4 'I know. Why don't we take a walk, just you and me, Fanny? Remember the old days when we traipsed around this town? Two young girls who never in their wildest dreams thought they would be where they are right now."
"I had such dreams back then. I thought I had a marriage made in heaven. Hell would be more like it. I tell myself there must have been some good years. If there were, why can't I remember them?"
' 'It's over. You can't look back. You told me that a thousand times or more."
"That's because Sallie always said it to me. I miss her so much, Bess. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about her. She was my best friend. The mother I never had. I try to do things the way I think she would want me to do them, but I'm never sure I'm succeeding."
"Maybe you need to stop doing that and do what you think is best. Sallie isn't here anymore. She trusted you. That means she trusted your judgment. Lay her to rest and live your own life. It's time for you to crawl out from under her shadow."
"Oh, Bess, it sounds so simple. I can't turn it off. I envy you and your nice normal family. You and John were meant for each other. Doctor and Mrs. Bess Noble. I love the way that sounds. You and John got the brass ring, my friend."
"We've had our ups and downs, Fanny. Every married couple does at one time or another."
"You came out stronger, though. We're to the half century mark, Bess. Actually, we're past the mark. I'm divorced. My
family is divided. No one is happy. Sunny's ill, I feel it in my bones. My eyes see things I don't want to recognize. Yes, my businesses are successful. Yes, I provide jobs for a lot of people, including my children. When is it my time in the sun, Bess?"
4 'Whenever you decide to make a commitment to Simon. You could get married tomorrow at a Las Vegas wedding chapel if you wanted to. You could do it the minute you pick up Simon. It's a choice, Fanny. You have to get rid of all that guilt you're carrying around. So what if Simon is Ash's brother. So what, Fanny! You're divorced for God's sake. Ash no longer has a hold on you. His accident wasn't your fault. Let it die already." There was such exasperation in Bess's voice that Fanny laughed aloud.
"I think you care more than I do."
"That's a bald-faced lie if I ever heard one. You love Simon. He loves you. Carrying on an affair is what Sallie did. That's not who you are, Fanny. You're a home and hearth person. If you deliberately choose to pattern your life after Sallie's that's one thing. If you let circumstances dictate to you, that's something else. Sallie has a hold on you from the grave. You need to shake it loose."
Fanny stopped walking to stare at her friend. "Is that what I'm doing, Bess?"
"Yes." The single word was an explosion of sound from Bess's mouth. "I want to see some backbone. Starting right
now
Fanny hugged her friend as people walked around them, smiles on their faces. "What would I do without you, Bess?"
Bess shrugged. "We need to start scrounging for money for the dolls. You can put John and me down for $75,000. I know the kids will kick in with their savings. Your kids, that is. Mine don't have any savings."
"Don't you have to ask John?"
"Nope. That's why we work so well together. He knows I wouldn't do anything to put our lives in jeopardy. We have other savings. If he knew the situation, he'd offer before I could get the words out of my mouth."
Fanny recognized the truth of the statement.' 'Isn't it strange, Bess, how Billie managed to save the day? She did it once before with Rainbow Babies. The truth, Bess, am I doing the right thing where Billie Coleman is concerned?"
"Absolutely. When it comes down to the wire, Fanny, when everything else is shot to hell, family is the only thing you can count on. In the end family always comes through for you. Trust me on this."
"My own family ... Birch ..."
"Birch is torn, Fanny. All you can do is be there for him when he finally comes to terms with his role in his father's life. Birch isn't a kid anymore. You always said because he was minutes older, he was the leader and Sage was the follower. That changed somewhere along the way. Sage is his own person and has been for a very long time. I think Birch knows that and doesn't know how to get back on even footing. He'll figure it out, and when he does, he'll come back to the fold and you'll be there because that's what mothers do."
' 'But, will I feel the same way about him? Right now I love him, but I don't like him. Does that make sense? He hates it that I'm considering marrying Simon."
"No, Ash is making him hate the idea. Birch always adored his uncle. He has to deal with that. too. He has a lot on his plate right now. The minute Sage is gone, he's going to start soul searching. We'll just have to wait and hope he sees the light. By the way, how is your ex 0 ""
"His debonair self as far as I could see. If you're asking me if he's still taking all those drugs, my answer would be yes. His eyes appeared glassy to me, but he wears tinted glasses indoors. Sage told me once the fluorescent lighting bothers his eyes. I don't want to know, Bess. All I want is what Sallie wanted, a simple life with a man I love and who loves me. I want my family."
"Then tell Simon you'll marry him and dont change your mind this time. No matter how much he loves you, he won't wait forever. Neither one of you is getting any younger."
"I have loose ends in my life, Bess. I hate loose ends. I
know life doesn't come in a tidy little box with a ribbon on top. I have the box and the ribbon, but I can't tie it into a bow. I still haven't found my mother. My instincts tell me she's out there somewhere. I'm ashamed that I didn't do more to find her. I could have half brothers and sisters, a whole other family I know nothing about. I need to do something about that. Then there's Jake and his money. I've borrowed on that money so many times I've lost count. I need to lay that to rest, too. It's been thirty years, Bess, since that bus holdup when Jake gave me his money to hold. I wanted to give the money back, but I could never find him. He must have a family somewhere. I never did tell Ash about that money. Simon invested it time and again. It's a small fortune."
"Fanny, with all the new technology out there today you can hire the best of the best. It might take a while, but I think you'll be able to lay those two matters to rest once and for all. Now, didn't we have a nice chat? Time for you to be getting ready for the drive to the airport. Isn't Simon due in soon?"
"How do you know he's coming in and that I'm picking him up?"
"Because you're wearing your yellow dress. You always wear yellow when you pick Simon up. Sometimes you are very transparent, Fanny."
"Obviously," Fanny sniffed. "I didn't lie back there at the meeting when I said I didn't know where Simon was. I didn't know precisely what city or town his plane was flying over at that moment." Fanny grinned and hugged her friend.
She would have known him anywhere, even in a dark room, this love of hers. She wanted to jump over the barrier and run to him. Instead she held out her arms and smiled.' T missed you. I thought about you every minute of every day. The moment I open my eyes in the morning my first thought is, is Simon awake yet?"
He kissed her while the world on the tarmac watched. Neither
one cared. "It doesn't have to be this way," he said against her lips.
"I know," she whispered. "For now it is what it is. I do love you, more than I loved you yesterday and not as much as I will tomorrow. So there!"
"How's everything?"
"Some things are good, some things are bad, some things are indifferent. Nothing much changes around here. We'll talk later. Let's just enjoy each other. It's been two whole weeks, Simon!"
' 'Three hundred and thirty-six hours or twenty thousand one hundred and sixty minutes. Damn, I can't calculate the seconds in my head."
"Who cares? You're here and that's all that counts."
"Fanny, let's get married. Right now. I'm willing to keep it a secret if you don't want the family to know. I see something in your eyes I've never seen before and it scares me. Now, Fanny."
Fanny slid into the passenger side o
f her car. Simon always drove when they were together. Her heart started to flutter in her chest. Simon's words sounded like an ultimatum. The hard set of his jaw frightened her. Bess's words rang in her ears. "Simon won't wait forever."
Fanny's voice was squeaky, jittery-sounding when she said, "By now, do you mean on the way home or soon?" Simon's demand coupled with what had transpired earlier left her feeling drained. She needed to say something positive, something light and funny to take away the harsh look on her beloved's face. She couldn't find the words. Was it possible they weren't in her vocabulary? Was it possible she wasn't meant to marry Simon? The thought was so devastating she could feel her eyes start to burn.
"Fanny, did you hear what I said?"
"Yes, Simon, I did. I'm thinking."
The disbelief in Simon's voice was total. "You're thinking? That doesn't say very much for us, Fanny. What in the name of God do you have to think about?''
"Everything, Simon. Everything."
"That word sounds ominous. I don't think I care for that explanation. Would you mind explaining?"
"Can we have this discussion when we get to Sunrise?"
"It doesn't look like I have a choice. What's happening to us, Fanny?"
Fanny's voice was a tortured whisper. "I don't know."
' 'I thought what we felt for one another was rock solid. You and me against the world, that kind of thing. Am I wrong, Fanny?"
"No. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. I didn't know I could feel like this. I don't want to lose you like I did the last time, Simon. If you recall, I asked you to marry me and you turned me down flat. Those were the longest, the most miserable days of my life. We'll talk over cocoa, and a nice warm fire. It's still chilly on the mountain in the evenings."
"Okay, Fanny. So, how are the kids? They're always going to be kids to me no matter how old they are."
1 'We'll talk about that tonight, too. I am worried about Sunny. Tyler said he spoke to her obstetrician and he said she was fine. She is not fine. Something is wrong, but I don't know what it is."
Simon sighed. Maybe it wasn't him after all. Maybe Fanny's eyes were filled with sadness because of her children. The invisible load on his shoulders lightened. However, the wariness stayed in his eyes. "How's Ash?" His voice said he didn't care one way or the other. The expression in his eyes was a direct contradiction to his words.
"As arrogant as ever. I've only been to Babylon twice since the grand opening. I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing people gamble before breakfast. I wish we had never built that damn place." Fanny's voice was so vehement, Simon's eyebrows shot upward.
"It wasn't the answer you were looking for, was it?"
"It was the answer for Ash. He's breaking all the rules. All the agreements we had. He thinks I'm going to go along with
his shenanigans because of the kids. He deliberately baits me, deliberately pushes me to the wall. I hate his defiance and it has nothing to do with his accident or with him being in a wheelchair. He hates my mobility and my feelings for you. He hates my father and my brothers for finishing his casino. They call him The Emperor on the Strip. Somehow he managed to get this poker tournament for Babylon. People have to pay ten thousand dollars to play. That just absolutely, totally, mystifies me. Ash says it's a real feather in his cap."
' 'I'd say so. He'll clear a few million for the Thornton coffers and it will only enhance his image in Vegas. The Emperor, huh?" A storm began to build in Simon's eyes that Fanny couldn't see. ' 'What do you suppose that makes the rest of us?'' Simon threw his head back against the headrest and laughed so hard tears rolled down his cheeks. Later, when he dried his eyes, Fanny was startled at how angry his eyes looked. The deep belly laugh sounded forced to her ears for some reason. She shrugged off the feeling. If Simon was angry, he had a right to be angry. She couldn't let little things like that mar her happiness.
Fanny didn't mean to laugh. Nothing her ex-husband did was funny. But they both started to laugh until they were giddy. The tense moments were over. For a little while.
They made the rest of the drive to Sunrise in comfortable, companionable silence. From time to time Simon squeezed her hand.
The moment he pulled the car into the courtyard, Fanny said, "Now I can breathe. I need my daily sagebrush fix. Smell it, Simon, isn't it wonderful? The air up here on the mountain is so clean and pure. Down in town I always feel like I'm fighting to breathe. Ten years from now Las Vegas is going to be as crowded as New York City. I'll be sixty-four then. Do you think I'll care, Simon?"
' 'I hope not. I want us to retire and go off together someplace. A new place because new beginnings should have new surroundings. Just you and me, Fanny. We're never going to need anyone else. I'm selling my brokerage house, my client base,
the whole ball of wax. All my real estate is on the market. My plan was to put on a blindfold and stand in front of a map and stick a pin in it. Then I was going to have you do the same thing, at which point we'd pick somewhere in the middle. Whatcha think?"
"Oh, Simon, do you really want to do that? I've never lived anywhere but Pennsylvania and Nevada. I need to think about this, Simon. You're selling everything?"
"Everything. I'm ready for a new beginning. I've paid my dues."
"Is that another way of saying you're going to stick the pin in the map with or without me?'' She wondered if the fear she felt showed in her face.
"I'm afraid so, Fanny." The intense angry expression was back in Simon's eyes.
Fanny felt her knees start to crumple. "That's ... that's an ultimatum."
"No, Fanny, it's a statement of fact. I'm going to do this. I want us to do it together. It's what we said we both wanted for our lives. I'm doing my best to stick with the plan."
For the second time in one day, Fanny Thornton's world turned upside down. "Let's go down to the studio, Simon. I need to let Daisy out. She's going to be so happy to see you. Daisy is the nicest present anyone ever gave me. She's all the more precious because you picked her out."
Simon sucked in his breath. The studio was Fanny's place of refuge, her port in any storm that crashed into her life. They'd made love there so many times—wild, uninhibited love and sweet, gentle love. Only in that safe haven did either one of them feel free. He was starting to hate Sunrise and the mountain it sat on. He was even beginning to hate the studio, viewing it as a shackle tying Fanny to the mountain, to the house she'd shared with Ash. They wouldn't be coming back here again, he'd make sure of that. He shivered in the bright sunshine as Fanny inserted the key in the lock.
Daisy slammed her small body against Fanny's legs, yipping her pleasure now that her mistress was home. Fanny rolled on
the floor with the little dog, her skirt hiked up past her thighs. "Join in, Simon," she gasped as she rolled over and over, Daisy hopping from her to Simon.
And then he was on top of her, staring down into her flushed face the minute Daisy scooted out the door. "I don't think there's another human being in this world who can tear at my heart the way you do, Fanny." His heart thundered in his chest as Fanny returned his ardent kisses and embraces. He thought he would choke on his own desire when her rich sound of pleasure curled around him.
How wonderful she smelled, a delicious womanly scent that was all her own. A warm, sunshiny smell mixed with flowers and sagebrush.
His lips left the sweetness of her mouth, seeking the softness beneath her chin where her throat pulsed and curled into her shoulder as he worked the straps of the yellow dress down over her shoulders. Fanny helped him, wiggling and sliding until she was naked beneath his hard body. Her own hands were feverish as she worked at the buttons of his shirt, the zipper of his trousers.
His hands traveled the length of her as he sought those places that gave her the most pleasure, a taut breast, a welcoming thigh. He fought to harness his growing desire as he waited for her own greedy passion to match his own.
A sound escaped his lips, a moan, a plea, as he crushed her m
outh to his. When he at last broke free, he stared down at her, at the tawny luster of her breasts that summoned him, their rosy crests erect and tempting. Her slender waist curved into his hands, her rounded haunches grinding into his thighs.
Simon's lips touched her everywhere, his thirst for her deep and raw as he sought to quench it. He felt her body cry out to him as her slender legs wrapped themselves around him. She offered herself completely as their lusty passions met and were satisfied, again and again, until they lay back, their breathing ragged gasps, their slick bodies molded to one another.
A long time later, Simon said, "Can you even begin to
imagine what it would have been like if we were doing this when we were twenty?"
There was something in his tone, something she should be picking up on. She'd worry about whatever it was later. "Absolutely wonderful," Fanny sighed. "I'm glad we didn't know each other when we were twenty. We wouldn't be here now, at this, the best time of our lives."
"Is it the best time, Fanny?"
Fanny sat up, oblivious to her nakedness. "It's supposed to be. I want it to be. I feel it is. There are some loose threads ... I love you, Simon, more than I can ever put into words, and I know you love me in the same way."
Simon handed Fanny her clothing and watched as she struggled with her thoughts. "Then why do I feel like an old sleeve that's unraveling a little bit at a time?"
Fanny walked into the bathroom, her buttocks jiggling for his benefit. "Life isn't easy, is it, Simon? Life just gets in the way of so many things. I wish I knew how to deal with it."
Ten minutes later, Fanny was back in the living room sitting on one of the deep red chairs that she loved, Simon across from her in a matching chair. He handed her a cup of coffee.
"You were saying."
"That life gets in the way of so many plans. I think, Simon, that unknowingly, unwittingly, I have been trying to emulate your mother. I said I wouldn't do that, didn't plan to do it, but there it is. In my desperate desire to do what Sallie wanted, at least what I thought she wanted, I reacted. You know the old saying, for every action there is a reaction. Like now, with us. We're a reaction to something I did or said. Sallie was right about a lot of things and she was wrong about a lot of things, too. Bess said it best earlier today. She said I chose to pattern myself after Sallie because I loved her so much. I want to run away. What I really want to do is pick up my purse in one hand, Daisy in the other, and walk out the door and not look back. I want you to be waiting on the other side of the door when I make my grand exit."
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