Since I didn’t have his cell phone number, I found the number of the fire station and called. “Hello? No, this is not an emergency. I just need to know if Brett Hamilton is there, please?”
“Sorry, I can’t give out that information unless I know who is calling.”
“A friend. I need to warn him about something.”
“Look, lady. He’s out on a call. Go to sleep, and call him in the morning. Sheesh. Women.” The guy hung up.
He probably thought I was a jealous girlfriend checking up on him. He didn’t know I was trying to save his life. I thought about calling him back, but decided I’d have better luck getting his cell number from Caitlin.
She wasn’t too happy when I woke her. “Damn, Susie. Why are you awake at this hour?” she grumbled.
I didn’t want to worry her, but I had to tell her something. “I had a vision of something happening in the future, and it involves Brett. I’m not sure how it works, but I think I might be able to change the outcome if I warn a person first.” I drew in a shaky breath, “Look, I know I don’t make much sense but just give me his cell phone number, okay? I’ll call you in the morning to explain.” Caitlin muttered something about me being crazy, but she gave me the number. I hung up and called.
No answer.
I went out onto the balcony and saw smoke in the faraway distance, telling myself that everything was all right. Brett was fine.
My gut didn’t believe it, and neither did I.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I’d spent a sleepless night envisioning Brett trapped in a terrible fire, and had felt the heat of the flames crawling up my own body. My imagination might be playing tricks, but I couldn’t ignore the agony as I felt the heat of the fire scorch my skin. The vision and the smell of burning flesh had been frighteningly real.
I took a long, hot shower to try to warm myself up. Now, in the wake of day, I was cold, chilled to the bone. The pounding of the steamy water on my back and shoulders penetrated my tense muscles and soothed my nerves. I stood there for the longest time, telling myself everything would be all right.
I was a kook, not a clairvoyant.
The phone rang. I turned off the faucet, grabbed a towel, and ran out to the bedroom to answer. “Yes?” I answered, my heart in my throat.
“Susie? It’s Cait.” She was weeping and sniffling, and I knew I wasn’t a kook after all. For once, I wished it were true. “It’s Brett.”
My hands trembled, and I nearly dropped the phone. “Where is he?”
“The Miami Medical Center. Burn unit. I’ll meet you there.”
“Thanks, Caitlin.” I felt sick to my stomach, and acid reflux crept into my throat. “How bad is he?”
“I don’t know. His condition is stable, that’s all they’d tell me.” Dear God! Please let him live. And don’t let him be in too much pain. Don’t give him more than he can handle. The drive to the hospital took forever, and I was so twitchy it was like my entire body was an enormous mosquito itch I couldn’t scratch.
When I got to the hospital, Caitlin met me, alone. Their mother had passed away the year before, and the father died in the line of duty eight years ago. She was visibly shaken, and looked so tiny and lost.
“Kara’s in Paris and I can’t reach her,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes.
“Oh, Cait.” I drew her trembling body in my arms, comforting her the best I could. “He’s going to be all right, isn’t he? He’s stable?”
“Yes, that’s what the doctor told me, but his burns…oh, Susie, I’m so scared. I’m going out of my mind thinking about the pain he’s in.” She closed her eyes and wiped away tears. “They haven’t let me see him yet.”
We sat down to wait. Hours passed before Caitlin could see her brother, but I had to come back the following day.
I called Candy and told her the news, and she ordered me to stay home and get some rest. “You’re going to need it, honey. I know how much you care for Brett, and he’s going to need you too.”
I hadn’t realized my feelings for Brett were so apparent, but I didn’t care who knew. He meant the world to me, and until he was well, I wasn’t going anywhere. Italy, be damned. Even if he didn’t want me, I wouldn’t leave him.
When I got to see him the next morning, his face was bandaged up, and I’ve never seen a sadder, scarier sight in my life. I knew from the doctors that he had third degree burns on one side of his face, and less serious burns on the rest of his body.
That gorgeous man wrapped up like an Egyptian mummy, with only his eyes showing, and his mouth. His lips looked dark and puffy, not the soft, succulent lips that could melt me with a smile. I touched his lips lightly with a tip of a finger, so gently that he may or may not have felt it. Leaning toward his poor bandaged face, I whispered, “Brett. I know you’re in there somewhere, and I want you to know that I love you. Please come back to me.”
His eyes were closed and I didn’t know if he could hear me or not. I was glad for that because it allowed me to say things to him that I never would have otherwise. I sat in a chair next to his bed, and held his hand. “I know you can’t talk and you can’t see me right now, but I’m just so very glad you’re alive.” Tears ran down my cheeks. “Please hurry and get well. I miss your smile, and your laughter, and, well, everything about you.”
I thought I felt a slight pressure in his hand, but I may have imagined it. “Do you know I’m here? Can you hear me?”
The pressure was stronger this time. I knew he was listening. “Everybody is so worried about you. Samantha, Caitlin, Candy, Fran. Me. We all love you, and want you to hurry up and get out of here. You will, won’t you? I know you’re in pain, but you’re strong. Keep fighting, Brett.”
Caitlin and Samantha came in as I was talking. I let go of his hand and reluctantly gave up the chair. “Hi, Cait. Hi, Sam. He’s doing great and can hear us. Can’t you, Brett?”
Samantha leaned in and kissed his bandaged cheek. “Hi, honey. It’s me. Samantha. We’re all pulling for you, sweetheart. We want you to hurry up and get better.” There was so much sincerity in Sam’s voice and concern on her pretty face that I wondered if I’d been wrong about her and Joe. Maybe they were just friends and she did love Brett after all. I hoped so. He needed her love and support more than ever.
It would take months, or years, and several operations—even with my father weaving his magic—before his face would be perfect again. Not that I would care about his scars. I’d love him anyway. If he were mine. Our relationship was complicated. Not lovers, but more than friends. I was pretty sure he was planning on breaking up with Samantha after her birthday, but this accident had changed everything.
Still, I was torn up about my decision to leave in a few weeks. How could I leave him lying here in a hospital bed? I’d never walked away from anyone who’d ever needed me, in my entire life. How could I now walk away from Brett? It was unthinkable. He would need all the emotional support he could get.
The courses at the Accademia Europea ran every month. I didn’t have to start in September. I could wait until Brett was out of the hospital, back on his feet, recovering beautifully with Samantha by his side. Perhaps this accident would even bring them closer together. The thought didn’t cheer me up. “Bye, Brett.” I touched his leg. “I’ll drop by tomorrow.”
* * *
Labor Day came and went, and Brett remained in the hospital. Days turned into weeks, and I watched Brett and Samantha in the hospital room, and came to the conclusion that I was wrong about him.
He cared about her, not me.
Why else would he keep encouraging me to leave on my scheduled trip, saying Samantha could look after him?
I spent more and more time in the shelter with the kids because I knew for certain that they needed me. They didn’t have functional families to go to, and only had each other. I loved the kids, and drew strength from them. Each time one of the little children greeted me with a smile and a hug, I knew that I was helping make them whole again. In
turn, they also filled the empty spaces inside of me.
I continued to visit Brett every day, refusing to let him feel sorry for himself. I’d spent enough time in my own life doing that, and it was a pure waste of time and energy. Why hate yourself and beat yourself up? There were enough people in the world clamoring at the chance to do it for you.
A month passed before his release from the hospital. It wasn’t the happy moment we’d all anticipated, because he was walking out a different man than the one who’d come in.
A mass of red, raw-looking scars started below his left eye, over his cheekbone, and to his left ear. The tip of his ear was gone.
At my request, Dad had taken care of his surgery, but he’d told us both that it would take several skin grafts and operations before he’d be back to normal again. It was a lengthy process, and I for one, had expected that.
Samantha cried and cried when his bandages were removed and his face revealed. I put my arm over her shoulder and led her away but once we were in the washroom, I really let her have it.
“How could you be so insensitive in front of him? Don’t you know how frightened he must be?” I stepped away from her because I had half a mind to shake her. “You’ve got to get it together, Samantha, and go back in there and tell him how much you love him. He needs to hear that from you.”
She sniffled, and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry I broke down. It was totally awful of me.” She stepped to the sink, turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face. “But he looks so bad. Those ugly scars will go away, won’t they? I mean, he won’t have to live with them, right?”
Our eyes met in the mirror.
“They won’t go away overnight,” I said quietly. “It’s going to take time, and more operations, but I expect eventually his face will be fine.”
“Look. I can’t go back in there right now.” Sam’s mouth trembled. “Please, make some excuse up for me. If I go back in, I’ll lose it for sure.” She blew her nose and dabbed at her eyes. “I know you think I’m a shallow bitch and I probably am, but I don’t think I could be with him, looking like that.”
I trembled with rage. “What does it matter how he looks on the outside, if you love him?” I put my hand on my chest. “Isn’t it what’s inside a person that counts?”
“Yes, of course, and I know he’s a great guy. It’s just that I can’t do this right now. I have to get used to the idea that he won’t look the same.”
I took her firmly by the arm. “He’s waiting for you. Please, Sam?” Tears filled my eyes. “Please, stop thinking about yourself and imagine how he’s feeling right now. Don’t do this to him.”
She pulled her arm away. “I can’t. I know this makes me a horrible person and I’m sorry, I really am.” She closed her eyes and shivered. “He looks hideous. Just the idea of kissing him turns my stomach.”
My hand tightened into a fist. “Samantha. I can’t believe I’m hearing this. I always knew deep down that you didn’t deserve him or love him enough, but I didn’t think even you could be this heartless.”
Her eyes grew cold and her face hardened. “I’m not breaking up with him. I just need to get used to the idea that he isn’t handsome anymore. I mean, it’s not easy.”
“You’re a real piece of work, aren’t you?”
“I’m no different than you. You only go for good-looking guys. J.J. and Joe and Brett.” She turned and walked away.
I wanted to throw my stiletto at the back of her head, but I was afraid I might miss. I went back into the room and told Brett that Samantha had been overly emotional and she’d left. He nodded, but didn’t say a word.
I sat next to him on the bed and held his hand. I told him not to worry because my dad was a miracle worker. “He will make your face good as new. Better than before,” I said with a laugh. Then I told him about me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I’m not sure what I expected Brett’s reaction to be. Shock, dismay, a deeper insight to my soul? What I didn’t expect was his lack of empathy. I mean, I’d just confessed my deep, dark secret to him, something I’ve never told anyone in my entire life except Helga, and he shrugged it off as if it were of no consequence.
He told me beauty came from the inside, not out, and that I had no reason to be ashamed. I’d burst into tears, feeling like an absolute fool. All my life I’d walked around with this cargo load of shame and self-loathing, and for what?
So, who cares if I’d been an ugly child? It didn’t mean I wasn’t a good person underneath.
This discovery should have been a weight off my shoulders, but nothing lifted my spirits. Even the thought of going to Florence didn’t disperse the cloud over my head. If anything, it only darkened my mood.
For more years than I could remember, I’ve dreamed of going to Europe and studying art. I pictured myself wandering around the charming villages, sketching and painting, and soaking in all that culture and atmosphere.
At home, I’d take out my travel books and read about the places I would soon visit, but my heart wasn’t in it. I wanted to be enthused. I’d waited a lifetime for this.
But Samantha had walked out on Brett. No big surprise there. I wouldn’t do the same thing to him. Not for all the pasta in Florence.
The day Brett got out of the hospital, I took him to lunch. We went to the Pan Pacific, an Asian fusion restaurant which was one of my personal favorites. The food was always beautifully presented and tasted even better. For a starter we had duck rolled in a ginger scallion pancake, and it was scrumptious. We sipped on wine, and chatted about nothing.
While we waited for the entrée to be served, I used the ladies’ room. I was inside one of the stalls and heard a couple of young women enter. After discussing their latest crushes, one said, “Did you see the guy sitting a few tables behind us? He was so totally hot until he turned around. Then I saw his face. He had these ugly nasty-looking scars on his cheek.”
“No, I missed him.”
I heard the other gal enter the stall next to me. “I’ll have to check him out on our way to the table.”
“Yeah. It’s really creepy. The girl he’s with is beautiful. I mean, like a model. It’s like seeing Beauty and the Beast.”
I flushed the toilet, and walked over to wash my hands at the sink. I knew the one girl recognized me, so I nodded and smiled. Digging my lipstick out of my bag, I pursed my lips and said, “The guy you were talking about is a firefighter—a real life hero. He’s also got a really big hose.”
I heard the one girl gasp, and the other one giggle, and saw them glance at each other nervously. I took an unusually long time to apply my lipstick, and brush my hair. I was determined to outwait the two girls, and once they’d finished what they’d come in there to do, I fought to keep my feelings under control.
Beauty and the Beast! Ignorant bitch! His scars were nothing. So what if his face wasn’t perfect? He was still the handsomest, most wonderful guy in the world. The girls who’d spoken so cruelly were no different than anyone else. They weren’t intentionally mean-spirited. Like so many people, they simply judged a person from the outside in. I walked back to our table, and saw the two girls watching me. With a huge smile for Brett, I bent and kissed him on the lips. “Hi, honey. Did you miss me?”
He looked dumbfounded. “If that’s the response I get every time you go away for a few minutes, I think I’d like you to stay away longer.”
I laughed. “Don’t get used to it, and don’t ask.”
We had ordered a tempura fried yellowtail fish with ginger, but I only picked at it. The darn girls had ruined my appetite.
“Is anything wrong?”
“No. Everything is fine, but I ordered too much food.”
He caught the eye of our waiter. “Check, please.”
He tried to use his credit card but I wouldn’t let him. “I told you I was buying, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Hard-headed woman.” He grumbled, obviously embarrassed to
let me pay.
“Get used to it.” I had picked him up at the hospital and driven us both to the restaurant. My Mini Cooper is a little small for a big guy like him, but he squeezed his lanky legs in and I drove away.
“Brett? I don’t feel like dropping you off just yet. You’ve been stuck in a hospital too darn long, and it’s such a beautiful day. Mind if we go for a drive?”
“Not at all.” I had the top up to keep the sun off him, but we drove down to the shore, and watched people strolling the beach and kids playing in the sand. I wanted to prolong our time together. I realized that as often as we’d seen each other over the past couple of months, both at the Candy Bar and at the hospital, we had never spent a moment alone.
This was our moment. “I wish we could take off our shoes and walk along the edge of the water. I love doing that.”
He smiled at me. “What else do you love doing?”
“Talking to you.”
“I’m going to miss you when you leave.”
“I won’t be gone forever. A couple of months and then I’ll be back.”
“When do you go?” His head was turned, his eyes on the beach.
“Fifth of January. I figured I might as well stay here for the holidays. Then I’ll be back before you know it.” I wasn’t ready to leave him. Another month or so, he’d be stronger, and then it would be easier to say good-bye.
I gave him a quick glance. He was such a masculine man, so fit, healthy, and handsome that I could cry, but gave him a smile instead. Something shifted inside of me. Maybe it was my ribcage allowing for my heart to expand, because that is exactly how it felt.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Samantha and I barely spoke to each other at work. I knew that she and Brett had not officially broken up, but neither were they together. I didn’t know what he was thinking and feeling about their crazy relationship.
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