And at the same time he was doing everything he could to refurbish the house in St. Helena. He had never noticed before how shabby his bedroom had gotten in nineteen years, and suddenly he realized how barren and empty the house was. He went on massive buying sprees, both in Napa and San Francisco, and had Hannah making curtains for every room. If he was going to bring Camille to Napa, it was going to be pretty. She was a young girl and needed light, airy, cheerful surroundings. He had fresh gardens planted outside the house, had some of his men paint the house, and by the end of October, it looked like a new home, and he was surprised himself at how pretty it was. Only Hannah seemed annoyed by the changes and she snarled at him each time she saw him, until at last she fell silent and said nothing at all until Jeremiah could stand it no longer. He finally sat her down at the end of a long day, poured a cup of coffee for them both, and lit a cigar despite the inevitable protests.
“All right now, old woman, now we’re going to talk. I know you don’t like the changes I’ve made, and I’ve been whipping everybody’s ass for the last two months, but it looks lovely, and Camille is going to love it. What’s more, you’re going to love her, she’s an enchanting child,” he smiled, thinking of the letter he had received from her only that morning, “and it seems to me that you’ve been nagging at me for I don’t know how long to get married. And I am. So why are you so mad at me?” She had refused several times now to come and see the beginnings of the house in the city. “You can’t be jealous of a seventeen-year-old girl. There’s room for both of you in my life. She already knows about you, and she’s excited to meet you, Hannah.” He looked troubled, the old woman had really been giving him a bad time, especially in the last few weeks. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you feeling well, or are you just angry at me for building a house outside Napa?”
She smiled at that, there was some truth in that. “I told you, you don’t need another house. You’re going to spoil that girl before she even gets here.”
“You’re right. She’s going to be an old man’s darling.”
“She’s a lucky girl.” They were the first kind words Hannah had said to him in a month, and Jeremiah felt relief sweep over him. He had been genuinely worried about her, and worried too that she was going to be as disagreeable to Camille as she was being to him, and his fragile little bride from the South wouldn’t have known what to make of the chilly reception.
“I’m a lucky man, Hannah.” His eyes met the old woman’s, and she could see that he was happy. It was funny how his life had changed in the last six months … funny … but there was more to it than that. “I’ve got a lot to be grateful for.” His eyes were innocent as they bored into hers, and he saw something sad there. “What’s wrong?”
She had to tell him the truth. No matter what she had promised. There were suddenly tears in her eyes as she looked at him. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Jeremiah.”
“What’s wrong?” A genuine rush of fear ran through him and he suddenly remembered the terror he had felt when they came to tell him that Jennie was dying of influenza. He had the same sinking feeling now as Hannah watched him.
“It’s Mary Ellen.”
His heart stopped as a sudden portent of doom ran through him. “Is she sick?”
Hannah slowly shook her head. “She’s having a baby … your baby.…” He felt as though someone had punched him, chasing every breath of air out of his body.
“Oh no … but she couldn’t … she wasn’t …”
“I told her myself she was crazy when I saw her in Calistoga. She almost died with the last two young ’uns, and she’s no young girl now. She made me swear not to tell you, Jeremiah.”
He nodded, feeling sick for a moment and calculating backward. It must have happened in April, perhaps the last time he saw her. And he had the strange feeling that she had wanted it to happen. She had told him then that if he wanted children, she would have his baby. But she was crazy. The doctor had told her years before that she would die if she ever had another child. And why was she doing this now?… Now? Without saying a word to Hannah, he suddenly pounded the kitchen table, as the old woman watched his eyes. And then suddenly he got to his feet and strode to the kitchen door.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to talk to her, if nothing else. She’s a damn fool, and you’re a bigger one if you thought I wouldn’t do anything about it.” He’d had enough of her stubborn stupid pride. She had been his woman for seven years, and the least he could do was help her now. But that was all he could do for her. There was no changing the fact that he was getting married. He wasn’t willing to change that.
He walked outside and saddled up Big Joe, and he rode to Calistoga with a vengeance, arriving outside with a cloud of dust that startled her children, who stared at him wide-eyed as he marched inside. But the oldest called out to him, “Ma’s not home.”
He returned to the familiar doorway, scowling. He could see that no one was home. “Where is she?”
“She’s working at the spa. She won’t be home for a while yet.”
He would have waited, but he wasn’t in the mood, instead he grabbed Big Joe and rode toward the main street where the spa was. Damn woman. Everyone in town probably knew she was having his baby. He berated himself every step of the way for going to bed with her that night. He had never meant to, but she had been so heartbroken, and he had wanted her as he always did. But it was stupid … stupid … and he couldn’t help wondering if one day Camille would find out about this illegitimate child. That worried him as he tied up Big Joe outside the spa, but in truth he was far more worried about Mary Ellen.
He found her behind a counter, carefully marking names down for appointments, her body hidden behind a desk. At least it wasn’t overly hard work for a woman who was expecting a baby. She started when she saw him, and made as though to back away, but he reached out and grabbed her arm.
“I want you to come outside with me right now.” His eyes were blazing with worry and anger, and it irked him to realize how happy he was to see her. She looked prettier than ever, even more so now that she was a little frightened.
“Jeremiah … stop … I … please …” She was afraid of making a scene, and she didn’t want him to see her figure. She didn’t realize yet that Hannah had told him, and she looked so distressed that a male attendant approached, ready to assault Jeremiah.
“Want some help, Mary Ellen?” He prepared his fists and she quickly declined the offer, imploring Jeremiah with her eyes to leave them.
“Please … it’s better if you … I don’t want …”
“I don’t care what you want. I will carry you out of here if I have to. Get up and walk out to the street with me, or I’ll pick you up and do it for you.”
She blushed purple, and looked despairingly around her, grabbing desperately at a shawl on the back of her chair, which she wove loosely about her, and followed him outside. The man who had been willing to protect her had promised to take over the desk in her absence, but she had promised not to be away long.
“Jeremiah … please …” He was pulling her across the street to a small clump of trees and a bench. “I don’t want to …” He almost shoved her onto the bench and turned to face her.
“Never mind what you want. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” She looked blank and then her face went pale.
“I don’t know what you mean.” But her pallor and her obvious terror made her a liar.
“You know perfectly well what I mean.” He stared pointedly at her midsection and gently peeled away the shawl. There was no denying what he saw. She was six months pregnant. “How could you not tell me, Mary Ellen?”
She began to cry softly and dabbed at her eyes with a lace handkerchief he had given her long before, which made him feel even worse. “Hannah told you … she promised not to.…” She began to sob, and he sat down and put his arms around her, for all the world to see. He had never been ashamed of Mary Elle
n. He just hadn’t wanted her as his wife, and that hadn’t changed. None of it had, except that things were a good deal more complicated now, if she was having a baby.
“Mary Ellen, what did you do, you foolish girl?”
“I wanted your baby if I couldn’t have you … I wanted …” But she couldn’t go on as the sobs overwhelmed her.
“It’s so dangerous for you. And you knew that.” He wondered if she thought he would marry her when he found out, but she was quick to deny that. She explained that she had just wanted his child, and she wanted nothing else from him. But that brought him to a quick boil too. “I don’t want to hear that nonsense anymore, Mary Ellen. I’ve heard too much of that from you, and I should have stopped listening years ago. You’re going to stop working right now. Pride be damned. I’m taking care of you and this child, financially, since I can’t in any other way. At least I can do that much for you, and if you don’t like it, it’s too bad. It’s something I want to do for my child. Is that clear?” She almost trembled at the ferocity of his words.
“I have three other children to support, Jeremiah.” She said it with quiet pride. “And I’ve never failed them.”
“I don’t want to hear anything more about it.” He sat down again, with a worried look. It was a matter that wasn’t resolved just with a little money. “Have you seen the doctor, Mary Ellen?” She nodded and her eyes sought his. It was obvious that she still loved him, and he tried not to feel all that he did as he looked at her. He had to think of Camille now. In two months they would be married … before this baby was even born. Life really wasn’t fair at times. Things might have been different if Mary Ellen had conceived his child before this. “What did the doctor say?”
“That everything will be fine.” Her voice was soft and gentle, and Jeremiah felt a shaft of guilt so acute that it was almost a physical pain in his chest as he looked at her.
“I wish I believed that.”
“It’s true. I survived the other three, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but you were younger. This was a foolish thing to do.”
“No, it wasn’t.” There was a look of defiance on her face and it was obvious that she regretted nothing. It angered him again to see it.
“What in hell made you do it?” It was something he would never understand. It was a foolish thing to do, for a thousand different reasons.
“It’s all I have left, Jeremiah.…” Her voice was soft and sad and it tore at his heart to listen to her. “You’re gone now, and you’ll never be back and I know it. You’re marrying that girl, aren’t you?” He nodded, with a frown between his eyes, and she looked even more determined. “Then I was right to do it.”
“You risked your life.”
“It’s my life to do as I want with.” She stood up and he thought that she had never been more beautiful. She had pride and guts and she had done just as she wanted … not unlike what Camille would do … but Camille had even more spunk and style than this woman, and he knew it. He didn’t regret his choice now, seeing Mary Ellen again, but he regretted what she had chosen to do. It was going to make life difficult for them all, including the child, and he knew it. Sooner or later word would get out, and Camille would find out, and eventually his children would know. Napa was too small a county to allow for that kind of indiscretion without being discovered, and more than anything he didn’t want to hurt his bride. Imagine if she heard about the birth of his bastard, a month after their wedding? He cringed at the pain it would inflict on her.
“I wish you hadn’t done this, Mary Ellen.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Jeremiah.” She tilted her chin up and he wanted to kiss it. “I always thought you wanted a child.”
“But not like this. There are better ways to do this.”
“Not for me, Jeremiah. Not now. I wish you happiness with your bride.” But he knew that she wished him nothing of the sort. She knew too that he was refurbishing his Napa house and building a veritable palace in the city. Everyone within a hundred miles knew of the house he was building for Camille.
“What are you going to do now?” He was thinking neither of his bride nor of the house he was building for her.
“Just what I’ve been doing up until now. I got the job at the spa, and it’s decent. I don’t get too tired working there, and when the baby comes, the girls can help me take care of it when I go to work.”
“You should stay home with your children.” He sounded disapproving, which wasn’t like him. He had never said anything like that to her before, but now one of her children was his, which was different. “I’ll see to it, Mary Ellen.” The next day he would go to his bank in Napa and make arrangements. There were ways to handle this sort of thing, and he was going to see to it. He should have done something for her years before, but it wasn’t too late to do it.
“I don’t want you to do that, Jeremiah.”
“I’m not asking you, just like you didn’t ask me about this. Now I’m making the decisions.” Secretly, she was disappointed that he wasn’t more moved by the impending birth of his baby, but his mind was filled with other things now … and other babies than hers, and she knew it. In some ways, she had made a mistake and she knew that too, but she stubbornly refused to regret it, as she had told Hannah several times before. This was what she had wanted. “I want you to stop working at the spa.” He was looking at her in an almost fatherly fashion.
“I can’t do that.”
He glared at her now. “Either you give them notice or I will. Your life is going to change right now. Is that clear? You are going to stay home with your children and my child, and save what’s left of your sanity and your health. If you kill yourself over this baby, what’s going to happen to the others? Have you thought of that?” Her eyes overflowed at his words, and he regretted the vehemence with which he had said them. “I’m sorry … I just don’t … this is difficult for us both. Let’s make it as easy as we can. Let me make it easier for you. Won’t you?” Her eyes looked deep into his and slowly she nodded. She wanted to tell him that she still loved him, but there was no chance, and she had to go back to work in a few minutes, and she was starting to feel sick, she had been wearing her corsets so tight so that no one would notice. At least if she stopped work for a while, she wouldn’t have to wear those corsets.…
“Maybe for a little while, Jeremiah.” She was suddenly very tired. “Just until after the baby.”
“No.” And then he simply patted her arm. “Let me work it out.” He would send his banker to talk to her. It had been done before. She would cry, and he would reason, and every month she would be paid a stipend, which would support herself and her four children, comfortably, for as long as she needed it. It was the least he could do for her. He wasn’t going to marry her, and they both knew it. The dream of that was long gone. Instead, he was building a palace for the girl from Atlanta.
Jeremiah stood up then, and walked Mary Ellen back to where the young man was waiting, and he suddenly wondered if there was more to his protectiveness of her than first met the eye, but if that was the case, Jeremiah didn’t want to know about it. He had no doubt that the child was his, he trusted her and knew there had been no one else, and if there was now, she had a right to some comfort. He had Camille after all.
“You’ll quit your job then?” She nodded, and then her eyes sought his.
“Will you come back and see me again sometime, Jeremiah?” She tore at his heart with her words, but something deep inside told him not to.
“I don’t know. I don’t think I should, for all our sakes.”
“Not even to see the baby?” Her eyes overflowed again and he felt like the biggest bastard alive.
“I’ll come to see you then. And I want to hear from you before that if you need anything at all.” He wasn’t afraid that she would take advantage of him. She never had before, and even now when other women would be clawing at him, she was being very decent. “I’ll be gone …” he hesitated with sudden embarrassment, �
��after the first of December.” He was getting married in Atlanta on the twenty-fourth, but there would be two weeks of parties before that, and he had promised Camille he would be there. And now this woman in Calistoga was having his baby. How strange life was. He couldn’t help thinking that as he rode slowly home, thinking of how much his life had changed in the past six months. And stranger still, it was possible that within the next year, he would have two children. He had to smile at the thought as he tethered Big Joe in his stables … two children … one by Mary Ellen … and one by Camille … and it didn’t even seem strange to him, in light of all the other goings on, that there was a letter from Amelia Goodheart waiting for him on the kitchen table. It was the first time he had heard from her since he had left her on the train, on her way to Savannah. She wrote to him now to tell him that she had received his letter and that she was happy for him about the young lady in Atlanta, a little jealous too, she admitted with a smile he could almost see, but she told him that he was doing the right thing, and she hoped to meet her if they ever came to New York. And in the meantime, her daughter in San Francisco was expecting another baby, and she would undoubtedly be out sometime in the next year to see her. Her letter filled Jeremiah with a kind of warmth, and he found himself thinking of the three women and how different they were as he heated up some dinner Hannah had left for him. Strange how life was, women and babies, and romances on transcontinental trains, and in another nine weeks he would be married to the delicate little girl with creamy skin and rich black hair, with the teasing lips and dancing eyes. His whole body seemed to shiver as he sat in the quiet kitchen, thinking of the girl he was going to marry in Atlanta.
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