We looked at each other for a long moment, and I thought about blurting out everything, right now, before I changed my mind. It was on the tip of my tongue. I tried it out my head. I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby. Whoopee!
Well, wouldn’t that be a kicker for starters.
I opened my mouth and shut it again. After dinner I’d tell him. We could sit on the sofa and have a long conversation and plan the future. I knew he’d be a wonderful father and I’d never limit his visitation rights, but the baby would live with me. I’d explain it all to him after dinner.
Yes, that would be so much better.
I felt his hand give mine a squeeze and the feeling sent a message right through my entire body.
“I never know where I stand with you. One minute you’re hot, the next, you freeze me out.”
My eyes met his, and that old magic went zinging through me again. I wanted him naked. I wanted his weight on top of me, and to feel him hard and deep, thrusting inside, making me explode from want, and need, and for the love of him…Where had that thought come from? Hadn’t I come here to say good-bye? To let him get on with his life, to find a woman capable of loving him as he deserved to be loved? Of, course, that was why I was here. To tell him about the baby, but also to end this thing we had between us.
I had to be strong and to let him go. He deserved a whole lot more than just occasional, recreational sex with me. And that was as much as I could give him. After all, I didn’t believe in committed relationships, and that happily-ever-after bunk, did I? Well, did I?
“I’m so sorry, Jed. I don’t mean to lead you on, and you do know I care for you.” I smiled beguilingly up at him. “But we’re just friends, right?”
His eyes grew sad, and his smile was forced. “Of course.”
I didn’t want to hurt him. I wished things could be different between us, but our timing sucked. And timing in life was everything. So, I said brightly, “Whatcha cooking? It smells yummy.”
“Grilled sea-bass, spinach, rice pilaf, and strawberry cheesecake for dessert.”
“Wow. If you cook like that, I might want to marry you.”
He laughed softly. “The way to a women’s heart is through her stomach.” He stepped toward the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes. Would you like a drink? A glass of wine?”
“No, thanks.” I sat on a sofa where I could watch him work. “Water will do.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Nothing to drink? You’re not afraid of me are you?”
I scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous.” I could feel myself turn an unnatural shade of red. “I just don’t want to drink.”
“You rarely do any more.” His eyes roamed over me. “I remember the first time you were up here.”
“I don’t.” I blinked rapidly, caught up in the lie.
His eyes remained steady, fixed on mine. He spoke softly, “We had a drink, maybe two, and you combusted. You were so hot, so delicious, so incredibly sexy… I thought you might remember that.”
Suddenly he was beside me, his arm swept around me, and he was drawing me near. I swayed a little in his direction. His mouth was close to mine and more than anything in the world I wanted to taste those lips. I watched his eyes darken with desire. It exploded through me with such force my entire body tingled. And I ached. My nipples hardened, and my breasts felt tender, needing to be touched. Without conscious thought I rubbed against him, and he ground his mouth to mine.
Our kiss lasted for a lifetime. I knew if I died right then, it would be enough. It was the Fourth of July, New Year’s Eve, and every celebration I’ve ever had all rolled into one. I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, and I wanted to love with all my heart. My emotions were on a roller-coaster, and it was the most exhilarating ride of my life.
“Jed,” I cried, kissing his cheeks, his mouth, and the sweet corner of his lips. “I think the dinner is burning.”
He nibbled on my bottom lip. “I only want to eat you, if you’ll let me.”
I trembled with the force of my desire. “Please,” I whispered. “I want you so bad.” I tried to shake it off but this feeling wasn’t going anywhere. “This is crazy. I try to be strong around you, but I’m so weak, it’s pathetic. Every time we kiss I can’t stop.”
“Sshh, baby. Don’t even try to make sense of it. You drive me wild too.” His mouth was in my hair, on my brow, along my cheekbone. “I can’t get enough of you. Not even close.”
“Turn off the oven and then take me to bed.”
He grabbed me by the hand. “Come with me. I don’t want to let you go.” Together we ran to the kitchen, turned everything off, and ran for the bed.
He jumped on it, pulling me down. Laying on top of him, for the first time in my life, I was glad for being five feet ten. I wanted to cover every inch of him.
I kissed him softly, and his mouth was sweeter than zinfandel. He tasted so good, his lips so succulent that I opened my mouth to taste him better, but it still wasn’t enough. My skin was burning up, and I felt so incredibly turned on I could cry.
My fingers began to tug at his shirt, opening buttons, enabling me to taste his skin. I heard him moan, and the sound of his pleasure was almost too much. We pulled at each other’s clothes, tossing them aside, kissing each other, touching, exploring, sucking on each other until we were both a shuddering mess of testosterone and estrogen eager to unite.
Somewhere during all this, I muttered, “Jed, Jed, stop for a moment. Oh, yes, just like that. No, I need to tell you something. Yes, now.”
“No, sweetheart. I’m going to explode, and you’re going to explode, and then you can tell me anything you want.”
How was I going to argue with that?
Sometime much later, we got out of bed, nuked the wonderful food he’d made and ate it naked, sitting up in bed. I was glowing from our love-making, and everything in my life at that moment seemed absolutely perfect. I refused to spoil it by telling him now. I would tomorrow. What difference could one day make?
CHAPTER THIRTY
The next morning while Jed showered, I remained in bed and practiced my speech. “Jed. I lied to you when I told you I was fine. I wasn’t. I mean I am, I’m not sick or anything. I’m just pregnant.” That’s what I’d say, and then his eyes would light up with love and pride when he looked at me, and he’d kiss me and tell me he knew all along, and that he’d been waiting for me to trust him enough to tell him. Then he’d lie back beside me and put his head on my tummy, and listen for the baby’s heart-beat.
Or maybe, I’d say, “Jed. You are such a wonderful father. You should have a bunch of kids.” And then I’d smile mysteriously, and whisper, “What would you say if I told you I was pregnant?” And he’d pick me up and swing me around the room, delirious with joy.
Or maybe, he’d just kick my fanny to Timbuktu. And call me a liar, and tell me that I was like every other woman he knew. Untrustworthy. A deceitful bitch.
Shit, shit, shit! What was I going to do? I was already half-way in love with the man.
I heard the sound of the shower and knew I was running out of time. I only had a few minutes left to figure out what to say. But first things first. A man couldn’t cope with this kind of news before his first cup of coffee. I’m a very fair person, and it wasn’t fair to clobber somebody over the head without some caffeine in them.
I slipped out of bed, threw on my bra and panties and one of his shirts, and went into his kitchen to get the Starbucks brewing. I found everything easily enough, and decided to also whip up some scrambled eggs. And then when he had his coffee and breakfast, I’d gently break the news.
He might be upset at first but then we’d both laugh over it, and he’d tease me and say he thought I had just been getting fat. Then we could start thinking up some names for the baby. I smiled as I thought of it, and allowed myself a daydream or two. Then reality set in.
My good spirits vanished like a ghost in the wind. How was I to tell him that something might be wrong? That the tests showed an
abnormality? That our beautiful little love child might not be perfect, but I was having this baby regardless? How was I to tell him that?
He walked into the kitchen and my heart did a double flip. God, he was seriously cute. He had a towel wrapped around his neck and just his jockey shorts on, and I wanted him so much, and was so afraid I was going to lose him. Both his friendship and his respect. He wouldn’t want any part of me once he found out that I’d lied to him. I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in my throat but it was lodged there, and no amount of coffee, or procrastinating, would get rid of it.
“Smells great.” He came up behind me, and kissed the back of my neck.
I shivered and spun around. “Here. I’ve poured you a cup. Black or loaded?”
“Just cream.” He grabbed the carton and poured for himself. “Thanks for making the coffee. I could smell it from the bathroom.” He took a sip. “And thanks for last night.” His eyes lingered on mine. “I’d like to see more of you, Lydia. You’re a terrific lady.”
I smiled, but it was a painful smile. My heart was hammering so hard in my chest I was afraid it was going to break something. “You’re pretty special too.”
He looked at the eggs in my hand. “You were going to cook me breakfast?” He kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, kiddo, but I’ve got to run. I have a meeting in an hour, and a zillion and one things to do today.”
I sighed with relief and felt a ten pound weight slide off my shoulders. “That’s all right. I’ll just shower and dress.”
He gave me a long, slow kiss before we left together, and promised to call me in a day or two when his schedule was less hectic.
I rode the elevator down with him and got off on my floor. When the door slid closed, I nearly dropped to my knees with relief. I had a reprieve.
* * *
Susie was having another one of her botox parties. She had invited the girls from the office, Hal, and a few others eager for an afternoon of relaxation and beautification. Personally, I’m a little chicken with needles, but I went to give moral support while the brave ones injected botulism into their system.
Susan’s father was there, oozing charm and wielding his needle, while all the ladies and a few of the guys tittered happily as he insisted they didn’t need it, but it couldn’t hurt. One of the younger girls in the secretarial pool offered to go first. Naturally, the good doctor had a hard time finding a line to erase, but stoically he set forth on his mission of perfection. When she told everyone it didn’t hurt, others gallantly lined up.
Susie and Fran had provided appetizers and wine, and everyone was indulging, but me. Hal was telling a group the latest blonde jokes, and I discreetly drifted away. I wandered around Susie’s apartment on my own, admiring the paintings on the walls.
“I love your artwork,” I said to her. “Is it a local artist?”
“Yup,” she blushed. “They’re mine.”
“Really? I’m not an art critic but these are very good. Do you sell them?”
She turned pink. “No, I wish.”
“I’m sure you could do more than wish.” I nodded toward one that had caught my eye. “I mean they are much better than the stuff I have at home. The colors are so vibrant they pop right out at you.”
“It’s just a hobby.” She sounded embarrassed at the compliment. A second later she waved at someone, and said, “Gotta go,” and rushed off to do some hostessy thing.
I watched everyone interact, but my mind was elsewhere, back with Jed. I didn’t know what I was going to do with him. I’d promised myself not to get emotionally involved ever again. And that was exactly what I was doing. It was more than good sex. I was falling for him.
Ellen came over and we talked for a bit. She looked tired but happy as she carried her baby boy in the crook of her arm. I pulled back the blue blanket to take a peek. “He’s darling,” I told her. The little guy had a mass of dark hair on his little head. But no facial hair, I’m happy to report.
“What’s his name?” I tickled his padded foot. He was wearing a Tommy Hilfiger sleeper in a Christmassy red with a little reindeer cap.
“Christopher, since he was born near Christmas.”
“But he was born in October,” I told her.
“Close enough. Besides, I like the name,” she said.
Whatever.
“Well, he’s adorable. His little outfit is so sweet.” I touched his cheek and smiled at him.
“I didn’t know you liked babies.” Ellen looked at me curiously. “I never took you for the maternal type.”
“People change. And besides, I wouldn’t exactly call myself maternal. I like babies; I just don’t want a house full of them.”
“Hmm. So, think you’ll ever get married, have children?”
Damn. How did this conversation start?
“Maybe. Sure. One day.” I plopped a cracker in my mouth to shut myself up.
“Really? When?” The lip under the mustache curled. “You’re not even dating anybody, are you?” She whispered, “I heard about the episode with Ted.”
“There was no episode with Ted.” I said primly.
Ellen reached for a crab stuffed mushroom and I couldn’t help myself. “So, how much weight did you gain with your pregnancy? I hear it can take about a year to get it off.”
Her eyes widened, and she huffed. “That is none of your business.” I smiled at her back as she marched off.
I ambled off, and took a seat in front of Doctor Levine. I smiled bravely. “It doesn’t hurt, right?”
“You’ll just feel a pinch. Nothing more.”
Fran saw me and waved. I waved back. She raced over, nearly knocking the needle out of the good doctor’s hand. “You can’t do that!”
“What?”
“Inject poison into your body.”
“It’s not poison,” the doctor smiled through tight lips.
“But she’s pregnant,” Fran whispered.
“I’m sorry. You should have said you’re pregnant.”
Ellen’s head whipped around. “You’re pregnant?”
Hal’s mouth fell open, and I noticed in a detached kind of way that his bottom lip glistened with little black caviar eggs. He strode over to me. “I want to hear this. Or maybe I don’t.” He waved the doctor’s needle away. “It’s not anybody’s baby that I would know, is it?”
I grimaced, which made my eyebrows pinch, increasing my need for that Botox shot. Any kind of shot right now would do the trick. “Let me assure you that if I am having a baby, the father’s identity is none of your concern.”
“You’re having a baby?” Susie looked shocked, and her eyes as they searched mine, were full of hurt.
I nodded. I felt bad that I hadn’t told her, but the truth was—I still wasn’t ready for the office to know. Fran wouldn’t have been privy to the information either if she hadn’t been at my apartment the day Jed called.
She recovered sufficiently to say, “Wow! That’s great, isn’t it everybody?”
Dead silence.
Fran’s face was crimson and she tried to shield me. “I think the doctor made a mistake. I didn’t say pregnant. I said she didn’t need that.” She made a funny face, “Pregnant—need that. It kind of sounds the same.”
I stood up. My mouth opened and closed. “No comment,” I said on my behalf. I turned, grabbed my purse, and dashed out of the apartment before my tongue got me into trouble.
* * *
I had a call from Doctor Shelby’s office telling me to schedule a visit as soon as possible. The moment I heard the recording I knew it was bad news, but due to my busy schedule and the Doctor’s, I couldn’t get in for two days. Two of the longest days of my life.
Waiting in the reception room, I held a magazine in my hand, but my eyes glazed over and I was unable to focus. I spent a great deal of time staring at walls and darting glances toward the closed door.
Finally it was my turn and the nurse practitioner called me in. I closed the book, put it back on the magazine
rack, took several calming breaths, and followed her through the maze of corridors, only to once again sit and wait for Doctor Shelby to appear.
The minutes passed by, each one more excruciating than the next. There is so much to worry about in life, and babies are probably highest on the list. Even if you’re not pregnant you worry about mistakenly getting pregnant, about how long you should stay on birth control, what kind of birth control, and the risk factor involved.
I’d checked out chromosome abnormalities on the internet and found nothing to relieve my mind. The more I discovered the worse it got. The news could either be bad or really, hideously bad. Good was on some other page. So, unless she was calling me in to tell me everything was okay, and that all the tests had been one big fat stupid mistake, I was not going to leave here happy.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Lydia.” Doctor Shelby said as we shook hands.
“It’s okay. I probably don’t want to hear what you have to say anyway.”
She didn’t meet my eyes, so I continued talking, maybe so she wouldn’t. “The tests came back, didn’t they? I’ve already figured out the news is not good, but how bad is it?”
“I’m sorry, Lydia. We did extensive testing with the same positive result. It does appear to be a problem with one of the chromosomes as we thought earlier, but it’s too early to detect which one, or what that means for the baby.”
My heart stopped beating, and I felt a wave of nausea. “Doctor, give me the worst case scenario, so I know what I’m dealing with.” My hands were shaking, the palms moist. I gripped them tight around the handles off my purse. “Is there any hope at all?”
She spoke gently. “There is always hope, Lydia. But I do want you to be prepared.”
“Yes, of course.”
“We will know a lot more in another month or so.”
I fidgeted by crossing and uncrossing my knees, so scared I wanted to scream. “How long can I wait and still have a therapeutic termination?”
“A little longer. We still have a few more tests we can do to weed out other possibilities.”
I tried to swallow but couldn’t. I felt as if I had a thick hairball stuck in my throat and nothing would go down. I also hoped nothing would come up, because my stomach was doing back-flips, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by hurling in her nice office.
The Candy Bar Complete - 4 book box set: Candy Bar Series Page 21