Pitfall (5) (The Underground Kingdom)

by Steve Elliott

  Human – art, music, literature. 3 points.

  Fairy – music, incredible architecture. 2 points, but two big points. Fairy music and buildings were amazing.

  Okay, add up the points:

  Human – 14

  Fairy – 14

  Hmmm, a tie. Balanced at every turn. But if you threw in Thorn and Tracey as wild cards, the fairy score becomes infinite. Maybe I should try the negatives.

  Human – TV news (so depressing), Reality TV shows (vampire-like: as soon as you dispose of one, it mysteriously regenerates itself into another form). Minus 2 points.

  Fairy – nearly getting myself killed on various occasions. Minus 1 point.

  Human – politicians. Minus 1,000,000 (sorry, my prejudices causing me to be carried away there). Minus 1point

  Fairy – lack of sunlit open spaces, no parks. Minus 2

  Human – crowded cities, incessant wars, famine, and terrorism. Minus 4.

  Fairy – hmm, can’t think of any more.

  Totals:

  Human – minus 7

  Fairy – minus 3

  A clear winner there. The fairies streak to the finish line, way ahead of the opposition. The crowd goes wild! Yah! Fairies! Fairies! Fairies! But is it enough? Does the score allow me to spend the majority of my time underground with a clear conscience? After all, I am a human. Not a prime specimen admittedly, but still a paid-up, card-carrying member of the organization. I owed my heritage something, and I should be contributing to the overall welfare of the race. I wasn’t quite sure how, but I felt that I needed to. Hmmm, a veritable dilemma of mammoth proportions. To fairy or not to fairy; that is the question …….

  Chapter 21

  I spent the next hour dithering around, endeavoring to answer the questions that haunted me. Thorn and Tracey would be wondering what had happened to me if I didn’t go back soon. Should I even go back at all? The idea seemed heresy, but it wormed itself inside my brain like some sort of brain-worming …… um, worm. I was a human, damn it, and the fairies, goblins, dwarfs and elves weren’t! What did I owe them? They weren’t human ……. Well, maybe they were. Perhaps they were simply variations of a human theme. Luckily, that earlier, half-formed, self-righteous bigotry of mine faded away as soon as it had appeared. Hell, Nix, Phil and Trix were my friends! Thorn and Tracey were my lovers! That, in itself, should override any objections to my underground visits. So, in conclusion, I’d settle for a majority of my time as a fairy (fairies) with occasional visits back to the human world for work and to keep myself alive.

  Having arrived at some sort of a decision, much to my relief, I settled back on my bed and activated Phil’s transfer device, awaking to my usual double vision of the two clones.

  “Where are you been, Stephen?” Tracey asked, anxiously. “I started to worry.”

  “Sorry about that,” I consoled, blinking to clear my sight. “I was thinking my way through some moral issues.”

  “For instance?” Thorn asked in a quiet voice. “Is it something that concerns us?”

  “Sort of,” I hedged, uneasily. “I was trying to determine how to divide my life between here and the surface world.”

  “And your decision?” Thorn wanted to know, a slight catch in her voice. “Do you want to be with Traculimna and me, or would you rather spend your life in the outside world with your own kind?”

  “You're thinking of leaving us?” Tracey gasped in horror, her hand over her mouth.

  “Of course not,” I hastily replied. “I love you both too much to do that. I'm in a pickle, that's all.”

  “You're a vegetable?” Thorn questioned, puzzled.

  “I have a dilemma,” I clarified. “I have a life in the outside world as a human. Granted, it's not much of a life, but it's there. On the other hand, this, right here, is where I want to be. Do you see what I'm trying to say?”

  “I do,” Thorn replied, slowly. “You're a person of two worlds and it must be difficult to reconcile them. Have you decided anything, then?”

  I looked up into the anxious faces of the two people I loved above all else. Had I decided anything? Surely I'd be all kinds of a fool to give up my present situation. At this very moment I was the recipient of the love of two beautiful females; an exciting and honored life in the fairy settlement; aspects of a new life to explore every day; untold future adventures in an unknown world and, not to be too crude about it, the enjoyment of the bedtime antics of two of the most gorgeous women I'd ever seen.

  Hey, sorry if you’re offended by that last one, but, after all, I am a male, and that sort of thing is always a compelling argument for my gender. Ask anyone of the masculine persuasion. They’ll back me enthusiastically on that last one, believe me.

  “Well?” questioned Thorn. “You're taking a long time to answer, Stephen, and I have to say that it's making me a little nervous.”

  I sat up, carefully stood on my feet, and reached out for my respective love partners. “No one can be sure about anything in this life,” I simultaneously told them both, “but one almost-certainty is that I will never leave you, come what may. My one desire is to spend as much time as possible here with you, and that's what I'm going to do. I'll still need to occasionally return to the surface world, but I'll make that trip as short as possible. I may be human, and a different species, but my heart is fairy and it belongs with you. There's an old human saying: Home is where the heart is, and therefore, my home is right here.”

  In response, Thorn and Tracey fell into my arms, and, if ever you're looking for me, try the underground tunnels that lead to a wondrous fairyland, because the chances are that's where I'll be. And if you find me comatose on the bed in my flat and can’t wake me up, don’t be worried because I’ll be having the time of my life. Honestly.

  END

  Sample Chapters from ‘The Vile (6)’

  Chapter 1

  Life is funny, isn't it? Here I was, a respectable, if totally unknown, human being – not prone to social changing events or history revising acts – and yet, here I also was, living a secret second life as a fairy. And not just one fairy either, mind you, but two of them at the same time. I mean to say, how bizarre can you get? Can you imagine a human being whose personality gets downloaded into two fairy clones? Come on now, you have to admit that goes way beyond normal and strays into Twilight Zone territory. Even I think it's impossible, and I'm the one doing it. Of course, I can't tell anyone about it because I value my freedom and have no wish to be locked up in an insane asylum, thank you very much. I'm writing this strictly for my own benefit. Sort of a diary, really. Just a simple series of reminders, in case I ever forget. Not that it’s likely to happen, because the events are permanently engraved on my consciousness. However, naturally enough, certain memories stand out more than others. Surely you can understand that? For instance, I have two fairy lovers – one for each clone – so it balances out nicely. Lucky, eh? And these two fairies …….. well, they’re gorgeous, and that’s understating the case. They’re sisters, and I know I don't deserve either of them, but who said that life was fair. Thorn is one, and she's beautiful, brave and fiery – the quintessential warrior. Tracey is the other one, and she's stunning. Unbelievably so. My luck cup overfloweth, but hey! I'm not about to question my good fortune. I'll simply enjoy it while I can.

  To complete the weirdness, living with Tracey (Traculimna) and Thorn (Arugohumna) – I can't pronounce their proper names – is Trix, an orphaned elf whom Tracey took into the family and adopted as her daughter. * Trix somehow acquired a pet wolf, called Zenith, who would be the equivalent of an Einstein among the animal classes. He’s so clever I’m surprised he can’t talk. Anyway, he’s certainly a lot smarter than some people I know and, (to use a cooking metaphor from shows which seem to be all the rage on TV these days), he's pulled our bacon out of the fire on more than one occasion. He can sense traps and hidden passageways, almost as if he has Superman x-ray vision. And talk about cunning! He's as cunning as a ……. a fox, if a fox was
a wolf. Something like that anyway.

  That's enough of the introductions. If my stories were read in the order they were supposed to be read, I wouldn't have to do this, you know. The other characters of interest are Phil (Phillymunna), the engineering genius behind the clone transfer machine, and Nix (Forscewnix), a goblin whose sarcasm quotient is apparently limitless. The last fairy of concern would be Fink (Fringapellumna), who passes for the Law around the town. And that's the cast of main characters who inhabit the underground world that I call a second home. It's wildly different to what I know as a human, and it’s this disparity of lifestyles that makes it exciting. Everything I see and experience is new and unusual and fascinating. Fairy art, architecture and music are extraordinary – so unlike my usual human encounters. ‘Elegant’, ‘harmonious’ and ‘graceful’ are only a few of the words I could apply to what I saw and heard as I strolled around the fairy settlement, most of the time hand-in-hand with the loves of my life (Thorn and Tracey). It's difficult to describe what existing in two bodies feels like. Everything is doubled (duh!) and that includes the delectable sensation of occasionally rubbing shoulders with those two captivating companions of mine as we walked. Fairies are mostly exotically beautiful. There's no other way to express it. Their slightly slanted eyes are enormous and beguiling. Their ears are pointed like a Vulcan’s and their wings, ah! ……. so delicate, shimmering and dainty. Iridescently colored and butterfly-like, those fluttering appendages were a constant delight to my bedazzled vision. Being a fairy clone, I had them as well, of course, but I couldn't see mine. But wings weren't just for adornment or to attract mates. They were used for flight as well. I could fly and that fact alone was enough to justify my visiting this world.

  Of course, my life underground wasn't all sightseeing and the erotic rubbing of shoulders. I found myself beset by various adventures during my stay. There always seemed to be a problem to be solved or a murder to investigate, or a ferocious beast to be fought. As I said, life down here was certainly exciting, exhilarating to some degree, and downright terrifying at other times. A mixed bag, in other words. But, riding above the waves of all that, was Thorn and Tracey – my paramours, my lovers, my friends. I know this duality sounds unusual but I loved them both in different ways, and I honestly couldn't choose one over the other, and so our solution, as bizarre as it may seem, ended up by satisfying everyone. I couldn't be happier with my two sweethearts and, as far as I could tell, Thorn and Tracey were delighted to each have one of me to themselves. Okay, I know it's weird, but it did seem to work. One thing’s for sure. I wasn't complaining. Well, I’d mad to, wouldn’t I?

  * See ‘Trix (3)

  Chapter 2

  This clone thing worked for only short periods of time because, every now and again, I had to return to my human body before it starved to death back in my apartment on the surface world. Plus, I had to occasionally go to work in order to pay the rent and to afford food. It was a damned nuisance, because I hated being away from Tracey and Thorn for any length of time, but it had to be done. I came from a poor, middle class working family and so, after house payments, insurance payments, medical costs, a staggering list of various government taxes and other associated deductions from my father’s weekly pay, there wasn’t much to spare, which meant there was no inheritance to be inherited, so I had to work to support myself. Well, most people were in the same boat, so I didn’t feel oppressed about it or anything, but it was still a pain in the behind. I’d much prefer to be cavorting in the bedroom with Tracey and Thorn which, I suppose, typified me as a mainstream male chauvinist pig, but I didn’t much care. My two fairy companions didn’t seem to mind this, so why should I? In fact, Thorn became downright passionate, dragging me up to her bedroom on every possible occasion, which was rather strange because she had been initially so shy and inhibited. Tracey was the opposite, starting off all wanton and promiscuous, but now settling down to domestic simplicity and conservatism.

  But all of this isn’t starting the sequence of what happened on my latest adventure, so I’ll do that now. It all began after I’d finished a week of practically non-stop computer networking for a company and prepared to depart for my alternate home. I locked the door, after putting a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the doorknob, fastened the windows, left a ‘I’ll phone you later’ message on the answering machine, switched off all unnecessary electrical appliances, made sure my body was comfortable on the bed and then activated Phil’s transfer machine.

  I awoke as a fairy (fairies) and carefully looked around. No one else was present in the room which wasn’t all that surprising because I’d told Thorn and Tracey before I left that I wasn’t exactly sure of my return schedule because, at the time, I had no idea how long the computer job was going to take.

  I took a few minutes to acclimatise myself to my surroundings and to the inevitable double vision (or, should I say, quadruple vision – four eyes, you see), and then carefully stood on my feet. I began walking around the room, my two clones supporting each other – handy that – until I'd regained sufficient stability to walk individually. Once this level of mobility had been achieved, I set off for Thorn and Tracey's house. Even after all the time I'd been here, I was still mesmerised by the sight of the architectural beauty around me. Every single building looked graceful and harmonious, flashing multiple rainbow colors from various crystal chips embedded in the framework. I would have loved to invite a few of these fairy architects to the surface world and let them loose. The human landscape would have been changed forever.

  I entered my second home to the delighted squeals of joyful welcome from Tracey and Thorn. We hugged and kissed rapturously but, once that was over, I couldn't help but notice that Trix sat alone in a corner, sadly hugging herself.

  I went over to her and asked, “What's the matter, sweetie? Aren't you glad to see me?”

  For an answer, she burst into tears. “Zenith’s gone!” she wailed.

  “What do you mean?” I wanted to know. “Gone? Gone where?”

  Trix couldn't answer, being too upset, so I turned to Thorn and Tracey for an explanation. “We don't know,” Thorn commented, solemnly. “He simply disappeared. He was here one day and missing the next. We can't find him anywhere.”

  “I can't believe he’d simply run away and leave Trix for no reason,” I commented. “Those two were as thick as thieves. What happened before that? Was he acting strange in any way?”

  “Now that you come to mention it,” Tracey said thoughtfully, “he did seem awfully jumpy for about a week prior to that.”

  “Jumpy?” I enquired, curiously.

  Tracey spread her hands in a totally non-descriptive manner. “Yeah, you know, jumpy!”

  “No,” I contradicted, “I don't know. Perhaps you could paint in a few more parts of the picture for me?”

  “Well, he became …….. a little ….. aggressive,” Thorn supplied, flushing a little. “He began attacking the furniture.”

  “Attacking?” I patiently probed. “In what way? Was he chewing on it or something?”

  “I caught him a couple of times trying to, um …….. father some ….. ah, progeny with the furniture,” Thorn went on, turning red with embarrassment.

  “Oh, I see,” I commented, understandingly. “Say no more. He’s sowing his wild oats.”

  “What?” Tracey asked. “No, he wasn't. What do you mean, Stephen? What’s farming got to do with anything? And anyway, what would be the point of stitching cereal grains together?”

  “It's just a saying,” I hastened to explain.

  “A pretty weird one, if you don't mind my saying so,” Thorn grumbled. “What has all of this to do with Zenith?”

  “If I was going to hazard a guess,” I told everyone, “I'd say that he's gone off to find a girlfriend. I would have thought that’d be obvious. After all, he’s a young male wolf with normal urges. What did you expect? It was bound to happen sooner or later. He’s simply following his instincts to perpetuate his race as Nature int
ended.” I glanced slyly at Thorn and Tracey. “I can think of at least two other examples that prove my theory.” To my amusement, both sisters blushed furiously at my remark.

  “Stop that, Stephen!” Tracey remonstrated. “Behave yourself.”

  I chuckled. “If you insist,” I said.

  “Are you telling me that Zenith ran off to be with some girl?” Trix demanded. “Why wouldn’t he stay here with me?”

  “You might be the local alpha pack leader, Trix, my dear,” I explained, “but I don’t think you’re quite what he was after. The mating urge is rather overpowering for young males,” I told her, sympathetically. “Don't worry, he'll be back once he's found what he’s looking for.”

  “Are you sure about all this, Stephen?” Tracey asked.

  “It's simply a guess,” I admitted, “although, going on what you’ve told me, it's a fairly good one. If you like, we could try to find him.”

  “And how are we going to do that?” Thorn asked, sarcastically. “He could be anywhere.”

  “True,” I acknowledged. “What we need to do is to find the nearest pack of wolves and, if my theory is correct, we'll probably find Zenith in the middle of them.”

  “And just how are we going to find the wolves?” Thorn challenged.

  “It won't be easy,” I confessed. “Wolves are masters at hiding, but we have one huge advantage.”

  “And that is?” Tracey enquired.

  “We can fly,” I pointed out. “It's much easier to find things from above. We'll simply scout around from the air. A wolf pack can't hide forever. They’ll have to come out to forage for food sooner or later.”

  “Hey, what about me?” Trix cried. “I can't fly! And I’m certainly not staying here!”

  “Yes, that's a bit of a problem,” I acknowledged. “We'll take turns carrying you, that's all.”