by C. A. Saari
And then it happened again. If we were destined to devour each other, then destiny was going to make sure we took our sweet time about it. The front door opened and for a moment we ignored it, too lost in ourselves to care, but when someone cleared their throat I finally snapped back to reality and tried to jump away from Jake like the naughty teenagers we were, caught making out under the bleachers. Jake didn’t let me go. Of course he didn’t, he was too cool to be embarrassed. His hands dropped to my hips and he anchored me between his legs as he looked over my head. I peeked over my shoulder and watched as Ryan lit a cigarette and looked out at the property while he smoked. Silence reigned for at least a minute before Jake finally heaved an exasperated breath through his nose.
“Really, Ry?”
Ryan looked at Jake, but avoided me.
“What? I wanted a smoke. And I’m supposed to tell you that your dad’s called a…family meeting.” Now his eyes did flick to me. “In the guest house.”
Okay. I wasn’t invited. Got it. Obviously they had to have their family meeting –clearly about me- in the guest house, far from where I’d be able to eavesdrop. Not that I would have. Thanks for being such jerks and assuming I would.
Jake’s hands went back to my face and he turned me to look at him.
“Wait for me in my room?”
I nodded and let him kiss me again. Softly, so very incomplete. Yet he let it linger.
“Get a damn room.” Ryan muttered and hopped down the stairs. Jake chuckled and pushed off the porch railing, pushing me back with him, but not away. He led me in through the front door and while I took the stairs up he took the hallway towards the back of the house.
I went to Jake’s room and stood just inside his door. Looked around. It was so neat and clean and new. And so grown up. I spied his stereo, his I-pod was plugged into it and I found myself supremely curious as to what kind of music he listened to. I spent a few minutes –okay, probably more like closer to an hour- going through his collection, he liked what most people our age liked. But there were a few artists that I didn’t recognize. I found myself stuck on a particular song and listened to it a time or two before I sang it out loud. It was my one and only talent; the ability to listen to a song once or twice and know the lyrics by heart, and to sing exactly on key. Kendra always called it freaky, but music was my thing.
So I sat back in Jake’s desk chair and sang.
When the song finished I sat in absolute silence for a moment, letting the song linger in my head. A good song could do that, linger long after and leave you thinking about it for a time. The hair stood up on the back of my neck and I spun in the chair, then stood and nearly tripped over my own feet. That was graceful. I felt the heat in my cheeks spread to my ears.
Jake stood, leaning against his door frame, arms crossed, watching me. My mouth went dry. If my thing was music, then Jake’s thing was standing, all sexy like, against door frames.
He was very good at it, I could see why he did it so often.
“I-I’m sorry.” I sputtered. “I didn’t mean to snoop.”
Now he smiled, but there was a bit of strain behind it. As if he was holding himself back from me. Was that good or bad?
“Don’t apologize for that, anything in here is at your disposal.” I watched his throat as he swallowed thickly. Oh yeah, he was definitely holding himself back. “You, have an amazing voice.”
I tried not to smile like a fool.
“It gets the job done.”
“If the job is to make me hot as hell then you are very good at your job.”
Okay, that made me a bit weak in the knees, and I did not want to ruin the moment -because I was pretty sure there was a make out session in the very near future- but I was so confused, and I needed a definite answer to a question that had been in the very back of my brain for a couple days now.
“What is this, Jake?” I asked.
He cocked his head at me.
“I mean, us. What are we? What are we doing? You suddenly show up in my life, only four days ago. I know absolutely nothing about you but you’ve kissed me blind a couple times now. You went after my…Bob for me. And now I’m what? Living here? I’ve heard of friends who have each other’s backs, but this is…” I threw my hands up and let them fall back down to my sides with a soft smack.
“I haven’t exactly been subtle here, Remi.” Jake said in a low tone, but there was a hint of amusement to it.
“Well, excuse me for not picking up what you’re laying down, but I’m not exactly experienced in the friend area.”
His brow crinkled, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a frown.
“Friend?” He pushed off the door and came towards me. I held my ground, my chin lifting to keep eye contact with him as he got closer. “I don’t want to be just your friend, Remi. I want you.”
I blushed again.
“Well, that part I did pick up.” I mumbled.
Now he chuckled.
“That’s not entirely what I meant. I meant, all of you. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. I’ve wanted that since the first day I saw you last year.”
That was an admission that I would hold in my heart forever. It left me a little speechless. But only for a moment.
“Like…exclusively?”
He chuckled again. How could he be so cool all the time?
“Yes.” He nodded.
I still needed clarity. What was friggin’ wrong with me? My eyes dropped to his chest. God, I could see the outline of his muscles through his t-shirt, it was almost too distracting. What were we talking about? Oh, right, clarity.
“So…I would be your…?” Why couldn’t I even say the word?
“Girlfriend?” He said it for me.
I nodded.
“Yes. If you want me too?” Now my eyes flicked up to his, I saw he wasn’t teasing me. I nodded again and a corner of his lips twitched in a smile. He reached out and grabbed my hips and pulled me to him, leaned in. My phone chirped behind us.
“Jesus Christ!” Jake growled through his teeth. I had to giggle at the thick annoyance in his tone. Apparently the constant interruptions were not sitting too well with him either.
“That’ll be Kendra. If I don’t call her, she’s going to send a search party out for me.” My own tone was laced with humor, but my eyes were apologetic.
“Yeah, I figured.” He heaved a deep growly breath and backed away from me. “I’ll be downstairs, come find me when you’re done.”
I watched him as he left and closed the door behind him, then I dove for my phone.
Call me ASAP if not sooner!
I hit the green phone icon next to Kendra’s name, she picked up after only one ring.
“Oh my God homie! I’m am seconds away from death from waiting on baited breath for you all day long. You must tell me everything before I die or you’ll have it on your conscience for the rest of your life!”
I laughed.
“Oh, she laughs. I’m so glad you’ve had such a wonderful day, you bitch!”
“Alright, calm down. I’m fine. Everything is going to be fine, I think.”
“Well, good to know. What happened? Everyone has been talking about how Jake had a blow up at you in English today and then carried you out of the school over his shoulder.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Over his shoulder? Really?”
“I don’t make this stuff up girly.”
“He saw the bruise on my face and yes, he did kind of have an outburst, but he certainly did not throw me over his shoulder. I would actually say he stayed pretty calm, given the circumstances.”
“Circumstances? What circumstances? Why is Jake Wagner all of the sudden all up in your business? I know I told you to go with it and all, but why did he think that this was his problem to take care of?”
“Um.” Hmm. How did I answer that without her getting angry that I hadn’t told her the very second it happened. What the hell, I’ll just tell her. “He asked me to be his girlf
riend.” I said and flinched, waiting for the screaming. But it didn’t come. My statement was greeted with absolute silence. “Kendra?”
“I…he…what? I’m still not wrapping my brain, Remi. You didn’t exist to him up until four days ago. I don’t mean to make that sound like I’m a total bitch right now, but you’ve gotta admit, it’s very weird.” She wasn’t wrong.
“Well, apparently he’s had a crush on me since last year.” I defended.
“So, why wait ‘till four days ago to address it?”
“You know better than most, Kendra. I’m not exactly the easiest person to approach.”
“So, it took him a year to work up the guts? What a wuss.” I heard reluctant acceptance in her voice.
I smiled again. Crisis averted.
“He went after Bob, Kendra.” My smile faded, and her voice gentled.
“Went after him how?”
“He beat the piss out of him.”
“Yeah. That’s actually pretty smart, that’s the only conversation Bob would have understood anyway. I guess Jake’s alright in my book. You’re at his house now?”
“Yeah. After he finished with Bob, he threw me over his shoulder and carried me out here.”
Now Kendra laughed. Tension diffused.
“I’m glad you’re going to finally be okay. I always hated the thought of what might be happening to you over there every day. Worrying if I was going to see you limping or sporting a new bruise the next day. I wish I could have done more for you. I’m glad Jake was able to do what I never could.”
“I wouldn’t let you Kendra. None of it was ever your fault.”
“Yeah. You know I love you like my sister, right?”
I closed my eyes against tears that threatened to well.
“I know. I love you too.” I whispered.
There was a moment of silence.
“Okay, enough with your mushy crap.” Kendra said, her voice normal and peppy again, it made me laugh again. “What can I do now?”
“I hate to ask…but I have no clothes. I have nothing…”
“Say no more. I’ll have all your clothes packed up for you. I have to get to cheerleading practice, then give me another hour to pack. So, come by around six thirty or so?”
I loved her for saying I’ll have YOUR clothes packed…she was probably the best person I would ever know.
“Six thirty is great.”
“Okay girly, see you then.”
She hung up, I could almost imagine her skipping to practice.
5
Dinner with Jake’s unconventional family -I still wasn’t sure who Ryan and Ana were and why they lived in his house- was an interesting affair. Jake actually cooked. I don’t think I’d ever even seen my –Bob- in the kitchen except to grab a beer. But Jake and Ana actually made a pretty excellent chicken parmesan. However, sitting at the table with everyone was awkward. The scowls from Ryan and Ana were gone –I assumed Jake had fully explained my apparently permanent presence at the “family meeting” in the guest house that I wasn’t invited to, but they still didn’t speak to me. I wasn’t sure if I could do family dinner too many more nights if this was the way it was going to be. Plus I was used to eating fast, since I ate while I cooked for my –Bob- and disappeared out of his sight as quickly as I could. I finished before everyone else and felt a little out of place as I waited for Jake to finish as well. He, on the other hand, took his time and had an actual conversation with his dad about football and his day –that was a short lived conversation since his entire day was spent with me.
I also picked up on the relationship between Jake and his dad. It wasn’t one I’d ever seen before –not that I’d seen many, or any at all- it seemed to be based off more of a mutual respect than it did as one of David as the authority figure and Jake as the child.
Then there was Ana. I could not pick up on that relationship. Jake didn’t seem to pay too much attention to her, though they did whisper between each other as they cooked. But at the table, while Jake tuned his attention to every conversation that went around the table equally, Ana seemed to only listen to him. I’d catch her looking at Jake as though she adored him one minute, then I’d catch her looking at him as though she could have jumped across the table and punched him in the face the next. She ignored me completely –and to be honest, I had several moments myself where I felt like jumping across the table to punch her in the face.
I couldn’t wait to address it with Jake…and I didn’t. The second we were in his truck and pulling out of the drive way I pounced –I couldn’t help it, as his new girlfriend, I think I had a right to know. Besides, if I offended him by asking then I could always claim ignorance, since this is the first relationship I’d ever actually been in so I clearly had no idea what the rules were. Or what I was even doing. At all.
“Is there anything between you and Ana?” I asked. I didn’t even lead up to the question, I wanted to see what his immediate reaction would be.
It was surprise.
“What?” His whipped his head to look at me for a moment before looking back at the road. “No. Why would you think that?”
“I can see, you know.” I tried to raise just one eyebrow, but who was I kidding, I just wasn’t meant to be that cool.
Jake sighed, he reached over and took my hand, linked our fingers.
“It’s one sided, Remi. I have no feelings outside of friendship for her. She would like more, has asked for more, but I don’t want more.”
“Why not, she’s really pretty.” I asked, again just for the benefit of a reaction. He still didn’t disappoint; he looked over at me with absolute astonishment.
“What?” He said again. “Where exactly are you going with this? You trying to get rid of me already?”
“No!” I said entirely too quickly. I nearly cringed at myself, clearly he had said that to get a reaction out of me and by the little smile he tried so hard to hide, I guessed he got the reaction he wanted. “I’m just curious, that’s all. Just wondering, you know, why before me you had no feelings for her. She is really pretty.” And I couldn’t let it go, could I?
“There’s more to a person than just looks, Remi. And Ana and I would never make a good couple. It’s hard to explain it, but trust me when I say I’ve never felt that way towards her and I never will.”
“So you admit, she’s really pretty?”
He looked over to me with a fierce frown, prepared for a fight, but when he saw me desperately trying to keep my teasing smile under wraps he laughed out loud.
“You’re such a brat.” He shook his head and turned his attention back to the road. I leaned up, stretching my seatbelt, and kissed him on the cheek, he leaned into it.
“I do trust you, you know.” I murmured before kissing his cheek again and then settling back into my seat. “I don’t know a dang thing about you, but I trust you.”
He looked over at me for a moment before smiling softly and turning his attention back to the road.
“What do you want to know? I’ll tell you anything.”
I watched his profile, that strong jaw, those dark features. That was all mine.
“I’m compiling a list.” I finally said, smiling myself. “I’ll let you know when it’s ready.”
Kendra was waiting on her porch for us when we pulled into her driveway. Tote after tote stacked in the grass next to her driveway. Jake raised his eyebrows at me, I could only shrug sheepishly. Kendra pulled me off to the side while Jake loaded them into the back of his truck.
“I got you some jeans, a girl can’t live on Capri’s alone. Some sexy underwear too, now that your living with a boy.” She waggled her eyebrows at me. “Some shoes, boots. I stuck my favorite Louis Vuitton in there for you too.”
“Kendra.” I said gently. “You really didn’t have to do all that.”
“Well who else was going to do it? Bob? I should have done this years ago. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
I knew she was feeling inadequate now that someone
else had actually come along and rescued me. I knew she was feeling that she’d left me to face hell alone while she came home to a loving family, home cooked meals and the security that no one in her household would ever hurt her. But it was a responsibility that I did not want her taking on. She had been so instrumental in keeping me from just quitting; just quitting everything and accepting whatever happened next.
I did something then that I had never done in the years that followed my mother’s death. Hell, I rarely did it when she was alive. I stepped into Kendra and pulled her into my arms for a hug. She gasped and threw her arms around me. The pain in my back had dulled so much during the day that I was easily able to ignore the stabs as she squeezed me tightly.
“Look who learned to hug.” She said into my shoulder.
“I had a really good teacher, she was patient while I learned.” I told her and she squeezed even harder for a moment before letting me go. When she back away her chin quivered. “Come on Kendra, everything is okay now.” I said.
“Yeah, but someone else is taking care of you. It should be me.”
“Don’t do that Kendra. You’ve always taken care of me. I’d like to start taking care of myself.”
“Now don’t you do that.” She hissed at me. “What you’ve been through…most of us would have cracked. You’ve always taken care of yourself too. I’ve never met someone with more grace and strength than you have.”
I had no idea she’d ever thought that of me; now my chin quivered too. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
“God, when’d you get so mushy?” She asked and I laughed, softly. She looked over to Jake, who stood near his truck, patiently. “Remi Dexter living with Jake Wagner. Did you ever, in a million years, see this shit coming?” She smiled delightedly at the scandal it could cause.
“Honestly? No. I’d believe it more if it were you.” I admitted.
“Nah.” She waved her hand airily. “I’ve got my eye on a certain quarterback; but I want details Rem. You and I will need to hang this weekend and I want to know everything.”