I said finally. “Why would he have come after me tonight if he’d been trying to set up the wolf guy?”
Ed shrugged. “Maybe he thought you were getting too close. You said the others saw you looking at that spell book. Maybe he got worried and decided you needed to go down before you found him out.”
I was silent.
“This is all just conjecture, of course,” Ed said.
“Of course.”
“But there’s definitely reason to suspect him.”
I nodded slowly. Ed was right – there was reason to suspect him.
“We need to find out more about that ritual,” I said eventually. “If we can figure out what the murderer – whoever it is – is planning, maybe we can find out what they’ll do next. Then we could get a tip to Daisy or Hecate through the Reaper, and they could catch whoever it was in the act.”
Ed nodded. “Good idea,” he said. “How do we do that?”
I bit my lip. “I have a plan.”
“Oh dear.”
“It may be even worse than my last one.”
Ed grimaced. “Surely that’s not possible.”
I took a deep breath. Then I proved him wrong. “We need to get back to Australia.”
“And do what? They’ll know as soon as we leave Hell, and it’s a lot harder to hide back on earth. You think they won’t check your house?”
“We’re not going to my house.”
Ed looked relieved. “Good, I was starting to think you were completely insane.”
“I need a copy of the book I found in Satan’s library.”
Ed frowned. “And you know where one is?”
“I think we might be able to get a copy from the bookshop in Gretchen.”