“Speaking of Candy. When is she coming back?”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes and put my hands on my hips. “You want to get rid of me?”
He smiled that low, special smile. “Not likely.”
“That’s good, because I don’t want to be rid of you.” Candy had to wait for Billy to be well enough to fly home. He’d had a motorcycle accident and had a hip injury and a broken leg. Hank was still with her. She said she didn’t know how she would have held up without his support.
I vaguely wondered if there was anything romantic going on between them, and hoped so, for my friend. She deserved a good man to enrich her life, whether she knew it or not. “Candy calls me every day, but she’s still not sure when Billy will be released from the hospital.”
We sat in companionable silence for a while. Finally, Brett said, “He needs a role model. A man of authority that he can relate to and trust.”
“I know. Candy needs to find a man.”
He laughed. “I’m not sure she’d agree with you.”
“You’re right. She’s about as independent as they come. In some ways I can’t wait for her to get back, and in other ways I’m dreading it. Working for her won’t be as much fun as playing boss.”
“Maybe she’ll take more time off work and be home nights. She needs to keep a close watch on that kid of hers.”
“Maybe. We’ll see.” I slid off the barstool. “I’ll be right back, Brett. Can I get you anything? Another beer? Something to eat?”
“A beer will do. Thanks, Sus.” Nobody called me that. It was so weird hearing it from his mouth, but I liked it. He spoiled it by saying, “I wonder what’s keeping Sam?”
“Yeah.” Damn. I’d nearly forgotten he had a girlfriend, but he was right. She was later than she’d said she would be. “It is odd. She should have been here by now.”
“I’ll go outside and try her on her cell phone.” I watched him leave and turned toward the band. I knew they’d be taking a break about now. I was curious to see if I’d notice anything new or different about J.J., like I had with Brett. What good is it to see into somebody and love what you’re seeing, if the guy is involved with someone else, and she holds the key to his heart?
J.J. wanted me, but did I want him? I’d know in a minute. I hoped I’d be able to look into him like I had with Brett and discover something nice and warm under that sexy exterior.
I waylaid him as he stepped down from the stage. “Hey.” I gave him a sparkly smile. “Exceptional set tonight. The second song you played, was it new? It was one of your best.”
“Naw, nothing new. Just did a little different spin on an old favorite. Don’t know what hit me, but it just came out that way and the band followed. Glad you liked it.” We smiled at each other. I tried peering into his eyes but his cowboy hat made shadows over his face, preventing me from looking deeper. “What’s wrong? Have I got pizza stuck in my mustache or something?”
“No, of course not. It’s just that your hat always hides your face.”
“It’s part of the image. Drives females wild.” He gave me a bad-ass smile.
“I’m not a groupie, and I happen to like eyes. Always thought you had the deepest, bluest eyes I’ve ever seen on a guy. At first I thought they were contacts.”
“Since you remember what they look like, you don’t have to see them. Do you?”
Oh, what was the point? He was determined to push my buttons, and I wasn’t in the mood. “You’re right. I don’t.”
Stiffly, I turned away, but he grabbed my arm. “Hey. I’m sorry. Come on, give me a kiss.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. I’d rather kiss a baboon.”
“You know you want to.” His gaze dropped to my mouth. “And I want to.”
“Oh, go away.” I flung his arm off, and tilted my chin in the air. He laughed, and I watched him saunter off. I swear he hadn’t taken more than two steps when a pack of girls were on to him. He tossed me a look as if to say, what’s a guy to do, then turned his attention to the prettiest and most scantily-dressed girls surrounding him.
I shrugged. I didn’t care enough to give a damn. When I returned to the bar I saw that Samantha had finally shown up, which was good since the place had gotten busy and she was needed. Only thing, instead of working she was cozying up to Brett.
She saw me heading toward her and got back to work. I smiled. There was something about being the boss lady that made my day. Brett raised an eyebrow. “What did you do? I’ve never seen Sam move so fast.”
I laughed. “I’m sure you’ve seen most of her moves.”
He grinned. “She’s okay.”
“Just okay?” I don’t know why I asked.
“Okay, okay. I mean she’s really great and all that, but I’m starting to think something is missing.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Like, why am I telling you this?”
“I have no idea.” I leaned over the counter, resting my chin in my hand. “Maybe I’m a good listener.” Why was I always flirting with him? I should stop, after all he had a girlfriend, and I had something to look forward to. Florence. Soon I’d be strolling the streets and sketching charming little piazzas and churches and sidewalk cafés. Just being in Italy would inspire me. How could it not?
“What are you thinking?” He tilted his head, giving me a quizzical look. “Your eyes are sparkling. I’ve never seen you look this way before. As if you’re ready to burst out of your skin.”
I laughed. “I am, and I was thinking about my trip to Italy and painting every day. I can’t wait.”
He gave my hand a squeeze. “You’re cute when you get excited.”
Cute, I don’t mind. Beautiful, and I would have had to sock him. “So what did you wish for?”
“I can’t tell you.” He rubbed his hand over his jaw, as if giving it serious consideration. “If I did, it wouldn’t come true, now would it?”
“Well,” I grinned, twirling a lock of my hair. “I guess not. So, I’m not telling you either.” I got busy after that, and didn’t have another chance to speak with Brett alone. After locking up I was out in the parking lot and saw him leaving with Sam. I stood in the shadows watching as Brett helped her into his shiny black Ford pickup truck. It was a high step up, and his hand was on her fanny as he gave her a gentle push. Once inside, she turned and planted her lips on his.
His hands went into her hair, and like an idiot I watched as he deepened the kiss. It wasn’t just a twinge of envy I felt. It was more of a flat feeling, as though my insides had been hammered down to my toes. I wanted him to kiss me like that. Just once. The memory could last me for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I was only home about an hour when my doorbell rang. I guessed who it was, but I answered it anyway.
“Hey.” J.J. was standing there with a pizza and a case of Corona. “Thought you might be hungry. I didn’t see you eat anything tonight.”
He was right. I hadn’t eaten, but I was surprised he’d noticed. Other than the size of women’s grapefruits, I didn’t think he noticed a lot. Maybe I was selling him short, though. He could have a lot more depth than I remembered, or changed from that bad boy I’d lost my virginity to into the kind of man you’d want to keep around for the next fifty years. I mean, it can happen, right?
Especially with a little magic floating around. Bottom line is—I stepped aside, and he followed me in. I didn’t want his pizza, or his beer, or him, but I was feeling numb inside and didn’t want to be alone.
I had been watching a late night movie, a scary movie about a guy and his saw, and maybe it was good to have someone with me when this guy on the big screen was hacking everybody into sushi-sized pieces.
And the pizza and J.J. smelled awfully good. He was freshly showered and wearing my favorite cologne. I was surprised he remembered the fact that I liked it, or maybe he didn’t. Anyway, it was a nice, musky, manly smell that went well with pizza and beer.
What did I care?
He smelled nice, and I was lonely. Why wait for something better to come along? True love was not in my cards. If my own parents couldn’t love me, I couldn’t expect anyone else to. Especially someone as handsome and fabulous as Brett. It wasn’t going to happen.
The Candy Bar magic had given me a glimpse of his soul, and the opportunity to realize what an incredibly wonderful, good person he was, but it only made things worse. What was the point of seeing into his goodness, but not allowed to be a part of his life? To see, to feel, to want, and not to have? What was the point of that?
None that I could see, and I’ve become exceptionally good at seeing things clearly. I might as well enjoy myself physically with somebody who wanted me.
I could handle J.J.
I wasn’t going to get hurt by him, not like he had hurt me before. This time was different. I was the one who’d be calling the shots and saying when it was over. I would enjoy him for as long as his gig lasted, and then he’d leave and I would be free of him. My sexual appetite would be appeased, and I could go to Italy and paint my heart out and have a wonderful fling with a sexy, hot-blooded Italian.
I was getting tired of Mr. Wrongs. How many bad boys did one girl need? I think I’ve had my fill, thank you very much, and might be ready to meet someone my family would approve of. Perhaps, I might even give the gynecologist, Robert, a call.
Right after I had my fill of J.J.
We ate a couple of pieces of the rich, gooey, fully loaded pizza, downed a couple of beers, and watched the guy on TV run around with the saw.
J.J. thought it was funny when he hacked people’s heads off, and because he was sitting so close to me, my attention was wandering, and the ghoulish, bloody scenes didn’t frighten me at all. I kept glancing down at his thighs. They were attracting a lot of my attention, as was the bulge in his pants. My imagination was getting a little playful, with some vivid visuals having to do with his legs and what was between them. We talked and caught up on the missing years of our lives, which must have taken all of thirty or forty minutes, and then we started making out.
He was one hell of a kisser. His tongue made sensual, suggestive love to mine. When I was gasping for breath he stopped with my mouth, and kissed my neck and nibbled on my ear, eliciting small shivers from me. He lifted my top and found me braless, my nipples hard pebbles, aching to be touched. He suckled and licked them for the longest time, until I moaned with pleasure and squirmed against him. His hand dipped into my gym shorts, and I was ready for him.
The sex was good. Not the head-banging, over-the top, fly-me-to-the-moon stuff I’d remembered it being, but I had a multiple, and that alone was worth a possible repeat.
He’d fallen asleep almost immediately, but I was too wired from the entire weirdness of it all. It was strange having J.J. here in my apartment, yet way too familiar. It almost looked like he’d never left. He was curled up in bed with one hand tucked under my pillow, and the other around Merrybell. My traitor cat had bonded with him immediately, and she was contentedly sleeping in his arms instead of mine.
* * *
“I’m not falling for him, Helga. I’m just using him.”
“And what if he’s also using you? How would that make you feel?”
“Okay, I guess. As long as we are both upfront about it, and realize we’re only in it for a good time, and a short time. It’s kind of a farewell fuck. For old time’s sake.”
“Is this cavalier attitude towards sex safe with this unscrupulous man?”
I thought about that. “Sure. I don’t see why not. We use condoms, and I did ask him in an indirect way if he’d ever had an STD.”
Helga sipped her tea. “That sounds more like a direct approach to me.”
“Well, the answer was no. So, I’m safe.”
“I don’t want to see your mouth developing any cold sores, Susie.”
I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I like it better when she drifts off into la-la land. It used to annoy me when I’d hear her snore, until I discovered I could say anything I liked and even go into overtime.
“What about that other nice man you told me about? The firefighter? What’s happening with him?”
“He’s still seeing Samantha, the cocktail waitress at the bar, but I’m pretty sure she’s got a thing going with his best friend.”
“What makes you think that?”
“They go to extremes to avoid eye contact and that’s just one of the signs.”
“Instead of J.J.,” Helga said, “you should give the firefighter a romp in the sack.”
My mouth fell open. She still managed to surprise me. “I couldn’t do that. We’re just friends, and I’m leaving in less than a month, so what’s the point?”
Helga snorted. “The point? You tell me you’ve had a thing for this man since you were a young girl, and you are going to walk away and let him make a mistake? Why not fight for him?”
“Two reasons. He doesn’t want me, Helga. Also, I don’t want a man to tie me down. Not now. Not when I’m so close to leaving and doing something I’ve always wanted. I’m pursuing my dream, Helga, and nothing is going to stop me. I’m doing this for me. Brett has to decide whether he loves Samantha, or not. If so, he should marry her.”
“Such generosity of spirit,” she scoffed.
“Well, what do you want me to do? Bat her over the head and steal her man?”
Helga’s lips twitched. “That certainly sounds more like your usual M.O., not that I would recommend it.”
I laughed. “I get such a kick out of you.”
“As I do you.” She yawned, and looked suddenly sleepy.
I mumbled, “Joe is actually the better looking of the two, but Brett is definitely nicer.”
“So,” she smiled. “No more Shallow Susie. You’re discovering that beauty goes beyond the skin. There is hope for you, my dear. I am so glad.”
Sniffing, I said, “I have no idea why I continue to come and see you.”
* * *
It was close to three o’clock by the time I got home, changed into my jogging shorts, and headed out the door.
I tried to run every day, three to five miles, and didn’t get my time in this morning. I still had to burn off the pizza and beer from the night before. I jogged east to the ocean, and met the path that ran the length of the beach.
The salty fresh air filled my nostrils, and I could glimpse the tips of waves form a crest and fall. The water was the most incredible shade of turquoise and shimmered as sparks of light glinted and twinkled upon the surface. The soft white sand was as fine as a pinch of salt. I had never noticed that before, and the color of the sky, it was the deepest blue I’d ever seen, and…and…the few clouds were like gossamer and lace.
My heart raced along with my legs. My eyes were busy taking everything in. Women strolling down the street in bikinis and high heels, strutting their stuff, men with cell phones pasted to their ear, walking the walk.
Waiters in stiff white shirts and black vests hovered like well-mannered penguins over fine-looking tables. White cloths and napkins, sparkling silverware and china, and a vision of awnings dappled the street.
My hands itched to paint the scene exactly as I saw it. My legs slowed down, and I stopped running to take in all these delicious new sights, and sounds, and smells. I was appalled that I had lived for so long without seeing, but whether this miracle lasted only a few seconds, or for the rest of my life, I would be forever grateful.
I would never look at anything with dead eyes again.
* * *
Later that night I was back at the Candy Bar and J.J. and his band walked in. I was still floating on air, really believing that a whole new world had opened for me, and I wanted to share my excitement with him.
“Uh, yeah. Sure I dig it. I mean every time I get high, the world is a beautiful place.”
I heard the band members snicker. “You just don’t get it. You’re all a bunch of losers.”
I stomped off, thinking how differently Brett would have
reacted to my amazing new gift. He wouldn’t have turned it into a joke. I didn’t have long to dwell on my disappointment with J.J., because the place was suddenly hopping and the other cocktail waitress had called in sick. I had to pitch in, and didn’t have time to think about anything except keeping the customers happy.
It was around 11:30 when I finally sat down for a breather. J.J. was on stage, so I joined Brett and Joe next to the bar. Joe offered me his seat, saying he was going to ask a chick to dance. Gratefully, I took it.
“Wow. It’s some night.” I blew my bangs out of my eyes. “Samantha earns her money, let me tell you.”
Brett nodded. “Yup, she does. I’ve given up encouraging her to become a teacher like she’d wanted. She says the money’s too good here.”
I saw Joe hanging over Samantha, and kept talking so Brett wouldn’t notice the two of them. I told him all about my run and seeing things differently, and that I had a whole new awareness of the universe. He just shook his head, grinning. “I’ve never met anyone so adorably wacky as you.”
I looked at him. “Is that a compliment?”
He smiled, “Yeah, I think it is.” We were still smiling at each other when Joe and Samantha appeared. “You two seem happy about something.”
I heard the malice in her voice, and nodded. “We are.” I looked at her, and at Joe. Suddenly, my vision blurred and I could see the two of them together in a darkened room. They were both naked, and making out. I didn’t want to see what I was seeing. This was not an image that would help my art, or make me a better person. This was more like a porno flick, and I didn’t want any part of it, but my mind would not shake free, and with a sense of detachment I noticed that she had a tattoo on the small of her back, and that he was nicely endowed.
Blushing, I jumped off the stool. “Hey guys, I’ve got things to do. Sam, it’s your turn for a break.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
For the rest of the night I watched Brett watching Sam. He’d dump her in a minute if he knew she was cheating on him with his best friend, but I couldn’t be the one to tell him, and how would I explain it if I did.
The Candy Bar Complete - 4 book box set: Candy Bar Series Page 34