‘And where your tail?’ said Maudie, remembering that most monkeys have long tails swinging in the air.
‘The Psammead’s not really a monkey. It’s never had a tail,’ I said.
‘Indeed I did, long ago,’ said the Psammead. ‘It was a most elegant appendage, very long and fully furred. It was my most distinguishing feature, and much admired. I was very proud of my fine tail, I’ll have you know. But once, when I was all puffed up, summoning a juicy megatherium for a cave-family Sunday dinner, a Tyrannosaurus rex lumbered past and thought I’d make an extra tasty canapé before his own dinner. I was so immersed in puffing myself up that I wasn’t even aware it was there until I saw its horrifying head hurtling down towards me, jaws gaping. I rolled away from it as fast as I could, but I didn’t have time to tuck my tail about me. Those jaws snapped – and I lost my tail.’
‘Oh, how terrible!’ I said.
‘It was indeed,’ said the Psammead. ‘I still feel a sharp pain in my rear when I dwell upon it. But I have endeavoured to accept my new blunt-ended appearance over the years. I am still a rather handsome creature, even though I say so myself.’
The Psammead preened itself. I didn’t dare look at Smash or Robbie. The Psammead was utterly wonderful, but looks-wise it did seem quite one of the most unfortunate creatures ever, with its big fat furry body, its heavily wrinkled face, its little bat ears, and its eyes wavering on those weird pink stalks.
‘Yes, you are exceptionally handsome,’ I said, trying hard to keep a straight face.
The Psammead smiled at me benevolently.
‘You would like a wish today then, children?’ it said.
‘Yes, please. It’s my turn and I’d very much like to wish that we could all fly. Please. If you’re feeling particularly obliging. I jolly well hope you are,’ said Smash.
‘Certainly,’ said the Psammead, and it started puffing itself up. And up and up and up until it seemed ready to split in two. Then it collapsed abruptly, gave us a little nod and dug itself into the sand.
At the same time I felt a strange itching, burning feeling on my back. Smash felt behind her, Robbie started scratching his own back and Maudie peered over her shoulder, startled.
‘What is it?’ said Smash. ‘What’s happening?’
The strange feeling grew stronger, so that my shoulder blades prickled fiercely, as if they were being pushed right through my skin. I could actually feel them poking through the thin material of my T-shirt. I twisted round worriedly, and felt something sharp and then soft, like a feather sticking out of a pillow. A feather!
‘Oh goodness, I think we’re growing wings!’ I gasped.
There were two points protruding through my T-shirt now, and once they were free they pushed harder, growing with amazing speed. At first they were tightly rolled up like furled umbrellas, but as they grew I experienced a dragging, aching feeling that made me brace my shoulders, and all at once the long, dark, pointy wings opened wide. I flapped them in the air, creating great gusts of wind all around me. I craned my neck in awe at the sight of my feathery new wings. They were a beautiful sky blue shading to soft navy at the tips.
‘Look at my wonderful wings!’ I cried.
‘No, look at mine!’ Smash shouted, whirling round and round, stretching her own wings out like a great cape. Hers were scarlet edged with gold, so bright you could barely look at her.
‘I’ve got wings too!’ Robbie yelled. ‘Mine are like animal wings!’ They were a beautiful deep yellow-sandy colour spotted all over with brown – leopard wings.
‘My wings, my wings!’ Maudie sang, jumping up and down, flapping her own little wings in the air. They were snowy white with a layer of pink underneath, beautiful baby wings. ‘Maudie fly!’ she said, and she jumped higher … and then hovered an inch or two above the ground, flapping so hard her face went as pink as her under-feathers.
‘Look at Maudie!’ I said. ‘She really is flying. Careful, darling, don’t go too high!’
I waved my own wings and felt a strange lifting sensation in my arms and legs, but I couldn’t seem to get properly off the ground.
‘I can’t do it!’ said Robbie, standing on tiptoe and flapping his arms as well as his wings. ‘Look, I’m trying and trying, but I can’t do it, I knew I wouldn’t be able to!’
‘Watch me,’ said Smash, leaping upwards wildly, flapping her own wings so hard she nearly blew us both over – but even she fell down again with a thud.
‘Ouch!’ she said. ‘Maudie, hey, how do you do it?’
Maudie giggled and rose upwards, paddling with her legs, until she was up by our heads. She tried to circle round us but went head over heels instead, over and over, squealing with laughter.
‘Having fun, Maudie?’ Alice called happily, not reacting at all to the sight of her precious daughter tumbling about in thin air.
‘Maybe that’s the way,’ said Smash, and she threw herself in the air. Just for a moment she seemed to hang there, suspended, but when she flapped her wings hard she hurtled down again, landing in a heap a second time, ruffling all her new feathers.
‘Ouch again! I can’t believe the Psammead could be so mean. It’s given us wings and yet they’re totally useless – we can’t fly at all.’
‘They’re very pretty, though,’ I said, reaching round and giving my wings a stroke.
‘I told you,’ said Robbie, wriggling his shoulders. ‘I knew our wings wouldn’t work.’
A flock of birds flew out of a tree, squawking, as if they were mocking us.
‘They’re green parakeets,’ said Robbie, craning his neck to look at them. He ran along the ground on his skinny stick legs, wings flapping. He wasn’t looking where he was going and tripped over a tree root.
I ran to him.
‘Are you all right, Robs? Please don’t have hurt yourself! Are your legs all right? And your arms?’
‘It’s more my bottom! I landed with a bump,’ said Robbie. ‘Did I fly just a little bit?’
‘Not really!’ I said gently.
‘How come Maudie can do it and not us?’ Smash demanded. ‘Look, mine still aren’t working.’ She flapped her wings furiously.
‘Maybe – maybe we’re trying too hard?’ I said. ‘I just don’t think we’ve got the knack yet. It’s like swimming or riding a bike. You can’t do it at all at first, and then suddenly you realize you’re doing it after all – Oh!’ I gasped as I suddenly stepped up in the air. I was only a very little way up, so that I could still touch the tops of the ferns, but I wasn’t on the ground at all – I wasn’t walking, I was flying, really truly flying.
‘Look! Look, I’m flying!’ I said, reaching up to hold Maudie’s little hand above me.
‘Well, tell us how you do it!’ Smash shouted.
‘I don’t know how!’ I moved my arms and legs experimentally and flapped hard with my beautiful blue wings. The moment I concentrated it felt strange and awkward and I slid down into the ferns, tumbling over on to my back, though I managed to snap my wings shut quickly so I wouldn’t crumple them.
‘Don’t stop now, Ros. You were doing great!’ said Robbie.
‘Show me!’ said Smash, pressing her lips together and straining every muscle to get airborne.
‘I’m sure you’re trying too hard,’ I said. ‘It doesn’t work if you do. The moment I tried to think how I was doing it I felt so strange and silly I couldn’t do it any more. It’s like when you try to work out exactly how you walk. Your legs go stiff immediately and your arms won’t swing the right way. Don’t think about it too much.’
‘That’s an idiotic thing to say. How can I help thinking about it?’ said Smash. ‘It’s my wish and it’s being completely wasted. It’s extremely annoying that you can fly, Ros, yet I can’t. And look at little Maudie – she’s absolutely ace at it.’ Smash’s expression softened as she peered up at Maudie, watching her bob up and down comically. Then suddenly her own knees bent, her arms wavered, her scarlet wings flapped – and she rose up too, right besi
de Maudie.
‘Oh joy! Oh wonder! Oh glory!’ Smash shrieked.
‘Oh woe! Oh horror! Oh despair!’ Robbie wailed. ‘Now I truly am the only one who can’t do it.’
‘Hold my hands, Robs,’ I said. ‘Now, stop thinking about flying altogether. Think about … your animals. Imagine little yellow wings on your lion. And your tiger would have orange wings with black stripes, and your giraffe would have very delicate spotty wings and, oh my goodness, your two elephants would have to have very strong grey leathery wings to haul them upwards.’
Robbie stared at me, starting to laugh in spite of himself – not actually noticing that we were both rising upwards, above the grass, over the ferns, higher this time, up as high as Smash and Maudie.
‘Reach out and hold Smash’s hand, Robs. I’ll hold Maudie’s and we’ll make a flying circle!’ I said.
We joined hands, Robbie squealing with excitement, and played an aerial game of Ring a Ring o’ Roses. Maudie went ‘Atishoo atishoo!’ with such emphasis she tumbled over again, flying with her head hanging down and her fat little legs waggling in the air. Smash and I tried to pull her upright and found ourselves plummeting down to earth, with Maudie bouncing first on my chest and then Smash’s. Robbie stayed suspended in the air, looking down on us, a great grin spreading from ear to ear.
‘I’m flying!’ he said. ‘I’m the only one flying!’
Now he was up there he wouldn’t come down. He flew round and round and round, going ‘Whoo-whoo-whoo!’ triumphantly. He was so proud of himself he flew over Dad and Alice, hovering above them like a human helicopter.
‘Look at me, Dad!’ he said.
Dad sat serenely underneath him, totally unaware that Robbie was right up above his head.
‘Dad!’ Robbie shrieked.
Dad looked round vaguely. ‘Are you having fun, Robbie?’ he called.
‘You bet, Dad!’ Robbie said.
Maudie bounced up into the air again as if she were on a trampoline, clearly having fun herself. Smash and I took a little longer to get the knack back again. It was so difficult not to tense up and try too hard.
‘Let’s climb a tree,’ said Smash. ‘Then we’ll be up there already and all we need do is step out into the air.’
‘And maybe plummet down head first,’ I said.
Smash tried anyway, swinging herself up a tree like a monkey, going right up to the tiny branches at the top which wouldn’t usually bear her weight – and then she went on climbing in the air, her wings unfurling. There she was, flying right up above all of us.
‘Come on, let’s go exploring!’ she cried.
‘No! Wait for me! Robbie, Maudie, stay there!’ I shouted, reaching up and trying to catch them by the ankles.
Then that strange light tingling feeling started and I was suddenly up there with them, flapping my wings, flying.
‘Let’s all hold hands so we can’t lose each other,’ I said.
‘What, like babies?’ said Smash scornfully.
‘Maudie is a baby and we need to look after her,’ I said.
‘Okay, come and hold my hand, Maudie,’ said Smash.
‘Can’t catch me, Smash-Smash!’ Maudie giggled, bobbing about just out of reach.
It didn’t work when we were all holding hands. It was like trying to hold hands when you’re running. We jerked up and down, pulling each other all over the place.
‘All right, it isn’t working,’ I panted. ‘We don’t need to hold hands, but stay together, please.’
We let go and flew upwards, above the trees. It was a little breezy there and we found we didn’t need to flap our wings at all. We could just swoop and swirl where the breeze took us. It felt so good we all cried out joyfully – and a woman walking her dog looked up at us and screamed.
‘Oh no! I think it’s the same woman who saw the nursery-rhyme people. The poor thing, she’ll think she’s hallucinating!’ I said.
‘Let’s go higher then, where people can’t see us,’ said Smash. ‘I want to see just how high I can go.’
‘Don’t fly too high, Smash!’ I said – but of course she didn’t listen to me.
Smash soared up and up and up until she was just a little black dot in the sky. My heart started thudding, scared she would disappear altogether. But then she suddenly started tumbling down again, going a little too fast.
‘Quick, Robs! We have to catch her,’ I cried, flying swiftly sideways.
Smash hurtled down head first and I just managed to throw my arms round her. Robbie hung on to her feet and I held her under her arms. Her head lolled on my chest a moment, showing the whites of her eyes, and I shook her in terror. Then she started gasping and panting and struggling.
‘Smash, what is it, what’s happened?’ I said.
We flew her down to the ground and laid her on the grass. Maudie flew down too and patted Smash’s pale face anxiously.
‘Smash-Smash?’ she said. ‘Get better!’
Smash opened her eyes and sat up shakily, still gasping for breath.
‘There! I’m okay now, Maudie. Don’t look so worried,’ she said.
‘Breathe deeply, in and out,’ I said. ‘You’re still ever so white. What went wrong?’
‘I don’t know. I was feeling absolutely great, rocketing up and up, and then I started to feel a bit sick and dizzy, in fact I puked a bit in the air. I hope it didn’t land on any of you lot. Then I think I fainted, though I’ve never fainted in my life before. Do you think I’m ill?’
‘Perhaps you can get flying sick? I often get carsick,’ said Robbie.
‘You would, you little wimp,’ said Smash. ‘But I don’t. I’ve never felt like that before.’
‘You’ve never flown right up in the sky before, silly. You were higher than the highest mountain. Oh, I know! Simple! You ran out of oxygen. That happens to mountaineers – they get altitude sickness.’
‘You’re such a know-it-all, Rosalind,’ said Smash. ‘You’re really irritating sometimes. I bet you’re forever waving your hand in class, bursting with the right answer. I’m sure everyone sighs and goes “Oh no, there’s Rosalind Hartlepool showing off again.”’
I felt myself going crimson. ‘Why do you always have to be so mean and hateful to everyone, Smash?’ I said.
‘Oh, poor little diddums, I was only teasing.’
‘Yes, but you’re really horrible sometimes. I don’t know why you still keep picking on Robbie and me. I thought we were all friends now,’ I said, dangerously near tears.
‘We are friends. That’s what friends are for. You can tease them all you like,’ said Smash.
‘Well, I don’t think you can have many friends if that’s your attitude,’ I said.
It was Smash’s turn to blush – and I realized I’d hit on the truth. I suddenly felt sorry for her, even though I was furiously angry with her too. I made a supreme effort.
‘Anyway, what are we doing, squabbling, wasting our wonderful flying time. Let’s have another go,’ I said.
We all stood up and this time we managed to take off together. I wanted us to stay very low, practically skimming the ground, but we were still in the woods and it was hard work dodging the tree trunks. We had to weave in and out as if we were doing a complicated country dance.
‘Perhaps we ought to go a little higher,’ I shouted, so we rose up above the treetops.
Maudie laughed excitedly.
‘Higher and higher, like Smash-Smash,’ she said, tipping her head back and stretching her white fluffy wings.
‘No, no, not that high, Maudie!’ Smash said, grabbing hold of her. ‘I was very silly going right up high. Didn’t you see me fall? Don’t you be silly too, my Maudie.’
Smash caught my eye and pulled a little face at me. She wasn’t exactly saying sorry, but I could see she was.
I reached out and squeezed her hand.
‘Come on!’ I said. ‘Let’s fly!’
We flew over Oxshott woods, on and on, catching the breeze again and riding up and dow
n on it. Flocks of birds flew away from us, squawking anxiously, thinking we were great birds of prey.
The sun came out and warmed our wings. I could feel my cheeks glowing, my whole body tingling. I could hear Smash singing at the top of her voice, Robbie yelling ‘Look at me!’, Maudie laughing – and if the Psammead had grown a pair of furry wings and joined us I’d have wished we could go on flying forever and ever and ever.
We flew over more woods and commons, then a grand ornamental park, then a little town.
‘Is that where Dad lives?’ Robbie yelled. ‘Which is our house?’
‘No, we’re much further away. I haven’t got a clue where we are,’ I shouted back – and for once in my life I found I didn’t really care.
‘I know where we are – look!’ Smash shouted, and she gave a great whoop.
My eyes were watering in the wind. I gave them a quick rub and then saw strange spirals and circles sparkling in the sunlight.
‘What’s that?’ I asked.
‘Chessington World of Adventures!’ said Smash. ‘Come on, let’s have a free ride on the biggest roller coaster!’
We flew nearer, until we could see all the rides properly and hear screaming as children swooped up and down. We hovered over a huge ride that spiralled round and round and up and over, and then saw a space in one of the hurtling carriages.
‘That one! Now!’ said Smash, grabbing Maudie.
I clutched Robbie, and the four of us swooped through thin air and landed with a little thump in the carriage. The two boys in the front screamed their heads off – but everyone was screaming and we were whirling up and down and round about so fast that no one could do anything.
We waited till we edged right up to the very steepest part at the end, and then as the carriage started tip-tip-tipping down we jumped up and flew out into the air. The boys screamed even louder – but they were hurtling down so fast they couldn’t let go of the rail to point at us.
‘There’s animals over there! It’s like a little zoo. Please let’s see the animals!’ Robbie begged breathlessly.
‘For goodness’ sake, we can see animals any old day,’ said Smash. ‘You can’t go down to see the animals, not in the middle of that crowd. They’ll all stare at you and say, “Little boy, do you know you’ve got two great spotty wings sticking out of your back?” and they’ll cart you off to a freak show. We’d better beat it, actually, those boys are pointing up at us. Come on.’
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