by Deb Rotuno
Grinning, I bit my lip. “Me too. You were so…nervous and sweet and…”
“Scared. Shitless, right?”
Giggling, I nodded. “Yeah, but I was done for when you walked in the door of the bar that last night, Jack. I was yours. I just…I didn’t know how to deal with it and you leaving…”
Jack’s lips brushed over mine. “Tell me.”
Sandy, Oregon
12 years prior
My books were spread out on the table of the booth. Shelly was busy stocking up bottles and glass mugs behind the bar. My notes, homework, and the passages I was supposed to be reading were all a blur, not a single word making it into my brain.
I gazed at the empty seat across from me, my heart beating fast at who had sat there not even five days prior.
Jack Chambers.
Jesus, I didn’t think he could get any better-looking than when I’d first seen him in high school. Even my first day at SHS, I’d noticed his tall, lean form, his happy, easy smile, and his gorgeous face. And I wasn’t the only one. He seemed to attract attention in every class, every hallway, and every sporting event. Guys got along with him, the teachers adored him, and every girl watched his every move, including his pretty girlfriend, Kim.
But it had been a few years. Jack had only become better-looking, and there was no Kim anymore. There was me. He wanted to see me before he left for Afghanistan.
I groaned, setting my elbows on the table and burying my face in my hands. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted everything about him because I’d already seen that there was more to the man I saw in the hallways of Sandy High. He wasn’t just a hot guy; he was sweet and protective, silly and funny. He had moments of awkwardness that only added to his cuteness level. And on top of all that, he was strong and kind and gentle.
“Sara?” I heard softly in front of me, and I pulled my hands away from my face to see Shelly sitting there. Her eyes were warm, concerned, though a touch amused. “Wanna talk about it, sweet pea?”
My mouth opened, but I snapped it closed.
She chuckled a little. “Goodness, that handsome thing has you all twisted up, huh?”
My calm faded, and I groaned. “Oh God… Shelly, what do I do?” She raised both her eyebrows at me to elaborate, and suddenly it all came spilling out. “He’s…not what I thought he was in school. He’s better. Amazing. And so damn sweet! But…but…”
“He’s leaving. Shipping out…tomorrow, right?”
My eyes welled up a little because it had all become so much. Too much, really. I nodded slowly. “Yes, tonight’s his last night before he leaves.”
“You like him?”
Groaning again, I nodded. “So much. He’s called me every night he’s been back home, ever since we talked here. He checked on me after the whole Brody thing. He’ll be here in—” I glanced up at the clock on the wall above the bar “—ten or fifteen minutes. I just… He’s leaving, and I don’t know what to do!”
“I don’t understand.” She giggled like a kid when I glared her way. “Sara, listen to me… If you like him, then his leaving won’t make any difference. Women have been shipping men off to war for centuries, and while some didn’t come home, most did. Sure, you’d be taking a chance, but you’d be taking a chance on him even if he bagged groceries over at the Food Mart. Every relationship is a risk. Always. Even the safest of situations are a gamble. This is no different.”
She reached across the table and covered my nervously wringing hands. “I saw his face the night Brody was in here. Sara, that boy was all in. He would’ve fought tigers for you. He practically shoved that cousin of his out of the way, his eyes barely left you the entire time he was in here, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you smile like that…especially since you ended things with Brody. That boy is not Brody. You can see that from a mile away.”
I shook my head. “No, I know. But what if he doesn’t come home?” I finally voiced the biggest fear that had been plaguing me.
“But what if he does?” she countered with a wry smile. “Take a second and think about Jack’s side. He’s facing scary things, and he might just need someone to talk to while over there. You’d be surprised how much you learn about someone, about yourself, when you exchange letters.”
I saw headlights in the window, and my heart picked up speed because I knew it was Jack’s truck. My frantic gaze met Shelly’s calm one.
She squeezed my hand. “Think about it, sweet pea. Could you send him away…right now?” she asked, just as the door pulled open.
Jack stepped into the bar, wearing dark jeans and a black button-down shirt, his face clearly eager to see me, but his eyes were wary, nervous. Aside from how gorgeous he was, his mere presence made me tingle from head to toe and feel so very at ease at the same time. It was so far from how Brody made me feel, especially when Jack’s gaze finally landed on me and the most heartbreaking, beautiful smile broke out across his face. He made me feel wanted and special, like I was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.
“God, no,” I whispered to Shelly, shaking my head. “Not a chance.”
She giggled again, standing up from the booth and dropping a kiss to my forehead. “I didn’t think so. Place your bet, Sara, but I think you’ll be surprised. If you live your life worrying about the ‘what ifs,’ then you’ll miss out on the ‘could bes.’”
“Okay,” I barely muttered aloud.
She smiled, turning to face Jack. “Okay, kids. It’s a quiet night. If you need me, I’ll be in my office working on my supply order.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I told her, knowing she didn’t need that order until next week.
Jack thanked her but then faced me when Shelly disappeared into the back room. He slid into the booth across from me.
“Hey.”
I grinned. “Hey, yourself.” I closed my textbook, stacking my papers on top of it and shoving it all to the side. “Want a beer?”
He smiled, but his eyes seemed to be drinking in every inch of my face. “Please. That’d be great.”
I slipped out of the booth and walked around the bar to pour him a draft from the tap. When I turned around, he was at the jukebox, pushing buttons. A song started, and he smiled my way.
“C’mere, Shortcake,” he said, taking the beer from my hand and sipping it before setting it back down on our table. “Dance with me?”
I couldn’t say no, even if I wanted to, and I didn’t want to turn him down. He looked like one negative word from me would shatter him. Setting a hand on his strong shoulder, I let him pull me closer.
The song was pretty, the man’s voice pleading about being friends…or more. It made me step closer, wrap both my arms around his neck, while his own wrapped around my waist. Soon, we were simply hugging as we swayed to the music.
“Sara, I…” His voice trailed off in my ear, and I lifted my head from his shoulder to look up at his face. His forehead fell to mine, his eyes squeezing closed. “I…” he tried again, only to groan and press his lips to mine.
A fire lit up my entire soul, causing my own sound to escape before I kissed him back. Hands and fingers gripped clothes, hair was pulled, and when tongues tasted, I was practically shaking with want. Breaths pushed out against cheeks when we turned our heads the opposite way, but we finally broke apart, staring at each other in shock and awe and want.
“Christ,” Jack hissed, licking his lips, but his eyes were dark and sad. “Sara, I can’t… I want to promise you…every-fucking-thing, but…”
For the first time, I truly saw how scared he was about shipping out. He was leaving everything and everyone he knew and going into something dangerous. He may have been strong, but I could see the fear.
“It’s not fair to you, Shortcake. It’s wrong, but…”
“Hey,” I whispered, placing my fingers on his lips. “Why don’t you let me worry about what’s fair to me, hmm?” I tilted my head a little, understanding what Shelly had been telling me about his fear and the “what ifs.” I didn’
t want to let him go, but I’d take whatever he could give me. “I just… I want you to be safe over there. I’m not going anywhere.” I gestured a finger around the bar. “I’ll still be right here when you come home.”
He smiled. “Can I write to you? E-mail?”
“And call and send smoke signals.”
Jack’s chuckle shook us both, but he nodded, finally relaxing a bit. “I promise I’ll do my best to come home, to stay safe over there, because…Sara, I just found you.”
Nodding, I couldn’t say anything to that. I just knew I couldn’t let him go. It would’ve killed me to do it, and I’d happily write letters to him if that’s what he needed.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered in awe, shaking his head slowly. His fingers trailed down my face to my chin, tilting my head up so he could kiss me again.
We stayed wrapped around each other, swaying and kissing, for another two or three songs. I lost count, or maybe my brain went all fuzzy when he was kissing me, but it didn’t matter. I was as charged as an electric wire by the time I pulled away. I wanted him. I wanted him like I’d never wanted anything before, but I wasn’t sure my heart could take giving him all of me, only to never see him again.
“Jack, I…”
Understanding melted his features, and he lifted me to a barstool, stepping between my legs. “I need… Oh, God, baby…I want you.” He swallowed nervously, pressing his lips to mine briefly. “Give me…time. Give me something to fight for, to stay safe for, because I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. And to give in to this,” he said, gesturing between us. “If something happens, I can’t hurt you like that. It would be selfish and wrong, and this is…important.”
I studied his face, reaching up to run my fingers through his hair, which seemed to calm him immensely. I could see it all in his eyes. It would be so damn easy to fall in love with Jack Chambers. It wouldn’t take much. If he wasn’t leaving, if he wasn’t so damned scared, and if we could take our time, I’d be head over heels in love with him in no time flat.
“I want you to do something for me, Jack,” I spoke softly, sounding much more confident than my heart was feeling.
He nodded, looking me in the eye. “Anything, Sara. Tell me.”
“I don’t want any other promises, except one to stay safe…and if you need to write or call, do it. I’m here. I’ll be in this boring town, going to school and working, and I’ll be here when you come home. Okay?”
He nodded, whispering, “I promise,” before capturing my lips again. His hand left my face, only to press to my heart. “Be still, sad heart… Into each life some rain must fall. I wish…I had more time. I wish I’d come into this bar sooner. I wish a lot of things…but I don’t regret this. Not a minute of this week, Sara.”
Smiling up at him, I pulled him closer, capturing his legs with my own. “Me either.”
“Fuck, I wanted you,” Jack said with a groaning laugh and a shake of his head. “Oh, so badly. I couldn’t, though. It wouldn’t have been right. And I couldn’t make love to you and leave; it would’ve killed me.”
“Well, Mr. Chambers,” I purred, kissing his chin and then his lips. “Now you can make love to me anytime.”
“I plan on it, Shortcake,” he growled into my neck, but he popped back to look me in the eye. “Did Shelly really say those things?”
“Yes,” I told him, nodding. “All of it.”
He seemed to absorb that information with a touch of sadness in his eyes, most likely because Shelly Burke hadn’t survived to see this new world.
“I’m not sure how much I believed, until you walked in the door.” I shrugged a shoulder. “Just seeing you…”
Jack grinned but leaned down to kiss me. “Yeah, Shortcake. Me too.”
I pulled at him until our foreheads were touching. “Jack, take me upstairs. I want to love on our kids, and then we need a shower.”
He laughed, reaching down to lift me up into his arms and carry me up the dock. “Yes, ma’am. That’s an offer I can’t refuse.”
JACK
Highway 140 just east of Medford, Oregon
2 years & 6 months after Hurricane Beatrice
The highway was quiet as we made our way back toward Klamath Lake from dropping Alex off at the base just west of Medford. He and my parents had made some major headway with a formula they’d been working on for months. They’d been afraid to test it, simply because they weren’t sure what would be the outcome, but Grayson had wanted to try. Hell, he was willing to volunteer himself, but they were going to wait. They’d had a breakthrough. Using Sasha’s blood and a watered-down version of the virus, they’d put together something not unlike the flu shot. However, testing it on a human being was scary for everyone, so Grayson wanted it on base if Alex tried.
While we’d been on base, he’d shown us how he was communicating to other bases, other cities. In fact, just as we’d started to leave, he’d received word that the Michigan group had succeeded in starting up an old coal-train engine. It would only be a matter of time before they started to travel. That would open up amazing possibilities for the future.
My truck was damn full. My dad had wanted to see Alex’s lab, and Hank and Freddie had simply wanted to see the base. Sara, Sasha, and Aiden had stayed back at Klamath Lake. Most everyone was quiet, except for Rina, who’d begged to come with me. The little chatterbox was singing to herself as she stared out the window of the backseat.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray,” she chirped, and I watched her in the rearview mirror. She was happiness and silliness incarnate, and she had me wrapped around her little finger. And she knew it, which was why she was with us in the first place; I simply couldn’t say no to her some days. “Sing, Freddie!” she commanded, and my son shook his head, rolling his eyes before staring out the passenger-side window.
They were total opposites but a force to be reckoned with when teamed up against Sara and me. Where Freddie was meticulous and smart, Rina was charm and big blue eyes. They put those together, and no one could resist—not a single grandparent, not a single woman at the lodge, and certainly not me. Sara could, though it was a struggle. She’d tell me someone had to fight it, which made me laugh.
“Daddy, make him sing!” she yelled, making both grandfathers chuckle.
I looked to Freddie, who was glaring at me, daring me to say it.
“No? No singing?” I chuckled at him. “Your mother used to sing that to you when you were a baby.”
“Dad…” he groaned, his brow furrowing in a way that looked just like Sara. “She’s been singing it since we left.”
“Aiden would do it!” Rina argued, pouting adorably, but it didn’t work on her big brother.
“Aiden is three. I’m too old for that song, Rina.”
My dad barked out a laugh but said nothing. Her Grandpa Hank, on the other hand, merely pushed her to keep going, which she did with a great big smile on her face. I snorted, shaking my head and turning my attention back to the cleared-out road ahead of me. I could see the man who’d raised Sara, the single father. He was calm and patient, but he was indulgent too. He treated Rina and Aiden as if they were his own flesh and blood, although it was the same for my parents.
I slowed the truck down when my eyes caught stumbling movement ahead. I wasn’t quite sure what I was seeing. A small swarm of zeaks were slowly crossing the road, weaving around the cars that Grayson’s men had pushed off to the side. They seemed to have their sights set on something, but I couldn’t see exactly what until we got closer.
A low, black blur shot out from the middle of the swarm, practically collapsing in front of the truck, and I had to slam on the brakes to keep from hitting it.
“Holy…” I muttered, my curse catching, simply because I knew the kids were in the car.
My dad and Hank sat forward but then exited the backseat of the truck at the same time.
“Rina, you stay put. Okay, baby girl?” I said, shifting the tru
ck to park but leaving the engine running.
“Okay, Daddy,” she agreed as she tried to see out the windshield.
I turned to Freddie. “Arm yourself, kiddo, if you’re getting out.”
He nodded, hopping down out of the truck and running around to the truck bed, where his compound bow resided. He’d gotten damned good with it, better than he was with his old .22 rifle. He was aiming and shooting before I could stop him, but it was Hank and my dad I went to.
Right in front of the bumper of the truck was a heavy-breathing, wounded dog. He was solid black—a lab, if I’d had to guess—and he was bleeding. Two paws had split pads and were raw and swollen, there was a cut—or maybe a zeak bite—along his back leg, and the poor thing was too damn skinny.
My dad was tending to the wounds while Hank stood up to help Freddie clear the small swarm of zeaks. It was rare to see a large group of them anymore. They could’ve been wandering in the forest for some time, but most of the local zeaks had been exterminated. Grayson’s men had slowly worked through small towns in and around I-5. They’d burned several sections of towns from Medford north into Gresham and the mere edges of Portland. They’d also told us there were several small survival camps running along the West Coast—some they took into the base, and some were doing okay on their own…like us.
Scared amber eyes looked at all of us looming over him, and he started to panic, but my dad and I soothed him.
I ran a hand over his head. “Easy, boy.”
My fingers located a collar, and I felt around for a tag, which I found. With a clink of metal, it gleamed in the sun.
“Well, hey, Sam,” my dad crooned, smiling at my chuckle when he’d read the tag over my shoulder. “He should be okay.” He pulled out a bottle of water to not only clean the dog’s wounds but also to give the dog a drink, which he took greedily.
“Reminds me of finding Sasha,” I said with a chuckle, but my gaze snapped up when I heard Hank’s and Freddie’s voices get loud. “Oh, fuck!”