She chose the stairs instead of the elevator. It would makethe shower that much more refreshing, and besides, she could usethe workout. She’d put on ten pounds in the last two months—a gain she could only hope was a coincidence.
By the time she reached the fourth floor she was nearly outof breath. She leaned against the wall outside her unit and tookout her keys. Unlocked all three bolts on the door and enteredher icy cool, pine-scented, contaminant-free apartment: hercocoon. Aaron was due home in about half an hour. Enoughtime for her to shower and take the test before he arrived.
As she stood under a scalding spray—hot showers were stillrefreshing in hot weather, she didn’t care what anybody said—she considered what she was about to discover. There either was,or was not, an unborn human life growing inside her. If it turnedout she was indeed pregnant, the baby was either Aaron’s orLuca’s. The latter possibility filled her with such dread that sheclutched the shower’s support rail and started retching.
When the nausea passed she placed both hands on her stomach and took deep, slow breaths, allowing the steam to calm her.Even if she was pregnant, she could have it terminated, thoughshe wasn’t sure she possessed the wherewithal to see a doctor fora procedure like that.
The truth was starting to hit her: the next few minutes woulddetermine the direction her life would take going forward.Although, philosophically speaking, one could say the same aboutevery moment in every person’s life since the beginning of time.
She shut the shower off and stepped onto the bath mat.The room was so full of steam that the vanity mirror looked likefrosted glass. She stood for a moment and stared at her bleary reflection: a featureless, ethereal phantom. She decided not towipe it dry. She couldn’t face herself at the moment anyway.
She sat down on the toilet and removed one of the tests from its packaging.
Hold the colour change tip pointing downwards in your urine stream for
Without giving herself a chance to overthink things, sheremoved the protective cap from the colour change tip, stuck itbetween her legs, closed her eyes, and willed herself to pee. Aftera few moments her bladder complied. She counted to five,removed the test from inside the toilet bowl, and placed it on aball of toilet paper on the sink.
As she waited for a little blue symbol to seal her fate, sheremembered an article she’d read on Wikipedia about an earlyform of pregnancy test known as the Rabbit test. Apparentlypeople used to inject a woman’s piss into female rabbits, then cutthe poor animal open to examine its ovaries for signs of a certainhormone only produced by pregnant women. It struck her asunusually twisted and cruel. She thought of all the dead rabbits inhistory that had been used for such a purpose, and just as herthoughts were drifting toward all the unborn human foetuses, sheheard the locks turn on the door to her apartment, followed byAaron’s voice.
“I’m home!” he called.
Samantha swallowed the lump in her throat. “In here! Be out in a bit.”
“Take your time,” he said. “I got pizza.”
By now, three minutes or more had passed. She glancedsideways at the test on the sink. She had no idea what she’d do ifit was positive. Probably take things one step at a time and peeon her backup test. If it was negative, however, she’d use themoney her father had given her months ago and take Aaron ona trip. Somewhere warm and luxurious, and appropriately isolated. Somewhere they could lay on a beach all day and be the onlytwo people for miles. She’d tell him it was for being such a troop er about his recent circumcision, and to celebrate the fact that hispenis spot hadn’t been cancerous. If he refused the gift, she’dinsist.
But she was stalling now, she knew.
Her heart was a time bomb but her hand was steady as shepicked up the test and looked at the result.
Big thanks to:
Chris Needham
Tania Richards
Russell Smith
Julie Devaney
Jowita Bydlowska
Rowan DeHaan
Ellen Koehler
Steven Beattie
Jamie Messum
Ashley Bergart
Graham Campbell
University of Toronto
University of Guelph
Toronto Sick Kids Hospital
My folks, my family, my friends.
Touching Strangers Page 20