“Of course not. We’re delighted that you’re pregnant.” He stopped as if he wanted to say more, but right then Shannon and Rachel returned.
Rachel looked at us both and guessed what we’d been talking about. “Yeah, it was a major bummer. But I’m not giving up yet. The doctor says there is no reason why I can’t carry a baby to full term; I just have to take it easy and get lots of rest.” She glanced at her husband. “But I did all that and still lost him.” Her mouth puckered and her hazel eyes became misty. “The next one will work. I just have to relax.”
I gave her a big hug. “We’ll share mine. I work so much you can have him anytime you want. He can have two moms.”
I noticed how the two couples looked at each other and then down at the floor, but no one would look at me. They all looked uncomfortable, as if they shared a guilty secret.
Then Todd spoke up. “We were thinking since you do work most of the time, and having a baby is a huge commitment, that we could lighten the load, and take him off your hands.”
I laughed. “Sure thing.”
Nobody laughed with me. I searched their faces. “This is a joke, right?”
I felt stunned. Sucker punched. “You’d take him off my hands? As in keep my baby?” I felt a burning sensation in the back of my eyes, and I was so filled with hurt I could barely stand without doubling over.
Todd made a move toward me. But one look at his wife and he stopped. “We would like to adopt your baby, Lyd, if you’d let us.”
“Let you?” My mouth puckered as though I’d swallowed a lemon. “I can’t believe this.”
Shannon came to my side. I spun around and hissed, “Shannon? Kyle? Were you part of this conspiracy? Thinking they could have my baby?”
Shannon’s eyes filled with tears.
I looked at Rachel. “And you. How dare you.”
Rachel opened her mouth to speak but I didn’t want to hear a word, not one word.
I held up my hand to silence her. “No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but this is my baby. I can’t give him or her away like a litter of kittens. How could you ask such a thing?” My voice was rising and I felt myself getting hysterical. “I might be selfish, but even I couldn’t do a thing like that.”
I was backing away, holding my stomach protectively.
Shannon looked guilty. “I knew that. We all did. It was a stupid idea and I told them so.” She put her arm around Rachel, giving her a small hug. “We all love you, and nobody meant to hurt you. It’s just that Todd and Rachel want a baby so very much.”
“But mine?” My voice shook. “You thought she could have mine?”
Kyle spoke. “It was a bad idea.” His eyes pleaded with me. “But come on, Lyd. You know we only want the best for you and none of us expected you to react like this.”
My bottom lip trembled. “How could you?” I croaked, “My own family?”
Shannon ran over and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry, sweetie, we love you, and of course you’re going to keep your baby.”
“Of course you’re going to keep your baby,” I mimicked. “You’re damn right I am. How dare you even look at me! You got me over here, pretending it was for my own good, and tried to take my baby from me.” I knew I was losing it, but I didn’t give a damn. “This baby is a part of me. Why don’t you all just tie me down, slice me open, and take my liver instead. Sell it on the black market. It would be the same damn thing!”
Rachel burst into tears. She sank on the couch, covering her face. “Lydia, I’m so sorry. We didn’t think it through, and it was crazy and stupid. Please don’t be angry.”
“I am angry.”
Todd came forward to put his arms around me, but I shook him off. “Don’t friggin’ touch me. Don’t even come near.”
I had my arms wrapped around my middle and I kept backing away. “Maybe I should find someone outside the family to take care of the baby while I’m at work. Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
“Don’t be silly,” Shannon cried. “I’m home anyway. We won’t interfere, I promise.”
“I don’t think so.” I had to get out of there. “I’m going upstairs to pack my things and I don’t want to speak about this anymore.” My eyes swept over each one, leaving no doubt in any of their minds how deeply they had hurt me.
“Lydia…” Rachel whispered.
I rushed out of the room, threw my belongings in my bag, and galloped down the stairs. They were all standing in the living room, exactly where I’d left them.
“Don’t call me. I don’t want to hear from any of you.”
Shannon was bawling I was glad to notice.
“Come on, Lyd, you can’t leave like this. Stay and let’s sort this out.” Todd tried to pry the small overnight bag out of my hands.
“Get away from me and my bag before I hammer you with it.”
He stepped back, throwing his hands in the air.
“The four of you make me want to puke. You bunch of…of…baby stealers!” I couldn’t look at Shannon, so I glared at Kyle. “Why don’t you and my dear sister, sell your unborn to them? You have two others, what difference would one child make?”
I didn’t wait for a reply. I took four long strides to the door, flung it open, and made sure I slammed it behind me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I went home, crawled into bed, and cried. My crying jag probably lasted for an hour but it felt more like days. I didn’t know I had that many tears in me. I must have been storing them up for years.
I didn’t ever want to see my family again. Not in this lifetime. Trying to steal my kid. The kid and me—we were a team. For good or bad, richer or poorer, we were as one. The baby was a part of me. How dare they think that I would give him or her up?
The following morning I heard a soft knock on my door. “Who is it?” I called.
“It’s me, Lydia. Please let me in?” It was Rachel.
I unlocked the door and opened it a foot. Not enough to let her in, but wide enough so we could talk eye to eye. “I know why you’re here, and I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“You have to. Your brother and I,” tears filled her eyes, “are really, really sorry.” She put her hand out. “It was unforgivable, but please say you will? Forgive us? Please?”
I took her hand. “You should be ashamed. How could you…think…that I didn’t want my own baby?”
We hugged and sniffled a little. “I was bonkers and so was Todd. Of course you want a baby.” Her face twisted into a painful smile. “Who doesn’t?”
“I know, and I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been so tough on you. You want a baby more than anything.”
“Yes, we do. And we will one day. I just know it.” She stepped back. “As a peace offering, I have brought something for you.”
“You didn’t need to…”
“Guys, you can come out now,” Rachel called.
Todd was holding the elevator, and my mother and father stepped out. “They wanted to come and just needed a little encouragement,” she whispered.
Mom opened her arms and wept. “Lydia, Sweetheart. We are two old fools who need to say we’re sorry. We love you darling, and we are so proud and happy that you are going to make us grandparents again.”
Dad added, “Congratulations, my darling girl. Now, what are you waiting for? Invite us in so we can have a drink to celebrate.”
Everyone crowded into my apartment and started talking at once. The warmth of their love reminded me of Christmas, only this was so much better.
* * *
Mornings were the worst time. I’d get up and feel okay, but before I could get a cup of tea or a piece of toast down I’d have to run to the bathroom and be sick. Shannon had told me to buy some “Preggy pops” which I could suck on to combat the nausea, so I walked around a lot with a sucker in my mouth.
I wondered how long this would last. I couldn’t wait to get to the glowing part, where I’d have a little belly showing and look lovely in my maternity clothes, and my
complexion would glow. It sounded good in theory but I had my doubts.
I started to think of myself differently. Not as a divorce attorney but as a mother-to-be. I don’t know how to explain it except it consumed me.
I was reading a book that explained how my body was changing and what my baby looked like week by week. I was now in my eighth week and the fetus was about the size of a pinto bean. My uterus was the size of a grapefruit. So, in my grapefruit I had a pinto bean with eyelids forming, a tip of a nose, and these itsy, bitsy ears.
It’s so cute.
Melanie called to offer some of her old stuff that she wouldn’t be needing anymore. I was lucky to have both Shannon and Melanie ready to hook me up so I didn’t have to rush out to buy a thing. But, spank me. I wanted to. It wasn’t that I was a spoiled brat or thought second-hands were beneath me. That wasn’t it. It was my first baby, and a part of me wanted to go a little crazy and buy everything new.
“We have a crib we don’t use anymore, a stroller, the bassinette, everything,” Melanie told me, “so don’t buy anything until you come over and look in our garage. Everything is in good shape and we’d love for you to have it.”
I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and it was a kind and generous offer. “Thanks, Mel. That’s really sweet. I haven’t got too much room in my apartment for those things, but I guess I’ll have to make room.”
I figured I’d have to move to a bigger place eventually, and it might be a good idea to start looking now. It would be safer to get away from Southgate Towers. Away from Jed. Away from temptation.
Mel sighed. “I guess you will. So, how are you feeling?”
“Like my life is on hold. It won’t start up again until the baby is born, and then it won’t be my old life, but a new one. I’ll be a mom.” I gave a shaky laugh. “Am I a little crazy or do all soon-to-be mothers feel like that?”
“Of course they do. Change is a scary thing—you know that—with all the moving you did as a kid. Never knowing what the future holds…it must be especially difficult for you. I mean, you always have everything planned out to the last millisecond.”
“Sometimes I think I’ll wake up and find out it’s all a dream.”
“It’ll get real when you can’t zipper up your jeans.” Melanie added, “Wait until you have the sonogram done and you listen to the heartbeat. You’ll never hear a more beautiful sound in the world.”
“I have a second appointment next week. Want to come?”
“I’d love to. Then we can come back here and go through the garage. It’ll be fun.”
Right after I hung up the phone, it rang again.
“Are you trying to avoid me?”
It was Jed. He’d been calling me every few days and it was hard thinking up excuses. Slowly, I said, “No, of course not.”
“Good. It’s six o’clock and I’m starved. I would like your company for dinner and don’t even think of telling me you’ve already eaten. I know better.”
I swallowed, thinking hard. “I can’t. Sorry, I’m dieting. I’ve put a few pounds on lately and I’m trying to get rid of them.” It was the truth, and it was also a great idea in case I ran into him and he noticed my gradual weight gain. “My clothes are getting tight, so I’m just having a salad tonight.”
“Maybe you need some exercise. Want to go for a bike ride or a run? I know you love running on the beach and you haven’t been doing it lately.”
Shit. What now?
“No, the ankle keeps swelling whenever I push it too hard and I was on it too much today.”
“How about a movie then? Your choice?”
I was having a difficult time catching my breath. He sounded so sincere and even a little hurt. How much longer could I keep the truth from him? He had to move on, that was all there was to it. Because I knew now, more than ever, that I was not about to share custody. I wanted to breast-feed…I wanted to wake up at night and hold the little warm body wrapped in flannel next to me, and smell the baby scent of talcum powder. He didn’t really want the baby; and it would be impossible to convince him that I could be as good of a parent as he was. But I would be. I would!
I gripped the phone tight. I’m such a lousy liar, and I never would’ve been able to pull it off if we were face to face but I had to get him to back off. To go away. To leave me alone.
Tears fell down my cheeks, but he didn’t know that. I could still pull this off…if I could utter the words without breaking down.
Mustering strength I spoke as coldly as I could, while my entire body trembled from want. “How about if you take a hint? I’m not interested. Okay? Do you have to make me spell it out?”
Silence.
I hung up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Melanie and I went to the doctor’s office together and I was feeling a little more at ease. We had to sit in the reception room for at least a half hour while we saw men in suits, which I guessed were pharmaceutical reps, come and go. It was annoying, but at least I had company.
Her little hoodlums were playing in a corner with a couple of trucks that were better suited to younger children. At least it kept them quiet and surprisingly subdued. I whispered to Melanie, “What’s up with the boys? Did you wire their jaws shut or something?”
“Ritalin. The boy’s Pediatrician decided they were ADD and prescribed the miracle drug. I don’t know what took him so long.”
“My, my, my.” I purred, “What perfect angels they are now.”
“Yes, it is a blessing.” She gave a heartfelt sigh. “But I almost miss the little monsters.”
I looked over at them and back at her. “Yes, they seem almost too good to be true. I hope they still have some of their old spunk.”
“Me too.” Melanie, probably feeling guilty for drugging them, went over to keep them company. I started to flip through a baby book that showed how my baby looked now in the second month. The pictures were amazing; the embryo really did resemble a living creature (an alien, really), with a head, eyes, and little limbs forming. I briefly wondered if real life aliens were actually unborn fetuses, not only because they look alike but because in their space ship where they research human life forms the people are trapped in something that resembles an amniotic sac.
Aha! It’s something to ponder. I was dying to tell Melanie or someone about my new theory, but they might think my hormones had made me slightly crazy. I really enjoy reading these books and seeing the baby’s growth month by month. I was almost disappointed when it was my turn to go in.
“How are you feeling about the pregnancy now, Lydia?” Doctor Shelby asked.
“I’m getting a little more used to the idea.” My hands touched my stomach protectively.
“That’s what I was hoping to hear.” She looked through my chart and said, “I see you’re forty. I would recommend you do a CVS, chorionic villus sampling. It’s a simple test to check for any abnormality in your baby’s chromosomes, and it should be done this month.”
“Do you think it’s necessary? And what are the risks?”
“It has a slighter higher risk factor than amniocentesis, which is usually done around the fourth month, but because this is your first pregnancy and we factor in your age, it’s a good idea to have it done.”
“Let’s do it then.”
“If you decide to have the baby regardless of the outcome, then it’s an unnecessary risk.”
“If something were wrong I’d still want to know, so yes, I would like to schedule it soon.”
“Very well. How is everything else going? Do you have any concerns?” She smiled. “No? That’s good to hear. Are you eating and sleeping well?”
“Yes. But I’ve been having a few mood swings. Sometimes I feel really great about all this, like right now for example, and other times I’m frightened as hell.”
“That’s perfectly understandable. Becoming a parent is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever have to make.”
“Will I get to hear the baby’s heartbea
t today?”
“You certainly will.”
I was excited about the prospect of hearing that little heart beating inside me. But I didn’t know how much it would affect me.
I had to wait until they took my weight, urine sample, and blood pressure, then they had me lay down on my back with my belly exposed. The nurse-practioner put a little cool jelly on my abdomen and let the cold metal of the sonogram glide over my stomach. She stopped and let me listen.
I heard it. Thump. Thump. Thump.
As swift as a cupid’s arrow, I fell in complete and total unconditional love.
* * *
My forced vacation time was finally up and I was allowed to return to work. I dressed with extra care, wearing one of my looser suits that gave me some breathing room, and a crisp white blouse underneath. I wore my hair in a sophisticated French roll, put on hose and high heels and felt terrific. I was officially a lawyer again, and I could sue anybody I liked.
Oh, happy day.
First Fran, then Susie, stopped me on my way to the office, telling me how refreshed I looked, and how glad they were to see me back. Susie was complimenting me about my glowing skin and quizzing me on what new beauty treatment I was using, when Marcia showed up. She shot me a look, then stopped, her brows knitting together in a frown. “You do look different.” Her cat-like eyes swept over me. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pregnant.”
“Ha.” I said, as if she’d come up with a good one. “Fat chance of that, right?”
Susie gave me a quizzical look. “You don’t even have a guy, do you?”
“No, and I don’t want one. Why ask for trouble?”
“Because sleeping alone gets awfully boring,” she pointed out. “And you’re so attractive and smart you could have your pick.”
Marcia gave me that knowing look and said, “I think she’s got a guy stashed somewhere. A secret lover that she’s not telling us about.”
My eyes searched hers. Did she know? Was it possible that she might have seen me with Jed the night we went out for dinner? Or at Walgreen’s when I bought the EPT kits? No, she was just fishing, that was all.
The Candy Bar Complete - 4 book box set: Candy Bar Series Page 16