by Radclyffe
Synopsis
Hope. Fear. Desire. Despair. Promises. Betrayals.
Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender. Questioning. Intersex.
This anthology of short stories gives voice to the rising generation as they define what it means to grow up queer in the twenty-first century. What is it like to grow up in a society that embraces you in certain ways but discriminates against you in others? How do you choose a label from the alphabet soup, and should you even have to? By turns heartwarming and heartbreaking, comical and caustic, these stories, imagined and told by youth across America, provide a snapshot of queerness at the dawn of the new millennium.
OMG
Queer
Short Stories by Queer Youth
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OMGQueer: Short Stories by Queer Youth
© 2012 By Bold Strokes Books. All Rights Reserved.
ISBN 13: 978-1-60282-723-3
This Electronic Book is published by
Bold Strokes Books, Inc.
P.O. Box 249
Valley Falls, New York 12185
First Edition: August 2012
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
Credits
Editors: Radclyffe, Katherine E. Lynch, Stacia Seaman
Production Design: Stacia Seaman
Cover Design By Sheri ([email protected])
Acknowledgments
This book would not have been possible without all of the hardworking and selfless people at Bold Strokes Books— Connie, Lori, Lee, Jennifer, Paula, Sheri, Cindy, Stacia, and others—who help to put out and market quality product year after year. Sandy deserves special thanks for keeping us well-organized. Finally, we would like to applaud the anthology contributors for their fine contributions to this collection.
To every individual who has made it their life’s work to improve the quality of life for LGBTQI youth.
Introduction
Stories are humanity’s oldest communication tools. They allow us to explore new worlds and plumb the depths of the human mind. They offer us the catharsis of laughter and tears. They inspire us when we need to be lifted up and succor us when we need comfort. Most of all, stories create connections between individuals. They encourage the sharing of experiences, values, fears, and triumphs. They permeate borders, sometimes against great opposition. They defy the human lifespan and live on through millennia. They have the power to incite revolutions and to encourage peacemaking.
The stories in this anthology glean their power in part from the positions of their authors within society. Young, queer writers in the twenty-first century find themselves in a confusing world—an ambivalent reality in which the President of the United States announces his endorsement of marriage equality less than twenty-four hours after a majority of citizens in North Carolina vote to ban same-sex marriage. Perhaps now more than ever, queer individuals around the globe are called to share their experiences—not only in order to stand in solidarity with one another, but to communicate their hopes, dreams, and goals with people of every identity.
British author Rudyard Kipling wrote: “If history were told in the form of stories, it would never be forgotten.” As you peruse the tales that follow, we invite you not only to appreciate them as stories in their own right, but to read them as artifacts of this tumultuous time for queer citizens of our planet. To tell our stories is to share our truths; to speak out is to become visible—and those who are visible are both harder to ignore and harder to oppress. These young authors reveal their selves in bravery and honesty, in pain and celebration, and we salute them.
We are everywhere. These are some of our stories.
—Katherine E. Lynch, PhD and Radclyffe, 2012
Jelson
Brenna Harvey
Everyone at school loved Jelson. I mean, rightly so, I love Jelson too. Jelson is my best friend. But I was really surprised. I figured being a Swop, especially the first Swop to ever go to Manetow High, would mean instant outcast status. And I’m not talking about the sad, lonely, no-one-talks-to-me-because-I-read-Sylvia-Plath-and-wear-a-neck-brace kind of outcast. I’m talking about graphic, illustrated death threats in your locker and violent sexual harassment in the bathroom. I’m talking about the kind of outcast who doesn’t live to see senior prom.
But, like I said, everyone at school loved Jelson. I guess part of it was because we weren’t a super-homophobic school. Little white town, rural Iowa, not rich, you’d think we’d keelhaul queers under our homecoming floats. But it turns out we were pretty good. We had a couple of out teachers. There was Ms. Barbiaz, this really cool butch social studies teacher who plastered her room with giant posters of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. And we had Mr. Niddio, our totally flaming drama instructor. He made us do a lot of trust exercises and he would actually tear up if he heard someone use the word fag. Kids still used it, but they felt like total shit about it if Mr. Niddio heard them.
We also had a Gay-Straight Alliance that the administration supported. The only people who went regularly were Tony Peluzzi, our one actual real live dude-kissing gay boy, and some combination of the dozen girls who followed him around and claimed him as their best friend. I went to a couple meetings, but it was mostly girls vying to sit on Tony’s lap and asking him to do their makeup.
I should have figured that if Tony never got punched for wearing eyeliner, Jelson would be okay. I just assumed being a Swop would be different—would freak everyone out way more. I mean, people justify hating on gays because gay people are supposedly all threatening to the established social order and families and precious little babies or whatever. Since, you know, if we all turn gay we’ll forget who should be employed and who should breastfeed and all the babies will starve to death and litter our suburban sidewalks with tiny, tragic skeletons. So if gay people are threatening to society, then what about Swops? Medical anomalies who can change biological sex at will? That’s like, gay squared. Dodecagay. Infinigay. So gay it gays all the way around the world to gay again. In the butt.
But people got over Jelson being a Swop pretty fast. I guess all Ms. Barbiaz’s lectures about gay and transgender and intersex rights movements actually had an effect on the student body. Mr. Niddio’s interpretive dances on the same topics were undoubtedly less helpful, but they certainly spiced up school talent shows. Honestly, kids were way weirder to Keith Lamar, our one black kid, about not being on the basketball team than they ever were to Jelson. Man, it would have been nice if we’d had some black teachers.
I’m probably making it sound like the honest efforts of some tenacious, well-meaning educators made our school some kind of big gay tolerance rainbow disco utopia. But I’m leaving out one extremely important detail. Namely, the fact that Jelson is totally hot. Like, staggeringly, painfully hot. And not only that, but Jelson is equally hot as both a boy and a girl. And not hot like people you see on TV. Jelson is more like this subtle kind of sexy, sort of slender and dark and mysterious. It’s a special look. I think it has a lot to do with playful smiles. And expressive eyebrows. And eyes that look smart. Anyway, Jelson’s raging sexiness definitely helped a whole bunch when it came to sliding into the social order at Manetow.
And I’m allowed t
o talk about Jelson’s hotness as a totally objective outside observer. Jelson’s my best friend, and my own sexuality is way too messed up for me to actually be attracted to a real live hot girl or a real live hot boy. What I mean is, my appreciation of Jelson’s beauty is purely aesthetic. I look at the line of his boy-jaw, or watch the purse of her girl-lips, and I see the beauty there. But it’s kind of like admiring the curve of a tree branch or the top of a Roman column or something. Jelson says I’m an asexual in denial. I say Jelson should just split into two people and they can go fuck themselves.
Personally, I think it’s funny the way boys and girls go apeshit over Jelson at different times. It’s not like Jelson even changes much when going from girl to boy. There’s no comic boob inflation sequence, no funny instant beard sprout. Jelson keeps the same slim-hipped, athletic body. Same light brown skin, same short dark hair. Sure, she gets these cute little perky breasts as a girl, and his upper arms beef up a little as a boy, but we’re not talking Jekyll and Hyde here. To me, it seems mostly like a movement thing. She’ll flutter her eyelashes a little more when she’s a girl, or shift his weight down, thrust his pelvis out a little more as a boy. It’s mostly about signals. Like, “Hey, you, you’re allowed to be attracted to me now. Come and get it.”
But what do I know? Like I said, sexual attraction is a complicated and mysterious animal to me. The differences between boys and girls, their distinct shapes and sounds, these don’t excite me. Six-pack abs or hourglass figures, they seem so extreme, like you have to squish a human being up and press them in a mold to get them to look that way. What I’m trying to say is that I really don’t get conventional standards of hotness for boys and girls. And I certainly don’t understand why people react so differently to Jelson on days when she wears a bra and days when he has a stubbly little mustache.
The only thing I can truly understand getting hot and bothered over are Jelson’s eyes. Big, sparkling, intelligent-looking eyes. They create this witty, knowing look. I will never understand people who can tolerate stupid-looking eyes.
“Oh my God, everyone in this magazine looks totally brain dead,” I muttered, leafing through a copy of Rage during free period. It was early fall, but still warm, so Jelson and I were lounging on the picnic tables outside the cafeteria. It’s a shit spot, just a plain cement terrace with a scenic view of the parking lot and some trees that look super-depressed about the state of American public education. But you get some sun and you can play music if you’re not a dick about it.
“I hope you didn’t pay money for that, Allie,” said Jelson. He’d kicked off his sandals and was sitting barefoot and cross-legged on the opposite bench, frowning at me. He was doing this seriously judgmental thing with his eyebrows that’s usually reserved for daytime talk shows and student government campaign speeches. He was a boy today but reading a copy of Mrs. Dalloway because he’s like that.
“No, I took it from the library,” I said.
“Took like borrowed or took like stole?”
“Well, they won’t let you take magazines out of the room. Anyway, check this out.” I held up the page I was looking at. It was a photo of some vacant blond girl in a velvety red evening gown. She was sitting on a zebra, staring blankly at the camera with her mouth hanging open. I think it was a tampon ad.
“Nothing in her eyes,” I said. “They’re just dull. Dull and empty.”
“Oof, yeah,” Jelson agreed. “Zombie city. And she’s got total blow-job mouth.”
“What?”
“You know, that face all female models have, where they’re sort of gasping, and their lips are parted kind of expectantly. They look ready for the reader’s penis to just fly at their face at any second,” Jelson explained. “It’s totally a thing.”
I started flipping through pages at random.
“Oh my God, you’re totally right,” I said. “Conditioner ad, blow-job mouth. Perfume ad, blow-job mouth. Bikini ad, blow-job mouth. Ugh, she looks like she’s about to inhale about a gallon of salt water. Why would this make a straight woman want to buy things?”
Jelson shrugged.
“What would make an intelligent woman want to read this magazine at all?” he asked pointedly. I ignored him with great dignity.
“Jelson!” came a voice from across the courtyard. Amy Telenky was jogging over, looking freckled and bosomy in a tight tank top. Amy was formerly head cheerleader, but had to leave the squad last year because of some sprained tendon thing. Her decreased visibility at sports games and considerable weight gain got her all in a tizzy about lost popularity. She’s been warding off loser status through the strategic deployment of her ever-increasing cleavage.
“Hey, Amy,” said Jelson, closing his book but keeping his finger in it to hold his place.
“Hi, Amy,” I said loudly.
“Hey, Allie,” said Amy vaguely, not taking her eyes off Jelson. “Um, so, Jelson, I was wondering if you were going to Ronnie Ackersim’s party on Friday?”
“Probably, yeah,” said Jelson. “Isn’t everybody going?”
Amy giggled like Jelson had made a joke. Girls do that around him when he’s a guy. Then they ignore her actual jokes when she’s a girl.
“Yeah, totally. Um, I was just wondering if you knew if you were going to be a boy or a girl on Friday?” said Amy.
“It’s kind of hard to say,” said Jelson, shrugging, smiling mildly. “I mean, do you know what pants you’ll be wearing on Friday?”
Amy giggled some more.
“Oh, if I told you, you’d definitely come as a boy,” she said, giving her hair a little toss.
“Right. Ha ha,” said Jelson, rolling his eyes a little, but in a playful way. “Anyway, I’ll probably be a boy. Ronnie and Pete are bringing drinks, right? I can drink more when I’m a guy without making a fool of myself.”
“Cool,” said Amy. “Well, I just wanted to pass along an invitation, in case you hadn’t heard yet. I’ll see you in gym.”
She waved and walked away.
“No, Amy, I don’t think I can make it, thanks for asking,” I said pleasantly.
“You’re not going?” Jelson asked.
“Hell no,” I said. “Especially if you’re gonna be a guy. At least if you’re a girl I can tag along while you gossip about drama club with Lauren and Nikki. If you’re a boy you’re gonna run off and do keg stands with Ronnie and try to pee on tree frogs or whatever.”
“Don’t mock the tragedy of American boyhood,” said Jelson, standing up and stretching. He was wearing dark jeans and a plain black T-shirt. He wriggled his bare toes on the warm cement of the courtyard. “We binge drink and wet ourselves ’cause we’re scared to hug each other.”
“Truly, I weep for you,” I said, yawning and scratching my stomach.
“But seriously, you’re totally welcome to come hang out with Ronnie and the guys. They won’t be total dicks if I’m around, I promise.”
“Believe me, I’m not worried about getting felt up.” I waved a hand to indicate my sturdy log of a woman’s body.
“I don’t just mean like that,” said Jelson. “I mean we can hang out. They’ll be cool.”
“I really don’t feel like listening to everybody talk about what teachers they want to bone. Or who they’ve boned on the swim team. Or what it would be like to bone girls from the swim team and the lacrosse team at the same time.”
“All right, all right, if it’s really that big a deal, I’ll go as a girl.”
As if to emphasize her point, Jelson suddenly switched. Like I said, Jelson’s change-ups aren’t extreme. There’s this kind of weird, fleshy ripple that travels along her body, but by the time you notice it, she’s already done. Suddenly her jeans fit a little more snugly over her butt, the curve of her chin got a little softer, and the hand that moved to brush the hair from her eyes moved just a little more gently.
“What are you gonna tell Amy?” I asked. “You practically promised her a night of tipsy, testosterone-fueled groping.”
&n
bsp; “Please, I promised nothing.” Jelson plonked her hands indignantly on her hips. Like I said, she keeps the same slim-hipped frame when she switches, but everything about the way she moves changes. She cocked her hips to one side, and, though small, they stuck out like a shelf. Maybe it was unintentional, but I could definitely read promises there.
I try not to be jealous of Jelson’s attractiveness. I’m her best friend, so I see firsthand that while being pretty is definitely an asset, especially for a high school Swop, it’s usually way more annoying than fun. But sometimes I look and can’t help hating my own body. Both of Jelson’s bodies seem to combine all that’s cool about different genders. Meanwhile, I look like a chubby lesbian truck driver on my good days, and a potbellied, beer-guzzling retired linebacker on my bad days. If Jelson’s everything that’s best about male and female, I’m everything that’s worst. I’m too square and thick and hulking to be a pretty girl, too soft and fleshy and floppy to be sexy like a man. It isn’t easy.
“I’ll just tell Amy I didn’t feel like switching back after play practice.” Jelson shrugged. “She’ll cry about how I’ll never see how much she cares about me, make out with Danny Everson instead, cry about how it’s so sad they’ll never get back together, and get over it.”
I sighed. Doomed to be Jelson’s unattractive androgynous sidekick for another weekend.
“Okay, I’ll come. But I’m gonna be really weird and surly and make everyone question why you’re friends with me.”
Jelson smiled triumphantly as the bell rang for next period. She slipped her sandals on and turned to head back inside.
“Allie, darling, I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she said as she walked away, hips swinging like a pendulum.