“I bet she’s a pleasure to sail on a windy day.” Charles stepped down beside her.
“Fabulous. Once you’ve sailed, you never want to go back to a powerboat,” Kelly replied, taking a gentle dig at his choice of boat.
“It’s easier to fish from a powerboat.”
“But not as romantic.”
“True.”
Aware she was getting in over her head with where the conversation was heading, she turned her attention to removing the bench cover so she could get to the lockers underneath. “Where do you have your boat docked?”
“Down by the Bay Bridge. How long would it take to sail to Catalina Island?”
“Depends on the wind. The round trip makes for a great Saturday.” She and Nick had made the trip many times.
“We could have lunch there some afternoon if you don’t mind taking my boat.”
Kelly glanced up from the locker padlock she was opening. Was he asking for a date? Charles was watching her with a twinkle in his eyes. He had said she would owe him one, and this request might actually be useful to her. “I rarely turn down an invitation for a meal,” she finally replied.
“Good.”
Thank you, Charles. He had just given her something she was going to need—a way to extricate herself when Joe tactfully said he wanted them to remain only friends. She could at least assure him she wasn’t going to make a nuisance of herself, that she already had lunch plans with Charles. It might be enough to keep her friendship with Joe intact and unchanged—that desperately mattered to her.
Misha barked from the pier, her body quivering with excitement as she looked at the boat. Kelly grinned and folded her arms. “Jump, Misha. I’m not going to lift you across. I learned my lesson last time.”
“What happened?”
After several false starts, Misha launched herself across, skidding on the deck with her feet going all directions. Kelly laughed. “That, except I was the one doing the skidding.”
She glanced over at Ryan, judging his size. “Let’s get you in a life vest.” She handed him one from the locker. “See how that fits.”
Ryan put it on. Charles helped him straighten the straps around the back. “Wear the vest the entire time you are out on the water.”
“I will, Dad.”
“Listen to Kelly and Joe.”
Ryan looked embarrassed. “I already promised.”
“Just checking.” Charles glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to head to my meeting. I’ll be at the waterfront restaurant next to where we bought the ice cream; come join me when you get back.”
Ryan nodded.
Kelly slipped on her own vest. “I’ll make sure he has fun.”
“Make sure you have fun as well,” Charles reminded her. He stepped back up onto the pier. “Thanks, Kelly.”
“My pleasure.”
She watched him walk back up the pier, pause on the way to speak briefly to Joe, then walk toward the restaurant. He was a nice guy, but she was way out of her league with him.
Twelve
* * *
Joe arrived with the last of the gear. Having sailed with Joe frequently over the years, Kelly knew the routine for getting underway. Joe was a great instructor, and she enjoyed listening to him as he walked Ryan through the steps, letting the teen do many of the tasks rather than just observe.
They were soon out on the calm waters of San Diego Bay, and it was time to raise the mainsail. Kelly was relieved to find herself up to the task. It wasn’t hard, but it took strength and a steady hand on the ropes and winches. The fabric became taut in the wind and the boat leaped forward.
Ryan laughed. “This is awesome.”
It helped having Ryan with them for it kept Joe from focusing on her. The water skimmed by, so near Kelly could almost reach out and touch it. She swallowed hard at the near vertigo she felt when she looked down. This was awful.
The water was calm in the bay, swells one to two feet. She had only to brace herself against the constant tilt from the wind-filled sails to keep steady, but today she also kept her hand firmly on the railing when not required to be at one of the sails. As time passed, her fingers relaxed their white-knuckle grip. The irrational fear of being flung into the water and held under was fading. She had always loved the water, had been swimming from her earliest memories. Joe had been right to get her back out on the water as soon as possible. Some of her frustration directed at him had been spurred by the dread of facing this. Considering she was due back at work on Tuesday afternoon, it was a good thing she was getting this reaction behind her now.
The wind blew her hair around, making her wish she had taken time to French braid her hair, rather than simply pull it back. She dug out the sunscreen and applied it liberally out of habit. Misha joined her at the bench, and she wiped a bit of it on her muzzle, laughing at the dog.
She spent the first hour tacking sails as Joe sent them around the bay, showing Ryan how to work with the wind. Ryan was hanging on Joe’s every word, and Kelly heard the number of SEAL questions mixed in with sailing questions. Joe had another future recruit in the making.
Kelly was very aware of Joe watching her. Finally deciding that keeping her distance was just piquing his interest, she brought Joe and Ryan cold sodas and opened Joe’s for him.
“Thanks. Want to take her?”
Normally she would be eager to take the wheel, pit her skill against the water and wind. It was beyond what she wanted to face today. “I’ll pass.”
He studied her face, then nodded. “You look much better than you did thirty minutes ago.”
“I looked that green?”
“White. It’s just water. It doesn’t mean to be threatening.”
She looked forward at Ryan, now in the front of the boat laughing with Misha as she stood with her front legs up on the bench, her face pointed into the wind. “Ryan doesn’t seem bothered by it.”
“You promised him you wouldn’t let him drown. There wasn’t anyone there to tell you that.”
She blinked. He did understand. He was so confident, so comfortable in the water that she forgot sometimes just how well he could truly empathize. She felt vaguely ashamed that she expected him to criticize her fear. “Have you ever almost drowned?”
He hesitated, and she accepted the disappointment that he couldn’t answer. So many things she would like to know about him, even about Nick, but could never be told.
“A mission about a year after I got pinned with my Trident—we were going out a reconfigured submarine missile tube to launch one of the SEAL’s underwater delivery vehicles from the submerged deck. It was cold, dark, hard work that gave no room for error. There was an equipment failure on my air pack, and I had to buddy breathe back into the tube. It took them more than a minute to decompress the tube. It wasn’t just holding my breath; it was being sealed in what felt like a coffin. It was hard not to panic.”
She was surprised he had told her specifics, even if it was almost a decade old. “Thanks.”
“We’ll go swimming later, and you’ll find you can put it behind you.” He obviously saw her discomfort. “I’ll be right beside you.”
“Yes.” She grimaced, remembering the taste of the salt water. “It’s going to be cold.”
“The ocean is this time of year.” He nodded toward Ryan. “He’s going to be a good deckhand.”
“Yes, he is. Thanks for doing this.”
“I like him.”
“So do I. He’s hitting you up with more questions than just sailing.”
“What can I say? Kids just want to be like me.” They shared a smile; then he nodded to the clock in the dash. “Unfortunately, it’s time we head back in. Charles will be waiting.”
“Yes.” They had been out on the water almost an hour and a half. Kelly buried the shiver at the knowledge that once they dropped off Ryan, they would head out of the sheltered water of San Diego Bay to the open sea. Joe believed she could handle it, and she had no choice about the matter. The fact one
rescue had come dangerously close to ending in tragedy was something she had to deal with. She only hoped she didn’t disappoint both Joe and herself.
* * *
Joe tossed back his head, flinging the cold water away. “Ready?”
They were anchored off Torrey Pines Reserve near Del Mar, having sailed up the coast. Kelly, sitting on the edge of the sailboat, was worrying the cut on her bottom lip. Her tension was palatable. Joe tried to make his smile reassuring, wishing he could do this for her. She couldn’t stop the fear she was feeling. There was a very good reason for it, but she would have to consciously overrule it. At his insistence, she wore a life jacket over her swimsuit; she was likely going to get a nice flashback the first time her head went under the cold water.
“Don’t move.”
“I’ll be right here,” he reassured her.
She turned her back to the water as a diver would. He watched her take a deep breath, then force herself to relax and fall back. It wasn’t a graceful way to enter the water, but it was easier than jumping in as he had done. She wouldn’t go as far down in the water.
He moved fast to make sure his hand was on her arm as she came back to the surface. Her face was sheet white. His hand tightened. “Breathe.”
Her eyes closed as she sucked in a deep breath. “Sorry.”
“You’re doing fine.”
She settled her hands on his shoulders. “It’s cold.”
She was looking at him rather than the water. He pushed her hair back for her as she showed no inclination to relax her grip.
“Thanks.”
“Sure.” His eyes narrowed. She’d been lying about what happened before he reached her and Ryan, or at least not telling him all of it. There was too much terror mixed in with her fear. He saw these kinds of shakes in SEALs only after they got so close to death they were practically tasting it. His hands firmed their grip. “The hard step is over.”
She tried to smile; it rapidly disappeared.
“Relax. Just float for a while. With the vest you don’t even have to tread water.”
She closed her eyes and did as he told her. He watched and slowly saw the tension fade away.
“I’m okay.”
Her fingers were no longer digging into his shoulders. She would be fine. She simply needed to get her confidence back. “Ready to go for a swim?” They would do a lot more than just swim before he was satisfied she was ready to go back to work, but they would take it one step at a time. He knew she could handle anything he tossed at her, but that wasn’t the point. She needed to know she could handle it.
“Yes.”
He unbuckled the life jacket and she ducked her head as he lifted it free. Her hair tangled briefly on the straps and he had to pull her close while he freed it. It wasn’t the first time he had made the realization she felt good in his arms, like she belonged. Easing back, he tossed the vest back up on the boat deck, determined not to let his thoughts go there. “Let’s swim.”
His words were more abrupt than he intended, and her face showed brief hurt before she nodded and turned away. She headed north, swimming parallel to the shore.
Annoyed with himself for being curt with her, Joe watched her briefly, seeing the full extension of her reach, the strong kick, the disciplined way she turned her head to breathe, all the hallmarks of the competitive swimmer she had been since high school. He had always enjoyed watching her swim; although he didn’t necessarily enjoy watching her swim away from him. He moved to catch up with her, using his more powerful kick and longer reach to close the distance.
It had probably been good to make her mad. Her hesitation to be out in the open water had been overcome before she looked around and realized where she was. They swam side by side for almost ten minutes. Joe let her set the pace and distance she wanted to travel. She finally turned on her back with a flutter kick, lifting her face to the sky. “That was fun.”
“You’re stopping already?”
The straight edge of her hand plowed water in his face. Caught by surprise, he swallowed some of it. Amused, he considered retaliating but thought better of it. Her grin was back and he had missed it. “Okay, I guess you deserve a lazy day.”
“Thanks, I’m glad you agree.”
He idly treaded water beside her as she caught her breath. “It’s a beautiful day.”
“Yes.”
Her hair had begun to drift in the water, spread out by the movement of the waves. It felt silky smooth as it brushed against his hand. He wondered if she would mind a compliment.
She turned abruptly to tread water rather than float. “Let’s get back. It’s cold and I’m hungry now.”
He had taken care packing lunch, knowing they needed to talk. “Sounds good to me.”
They were close to the boat when he made himself slow and fall behind her. He knew he needed to do this but hated what it could mean. Friendship demanded thinking about what was best for the other person, and sometimes it wasn’t always being kind. He hoped she was going to be in a forgiving spirit after this.
He silently dropped down below the surface of the water, kicked hard, and grabbed her ankles, yanking her deep under water. They called it pool harassment when you trained to be an Air Force pararescueman, lifesaving in the SEALs, water rescue 101 when you trained as a lifeguard. All were designed to test one thing—if could you think clearly under harassment while under water. If you panicked, you failed, and in a real situation you died. Kelly had to be able to cope with this situation.
He expected the violent kick to free herself and he dropped farther below her to avoid it. In a real life rescue, someone panicking at sea would be trying to climb over her to get to the surface, holding her down, but he let her go immediately, hoping she would react as she had been trained to do, not freeze.
He had to admire her form. She didn’t flounder around or panic, even though she had probably swallowed water and her lungs had to be burning. Once free of his hold, she let herself settle for an instant to get her bearings before moving. It took her only three powerful strokes to break back to the surface.
What he didn’t expect was her almost instantaneous dive back under the water. He was drifting back up to the surface as she made the move. She zeroed in on him. Forced to add a burst of speed to avoid getting caught, he grinned, pleased with her response. Her own speed surprised him—he wasn’t going to be able to make the surface without moving her out of the way. His lungs were beginning to burn. If he didn’t care about the tactics he used, moving her aside would be simple, but he censored most of the moves.
He froze her with a feint to the left and powered to the right.
She still got her hand on his shoulder, delaying him.
He broke through the surface, having to take her with him. He coughed, amused as well as annoyed with himself.
She slapped his back. “Need help?”
“Cute.”
She grinned. “I think I’m fine.” Her hands kneaded his shoulders. “Should I dunk you next?”
“You can try.”
She laughed and turned to swim the last few feet to the sailboat.
He wanted more than friendship with her. Her grin didn’t just make him want to smile back; it made him want more. He wanted exclusivity. He wanted to watch her bloom back to life as she left the past behind.
Lord, I already decided this question.
He had started to talk to her yesterday, to back them away from this step. Relationships were fragile things. If anything went wrong, he would be the loser. He thought about it, waiting for logic to overrule the decision, and instead it became more settled. He wanted something more than friendship with Kelly, and he was willing to risk their friendship to see if it could develop. He wanted the right to wrap her in a hug and have her full attention focused on him. She would make his life wonderful, despite all the obstacles that had to be dealt with.
Six dozen roses—he had counted—convinced him that if he didn’t act, someone else would.
; If this is a mistake, in about five minutes it’s going to be irreversible.
He swam toward the boat, his jaw set. She better have meant what she said.
Thirteen
* * *
Life didn’t get much better than this. Kelly stretched out on the side bench cushions and closed her eyes behind the sunglasses, enjoying the gentle rocking of the anchored boat. The chill of the water was fading with the warmth of the sun.
She had done it. She took pleasure in the fact she had beaten her fear. It was a private reason to celebrate and she wasn’t going to let her critical side dismiss it as trivial—swimming at sea, handling getting dunked, had been a big deal. The day had become one to enjoy.
Maybe Joe would let her take the wheel for the sail back down the coast.
“Kelly.” She heard him come up from the galley and take a seat on the opposite bench. He had turned down her offer to help fix lunch, saying something about the galley being equipped for only one. Since she tended to overbake the fish, she hadn’t argued.
“Hmm?” Lunch couldn’t be ready yet, and she didn’t feel like moving.
“We need to talk.”
She didn’t bother to open her eyes. “No, we don’t. Consider it said.” She was too relaxed to tense at the introduction of the subject she had known would eventually get raised. He would just have to forget what she had said.
“I really think we do.”
Something in his voice . . . She turned her head and saw an expression so tender it made her blink.
“I think we ought to start dating.”
She was glad she was wearing his sunglasses—they hid her shock. “You think what?” she asked faintly.
“I think it’s time we started dating.”
His words caused her to swing her feet around so she could sit up. The pit of her stomach dropped. From his tone yesterday, she had dismissed any hope he would respond in this way. “Why?”
True Devotion Page 11