Yeah, any man alright. Including Emmett and Ace. . .
“I wonder if Noah has fucked her.” I blurt out, watching her now as her face drains of color, twisting in pain and disbelief.
“That’s not funny, Raea.”
“You did say any man, and we both know Noah is not so celibate.” I say.
“I knew you had a mean streak in you with that back-bone Astraea.” Kim says, watching me with a sober look. “But I didn’t think it was this fucking strong.”
Snap! What the hell did I just do? My jaw drops open with a gasp and for a moment, I think I’ve just offended Kim and we just had our first fight. Now I feel like a complete and utter bitch.
“Kim, that’s not what I meant. . .” I start to apologize but she cuts me off.
“I fucking love this side of you!” She exclaims, her face transforming into another stunning visual of beauty, reminding me that Kim is also in the class of Ivy, skin color being irrelevant.
“What?”
“Your savage sass! I mean, I saw it when you handled Brittney but the way you just served me up. . .” She whistles, “Now that’s pure fire.”
“First of all, you’re playing with Noah a little bit too much, your lingo is proof of that. Secondly, thanks? And lastly, aren’t you offended?” I question, feeling queasy.
“Offended? No. I mean, if it was someone else, we would be going down a nasty road by now but it’s you!” She exclaims just as another server brings over our drinks.
Kim grabs her shake and straw, as she talks. “I know, being bitchy is not your default setting but I’ve always known it’s there somewhere. I just didn’t realize you had a jealous streak to match.” She says.
I shake my head as I grab my drink as well, feeling funny.
“I told you, I’m not. . .”
“Jealous, yeah you said that already but your actions and the way your eyes flashed, your beautiful nose flaring, that said otherwise.” Kim says, gleefully drinking her sugary delight.
“And you feel like shit for feeling that way towards her because she genuinely likes you right?” She says, watching me.
“Gosh, Kim. We used to be friends. Ivy and Spider are the grandkids of this amazing nurse who used to do private calls up in the estates.”
Fuck, I need to go visit Marie at the hospital.
“Go on.” Kim gestures for me to continue.
“Yeah so, one day Marie, the amazing nurse, was babysitting her grandkids but that day I got hurt, breaking my leg.”
I shiver as I remember the look on Ace’s face that day. So damn cold.
“So Marie had to come up with her grandkids since she didn’t have anyone to leave them with. Spider well, because without her eye on him, he would find trouble somewhere and then there was little Ivy with her kind smile and big eyes.”
I remember that day. I was in pain but each time I would look to my left where I knew Ace was standing, he was actually listening, smiling and talking to Ivy. Something he never did with me.
“Let me guess, the boys took to her and quickly became friends right away?” Kim questions.
“Well. . .” I start to explain but a melodic, breathy voice cuts me off as the owner of said voice places a tray with Kim’s food order.
“My brother was already friends with Craig by that time, having found trouble somewhere and all. So the boys knew each other. Astraea however didn’t really like me, so I stayed close to my brother.” Ivy explains as she looks down at me.
“What? I never said I didn’t like you.”
“You didn’t have to. It was clear to see.” She says, watching me with that same look of hurt and dislike that I felt from Friday night.
“The manager will be out in less than five minutes, sorry for the wait.” She says then she turns to leave.
“Well damn.” Kim starts but I don’t wait to listen.
I stand up, quickly going after Ivy who sees me coming, then stops for me to catch up.
“Hey, can we talk?” I question her. She looks uncertain at first but the need to talk to her and find out why she looks at me the way she does is so overwhelming, I just have to.
“I just need a minute of your time.” I rush to explain as she looks around then back at me.
“Okay, let me just let someone know I’m going on break.” She says, then disappears again to the back. Soon, she’s back and leads me through a side door that leads outside.
“I only have three minutes.” She explains, folding her arms, looking impatient.
“Okay, I just want to know why you think I never liked you? I mean, the first time we met, you never cared much for me.” I start, getting straight to the point. I don’t think either one of us will appreciate an insult like beating about the bush and talking in circles.
“Are you kidding me? You were Astraea Fields! The one girl in Westbrook Blues every girl wanted to be.” She starts, her body still tense.
“I mean, you were never a common piece of art. You looked so damn rare and majestic all the time. And on the rare occasion that I saw you, you had these, cute, most handsome, yet naughty boys surrounding you, protecting you, like you were their queen. The way they all looked at you. . .”
“You also wanted that?” I question gasping out the question.
“I mean, who wouldn’t want that Astraea?” She gives me that duh look “But that’s not it though.”
“Then what is it? What happened?”
“I just wanted to be your friend.” Her entire body grows lax with that one admission, as if it was a weight on her shoulders. “I just wanted to be your friend because God knows, even at Westbrook Valley High, we knew that girls were not really kind to you.”
“Damn, that’s the saddest most honest thing to realize about yourself.” I mumble, feeling pathetic.
Ivy giggles but even that fades away as we stare at each other.
“It’s just, you had this sad smile in your eyes, which you still have and I know it’s because of everything you have gone through. . .” She stops, looking at me uncertainly.
In that moment it all clicks.
The way she looked at me when we first entered the restaurant. The look of realization, and sympathetic knowledge in her eyes suddenly becomes clear.
She’s looking at me with sympathy.
Like she. . . .
“You know?” I gasp, feeling like the world is falling out from under me. “Oh my God, you know.”
This time around it’s not a question, it’s a fact as Ivy doesn’t deny it or question what I’m talking about. I can see the knowledge in her eyes.
“Gran was on call at the hospital the night you were brought in. She was one of the nurses that examined you with the doctors. . .” Her voice trails off but I’m not breathing at all.
I can see tears in her eyes as she looks at me uncertainly, not knowing what to do or where to go from here.
“She was really distressed that night but she didn’t tell me though!” Ivy rushes to explain. “She would never discuss her patients with anyone unless it’s important to her.”
I only look at her, waiting for her to explain.
“It’s just, she takes care of everyone and that night I just couldn’t take the way she looked or the howling pain she was in. She was crying in the shower, murmuring your name. . .”
I can feel tears start to form in my eyes, as shock moves through my system.
“I eavesdropped that night. Grandma Marie has a system of muttering the situation whenever she is crying, but that night she was not muttering, she was. . .”
“Breaking.” I finish, as if I know what that’s like.
“Yes.” Ivy whispers. “I’m so sorry, Astraea. Not that sorry helps but I truly am.” Her sincere voice is soft, my heart is pounding and her tears are falling freely now.
I remain silent, not knowing what to say as shivers go up and down my body.
“I’m also really sorry about George.” She whispers.
“Thank you.” I whisp
er back.
We stand there for a while, feeling the breeze blowing my bub hair length around.
“Oops, I never answered you. I think you disliked me because of your boys. You especially hated it when Emmett talked to me. Still do, I think.” Her voice is questioning and sad at the same time.
Is there something going on between her and Emmett?
“I mean, he did after all, fight the king over you.”
Is it me or did that little statement hold some bitterness?
But then the actual meaning of those words soaks into me, echoing through me, making everything in me tense and alert. I feel my eyes wide with shock as I look at her.
“What?”
“The fight. That was over you.” Ivy says, watching me with uncertainty. “Wasn’t it?”
I remain mute, not knowing what to say.
“Oh God. You don’t know.”
I suddenly feel like I’m really drowning as Ivy’s words soak into my consciousness. No.
My heart starts pounding painfully. I think of the promise I made to Ace and the look on his face that night. Then I think of Emmett and how he looks at me.
No. . .
There is no way.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
Oh God no.
Heartbeat.
Heartbeat.
Heartbeat
“I know that whatever conclusion you came up with or what you heard that night is not what you think.” I start, feeling the need to defend myself and prevent a catastrophe from happening.
“Those boys are mine, make no mistake about that. But when it comes to other types of feelings. . .”
“Alex King owns your heart.” Ivy finishes, a glint of admiration in her eyes. “I get that.”
“Yeah” I say and we watch each other.
“I can’t believe you thought I hated you.” She says.
Well you did kiss the guy that I have been salivating over since before I even knew what it meant to lust after a guy.
“I can’t believe you thought I’m a piece of art.” I counter and she starts laughing.
“Well, I mean, have you seen yourself and do you know who you are?” She says, gesturing to me. “You’re the Blue Star and no girl can touch your poise, your beauty or your ‘I don’t fucking care what you think about me’ badass persona. Only it’s not a persona, it’s who you are.”
“Well, I kinda know the circumstances of caring too much about what people think, so no that doesn’t interest me anymore.” I say, shifting from one leg to another, thinking back to a time when people’s opinions of me mattered enough that I felt the need to please them and not protect myself.
The consequences of wanting to please people were just too much and too heavy, costing me four years of my life.
“Well it suits you and it’s about time too.” Ivy says. “Come on let’s head back. I’m glad we aired this out. Maybe we have a chance to be friends?”
“We can be if you sneak in extra pieces of chicken in our bucket.” I say with a smile and she laughs as we turn for the door but just as we go to enter, I feel a tingly sensation of being watched.
A shiver races down my spine and this time around it’s a bad kind of shiver. It even has a touch of danger to it.
Someone is watching us. But specifically, I think they are watching me.
“Let’s go.” I prompt Ivy to move faster. “I think your manager is already at the table.”
But as we get in, I still feel invisible eyes on me.
Thirteen years old. . .
He was angry.
It was mine and George’s birthday and Ace was angry. With me.
And for good reason too, I had done something. . . unforgivable.
I mean, it started out as fate, but then nothing really happened. We actually decided to turn it into a joke, even had a countdown in place for when Ace came charging in because that’s what we did, Emmett and I.
We tried to find the humor in almost everything.
See what had happened was, instead of having a huge birthday party that my mother wanted—much like the fancy shit she threw for us las year, inviting dignitaries of whatever shitty aristocracy and stuck up business idiots that have no business attending a birthday party for a pair of really close, mischievous twins—this was a close gathering of friends instead.
Needless to say, Ivy was present.
I don’t know about my brother but I was so looking forward to being thirteen years old! I mean, I was finally a freaking teenager.
First and foremost, my body was changing. It has been changing since I was twelve and half. Apparently, that was too late according to my friend Brittney and her other friends. They weren’t really my friends exactly, they laughed at me, well at my flat chest, my braces and the fact that I haven’t gotten my period yet.
Blood? Eww. I have heard the horrors.
I haven’t gotten that yet, but. . . I finally grew breasts!
I am so excited about that. Now I can wear the bras that my mother shopped for me a year or two ago when she thought I should have had them by then, but no. Nothing.
Not only that, I actually feel different. I moved different. I think my butt is also growing, rounding out as my hips expand a bit. I had to go shopping earlier in the morning with George before the party because I was freaking out about what to wear tonight.
Why? Because Ace would be there!
I heard boys now liked certain things. Like girls’ boobs. Brittney told me that. If you didn’t have them then, you were just as good as invisible. And I didn’t want to be invisible. I wanted to be seen.
I wanted him to see me as a woman. Because God knows the only times Ace ever seems to notice me now is when I provoke him to bully me.
Strangely, he has been keeping his distance from me for a while and I’m sick of it. He doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t come around like he used to, preferring to have the boys over at his house. And when he does bully me, he would just scare me away with a look or pull my hair, whispering in my ear to get lost before he loses it.
Lose what? I wanted to ask but I never did.
I know it’s depraved of me to crave him this way but Ace is so damn complicated and dark. Sometimes I think that is the only way I can understand him.
Maybe it was because he was already thirteen, his interests were different from mine. He was already a teen and I wasn’t. Brittney was also a teen and that made her visible to him and not me.
Urgh.
Another advantage of being thirteen was I could finally wear my hair however I wanted. I could also apply shiny lip gloss with a nice, attractive color that I wanted instead of the colorless crap they have us wear at school. No, I’m a teen now and Ace will see me.
So now, back to the reason why Ace is angry. . .
The party had a few people. The boys, Noah, Emmett, Ace and of course George. Spider and Craig were both here, strangely but a welcome reprieve. Loved those two clowns.
Brittney was also here as well as two of her friends that frown at me whenever I speak, Ashley Adams and Stephanie Sullivan. Ivy was also invited so she was here, seated close to the boys, throwing her head back, laughing at something one of the boys had said. She was out going now, much more than she was when we met a few years ago.
And me? I think I wasn’t making any progress. With anything.
Ivy was stunning. Her afro curls were luscious and bouncy, her eyes twinkled with joy. Her teeth were white, perfect and her laugh sounded like the gods themselves graced her with the melody.
Brittney, Ashley and Stephanie all hated her. That much I could tell.
And then there was me. Feeling strange and a tad bit uncomfortable in my new bra. Is it me or are my breasts feeling a bit swollen? My stomach is queasy and I don’t feel so good. Maybe I ate something bad.
“You know Astraea.” Brittney starts, looking my way as she drinks her lemonade. “You could at least attempt to make this party a bit, livelier.” She says with a
bored tone in her voice, watching me with an equally bored eye.
I don’t really matter to her and that hurts.
I need to please Brittney. She is a teen, queen bee at school and she can give me pointers as to how to be seen by Ace. And maybe even how to kiss guy.
I have heard her brag about kissing some fourteen year-old, football player before.
“Uh.” I look around but the boys are engaged in some debate about sports or something. “What did you have in mind?” I question.
I mean, we have music playing. The latest songs even. We have the best food, catered by the best chef in Westbrook but all I wanted was The Haven’s chicken, but that doesn’t matter. I’m a teen now.
We even have an ice-cream cake—George's idea. A popcorn machine as well as a candy floss machine.
We have party bags with VIP tickets for all our guests. We have concert tickets to attend any One Direction concert for the girls and some tickets to the Superbowl for the boys. This party is everything! It was even the talk of the school the entire month.
“Well, we could play games.” She says, her eyes lighting up. “Tell me again Astraea, have you ever kissed a boy before?” She questions, cocking her head to the right, watching me with what I associate as her predatory look.
The media room where we are, falls silent as the boys stop talking. Obviously they heard Brittney’s question. I can feel my cheeks start to flame with a blush and I force myself not to look at my hands, because that will just make Brittney happy.
“Uh, no. I haven’t.” I say, trying to swallow a ball of nerves as big as Brittney’s head.
Why am I always so stupid when I’m around Brittney? And why am I intimidated when Ivy is around me? What the hell? Where the hell is my confidence? These teens already have a taste of despair in store for me. I can feel it.
“Oh that’s right. You have virgin lips. Virgin. . .”
“Virgin fashion sense, apparently.” One of her friends chimes in with a frown and Brittney smiles.
“Yes, virgin everything really.” She smiles, watching me but then she glances at the boys, knowing damn well that she has their attention.
“What about you, Brittney?” Ivy speaks up, her eyes narrowed on Brittney. “Your lips look like they can kiss a toilet just by the desperation in your voice. Have you kissed a boy before? Or a dog, no one is judging.” She questions with a sweet smile on her face and the boys start laughing.
Vicious Hate (Westbrook Blues Book 2) Page 28